by Gina Kincade
Chapter Six
“We need to chat. Let’s go to lunch.”
Looking up from my paperwork, Mother stands before me. “Not now, Mother.” I look back down and start writing again. “I have a lot of work to do.”
“Nolan Anthony Aldridge. Do not disrespect me again. You already avoided me at Christmas.” I look up and try not to roll my eyes. “Now, we’re having lunch at the club, and I’ll not take no for an answer. Let’s go.”
It’s quiet on the cab ride to the club. Thank fuck. I didn’t think I could avoid her for long, but I disregarded the fact that she’d come to my office. The problem is, I haven’t been able to think of anything since Diana. Fuck, I want to see her again. I need to see her.
“David said you’ve been going to these charity balls.”
I look up from my steak. My brows lower in anger. “David has a big mouth,” I mumble, taking another bite. “And why are you checking up on me with David anyway?” I’m going to have to have a long talk with him when I get back.
She smiles and delicately places a forkful of salad in her mouth and chews. “Well, you obviously won’t talk to me, so I have to find out how you’re doing from someone.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “And what was this about you being in the women’s restroom at The Montair? Really, Nolan. How uncouth.”
Anger is building inside me. “I went into the wrong one. It was an accident.” Stabbing a piece of steak, a little too forcibly, I shove it in my mouth.
“He said something about a woman?” She takes a sip of her wine.
My eyes snap to hers, but I try to play it off by taking a drink of my Jack and Coke. “Just a woman I met. An acquaintance, nothing more.”
She sets down her wine glass and gives me a smirk. “Now, Nolan. I might be your mother, but I’m not stupid.” She wipes the corners of her mouth with her napkin then returns it to her lap. “You’ve had nothing to do with anyone, especially women, since you and Nicole broke up over a year ago. And you practically have become a recluse since her death.” She does have a point.
I let out a sigh. “I met her at a charity masquerade ball. We’ve seen each other at a couple more.” Her eyebrow raises. “It’s not a big deal, Mother.”
She reaches across the table and covers my hand, a glimmer of wetness in her eyes. “It is a big deal, son. For you to even talk to a woman is progress.” I roll my eyes internally as she dabs the corners of hers with her napkin. “So, when will you see her again?” She begins eating her salad.
I answer her honestly. “I don’t know. Maybe never.” Fuck, I hope not.
When lunch ended, all I could think about was three months have passed. No charity masquerade balls. No Diana.
***
“She’s given you something you lost.” I look at the doctor in confusion. She smiles. “She’s made you feel again.” I scoff. “No, really. You want her. What I haven’t figured out yet is how much. Do you just want her in order to lose yourself in sex with her to get satisfaction for yourself as a way to get out frustration and not feel or is there more?”
I get up and make a drink, taking a long draw. She’s ridiculous. I feel when I’m with her. Hell, I fucking feel everything. But do I want more? I’m going crazy not seeing her. I crave her touch, her body, that I’m sure. Do I want to know her? Closing my eyes, I let out a sigh.
“You do.” Turning, I see the expression on her face. Delight. “You really do want to know her.” She begins writing on her pad of paper. “This is remarkable.”
I sit down and take another drink. “So, I want to know her.” I shrug. “It’s not that astounding.”
She lays her glasses on the pad. “But it is! This is the most progress you’ve shown since you started coming here.”
I finish the drink, set it on the table, and stand. “Well. It’s the end of it. I have no idea how to find her. End of.”
I start walking to the door, wanting to get home. Suddenly, I’m exhausted.
“Nolan?” Stopping at the living room doorway, I turn around. “If it’s meant to be, you’ll find her. Or she’ll find you.” She gives me a wink and a smile.
Fuck. I hope she’s right.
***
“Your next charity masquerade ball awaits!” David enters my office with a huge smile and sets an invitation on my desk. Picking it up, my heart rate speeds up. Diana. He sits down in the chair in front of me. “And the rumor mill is going strong again with a possible meeting with the Lancasters.”
My brows lower and my heart slows. “This isn’t for another two months.”
He picks up a pen and starts to twirl it. “So?”
“So, that’s just a long time from now,” I mumble. I look at him and lower my brows. “And quit talking to my mother about my business. God knows she feeds on it. If she wants to know something about my life, she can talk to me.”
His brows raise, and his eyes widen. “You were avoiding her. I felt bad.”
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes. “David. It’s my business. I’ll tell her when I want to, not before.”
He stops twirling the pen. “Okay. But it was weird that you came out of the women’s bathroom. And who was that woman? You know, the one you were chasing.”
I look down at the paper in front of me, exhausted by our talk. “Just a woman I met at a charity ball.”
“Oh. Oh! Is that why you’re upset the next ball isn’t for a couple of months,” he asks excitedly. Like he finally figured out the answer to the world’s problems.
“I’m not upset,” I murmur as I write on the document before me.
“Yes, you are! This is huge!” I look up and stare at him. He bends forward as if finding out a big secret. “Does your mother know?” I’m going to kill him.
“Yes. Actually. I told her at lunch. The lunch where she divulged that you’ve been telling her everything about my life. Well, what you know about my life.”
He leans back into the chair. “Well, I’ll be. Finally. How serious is it?”
“Goodbye, David. I have work to do. And don’t you have work to do?”
***
Two months have passed, and it’s finally time for the next ball. The theme is summer. I had Lisa get me a mask that depicts a man but has some pastel colors on it. I hate it. Lisa thinks I’m crazy. Maybe I am. My anxiety level is at an all time high during the cab ride to the ball. What if she isn’t there? How will I find her? I must find her. When I enter the ballroom, my palms are sweaty and my heart is racing. I walk directly to the bar and get a drink to calm me. I look around, and see the room is decorated as if it threw up summer. I laugh to myself.
After an hour, there’s still no sign of her. My heart deflates. I go to the room where the silent auctions are being held and bid on some items. Whenever I win, I always give them back to the charity anyway so they can use them again. When I return to the ballroom, I get another drink and walk around, hoping to find her. But she’s not here. I make my way over to the wall I’d once claimed. Leaning back against it, lost in my thoughts. What if she’s sick? Maybe she was involved in an accident. I feel ill. Thoughts of the call from Nicole’s parents enter my mind. The call that drove the final nail into my coffin. “The treatments didn’t work. It was only a matter of time. She killed herself, not wanting to let the cancer take her. An overdose.” After we broke up, all those months afterward, I wouldn’t answer her parent’s calls, wouldn’t read their texts. I wanted nothing to do with anything Nicole. Annoyed, I finally took their call. The last call I would ever take from them. I was already broken from the relationship, but when I learned she’d died, I stopped feeling altogether. I didn’t go to her funeral, couldn’t fathom seeing her in the open casket, being around—anyone. I was depressed. My secretary, Lisa, gave me a business card for a psychiatrist, told me she could help me. I stuck it in my desk drawer, not looking at it. Three months later, I was at an all time low. The only thing keeping me living was work. I decided to take out the card and set up an appointment.
That sweet, soft voice fills my ears. Turning, I grab her hand and pull her quickly from the room and down the hall. Looking around hastily, I find a storage closet and pull her inside. My mouth is on hers in an instant. “I thought you weren’t coming,” I whisper, kissing her cheek, her chin, her neck, hungrily. “I need you. Diana.”
“I need you too,” she whispers back, finding my mouth and kissing me hard.
Feelings come at me from different directions as we continue to kiss. My hand moves down to find her breast but can’t due to her gown. Frustration overcomes me. Taking her hand, I lead her from the closet and walk toward the front door.
“But the elevators are back there,” she says breathlessly.
Then I do something I thought I’d never do. I take her to my place. We kiss and fondle each other in the cab on the way, my cock so hard it begged to be released from its confines. When we reach my foyer, I lift her in my arms and carry her to my bedroom, never breaking our connection. Laying her on my bed and looking down at her in my room nearly made me come in my pants. Her gown too big and bulky to rip, I pull it up then tear off her white thong and push myself inside her quickly. “Fuck,” I growl as I manage to reach behind her, pull the zipper down enough that I can bring down the front of her dress. I suck on her nipple, feeling like I’ve waited much too long for this. She moans as I fondle her other breast while nipping and sucking at the other as we find the rhythm that is only ours.
“What’s your favorite color?” I ask as I push hard into her, pulling out to the tip then pushing inside again.
“Wha…what?” She lets out a guttural moan as she questions my sanity.
“Your favorite color.” Her hands find my hair and pull—hard. “Fuck!” Her action ignites my fire even more and I move faster. So close. “What is it?”
“Purple! Oh, my God!” Just looking at her beautiful face as she comes causes me to follow her.
“Damn! Diana!” I scream her name as I come so hard my eyes can’t focus.
Once I’ve cleaned her and myself and remove my shirt, I get back in bed and pull her into my arms, finding she’d removed that infernal dress. I’ve not wanted to hold someone in so long, I’m relishing in it. The feelings. Emotions. I’m not saying I’m completely healed, but it’s progress, as my doctor would say. And she will.
“Why did you want to know my favorite color?” Diana asks, her head resting on my chest. I feel her soft skin against me, the movement as she yawns.
I smile. “I just wanted to know something about you.” I look down as she looks up at me, the room nearly dark with only the small slits of moonlight coming in from the blinds covering the windows.
“Oh. Well, what’s yours?” She yawns again.
“You’re tired. Get some sleep,” I tell her as I run my hand over her silky hair.
She leans up, resting her chin on her hand covering my chest. “No. Tell me.” She yawns, and I let out a small laugh.
“Blue. Not just any blue, a light blue. Like your eyes.” Leaning down, I kiss her forehead. My brows lower as I watch her beautiful eyes fill with tears. “Did I say something wrong?”
She sits up, pulling the sheet up over her chest, covering herself. “No. I just really have to go.” Confusion takes hold of me. I watch as she climbs out of bed. She grabs her dress and steps into it, pulling up the front, then she reaches behind herself and manages to pull up the zipper, most of the way.
“You can’t…stay?” I feel as though I’m begging, but I’d planned to hold her all night. Fuck her again before the night is over and again in the morning. This is not going the way I’d wanted.
She fixes her dress then leans over the bed and kisses me gently. “I’m sorry. I really have to go.”
I start to pull the covers from myself as she begins to leave my bedroom. “I’ll walk you to the door.” Get your phone number.
“That’s okay. You go to sleep.”
And with that, she leaves.
Leaves me wondering what in the fuck just happened. Again. Did I say something wrong? Was holding her too much for her? Am I just a fuck to her and nothing more?
Reaching for my pants, I take out my phone.
“I need to see you. No, it can’t wait until the morning.”
I’m beyond frustrated. Feeling unwanted. This was wrong. I shouldn’t have asked her anything. Held her. I got too close, and she ran. When will I learn?
Maybe it’s not meant to be.
Chapter Seven
“Maybe she had a good reason to leave.” Nancy yawns and I pour another drink.
“Why couldn’t she tell me then?” I take a large gulp and sit back down in the chair, my anxiety taking over my senses.
“Nolan. Your…relationship has been a mysterious one, only meeting at multiple charity balls. You barely learned each other’s names. Do you think she’d just divulge everything in her life now?” She leans back into the chair and yawns again.
“I don’t know. Maybe. You should have heard her voice when I asked her favorite color. Like I was crazy.” I take another drink. I should have never asked. Nancy laughs. My brows lower. “I don’t find this funny in the least.” Anger begins to swell.
“Oh, Nolan. From what you told me, you were in the throes of passion when you asked her. My voice would sound funny too if a man asked me that when I was close to orgasm.” She rolls her eyes and laughs again. Perhaps she’s right. I let out another sigh. Her laughter dies and concern covers her face. “If she didn’t want to be with you, she wouldn’t keep coming back.” I nod, knowing she’s right. I’m being stupid, wrapping myself up in the past. “Did you ever think about her life?” My brow raises. “She could have things going on that she needed to tend to.”
Fuck! I’m so selfish. It never occurred to me. “I hadn’t thought of that.” I shake my head, feeling like the biggest asshole.
“You have this idea in your thick head, that all relationships, no matter how casual, will end up like yours and Nicole’s.” She leans forward. “They aren’t. So many people have wonderful relationships and have very happy lives.” I nod again. I’m so stupid.
“But I wanted to get her phone number. Have a way to reach her. See her again without waiting for a damn ball to come up.” Frustration returns.
She taps her pen on the pad. “Nolan. Maybe she likes the mystery as much as you do. Or maybe she’s not ready for more, yet.” She tilts her head. “Did you ever think she might have a past she’s trying to put behind her as well or maybe it’s something else keeping her from reaching out to you. You’re not the only one who’s been through horrible things in your life.”
Damn, she has such good points. I’m only thinking of myself, again.
I went home feeling a little lighter. Not by much.
***
A few months pass by without a charity ball to see her again. No way to get a hold of her. I’m beside myself. I hate this. Hate that I have to rely on a damn charity event in order to see her. Touch her. Feel again.
“You look like shit, brother.”
Jillian stopped by, only to find me and my place in disarray, my hair unwashed, and me sitting in the dark drinking. “Didn’t you have a cleaning crew? Where in the hell have they been?” She starts picking up clothes from the floor, setting them in a heap on the couch, then she starts picking up dirty dishes from the coffee table.
“I fired them,” I mutter, taking another drink. Wanting to be alone. Wanting to wallow in my misery in peace.
She returns from the kitchen and sits down on the couch, reaching over and placing her hand on my arm. “When was the last time you ate anything? What’s happened, Nolan?” Her sweet face marred with worry.
“I must have done something really bad in my life.” I take another drink, swallowing my self-pity. “I suppose I’m not allowed to have a good relationship. Nicole and I saw to that.” She shakes her head, a tear sliding over her cheek. “Nothing I do is right anymore. I don�
��t even have a way to find her.”
Confusion covers that lonely tear. “Find who?”
“Diana,” I whisper.
“Oh, my God,” she whispers. I look at her. “You actually did find someone.” It’s not a question.
“I wish.” I finish off the contents but when I stand to get another, I nearly fall. She rushes over to me, helping me to sit back down.
“I’m fixing you something to eat. Stay there.” She leaves me for the kitchen.
“Where would I go?”
Sitting at the dining room table, I stare at the sandwich that she made for me. “Eat, Nolan. Please?” After making it for me, she put a roast and fixings in the crockpot. Obviously, my kitchen staff stocks my refrigerator and freezer well, yet I’ve not eaten anything to decrease the inventory. I didn’t even know I owned a crockpot. Looking over at her sweet face, I see the worry in her eyes. To appease her, I take a bite of the sandwich, swallowing I feel the weight of it hit my empty stomach. “Good. Take another bite and tell me about Diana.” She sets her elbow on the table, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, eager to listen.
I tell her about when I first met Diana. How, at first, I fucked her out of frustration, loss, and feeling brokenhearted. Then, how it changed by the second time I’d seen her. Oh, I still fucked her due to my own selfishness, but I started to feel. A little. By the third time, I craved her. Not just her body but to feel more. Feel her. I watch her eyes well up with tears as I told her about fucking Diana in the bathroom, how my heart hurt when she ran away and I couldn’t find her. By the time I told Jillian about the last time, how I held her and wanted to all night but Diana left without so much as giving me her number, Jillian is crying.
“That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” Picking up the napkin she’d set next to the plate in front of me, she wipes her eyes. She stares at me, making me more uncomfortable. “You love her,” she whispers, her eyes wide in shock.
I let out a laugh, although it’s sad. “I think you need a drink. I’m not in love with her.”
