Pulling the front door shut behind us, we jog down to where our bikes are parked on the road. As I follow Mad Dog’s weaving trail through the busy streets, I can’t stop the panic that’s trying to choke me from taking hold. I’ve never been one to put a heap of stock in gut feelings, but my stomach’s churning with anxiety.
The voice in my head is telling me that Beast’s up to something.
He’s the last person I’d suspect of fucking over the Club.
His father was a driving force behind its creation, for crying out loud.
Yet try as I might, I can’t push away my suspicions.
JJ
Present Day
After being thrown through the door, Maddi stumbles into the room we’re being held in and falls to the ground, rousing me from my light dozing. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I didn’t sleep last night or the night before.
Exhaustion is something I’m used to with my hectic intern schedule, but the last forty-eight hours have been something else.
Something I would give every dollar in my bank account to never go through again.
Noticing that she’s bleeding from a cut to her lip, and that her top’s almost torn from her bruised upper body, my automatic response as a doctor is to jump to my feet to help her.
Dizziness overtakes me, followed by rapidly rising nausea.
Leaning one hand on the nearest wall, I swallow a few times, steadying myself before I make my way to her.
“Maddi, where are you hurt?” I question her as I roll her all the way onto her back.
Groaning, she opens her eyes and tries to smile. “I’m all right. Just give me a minute.”
Squatting on my haunches, I run my eyes down her body.
In addition to her bleeding lip, she has bruising to her neck, and her left eye is swollen. She can still open her eye, and although her top is ripped, she doesn’t appear to have any injuries that I need to tend to immediately.
“Come on. Let’s get you on the bed.” I hold my hands out to her and help her to her feet.
To be honest, she’s probably steadier on her feet than I am, because the second I stand, I’m overcome by dizziness and the urge to vomit again.
Depositing her quickly on the bed, I run to the bathroom and puke in the basin.
Rinsing my mouth out with the musty-smelling water that runs with reluctance from the tap, I splash some over my face, and stare at myself in the dirty mirror. My face is pale, my eyes bloodshot, and my hair is a disaster. I’m bone weary, the aftereffects of the ether lingering longer than I would have expected. I’ve been wilting for the last few weeks, and last night has sapped the last of my stamina by the looks of it.
Groaning as my stomach churns again, I make myself breath through it. The last thing I need is to succumb to the sickness that’s been stalking me for the last couple months.
Once I’m confident that I’m steady on my feet, I walk back into the bedroom.
Maddi’s pushed herself upright, staring at me with worry-filled eyes.
“Are you okay?” she asks, drawing her eyebrows together as she takes in my state.
“I haven’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday. My blood sugar’s dropping.”
I drop onto the bed, wrapping the gross blanket around myself. My previous objections to using it pushed aside. I feel clammy, sweaty but cold at the same time, and this blanket is the only thing I have to make myself feel comfortable.
“What happened out there?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you...” Maddi trails off, closing her eyes and shutting me out.
I thought we’d made some headway before she was dragged away. Obviously, I’m still on the outside when it comes to knowing what’s going on.
“Try me,” I urge.
“Do you ever want to pack up and run away from your life?”
I wasn’t expecting her to ask me a question, particularly this one, and I’m thrown off guard when I answer her truthfully without thought.
“All the damn time.”
“Why?”
Pinning her a pointed look, I stay quiet.
We don’t need to discuss me. It’s her Club that got me into trouble, so she should be filling me in with what happened, not picking apart my life.
Rolling her eyes at me, she smirks.
“I know you don’t like me. I know why you don’t like me. And I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t like me either if I was in your shoes.” Her smile grows wider as she registers the surprise on my face. “I’m actually a pretty nice person, you know? I think you and I could be friends, if you’d let us.”
My hackles rise.
“I’m not the sort who becomes besties with the woman the man I’m in love with loves instead of me. I’m a little strange like that.”
She snorts at me. My heartbeat pounds in my ears at her rude dismissal of my declaration.
Did I just tell my competition that I’m in love with Lucas?
I hadn’t even admitted the possibility to myself, yet here I am giving her the heads up.
Actually, lets back up. My feelings don’t matter since I’m telling him where to stick his ultimatum once I get out of this hellhole.
Why do I keep forgetting that I’ve already decided to end it?
“See, that’s why we’d be good friends. You run at the mouth as much as I do.” She laughs, wincing and grabbing her side as she does.
I slide down the bed until I’m next to her and pull up her shredded shirt, despite her protests, so I can check her side. I’m shocked when I find a huge tattoo covering her abdomen and one side of her torso. I didn’t take her for the type to have such a large tattoo.
I knew she had one—a tastefully sized one between her shoulder blades. I wasn’t impressed when Lucas mentioned that Mad Dog has a matching one, and that it proclaims her as his Old Lady. They’ve been broken up the whole time I’ve known them, so to me it seems to me like a stupid decision that’s coming back to haunt her.
Lucas had been pretty offended when I’d told him that, telling me that the women in the club consider it an honor to wear their “Old Man’s” ink, and that he’d love to find a woman to wear his one day.
Peering at the tattoo, I have to admit it’s very well done and suits her to a T. My mouth falls open when I notice various scars within the design. I can tell straight away that they’re surgery scars, and I realize that’s why she has the tattoo—to hide her scarring.
Before I can take too much more notice, Maddi slaps my hand out of the way and pulls down her shirt.
“I’m fine,” she tells me tightly. “My ribs are sore, that’s all.”
I can’t help myself. I have to ask, “What happened to you? You must’ve had a lot of surgeries to have that many scars.”
Blowing so hard that her fringe lifts away from her forehead, she narrows her eyes at me. “I told you my ex tried to kill me. The scars are from that.”
I draw in a sharp breath. I counted at least six decent-sized scars. That’s a lot of damage inflicted by her ex.
“I’d like you to forget that you saw them.”
“Okay, I will. I’m so sorry,” I agree straightaway. I’m not going to ask her about them when it’s obviously painful for her.
An awkward silence overtakes us, one that I feel I should be the one to break.
Thinking back to the question she asked me earlier, I decide to let her in a little bit.
“I want to run away from my life because I’m sick of trying to please everyone but myself. It doesn’t matter what I choose, it never seems to be right. It’s killing me.”
That’s more truth than I’ve told anyone except Gwen and Lucas.
It feels strangely refreshing to have let it out.
“What about you?”
Looking at me with her big, blue eyes, she purses her lips in thought.
“I want to run away because the people I’m supposed to be able to trust always end up being the ones who let me down. I’m always a pawn in som
eone’s game, and I always end up being the one who’s hurt.”
“That’s very cryptic,” I quip, laughter in my voice. She’s as good at being evasive as I am.
“No more than you were,” she shoots back at me.
We both collapse in laughter. She’s right. I might’ve felt better about letting her in, but I doubt she could make heads or tails of what I was alluding to.
“Ow, it hurts,” she tells me, tears running down her face as she continues laughing even as she holds her side. Regaining her composure before I do, she stares at me for a moment.
“Timber loves you too. He’s just hung up on old stuff. Really painful stuff. But he’ll get there. We talked about it last night, and he’s slowly sorting his head out.”
I’m left with my mouth hanging open at her words. I assumed after what I overheard last night, that I’d be fighting a losing battle for Lucas against her—not receiving her blessing and love advice from her.
“He’s in love with you. I’d hardly call that old stuff.” I shrug. “It doesn’t matter anyway. This whole situation’s just proven to me how different we are. It was never going to work.”
Snagging the pillow from next to me, Maddi puts it under her head, and lies down on the bed.
“Not with that attitude it won’t.”
She’s always got to have the last say.
Infuriating cow.
She has no idea what she’s talking about. She was born into the Shamrocks, so she’s unable to see how the rest of the world views them. My family wouldn’t forgive me if I had a relationship with someone like Lucas.
I come from a family that respects the law, not one who thinks the rules don’t apply to them.
“You wouldn’t understand. My family’s different to yours. You’re lucky,” I mumble, shooting daggers at her head. She can’t see me because she’s shut her eyes. I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to do it if she had them open. I’ve just seen her bring two fully-grown men to their knees by herself.
“Why wouldn’t I understand?” she questions tersely. “I live with the repercussions of my pop’s choice to start the Shamrocks every damn day. Do you think it’s easy for me to act as a defense lawyer when my dad’s renowned for being the leader of a high profile outlaw Motorcycle Club? And my ex-fiancé’s a ranking member as well? Do you think it’s easy for me to hold my head high in the courtroom when the front page of the newspaper had a full-page article about the Club that day? Do you think it’s easy for Joel to go to physical rehab and know that the only reason he’s crippled is because of the Club and my mistake? Do you think it was easy for Benji to find a team willing to take a risk on an outlaw biker’s son, no matter how talented he is? You’re the one who wouldn’t understand. We didn’t have a choice. You do!”
Rolling onto her side, she points one of her long fingers at me, the sharp, French-manicured nail appearing threatening. “You have the choice between dealing with the shit that comes from loving one of the brothers or running away. You have a choice to fight for Timber’s love. He’s one of the best men I know. He’d kill for you, just like Mik would kill for me. You’re the lucky one. You just don’t understand that because you’re too scared to see it.”
“I’m not scared. I’m smart. It doesn’t make sense for someone like me to love someone like Lucas. I have plans—a career, and a father who expects certain things from me. It’s not as simple as you make it. Look at us.” I wave my hand around the dingy room we’re in. “Look where we are. We’ve been kidnapped because of your dangerous Club—”
My voice has risen embarrassingly, my breathing erratic as I attempt to make her understand my choices.
“I was raped by a politician’s son. A person who comes from a family like yours. Beaten, abused, and blackmailed. He had my little brother tortured and crippled. He threatened to ruin Benji’s career. He tried to have my family killed, and he tried to keep me as his. The only thing that kept all of us alive was the Club.”
I recoil at the vehemence in her voice.
Her eyes are hard as she dishes out her truth to me.
“Shit happens in life. Doesn’t matter if you’re connected to the Club or not—life sucks sometimes. Get used to it. This time we’re in a shitty situation because of the Club. Next time, it could be the Club that saves us. I know what Timber did at the hospital for you with your boss. You don’t get to pick when the Shamrocks can be useful and when they’re not. You take the good with the bad.”
Punching the pillow under her head, Maddi rolls over, leaving me looking at her back.
I don’t know what to make of her tirade.
She’s right, but she’s also wrong.
Her world scares me to death.
My feelings for Lucas scare me to death.
My father’s reaction scares me to death.
She’s right. I am scared, but I’m also smart enough to know that my fears are legitimate and based in reality. Pick Lucas—lose my father and more-than-likely my career. Pick my career and my father—lose Lucas. Seems like whichever way I choose, I’m left with regrets and “what ifs”.
“Like I said, it doesn’t matter anyway. Lucas is in love with you, and we’ll never work because of that.”
She’s damaged my pride with her pointed—and deadly accurate—barbs, so I throw the only thing I have to use against her straight back at her.
Let’s see how she likes it?
Time drags; disappointment creeps in when she’s doesn’t take my bait.
I’m about to mentally admit defeat when she lets out a frustrated huff.
“So what if he is? He knows I’m not in love with him. I love him, but not like I love Mik. If you’d pull your head out of your ass and ask about his past, instead of just using him for his cock, you’d understand why he thinks he’s in love with me, and you’d work out how to fix it. Didn’t you just say that you’re smart? I’m not seeing any evidence of it.”
Did I call her an infuriating cow earlier?
I’m upgrading that to an infuriating, bossy, smartass bitch. No wonder she’s a lawyer. She can argue like nobody I’ve ever met before.
“Fuck you, Maddi.” My temper gets the better of me. I refuse to take her shit anymore. “You think you know everything. You know fucking nothing.”
I’ve never spoken to anyone like I just spoke to her, and she’s not even moved in the slightest by my hostility. I might be nearly five years older than her, but I think she’s won this round.
She doesn’t even dignify me with her attention when she replies.
“Right back at ya, JJ.”
JJ
Four months ago
“Are you sure what I’m wearing is all right?” I ask Lucas as I smooth down my shirt.
My decision to wear a nice pair of black dress pants with a silky green blouse that’s the same color as my eyes and shows a nice peek of my minimal cleavage, seemed like the right one when I made it. My heeled boots give me some much-needed extra height—some superficial confidence—but looking at the people milling around in their jeans and leather, I can’t help feeling a tad overdressed.
“You look fucking gorgeous, Doll,” he tells me without hesitation, dropping his voice low.
Shivers break out over my body at his seductive tone, my thong becoming damp straightaway.
Damn, the man can get me going ridiculously easy.
“My mama will love you. My brothers will all want a piece of you, and all the Old Ladies will wanna be your friend. The Club knows all about you, and they’re stoked that you finally fucking agreed to come to one of our family nights.”
Handing my helmet to him, I smooth down my hair, and ignore the slight censure in his tone at my delay in accepting his offer to meet his club. I’m trying to keep this thing between us casual and just between us, but he keeps pushing the point about meeting parents and introducing each other to our friends. So far, I’ve managed to keep him from exposing us to my father and everyone at the hospital. It’ll be easier now t
hat he isn’t around all the time watching over Joel.
His discharge today will not only benefit him, but me too.
“Come on.” Lucas beckons me with an outstretched palm, and I eagerly slide my hand into his.
I really like him.
He’s gorgeous.
The sex is phenomenal.
And he’s much better read than I expected a biker to be, so the conversation is always interesting.
If he wasn’t a biker, and liable to make my daddy’s head spin off his shoulders with that fact, I wouldn’t have a second thought about introducing him to everyone.
Drawing in a deep breath, I reply, “Let’s do this.”
We start walking toward the imposing brick building that dominates the front part of the huge block his Club owns. Lucas fits right in with the men I can see—tight black jeans, and his ever-present leather vest thrown over a skin-tight T-shirt. On the other hand, I stick out like a sore thumb in a sea of short denim skirts and skimpy tops. Most of the women I can see have a leather vest over their tops that display Property of so-and-so patches on the back.
I’m not sure what that’s all about. It feels like I’m entering a foreign world.
Everything seems strange to me—alien and scary. Tamping down my need to fidget, I let go of Lucas’s hand so I can wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs.
My regret at my outfit grows as we move further into the crowd until I spy another woman who’s dressed similarly. She’s wearing a business skirt, with a satin shirt, and heels. I’d feel a little better if she didn’t look like a supermodel, but for now she’ll do as a potential person to target as a friendly face at this party.
We look like we might have a little bit in common.
As we draw closer, I realize that I know her.
She’s Joel’s sister, Maddi. And the gorgeous man she’s in a heated discussion with is Mad Dog. I’ve seen them at the hospital many times.
“Fucking hell.” Lucas groans when he spots them. He gestures urgently to a heavy-set, smiling older lady who’s only a tiny bit taller than me.
She comes over to us quickly.
“Mama, this is JJ.” He gestures toward me, and the woman’s smile becomes impossibly bigger as she runs her eyes over me.
Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC Book 2) Page 9
