He throws his bag over his shoulder and walks out of the room. I run after him and jump between him and the front door. “Please,” I beg, and I hate that he smiles. I hate that he likes it when I’m like this. “Let’s just discuss it.”
He drops his bag to the floor and steps up to me. He places his hands flat on the door by my head. “You wanna talk, so let’s talk,” he says with a devious look in his eyes. “Let’s talk about how little I respect you.” I suck in a deep breath at his words. “You wanna know why I didn’t take up for you downstairs? Because you never take up for me.”
“That’s not true ...”
“You let your whore ass friend treat me like shit. You let her talk to me however she wants.” Tears build up in my eyes. “When we were still in high school, you let your brother treat me like a fool. And then Jaycent.” He laughs at his name. “That cocksucker thinks he fucking owns you.” His voice rises, and he slams his hand on the door, making it rattle against my body. “You were supposed to be mine, goddammit,” he snaps. “I had to wait six fucking months to get into your pants, and you gave it up to him in one night.”
My watery eyes narrow on him. “You left me there,” I say through gritted teeth. “You started a fight and left me there with no ride. Like you always do. Just like you’re leaving me now. What was I supposed to do?”
“Not fuck your brother’s best friend,” he shouts.
“How many women have you slept with since we got together?” I ask angrily.
A smirk grows across his face. “More than I can count, darling.”
Anger like I’ve never felt wells up inside me. Along with shame. How twisted I must be to love a man who cares so little for me. I reach up and slap him across the face.
His face snaps to the left, and he actually chuckles. When he looks back down at me, he doesn’t look mad. His eyes look me up and down, and he smiles. I press myself closer to the door. Afraid of this look. I know the pissed-off Conner, but this Conner looks amused.
“I’ve already wasted seven years of my life on you. Becca.” He leans in closer, and I suck in a breath. “You’re not worth wasting one more second.” He removes his hands from the door and grabs my uppers arms. He shoves me away and then walks out. Leaving me more hurt than I should be.
I make my way back up to Ryder and Jaycent’s room, and I can’t stop the tears from falling. I shouldn’t feel this way. He left, and I should feel free, but it’s the words he said to me. How he looked at me. I may know he’s a douche, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. You don’t spend that much time with someone and not feel something. Guess that was the case for him. Now, I have to face my friends and brother. They’re gonna know that I let him down once again. I hate feeling this way—helpless. I’ve felt it all my life, and this feeling eats me alive more than anything else. I can handle mistakes; we’ve all made them.
JAYCENT
I stand behind the kitchen counter as I watch Becca cry her eyes out. She came storming into our hotel room bawling. Ashlyn asked what Ryder had to drink, and they haven’t stopped since. That was about thirty minutes ago. She sobs as Ashlyn holds her in her arms, and it makes me jealous. I wanna be the one to hold her. I wanna be the one to tell her that she doesn’t need that piece of shit. But I can’t. Not like this. Not ever. She didn’t want me then, and she doesn’t want me now.
Ashlyn stands her up from their chairs and takes her off to Ryder’s bedroom to use the restroom. “How many times?” I ask him once they close his bedroom door behind them.
“What?” he asks, looking at me.
I tip my beer I’ve been holding with a vise-like grip. “How many times do you think he’s made her feel like that?” I should have fought harder four years ago. I should have never let him go with her to Seattle. I knew how he was, but would I be any better than Conner? I don’t want to control her. I just want to be with her. But he ... he treated her like shit. We all saw it but never did anything to fix it. To help her. It’s all our faults in a way. I would beat him up here and there, but never enough to make him not wanna return to her. We stood by and watched him tear her apart piece by piece.
“I don’t know, but I promise it will be the last,” he says, and I agree to that.
The bedroom door opens, and Ashlyn exits alone. “Where’s Becca?” I ask, watching the closed door as if she’ll appear.
“She’s in your bed, Ryder,” she answers, looking at him. “I hope you don’t mind, but she just wanted to lay down for a second. She said the room was spinning and then she just passed out.”
He shakes his head and offers her a shot. When she agrees and sits back down in front of us, he pours three shots. One for each of us. I look down at it as I fist my hands down by my side. How is Ryder just standing here right now? Why isn’t he doing something? Did he not see it? How he treated her? Is he afraid to cross that line? That if he were to touch him, Becca would hate him? It’d be worth it. A man like that never changes. I doubt she is the first woman he’s treated that way, and she won’t be the last.
“He needs to disappear.” I hear him say as if he’s reading my mind.
My thoughts exactly. I slam my shot back and then smile over at him. I take that statement as permission. “I’m already on it.” I take off toward the door as he says something to me, but I ignore it.
I make my way down to the main floor, remembering that Becca had said she found him in the bar. I pray that the bastard hasn’t already left for the airport. I’ll go there if need be, but it would be convenient if he was still in the hotel.
I walk into the softly lit bar full of people. Due to the rain outside, everyone was forced inside for the day, and I find him sitting there with his bag down at his feet. A blonde by his side. His left hand is on her thigh and his lips just inches from hers as she giggles like a fucking schoolgirl.
I walk over to him, grab the back of his shirt, and yank him off his stool. She gasps as he stumbles on his feet. “What the fuck ...?”
“He’ll be right back,” I inform her as she looks at me wide-eyed.
“Jaycent.” He growls as he realizes he’s about to get the ass kicking of his life.
I drag him to the end of the bar and down the hallway before I kick the door open to the men’s room. Shoving him forward, I make sure to the lock the door without even bothering to see if we’re alone.
I turn to face him, and he straightens his shirt as he stands to full height. He smiles at me like I’m his fucking buddy. “What is this? Gonna fight me for her?” He shakes his head, and that smile grows. “Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I don’t want her.”
I fist my right hand, pull it back, and then punch him in the face. He stumbles back into the hand dryer. And I hit him again without pause. His head snaps back, and this time, he hits the wall.
I unclench my hand and shake it out as he slides down onto his ass. He looks up at me, dark eyes hard, as he lifts his hand to wipe the blood that drips from his lip. “Jealous?” he asks as he rises to his feet, needing to use the wall to gain his balance.
“Not hardly,” I say.
He smirks again as his back rests against the wall. “You don’t have to lie, Jaycent. You might have had a piece of her, but you only had that once. I’ve had her over and over ...” I hit him again. This time, my punch makes him spin around, and he hits the countertop.
“Fuck.” He cries out as he leans over the counter and spits blood into the sink. I stand back and watch him burst out laughing. “You know last time you beat the shit out of me; it worked in my favor.” He smiles as he looks at himself in the mirror. “She nursed my wounds for days.” I hate how he makes her sound like his servant. As if she was nothing but a slave to him.
“Last time was just for fun,” I inform him. The last time, I beat him up outside his own home. He had gone to her house afterward and told her that he got mugged. I know because Ryder and I were there when he showed up. Ryder looked at me, and I didn’t have to say a fucking thing. He
knew it was me. Later that night, he took me out and bought me drinks.
“And this is what ...?” He licks the blood from his lip. “You trying to be her hero?”
“This is a warning,” I say truthfully.
He fully stands and turns to face me. Pulling his shoulders back, he widens his stance. “A warning for what?”
“Come on, Conner, you can’t be as stupid as you look,” I say. His eyes narrow on me, and he growls.
“She came back to me. Each time.” He shakes his head. “And she’ll come back this time too.”
I hate how true he makes that sound. I don’t understand why she keeps going back to him, but I shake my head at his words. “No, she won’t. She realizes what a fucking piece of shit you are, and she’s glad you’re gone,” I lie. I’m not sure what’s going on in her head right now except for heartache.
His jaw tightens. “I did a favor by taking her back.” He points at his chest. “Me,” he shouts.
I tilt my head to the side. “You believe that? You did her a favor by treating her like shit?”
He takes a step toward me, and I stare down at him. He’s on the smaller side. Maybe a hundred and ninety pounds and five-foot-nine. I’m two forty and stand six-foot-two.
“I was doing her a favor,” he repeats with a growl.
I roll my eyes but ask, “What did you do for her exactly?”
He opens his mouth to talk but then shuts it quickly. “Never mind,” he snaps. He goes to walk past me toward the bathroom door, but I grab the back of his shirt and slam him face first into it instead. I hear a cracking noise as he cries out before he falls to the floor once again.
I kneel in front of him and watch the blood pour down his face from a cut across his nose. “What does that mean exactly, Conner?” I ask calmly.
His hands lift to cover his nose, and I yank them away. “Don’t,” he shouts in panic as his feet slide across the floor as if he’s trying to scoot away from me. There’s nowhere for him to go. “Don’t ...”
“Explain,” I demand, losing my patience.
He sucks in a long breath. “Becca’s dad wasn’t gonna let her go to Seattle.” I nod ‘cause this is nothing new to me. “But her mom wanted her to go. So she offered me a deal.” My back stiffens at the thought of what Becca’s mother did. She is vindictive as fuck.
“What kind of deal?” I ask through clenched teeth.
Tears fill his dark brown eyes from the pain of his nose. His hands hover over it, shaking. “I was going to end it with Becca after high school graduation, but she said if I’d go with her, she would pay me.”
My brows shoot up. “Pay you?” He nods his head quickly.
“Why the hell would you need her to pay you?” I snap. His family is just as well off as we are. She couldn’t possibly pay him enough that he would stay with her for money.
“I ...” He stops talking as he takes in a long breath.
I reach up and slap the side of his face. Not hard but enough to make him cry out again. “Talk,” I order.
“Okay. Okay,” he says in a rush. “I had been getting in trouble a lot, and my father was mad that I didn’t attend college after graduation.” He’s a year older than Becca is, and I remember him using her as an excuse for not going off to college after he graduated. He wanted to stay and wait for her. It was such bullshit. He just wanted to stay home and live off Mommy and Daddy. He’s a lazy POS. “My father told me that I had to go to work for him or he was gonna cut me off. I didn’t want to, and then her mother offered me money to go with her to Seattle. So I took it.”
I lean back on my heels and run a hand through my hair. “Then what?” I ask, knowing there’s more.
“Then nothing,” he sighs.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I grind out. “You have a trust fund!” I snap. “Why the hell would you need her mother to pay you?”
He licks the blood off his lips and then swallows. “My father won’t allow me access to it until I settle down. He said that I needed to grow up and do what was right.”
“What’s right?”
He nods. “He said that if I was going to be living with her in Seattle, I needed to marry her. And then he would give me access to my trust fund.”
I feel sick to my stomach. His father is just as fucked up as her mother is. “Then why haven’t you?” I hate to ask that question.
“Because her mom was paying me enough that I didn’t need it,” he says simply.
“Let me make sure I understand,” I say, holding up my hand. “You’ve been with Becca for money for the past four years?”
He nods. “See. I did her a favor. She wanted to go to Seattle, and without me, that wouldn’t have been possible. All I had to do was report back to her mom.”
“But why did she fight to let Becca go in the first place?” I wonder out loud.
He snorts and then flinches. “Because of you,” he whispers.
“Me?”
He nods once. “Her mother knew how much she loved you.” His eyes narrow up at me. “And she said over her dead body would she allow her daughter to be with a Barnett.”
I’m gonna be sick. She has been with this fucker for the past four years because her mother wanted her away from me. “So Gwenda paid you to go out of state with her in order to get her away from me?” I’ve heard it all.
“Yes,” he says through gritted teeth.
I shake my head as I let out a little laugh. “You know what, Conner? You surprise me.”
He looks up at me, the tears falling down his cheeks, the cut across his nose bleeding and his lip swelling. I should be proud of this moment, but instead, I feel nothing but pure rage. “How so?”
My face hardens, and he tries to push himself into the wall, knowing I’m about to finish him off. “Because you are a better liar than I ever gave you credit for.” Four years, he’s been making money off her. Her mother practically pimped her out like a fucking whore. All because she didn’t want her to end up with me. I know why. She fucking hates me. She thinks I could destroy her. So she chose to save her own ass by throwing her daughter to the wolves. Becca and Ryder don’t know what I do. I had no reason to tell them what I saw eleven years ago. Now, it wouldn’t even matter so I’m not so sure why her mother would care.
I stand and offer him my hand. He stares up at it with concern. “Take it,” I say.
He licks the blood off his lip and then slowly takes it. I yank him to his feet and then shove his back into the wall. He raises his hand in surrender. “I ... I told you everything I know,” he says in a rush.
“And you think that makes this okay?” I shout in his face, my hands clenching his shirt. “You’ve been using her.” My body shakes with so much hatred for this man.
“You would have done the same given a chance,” he says, lifting his chin like he has some fucking dignity. I shake my head. “Oh yeah, you did it that night in your car. You took advantage of her, and it kills you that she so easily told you to go to hell afterward.”
I yank him away from the wall, let go of his shirt as he stumbles on his feet, and then punch him in the face again. He hits the counter, his hands knocking a basket off and onto the floor where he comes to lie beside it.
I breathe heavily as I stare down at him on his side, moaning in pain.
I shake out my hand, my knuckles split and bloody.
My head snaps up when I hear a toilet flush. An older man with silver hair walks out and slowly makes his way to the sink. He’s dressed in a dark blue business suit. He wears a name tag on the front of the jacket, and I see the resort logo above his name. He works here. Probably the front desk.
He meets my eyes in the mirror. “Don’t mind me,” he says. “I would have done no different.” He finishes washing his hands and then steps over Conner who’s still sprawled on the floor.
I turn and walk out, heading out to the beach. I need some fresh air, even if it is raining, as I try to figure out what to do with this new information. I can’t
tell Ryder I know, and I can’t just come out and tell Becca what her mother did. But now that Conner’s gone, who the hell is she gonna find next to do her dirty work?
CHAPTER FOUR
BECCA
I wonder what a smoker feels feel like after they quit. Do they feel healthier? Or is all their time consumed with the withdrawals? Do they have the shakes? Maybe pick up a new habit of chewing gum or eating more? I’ve never smoked a day in my life, but I imagine all cravings are the same. Hell, I’m addicted to coffee. I love the taste and the smell. I have to have it first thing in the morning. If I don’t, I get cranky.
I lean my head against the small, cold window as we come into New York. The lights of the town below almost blinding. It’s been a week since Conner left me in Panama, and I haven’t had any major withdrawals. Of course, I had my breakdown that night at the hotel, and I wasn’t any better the next day while we flew home either. But it all changed when we arrived in Seattle. Finding his stuff gone was my answer. He was gone. For good. And since that moment, I haven’t looked back. He text me a few times here and there, but I have done well not to respond to most of them.
It’s like I’m breathing fresh air again when before, I was trying to run in the rain. The water soaks your clothes and weighs you down, but now, it’s sunny every day, and my clothes are dry.
Ashlyn gets my attention as she rubs her palms together beside me and I turn to look at her sitting in her seat. “Nervous?” I ask her.
She shakes her head, but I can see it on her face. “You’re gonna love it,” I reassure her as I pat her knee.
She smiles at me, and I return it. I don’t know what I would have done in Seattle for the past four years without her. She’s like the sister I never had. And her family was just as welcoming as she was. They’ve become my parents over the time I spent there. I always wanted to know what it would be like to be able to make your own decision and be supported, and they did that for me. I’m truly going to miss them.
She leans over my lap to look out the window. It’s dark outside. We’ve been flying most of the day, but we’ve finally arrived in New York. “It’s so pretty,” she says in awe.
Myself (Selfish Series, #2) Page 6
