“Hungry. Uuuuhhhh. I’m hungry noooow.”
“Hush,” Shaun commanded, attempting to ignore her friend who, as she could see out of the corner of her eye, was slowly pulling her numb body into a sitting position. Shaun finally looked toward the couch, chuckling at the sight of her normally flawless best friend’s hair sticking straight up, her mascara running a race down her cheeks, and bright red lipstick smeared down her chin.
“I want pizza.” Celia pouted as she wiped a string of drool off her cheek with the back of her hand. “Pizza friend.”
“I might have some frozen pizza in the fridge,” Shaun said, standing from her chair with a laugh. “Lay back down, I’ll bring you some water.”
“With lemons,” Celia whined. “And oranges…” Her voice went softer and she finally complied with her friend’s demands, falling back on the couch.
“Lemons and oranges it is.” Shaun quickly threw a pizza into the oven and got to work chopping up a few lemons and oranges for the princess in her living room. All of this drama because a guy Celia had been seeing had dropped off the face of the earth. They’d slept together a couple of times and, just like that, he’d gone MIA. Shaun and Celia had been out at a bar for a few drinks the night before when, apparently, Celia got sent to voicemail one time too many. Too many shots of Patron later the woman had been passed out on Shaun’s couch.
“Do you want to talk about what happened last night?” Shaun asked, walking back into her living room with a glass of ice cold citrus water in her hand.
Celia was sitting up, again, attempting to straighten out her hair. It was a lost cause. She took the water from Shaun and took a few healthy sips before speaking. “I just can’t… believe it. He’s making me look like a god damn fool.”
“Maybe he has a girlfriend. Maybe he’s married.”
“Maybe.” Celia shrugged. “But that doesn’t give him the right to completely ignore me. Who the hell does he think he is? I’m the one who decides when this ends, not him.”
Shaun plopped on the couch next to her. “Ah… so this is all about your ego right now. You’ve never been dumped a day in your life and now that it’s finally happened you don’t know how to deal?”
“He didn’t dump me. He can’t dump me when we weren’t even together. We were just fucking.”
“So what’s the big deal?”
Celia looked at her friend, and then rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
Celia groaned and stood up when her friend’s gaze became too much. “How long until the pizza’s ready?”
“About fifteen minutes,” Shaun said. She watched Celia’s wobbly walk come to an abrupt stop in front of her computer.
“Rule number ten,” Celia finally said, taking another noisy sip of water. “You finished it.”
“I did.” Shaun began playing with her nails. “But I’m not sending it. I’ve decided I’m going to tell Adam.”
“Ugh.”
“What?” Shaun challenged.
Celia turned to her. “You’re an idiot if you don’t send that article in, but you’re an even bigger idiot if you don’t send it in and then proceed to tell him all about it. If you do that you really will lose everything.”
“Maybe if I tell him the truth he’ll find a way to forgive me.”
Celia laughed heartily. “Is that a joke? He will never speak to you, again.”
“You don’t know that.”
“The man is the biggest celebrity on the planet. He has been for years. There is no way you and I could even fathom how many times he has been used, lied to and betrayed. Do you know how many people he probably has on his shit-list for using him? Dozens, hundreds, maybe thousands. The second he finds out he cannot trust you, you will be dead to him, Shaun.”
“Maybe he cares about me enough to get past it.”
“He won’t. Think about the people who have lied to you in your life? Were you ever able to forgive them? And, even so, were you ever able to see them in the same way, again?”
Shaun knew the answer to that question, but was too proud to say it.
“He is a public figure and his image is everything. You wouldn’t even be in the picture right now if his image wasn’t everything to him. He would never risk being with someone he couldn’t trust. If you lied about this—and I gotta tell you, friend, your lie is a doozy—god only knows what else you will lie to him about. As a public figure there is no doubt that he hates all writers, all journalists, anyone and anything that has to do with the media in general. He thinks you are an aspiring model pursuing a fashion degree. When he finds out you’ve not only been lying about who you are and what you do, but that you’ve also been writing a fucking article on him he’ll dump you right away. You will never see him again, okay?”
“I just can’t lie to him anymore. He’s a good person.”
“He’s a racist. A documented man whore. What the hell do you see really happening between the two of you, Shaun? I mean, really? Do you actually think he would really settle down with you? Marry you? Have brown babies with you? Honestly, friend. Be honest with yourself. Are you really willing to throw away your whole life on a man who publically said he can’t get wood for black women?”
Shaun stewed in a long, uncomfortable silence. Celia was asking all the right questions, but they just weren’t enough to change her mind. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not just doing this for Adam. I’m doing it for me. It’s the right thing to do.”
Celia searched her friend’s face for a long while, still bobbing slightly back and forth. Her head was spinning a bit. “Are you sure about that?”
Shaun was a little surprised at the anger in her friend’s voice. “Yes.”
Celia asked stumbled back to the computer where she pointed to the screen. “Then why do you have the entire, finished article sitting in an unsent email addressed to your boss? Huh?” Celia waited for an answer, and when the silence persisted she continued. “If you’re so sure… why are you one mouse click away from doing the exact thing you’re so sure you don’t want to do?”
“I care about him, Celia.”
Celia looked physically pained. “I’m not sure if it’s you, or the tequila but I’m seriously about to throw up right now. Pretty sure it’s you, though.” She slammed the empty glass of water on Shaun’s desk and made her way towards the bathroom.
“Why are you so desperate for me to hurt him? Do you want me to be alone forever? A virgin forever?”
Celia turned back to her. “I don’t want you to ruin your life just because, for the first time in your life a guy is offering you a little dick. You’re a beautiful queen, and there will be a million more guys who will have ten times more respect for you than Adam ever will. He will never respect you!”
“He does respect me. You don’t know anything about him.”
Celia held her arms out in defeat. “I think I’m well within my rights to hate his guts and expect the same from you! What more is there? I don’t think I’m wrong for not wanting you to be some white man’s black experiment. He’ll fuck you, get bored, and go running right back to whatever blonde he temporarily tossed aside while he went for a walk on the wild side. Wake up, dude. Please.” Celia turned back to the bathroom, feeling especially sick now.
“Fuck you!”
Celia stopped walking abruptly and turned to Shaun. She was smiling. “That’s fine. In fact, I think that’s the most proud I’ve ever been of you, friend. Do me proud again, send that fucking article.”
Shaun covered her face with her hands.
Celia tilted her head. “I think we both know that is the right thing to do. If you need me I’ll be throwing up.” She stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door.
--
The White Keys’ album release party was that night and, after arguing for the better part of the afternoon, Celia had finally fallen back to sleep in Shaun’s bedroom. Shaun had taken the much needed peace and quiet to get ready for the part
y. She and Adam were going to be meeting in less than two hours, and she hadn’t even taken a shower.
As the water splashed down her skin she felt anything but warm relief. Her friend had no idea how hard all of this was. Running around frantically trying to keep this secret from him, being unable to truly explore their growing relationship, and getting caught damn near red handed by Veronica was taking a serious toll on Shaun’s physical and mental health. At this point she really didn’t see any way out of it but to tell Adam the truth.
As she stepped out of the shower and dried off, Shaun caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Dropping the towel from her hands, she took in the sight of her naked figure, something that, once upon a time, would have reduce her to tears. Now, as her eyes ran over the subtle dips and curves of her body she realized that she actually really liked herself… just the way she was.
She knew that she wouldn’t have been able to say that about herself before Adam. He’d helped her grow to love herself and hate herself all at once. She had to purge the hatred, and she knew the only way to do that was not to send in the article.
But was Celia right? Would telling Adam the truth really disgust him so much that he would never want anything to do with her again? And, better yet, did he really want anything serious with her, at all? Sure, he’d made the fact that he wanted to sleep with her crystal clear, but would he ever see her as anything more than that?
Perhaps if the article was never published there would be no reason to tell him, at all.
Shaun watched herself in the mirror, contemplating her next move, and nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone rang on the bathroom counter.
It was Adam.
“Hey,” she breathed, relieved that it wasn’t Jackson.
“Hey, did you get your schoolwork done last night?”
If by schoolwork you mean running into your psycho ex-girlfriend at the job I’ve been lying to you about having then, yeah, she thought. “Yeah I got it done.”
“I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
“Likewise.”
“I been thinkin’ about you.”
“Yeah? I’ve been thinking about you, too, Adam.” She caught a glimpse of her smiling face in the mirror. She looked happy, happier than she’d ever been. Adam made her this way. How could a man who made her feel this good have any motive that wasn’t genuine? He had to feel the same way about her as she felt about him… right?
“What are you wearing tonight?”
“It’s a surprise,” she said, grinning as she eyed the lime green bandage dress that she’d gotten as a gift from her last photo shoot. The dress hit her every curve perfectly, and the green color wasn’t too dull or too bright. It was just enough, the perfect offset to her chocolate skin and the gold accessories she had lying out on her counter. “I’m just getting dressed right now.”
“What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on that wall.”
A blush crept to her cheeks.
“We got some early numbers for the album sales and the projections are pretty high, babe.”
“How high?”
“They’re thinking 500,000.”
“Wow.”
“I know.” Adam took an audible breath. “It’s all because of you.”
“I didn’t write the beautiful music. I didn’t make the appearances or do the interviews…”
“You and I both know that my stupid fucking mouth almost sank my entire career, and even if it hadn’t me not being able to finish that album would have definitely done the job. Then you walk in, and a month later, the album is done. It will probably go platinum within the year. I have more fans that I ever have. They’re even boosting sales on albums from years ago. You woke me up, Shaun… “
Shaun finally dropped the earring that she’d been shakily trying to put in her ear when his words became too much.
That was it. She was done. She was done fielding Jackson’s calls and done running from the mess she’d made. It was time to clean it up.
“I can’t wait to see you.”
Shaun sighed. He hadn’t seen her, not really, but he would soon.
She could only hope he would still be able to say those words once he really knew her. The real her.
--
An hour later Adam and Shaun were all over each other in the backseat of the limo that was speeding down the 405, and Shaun was not complaining. The limo driver had put up the divider within five minutes of Shaun getting into the car because Adam had been going at her non-stop.
She threw her head back against the leather seat, enjoying the feel of his rampant kisses up and down her neck.
“Adam,” she breathed against his lips, gasping as his wandering hands began moving lower. “Adam… we’re here.”
He cursed, turning to look out of the window where what looked to be hundreds of fans were lined up outside of Carpe, the club where the release party was being held. He turned back to Shaun and his eyes ran her up and down. “Let’s skip it, babe.”
“Adam!” Shaun laughed out loud and dodged his mouth as he leaned in for more. “Look at all of these people here for you.”
“Half of them are probably here for you now.”
“Oh please.”
His eyes ran over her face adoringly. “My little model,” he teased. “How many pairs of heels have you rocked since we met a month ago?”
Shaun reached up and adjusted his fitted black jacket and skinny tie. “A lot.”
“You remember our first date when you couldn’t even get through the door in those shoes you were wearing?”
“I remember.”
“And look at you now.” He suddenly squinted at her. “Why in the world did you wear those shoes, anyway? Huh? You knew you wouldn’t be able to walk in them.”
“I guess I was just trying to impress you.”
“By forcing me to catch your fall all night?”
Shaun avoided his eyes.
“I remember you from that night. I was the last person on earth you’d ever want to impress. You hated me for what I said.”
“I didn’t.” Shaun finished adjusting his tie. “I didn’t even know what you’d said until the end of the dinner remember?”
“Did you want me before you found out what I said?” His eyes fell to her lips. “Did you find me attractive?”
She decided to be honest. “Not really. I thought you were obnoxious.”
“And now?”
“Adam…” She pushed at his chest. “Everyone’s waiting for you, common.”
“Just answer that one question.”
“Like I said, we’re not blowing this off.” She stroked his cheek. “You and I have all night to blow a few things off.”
Adam’s breathing picked up.
“Now come on,” she beamed. “Out of the limo.”
With a grin he placed one last kiss on her lips before grabbing her hand and climbing out of the open door. They were met with the screams of fans waiting outside and, to Shaun’s surprise, Adam was right.
A ton of the screams were just for her.
--
“Molten! I saw you hogging up all the camera time outside you little media whore. Get over here.”
Shaun walked into Noodle’s open arms with a smile. The White Keys and all of their friends and family had a few private tables elevated above the bumping club. Each table was scattered with dozens of bottles featuring different alcohols and champagnes from which to get completely wasted. Carpe was jam packed with people and blasting every White Keys hit ever created. Shaun felt like, for the first time in her life, she was sitting at the cool kids table.
“Oh, Noodle, you always did know how to make an entrance.” She squealed when he circled his arms around her tightly and lifted her feet off the ground, still not used to grown men picking her up so easily.
“All right,” Adam said protectively from where he was nursing his beer a few feet away.
“Relax, man. She’s part of the group now, right?” Yoshi asked
from next to him, sipping his own beer.
Adam continued to watch them out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, I guess she is.”
“Pretty funny how quick that happened. In fact… I think it’s pretty funny how quickly all of this has happened,” Yoshi said, turning to face Adam completely.
“Yeah, I guess.” Adam continued to watch Noodle, who was still hugging Shaun way too closely for his liking. His entire body relaxed when his insane friend finally released Shaun from his claws. The urge to steal her back was strong, but he willed himself to give her some space and not look like some needy freak. When Shaun excused herself to the bathroom he watched her go, relieved that she’d found a way to remove herself from Noodle’s crazy claws.
“You said you guys met at the P.R. firm?”
Adam finally turned to Yoshi, confused by his line of questioning. “Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“And you’ve never seen her or heard of her before then?”
“No, man… where is this going?”
“I just think it’s weird that she doesn’t have a profile up on the Wilhelmina website even though she supposedly models for them, she’s never worked in the industry before she met you, and she just happened to be at your P.R. firm the same week that you said all that shit about black women? Look man if something’s funny and you know about it you can tell me, but if it’s not then I have to tell you… something’s funny.” Yoshi held his hands up when he saw a fight coming from his friend. “I’m just saying man… there’s something way off here. Veronica thinks so, too. And I found this paper that she’d been writing on when we were in Sydney and—“
Adam didn’t even let him finish. “Wait a minute… Veronica? You’re fucking with me right?”
Yoshi continued to speak as calmly as he could. “I would never speak her name to you, bro, but she told me that she thinks something’s weird about Shaun, too.”
“Veronica,” Adam screamed, again.
“If you keep screaming my name like that it’s going to give people the wrong idea, Adam.”
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