by Gina Kincade
She shakes her head and smiles. “No. I don’t.”
That’s all I needed to hear. Taking her hand, I open the door, and we walk out. I don’t even look around to see who noticed us. I don’t care. Walking out the front door, I hold my hand in the air, hailing a cab.
Opening the door for her, I slide into the seat beside her. Her mouth is on mine in an instant, her leg over mine. In between kisses, I give the cab the address, my heart beating wildly as I have the best cab ride ever.
Chapter Nine
“I’ve never told another living soul that before.” I’m not sure why I did now.
As soon as we arrived at my place, we went straight to my bed. Luckily, I remembered to put on a condom. But unfortunately, our escapades in the shower afterward were without one. Once I dried her off, then myself, we climbed back into bed. We talked about so many things, mainly about my horrible relationship and what happened after Nicole and I had broken up. She gasped when I told her Nicole got cancer. How she couldn’t take living through the horrendous consequences of the treatments not helping. When she killed herself. She cried about her death. I felt worn out yet somehow relieved that she knew. I got up and got us some bottled waters then we sat up against the headboard and talked some more. It was refreshing. I could have saved a shit ton of money talking to her instead of Nancy.
“I just wish I had good memories.” I look down, saddened at the thought.
“Even when you first met? When you first started going out? Surely there are some good memories.”
I smile, thinking back.
“Yes. For a while.” I look at her. “A short while, we were happy. We actually had fun. Then things changed.” I shake my head. “We both changed.” I let out a sigh. “After…after she passed away, I didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone. Hell, if I could have hidden from myself, I would have.”
She places her hand on my arm, her eyes so endearing. “Surely you don’t blame yourself, Nolan.” I shrug, knowing I always have. “But don’t you see? If you all had never met, never dated, she would have gotten cancer and died anyway.” I never thought of it that way. “And you not wanting to have anything to do with her parents wasn’t wrong either. You were beyond hurt and angry. No one can blame you for that.” I guess she could be right. She shifts until she’s on her side. “If you would have talked with them and they would have told you about Nicole, you would have gone to her. This is true and sad that you didn’t know but you can’t change what happened, Nolan. You couldn’t have saved her. Quit punishing yourself for something you can’t go back and fix.” Her smile is sad. “I’m sure Nicole doesn’t blame you.”
Setting my water down on the nightstand, I put my arms around her and pull her close, kissing her hard. “Who are you?” I whisper.
We stare into each other’s eyes until I can’t take it anymore. I made love to her, slowly, carefully, gently, overcome with feelings. I had no pent-up frustrations to get rid of, just a need to feel her, be with her.
Later, I set down a plate holding an omelet in front of her at the table and sit down with my own plate across from her.
“So, tell me about you. I want to know everything.”
She shrugs, picking up a piece of bacon and taking a bite. “There’s not much to tell. I grew up in a loving home. My mother died several years ago, but my father showered me with attention, in his own way.” I give her a confused look, and she smiles. “He bought me whatever I wanted, but he was gone a lot, working to provide for us. I knew he felt bad. He’d even take me along on some of his business trips.” She looks up dreamily. “How many young girls can say they’ve been to Paris, London, Spain, and so many other places.” I smile, watching her relive her memories. “I haven’t dated much due to traveling a lot,” she says shyly.
Reaching across the table, I take her hand. “I’ve never known anyone like you.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’ve never known anyone like you,” she whispers.
We sat there eating and talking. I learn more about her and her about me. Work wasn’t brought up because who wants to talk about that? We talk about movies and restaurants, likes and dislikes, about so many things. I found out we had a lot in common, and my heart grew more and more. She starts to yawn so I tell her to go to bed while I clean the dishes. I’d never cooked for anyone before, so I wanted to clean up after us. Take care of her.
When I walk into my bedroom, I stop, my heart lodged at the base of my throat from her beauty. The moonlight dances across her skin as she lays on her right side, her head resting on her hand on the pillow. The sheet dropped off her shoulder, exposing her breast. In the dim light, I can see her nipple. The pink bud erect. My cock takes notice instantly. I want to make love to her again, but she needs sleep. Climbing into bed, I pull her sleeping form into my arms and pull the covers over us. Gently resting my head against hers, I take in her smell. I close my eyes, and I’ve never felt so at ease. Content.
Waking up, I feel more rested than I have in forever. Reaching over, I only feel an empty space. Opening my eyes, I look over to see a note on the pillow that once held her head. Picking it up, my heart begins beating with dread. She left. Again.
Darling,
I’m sorry I had to leave so early, but I got a call and had to go. I ache to see you again. Soon.
Yours,
Diana
P.S. Here’s my number.
I smile while looking at the numbers on the paper, eager to add her number to my contacts.
The next day was spent texting back and forth with Diana. While I was sad that she couldn’t get away, my heart flipped a beat every time I had a new text from her. I felt—giddy. Like a teenage love-struck boy. And I loved it. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’m not myself. Maybe I’m the person I always was but was never able to let go and be him. Now, I sound like Nancy. She’d love that. Although the more I’m with Diana, the more I feel alive. Almost like living for the first time.
“When will we be meeting this…woman?”
I watch Mother poke at her salad. Lift her wine glass while holding her pinky finger up in the air. The way she dabs lightly at the corners of her mouth with her napkin. This is how I’ve always remembered her. It never bothered me only because it felt as though this is how we’re supposed to be. I own the largest corporation and the youngest to obtain the title. But now, I look at her through different eyes. Pretentious. It’s the only word that comes to mind.
Stabbing a piece of steak, I set my fork down. “She’s not just some woman, Mother.” I glance over at Jillian and notice her squirming in her chair.
Mother lets out a sigh. “Oh, really? What does she do for a living? Who is her family? Where does she come from?” All questions I have no answers for.
“She’s a good person, Mother,” I say through gritted teeth.
“How do you know?” She tilts her head. Her brows lowered. “If you don’t know the answers to those questions, how do you know she’s a good person? Does she have the same stature that we have or is she dirt poor from the wrong side of the tracks as they say? Really, Nolan. Have I not taught you anything?”
“Yes!” I slam my hand onto the table, making Mother and Jillian jump. “You’ve taught me that we’re better than others. That if you’re not the best at everything, you’re nobody. If you have money, then you’re better than everyone. I can’t believe you. What makes you think she’s not a good person when you haven’t even met her? Judge and jury with nothing to go on. I—”
“I’m engaged!” My mouth opens. My eyes snap to Jillian as Mother turns toward her, clearly in shock. “He’s a great man. Works with Nolan.” Her eyes snap to mine, obviously nervous, then she looks back at Mother. “His name is David Brady.”
Shock is not the word I’d used for what I’m feeling. “David?” I knew I should have gone after him that day when he snuck out of my office when Mother called. He’s not only been talking to Jillian, but he’s been dating her. And he proposed? I’ll
kill him.
“You can’t be engaged,” Mother states. “I forbid it.”
I look at her in disbelief. “You can’t forbid that.” Wait! What am I saying?
Jillian sits up straight. “Nolan’s right.” She smiles. “I’m twenty-six, and you can’t tell me what to do.” Fuck, I’m kind of proud of her right now.
Mother places her napkin on the table and shifts toward Jillian. “You live in my house. I forbid you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Now, no more about this nonsense. Finish your dinner.” She looks at me, and I tense. “Now, Nolan…”
I startle when Jillian stands, pushing her chair back so forcibly it hits the wall. “No, Mother. My biggest mistake is still living here.” She places her napkin on the table and raises her face up in pride and defiance. “I’m pregnant.” Mother leans back in her chair, and I blink rapidly in shock. “David and I are to be married, with or without your blessing.” Her eyes shift to mine then back at Mother. “I’ll go pack my things.”
Now, I’m concerned about Jillian. “Where will you go?”
She begins to walk to the doorway then looks at me from over her shoulder. “David will pick me up.” She glares at mother. “He’d love for me to move in now, and I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.”
Mother and I watch as she leaves the room, hearing her footsteps as she walks upstairs. I look at Mother with her mouth still open in shock, and scowl, push my chair back and walk out.
So many thoughts go through my mind on the ride home. Father really did a number on Mother when he left. Oh, he’s not completely to blame. She’s been married twice since. Both to wealthy men, inheriting everything when they both passed away. She’s lived in luxury. Spent her days at the club with the other pretentious women. I can’t remember her being any other way. I want better. I want a wife and kids and have a normal life. I’ll always be there for them. Play with the kids and make sure they know their father loves them. They won’t go to a private school, as I did, and be sent away like I was. I don’t need a penthouse, fancy and secluded. I want a normal home with a back yard, a swing set for the kids, and a dog.
Pulling over to the curb, I grip the steering wheel of my Maserati. My head spinning with everything that hits me all at once. I don’t want just a relationship with Diana. I love her. I want her. Not just her amazing body, although that is definitely a bonus. I want her. My heart beats too quickly. I need to be careful. I don’t want to scare her away. She’d told me she hasn’t dated much. I wonder why. It’s not like she couldn’t have anyone she wanted with her looks and body. She’s smart and funny. I still don’t know her very well. But I need to change that.
Putting my car in drive, I pull out onto the street with renewed strength.
I now know what I want.
I just have to figure out how to get it.
Chapter Ten
A few days later, I convinced Diana to come to my house. I offered to send a cab or pick her up myself, but she declined. I’ve asked her several times what she does for a living, but she keeps skirting around it. Damn, it’s difficult to get it out of her. After dinner, she found a cake mix in my cabinet, unbeknownst to me, and decided to make it.
“I’ll make us some more tea and check on the cake.” I shake my head at her words.
I’m sitting on the couch going through today’s mail, and I’m holding a manila envelope, curiosity filling me because there’s no return address. Sounds of cabinet doors closing and Diana humming coming from the kitchen makes me smile. Opening the envelope, I find a few smaller envelopes inside. Looking through them, they all have the same return address and have been opened. As I flip through them a small piece of paper falls onto my lap. Picking it up, my brows lower.
Nolan,
I hope you’re doing well. Nicole had put in her will that she was an organ donor. She wanted us to know. These are a few letters from those who have a better life because of it. It’s been long enough now that I thought you should know and read what she did for others. I know you both had your differences, but I wanted you to know just what kind of person Nicole really was. Please understand that no one blames you for not being here when she passed away. She certainly didn’t blame you for not wanting communication.
Have a good life.
Chris
I look up and around, making sure Diana is still in the kitchen as my heart fills with sorrow. Looking down at the envelopes in my hand, I now know why they had been opened. Her parents had read them. They all look similar. All in the same color pink envelope. The same return addresses from some organ donor place. The letters inside are also the same color pink as the envelopes. They received these from people who benefited from Nicole’s death. I’m not sure how I feel about this or if I can read them. Instead, I take a deep breath and pull out the first letter determined to put this all behind me. Maybe this will help do that.
To whom it may concern,
My son was seventeen. Just one month until his eighteenth birthday. He’d been on a lung transplant list for over a year. He couldn’t breathe on his own anymore and had to be hospitalized. Even with oxygen, it was difficult for him to take a deep breath. I’d prayed and prayed every moment of every day, but I had about given up hope. One day, six days before his eighteenth birthday, we received the call that I’d been praying for. They’d found a lung donor. The chance of it adjusting in his body was still slim, but it was better than letting him go. The surgery was long. Endless hours of worry and more praying. When the doctor came out and said my son did well and was in recovery, I nearly fainted.
A few months later, my son was still alive and able to do things he’d not been able to do. Walk for a longer period of time without being overly exerted. He even joined the track team at school! We were told at the hospital that we could write a letter to the donor or their family. So, I am.
I cannot begin to express my gratitude, and I am so very sorry for your loss. I don’t know what happened to your loved one for them to lose their life, but I’m so very grateful that they had decided to be an organ donor. Your loved one’s death saved my son’s life. I can never repay them for their kindness, but I will pray for them and their family and loved ones every day for the rest of my life.
God bless them and you.
Grace
“Are you okay?” I look up at Diana with tears in my eyes, one slowly sliding down my face. “What are those?” She sits down on the couch beside me with hesitation.
I clear my throat, choked with emotions. “Apparently, Nicole was an organ donor. These are letters from some of the people who received her organs. Or their family. I’ve only read this one.” I hand it to her and watch her face as it changes from sadness to a smile. Like me, a tear falls from her eye. “I’ll have to read the others later.”
She looks at the letters in my hand. “I’m sure it’s overwhelming.” I nod as I set them on the coffee table.
“Now. Where’s that cake.” I give her a smile and watch her stand then walk to the kitchen.
We were both quiet the rest of the evening. After the letters, the atmosphere had changed. We made love, then I held her as she slept, looking up at the ceiling my mind not able to shut off. I was angry about not being there for Nicole. Angry that cancer consumed her, and that she took her life. I blamed myself for not being there for her, but I blamed life for not giving Nicole a chance to find real love, find happiness with marriage and kids of her own. I was unforgiving to myself and everyone. I was wrong.
The next morning, I awoke with Diana gone. I’m beginning to feel as if it’s on purpose if not for the note she left saying she had an early appointment. After a shower and getting dressed, I walk through the living room to go start a pot of coffee. I stop. The letters on the coffee table catching my eyes. Reaching down, I pick them up. One. Two. Wasn’t there a third one? Shaking my head, I’m sure I miscounted since it was an emotional evening from reading just one.
***
“Um. If I come in…are you g
oing to hurt me?”
I look up to find David peeking in from the slightly open door. I let out a sigh, too tired and worried about Diana to attempt it. “No. But you do have some explaining to do.” After that horrible night of my mother looking down on Diana without knowing her to Jillian’s confession of not only getting engaged to David but announcing her pregnancy, David has been scarce around the office. As he should be.
Slowly, he enters my office and sits down in the chair across from me. “Yes. Well. I love Jillian. I asked her to marry me,” he begins.
“Before or after you got her pregnant?” I growl.
I watch as he swallows hard. “Actually, I’d planned on proposing, then she found out she was pregnant. I swear, Nolan.” He holds up his hand, palm out like he was taking the damn boy scout oath. “We had already fallen in love. I was going to ask for her hand. When she told me she was pregnant, I was so elated!” He seems genuine. “I couldn’t believe I was going to marry the love of my life and have a child with her.” He closes his eyes, shaking his head as if he’s remembering when she told him. Opening his eyes, he looks straight at me. “I put a down payment on a house and gave my notice to the landlord at my apartment complex. Jillian has picked out furniture, and as soon as we get the keys in a few days, she’s going to decorate. She loves the house and the schools around there are top-notch.”
“Is she happy?” I choke back tears and sit up straighter.
He shakes his head. “Why don’t you ask her yourself.”
Looking up, the door opens and Jillian walks in, shyly. I’m sure she’s afraid of my reaction. Surprising myself, I stand, walk to her and pull her into my arms. “Are you happy, Jillian?” She nods, her face buried into my chest. I pat her back then move back, slightly. “Really happy? This is what you want?”
“Oh, Nolan. I couldn’t be happier.” She reaches out and David takes her hand, my arm still around her. “I’m in love with David, Nolan. And we’re going to have a baby. He told you about the house?” I give her a nod. “It’s perfect and in a great location with good schools. There’s a fenced in back yard and even a basketball hoop right off the driveway.”
