by Karly Lane
Shae studied Rilee silently for a few moments. ‘Maybe he just needed to cool off. He was worried about you, that’s all. Come on,’ she said, standing up to head into the kitchen. ‘We need coffee and freshly baked bacon and cheese muffins.’
Rilee gave a small smile of gratitude. ‘By the way, how did you know Dan spent the night at the main house?’
‘Mark sent me a text. He said the boss was in a bad mood and that he’d picked him up from the big house. I figured you might be in need of a shoulder to cry on…or at the very least, hot breakfast muffins,’ she said, holding up a steaming muffin she’d just lifted from the tea towel.
‘These are so good,’ Rilee said between mouthfuls.
‘Good for what ails ya. So are my chewy, gooey chocolate brownies, but it’s a bit early in the morning for them. They’re more of a remedy for late-night catastrophes.’
It hurt that Dan had left last night, but considering neither of them had been in the right frame of mind to actually listen to each other, it had probably been for the best. Now, though, with a clearer head and some food in her stomach, Rilee knew she needed to find him.
Armed with the remaining muffins and a thermos of coffee, Rilee borrowed the farm ute to go in search of her husband, carefully following Shae’s directions.
As she spotted the other vehicle in the distance, her nerves got decidedly more active. What if he ignored her? What if he were still too angry to talk? She brushed her fears away and continued to head in the direction of the two workers. They seemed to be doing something with the fence—she wasn’t sure what, but it looked pretty intense, and she braced herself as Dan glanced up at her approach.
Rilee took a deep breath as she gathered her ammunition of food. She sent a friendly wave to Mark, who suddenly needed to get something from the toolbox, and steeled her nerves to look up at her husband.
He took his time removing his gloves and wiping his forehead before making eye contact, and when he did it wasn’t with his usual warm, tender look. This was coolly impersonal and it hurt.
‘Thought you might be hungry,’ she said, putting the wrapped muffins down on a nearby stump.
‘Thanks.’
She frowned a little at his unhelpful mood. ‘How did you sleep?’ she offered.
‘Fine. You?’
‘I didn’t. Not much anyway.’
She thought she caught the barest hint of something cross his face, but it was gone when he bent down to take a muffin.
‘I came to see if we could talk about last night.’
‘I’m a bit busy right now,’ he said between mouthfuls.
Rilee glanced over her shoulder and saw Mark was discreetly checking his phone. ‘All right then. I guess we’ll talk when you get home.’
‘Have you decided to stop pushing with this whole teen pregnancy thing?’
Rilee’s heart sank. So much for him cooling down. ‘You know I can’t. It’s important to me, Dan.’
‘Then we have nothing to talk about.’
Something inside her broke at his calm dismissal. The Dan she thought she had married wouldn’t ever give her an ultimatum like this. ‘I guess we don’t,’ she said quietly, turning away before he could see the glisten of tears she was trying so hard to blink away.
Dan still hadn’t come back to the house at lunchtime, so Rilee decided to head into the clinic and distract herself with work.
The door opened and Rilee looked up, surprised when she saw who it was. ‘Edna? Hello.’
‘Hello, Rilee,’ the older woman said, taking off her large orange sunhat as she sat down heavily. ‘It’s warming up out there.’
‘Would you like a glass of water?’ Rilee offered, moving to get one from the dispenser.
‘Thank you, dear,’ Edna said, gulping the contents of the cup down gratefully.
‘You really should be taking a taxi into town, Edna,’ Rilee said gently.
‘Yes, I know, but you know what they say: use it or lose it. If I don’t keep this old hip of mine moving I’m worried it’ll seize up and I’ll be done for. It’s that damn osteoarthritis. I see the doctor about it, but I’m not getting much relief from his suggestions.’
‘Well, you’re right in thinking that you still need exercise, but I can make you up something that can help with the inflammation and pain.’
‘I’m willing to give anything a try at this stage,’ she said, and Rilee smiled as she began collecting some of the ingredients she’d need. ‘Actually, I just wanted to pop in to let you know that I’ve heard about all the trouble you’ve been having lately and I think it’s terrible.’
Rilee gave a weary smile at the heartfelt look on the woman’s face. ‘I seem to have a knack for upsetting people.’
‘Don’t you listen to them, dear. I heard what that new community whatchamacallit place was going to offer and I think it would be wonderful for the town. It’s not just the young’uns around here who are at a disadvantage being so far away from a doctor. Us oldies who don’t drive any more find it hard to get to places like Centrelink when we need to sort out our payments. I heard you might be able to get government agencies to come out to town now and again. Those are the kinds of services we need out here. Don’t you let a few bad eggs stop you from making this happen. We need you.’
‘Oh, Edna,’ Rilee said, her voice sounding husky as she fought to control the emotions hovering just beneath the surface. ‘It just feels like an uphill battle, you know? The harder I push for change, the harder everyone fights me.’
‘Maybe you just have to fight smarter,’ Edna said, patting her hand and getting to her feet awkwardly.
Walking her to the door, Rilee held the door open. ‘Stop in on your way home and I’ll have the mixture ready for you.’
Mixing herbs was always relaxing. She loved working the pestle and mortar, grinding and crushing ingredients into pastes and powders and breathing in the earthy scents as she created the medicines she used to help heal and relieve pain. The strenuous, repetitive grinding was a good way to release frustration, and she often found the process therapeutic.
After a while she felt considerably better; if not a hundred percent, at least a lot more optimistic. Edna’s talk had renewed her determination. If she just laid out all the facts for Dan in a calm, rational way, she was certain he’d understand why she couldn’t give up on this. This morning’s exchange hadn’t been exactly encouraging, but she’d regrouped. She’d had to; she wasn’t ready to accept the alternative. She didn’t even know what the alternative was. What was he planning to do if she didn’t give up her cause? No, he was just upset and angry; eventually he’d have to realise they needed to discuss things, and hopefully, after a day stewing about it, he’d be in a better frame of mind to listen. She sent him a text, asking him to be at dinner tonight, and mentally prepared herself. They had to work this out somehow. Dan meant too much to her.
At home Rilee waited impatiently for Dan to arrive for dinner. Hearing the sound of an engine, she glanced outside the window and saw his work ute pull up outside his parents’ house. Something inside her snapped. ‘Oh hell no,’ she muttered as she marched across the clearing and pushed open the garden gate, caring little that it slammed shut behind her. There was no way she was going to be given the cold shoulder two nights in a row. This had gone on long enough.
At the kitchen screen door she saw Ellen stand up from where she sat at the table, her intention no doubt to intercept her and protect her precious son.
‘We had plans tonight,’ Rilee said, stepping around her mother-in-law and aiming her angry glare at her husband.
‘I think you need to give him some space, dear,’ Ellen suggested.
‘I think he’s had plenty of space,’ Rilee snapped without taking her eyes from Dan, who sat at the table, watching her with a tightly clenched jaw.
‘Rilee,’ he began, then sighed when the phone rang and his mother threw her arms in the air.
‘I told you! It’s been ringing all day. I don’t n
eed this on top of everything else,’ Ellen cried, leaving the kitchen to head up the hallway.
‘What does she mean by “on top of everything else”?’
‘Dad’s been booked into hospital next week for the first of his radiation treatments.’
With everything that had been happening lately, she’d momentarily forgotten about the last appointment Jacob had returned from. The news took some of the wind out of her sails. ‘It’s good that they’re starting treatment,’ Rilee said quietly.
‘Yeah. It’s shaken them both up a bit though.’
‘Understandable,’ she agreed. ‘Is there anything I can do? Maybe I should see if I can help?’
The sharp look he sent cut through her like a knife. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.’
Right. Your mother can’t stand me. Duly noted. ‘Regardless of all this going on, we still need to talk.’
‘I’m trying to hold everything together, Ri. Now’s not a good time. I’ve just been dealing with a stressed mother, a father who never normally backs down on anything looking absolutely terrified, and I’ve lost two of the calves today.’
‘What? How?’ News of the calves briefly sidetracked her.
‘I don’t know,’ he said tightly.
‘Why didn’t you call me?’
‘You’ve been too busy righting all the wrongs of the world,’ he said coldly.
‘Those cattle are my business too, remember? Oh, that’s right. I’m supposed to be the silent partner—you know, the one who isn’t supposed to tell you that buying a heap of cattle and a bull was probably a bit of a risk this early on in the business.’ She knew it was a cheap shot to rub it in like that, but damn it, she was tired of trying to be the peacekeeper.
‘Yeah, I figured you’d get a kick out of being right,’ he snapped. ‘I can’t deal with you on top of everything else right now,’ Dan told her impatiently, getting to his feet.
‘When would be good time then?’
‘Later.’
Rilee stared at the man she’d married and felt numb. She knew if she tried to speak now, the fragile hold she had on the tears that threatened would slip. The last thing she wanted was to have his mother come back into the room and witness her humiliation, so Rilee swallowed past the painful lump in her throat and turned away.
She didn’t stop at the door when she heard him sigh, she just let the door bang behind her and headed back to the cottage. There she locked the door and shut the blinds, falling onto bed and finally allowing the flood of tears to come, alone in the dark.
Thirty-eight
The phone was ringing when Rilee looked up to see Shae at the back door later the next day.
‘Are you going to answer that?’
‘No.’
‘Okay…What are you doing?’ Shae asked as she followed Rilee down the hall and saw the suitcase on the bed.
‘Packing.’
‘I can see that. Why?’
‘I’m going away for a few days.’
‘What about Dan? What does he think about it?’
‘Dan isn’t talking to me at the moment. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t much care what I do.’
‘I hardly think that’s true.’
‘I tried to talk to him. He’s not interested in hearing what I have to say.’
‘He’s just under a lot of pressure from everyone at the moment: his dad being sick, his mother leaning on him, not to mention he feels like he’s let you down about the cattle.’
Rilee stopped throwing in clothes to look up at her friend. ‘So you’ve talked to him?’ Of course she would have. Mark was Dan’s friend; he would have known he could go to them and drown his sorrows.
‘He’s a mess,’ Shae said quietly.
‘Really?’ Rilee snapped sarcastically. ‘And I’m not?’
‘You just need to give each other some time—’ Shae started before Rilee cut her off.
‘What we need is to get away from his parents breathing down our necks and the whole town judging me.’
‘This will blow over. And it’s not the whole town, it’s just a few troublemakers stirring up gossip. When nothing much happens around town, people tend to blow small things out of proportion…This thing with you and Dan is just typical newlyweds settling in to marriage.’
‘I didn’t expect my husband to turn his back on me at the first sign of trouble. Maybe I misjudged him…us…Maybe his parents were right and getting married was a big mistake.’
‘It wasn’t a mistake,’ Shae said firmly. ‘I’ve never seen two people more in love or more suited to each other.’
‘Yeah, well, maybe love isn’t enough in this case.’
‘Don’t give up on him, Ri. He spent the night at our place and I heard how much pain he’s in. That man loves you. He’s hurting about a lot of things right now.’
‘Then why is he telling everyone else but me? Why won’t he come home and talk to me about it?’
‘Because these men are as stubborn and proud as they are loyal. Last night he just needed to get his head straight—get rid of some of his frustration so he can sit down and have a rational discussion. He needed a night drinking with his mate. Fellas do that.’
‘Well, I don’t understand that at all,’ Rilee snapped. Just one more thing about people out here that she didn’t get. Her list was growing with each passing day. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she dismissed, getting back to her packing. ‘I still need a break from all of this. I’m tired of being the one who has to adapt to everything, and I swear if I hear “That’s just the way we do things here” one more time, I’m going to freakin’ lose it.’
She saw Shae’s lips twitch slightly.
‘I’m serious, Shae. I’ve been trying so hard, from day one, to fit in, but nothing I do is ever enough. They’re never going to accept me and I’m always going to be that city woman who keeps trying to change things.’
‘They will accept you, it just takes—’
‘Time. Yes, I know. That’s what I keep hearing,’ Rilee said with a frustrated sigh.
‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe going away for a few days is a good idea,’ Shae said after a moment of silence. ‘Just don’t throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for, okay?’
She needed to get some perspective and she couldn’t do that here with Kincaids glaring at her everywhere she went. There was only one place she could go where she knew she wouldn’t be judged.
It was time to go home again.
Thirty-nine
The long road stretched out before her as she drove, the endless kilometres that passed beneath her tyres became a soothing balm to the turmoil of the last few days. As she crossed the range and headed up the coast the landscape changed dramatically. Gone was the endless sea of whiskey-coloured paddocks, replaced by the dramatic mountain slopes of emerald green. She could have flown, she supposed, but the drive gave her the solace she craved and she loved being able to see the vast changes in scenery as she travelled through the different regions. Australia really was a huge country full of contrasts.
As she got closer to her parents’ farm, she began to recognise familiar landmarks. The highway had changed since the last time she’d driven home. It bypassed a lot of the smaller towns now and she was glad when she could get off the highway and back onto the quieter roads that would take her past Nimbin and further inland to her parents’ place.
A simple sign hung on the front gate with Rainbow Farm, Organic Herbs painted across it. Rilee smiled as she remembered the photo her parents had sent her the day they hung the sign. They’d stood beside it, arms around each other, with huge smiles plastered across their faces. The fact they had managed to make a successful business out of organic herbs was just an added bonus to them; it was the growing they loved. She was incredibly proud of them.
She stopped the car on the other side of the gate and got out, drawing a deep breath of the cool, fresh air. It was very different to Thumb Creek. For starters, everything was so green. The su
btropical vegetation was thick and luscious, quite the opposite of the wide open plains of crops and cattle at Thumb Creek.
A moist, earthy scent filled her lungs as she pulled up outside the house, built entirely by hand by her parents. It was a combination of straw and mudbricks and had a cosy cottage appearance. She opened the front door and called out but was met with silence. She hadn’t really expected them to be here to greet her, despite the fact she’d called to say she was coming—they spent the majority of their day either in the gardens or in the large sheds used for packing and processing the multitude of herbs they grew to supply the naturopathy industry.
As Rilee walked down the path to the sheds, her phone beeped and she pulled it from her pocket, giving it a quick glance before replying to the text message and putting it back. She’d promised Shae she’d let her know she’d arrived safely, and no doubt the message would then be passed on to Dan, if he even cared. She was still hurt that he’d refused to talk to her. He had to know she’d left Thumb Creek—Shae would have told him, probably nagged him to go and do something to stop her leaving, but clearly he hadn’t. She’d left him a note on the kitchen table telling him she’d gone to visit her parents for a few days, but she hadn’t heard from him.
She smelled the packing shed before she even walked through the doors. A multitude of scents swirled around her; the combination was overwhelming at first, but it was a good overwhelming, full of rich, robust, pungent smells.
‘Look who we have here,’ a familiar voice called out.
Rilee looked up to see her father at a table sorting through plants and a grin stretched her face as she headed towards him. His grey-streaked hair was pulled back in its familiar ponytail, and he was wearing his usual uniform of baggy board shorts and a worn T-shirt. As he wrapped her tightly in his hug, Rilee felt a sudden wave of emotion envelop her. It felt so good to be welcomed…wanted. She’d missed this so much.
‘Where’s Mum?’ she asked after her father finally released her.
‘She went into town to pick up some supplies. She should be home any minute. She was over the moon when she heard you were coming. Where’s Dan?’ he asked, looking behind her.
