We discuss how security handled it, and Jaycent asks Ryder if they’re gonna press charges. I hate that he says no. Conner deserves to go to jail for what he did to her and my brother.
“You probably shouldn’t stay here.” I look over at Jaycent after he speaks.
What? I open my mouth to speak, but Ryder beats me to it. “I agree. You need to stay at Mom and Dad’s.”
I start to shake my head. Hell no, I will not go there. I was still avoiding my mother’s phone calls after our lunch yesterday. “I’ll be fine here.”
“I guess I could stay here with you ladies,” he says, looking at Ashlyn. I look over at Jaycent in disappointment. How will I get to see him if Ryder’s here with me?
“Why don’t I stay with you?” Ashlyn offers, and I look at her. She gives me a big smile.
“I don’t think ...”
“That’s a great idea,” I say excitedly.
He looks at me and frowns. “Who will stay with you?”
“Jaycent can stay with her,” she says, and my smile widens. I look over at Jaycent, and he scratches the back of his head as if uncomfortable. I know he wants to tell Ryder. He doesn’t like secrets, but I need him to keep this one.
Ryder looks at her; his brown brows pull together in confusion. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he says slowly.
“Babe,” she says, placing her hand on his shirt. “There are four bedrooms in this apartment.” She leans in and says something to him that we can’t hear.
My smile widens, and then he pulls away and looks at me. It falls. I look back and forth between the two of them, hoping she didn’t just tell him anything about us.
“I think Mom’s—” he starts to say.
I grind my teeth, tired of hearing about her. He’s trying to tell me what I need to do, like she always did, and I’m an adult now dammit. “I saw Mom earlier today for lunch,” I interrupt him. “It lasted twenty minutes, Ry.” He sighs as if he already knows what I’m about to say. “All she wanted to do was talk about Conner.” I lie; she only brought him up once. But I’m not gonna tell all of them that I want to start my own business, and she laughed at me.
“Do you mind?” Ry finally asks Jaycent. “If not, I can stay here with them—”
“Ry, don’t be stupid. You should stay at your place,” I interrupt him.
“I don’t mind,” Jaycent says, his voice rough. He clears his throat, and my body tenses at the sound of his voice. He’s mad. Probably mad at me. It’s my fault we’re in this situation. I answered his phone call after all.
An hour later, I’m pulling the yellow comforter back on my king-size bed as I hear the sink running in my bathroom.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. So much has happened today. So much that I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. Jasmine was never pregnant. Jaycent was never going to be a dad. And I never had to stay with Conner out of pity. Shit, I felt so sorry for myself. And look what I’ve done. It could have cost Ashlyn her life.
I open my eyes and grip the bright yellow comforter tighter in my hands. I hate yellow. I laugh at that thought. My mother furnished this apartment for me, and out of all the colors she could have chosen to decorate my room with, she chose fucking yellow.
I yank the comforter off the bed and wad it up into a big ball before tossing it into a corner by the windows.
Jaycent walks out of my bathroom at that exact moment and comes to a stop. He’s wearing nothing but his boxers low on his hips, and I hate how good he looks in them. I hate that I missed four years of this due to a lie. “What are you doing?” he asks, slowly eyeing the corner.
“I hate yellow,” I say through gritted teeth.
“I know,” he says.
I look up at him. “You do?”
He gives me a smirk. “Of course, I do. Remember that time your mom bought you that yellow dress for Easter?” He chuckles. “You were so mad because you said it reminded you of the wallpaper she had in one of the guest rooms.”
“I remember,” I say, running a hand down my face. It was hideous. It had feathers on it. And the worst part was that I was sixteen. It might have been better if I had been six or seven.
He chuckles. “You spilled coffee on it on purpose just for an excuse to change.”
I had never told anyone that. I mean yes, it happened, but I kept it my little secret. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
When I open my eyes, he’s standing in front of me. He places his hands on my cheeks and lifts my chin. “Talk to me.” I try to shake my head, but he holds it still. “Talk to me, Becca,” he repeats.
I let out a long breath. “I just want it all to end,” I say as tears come to my eyes. I’m so tired of crying.
He frowns. “What to end?”
“This.” I lift my hands out wide, and my bottom lip trembles. “Conner could have killed Ashlyn tonight. And I would have had to live with that.” The tears start to come faster, and my throat tightens. “What would I do without her ...?”
“No, no, no,” he says quickly “Becca, we talked about this.”
I swallow. “And she was just sitting there laughing and smiling like he hadn’t just tried to kill her.” How does she do it? Be so careless?
“She was fine,” he assures me.
“I’m not fine,” I shout, pulling away from him. He lets me go. “You don’t know what it’s like,” I say as a sob bubbles up in my throat.
“Know what what’s like?” he asks slowly.
“To think that you might die.” I can’t help but say. That kind of fear is crippling.
His features harden, and then he demands, “Did he ever touch you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, and my hands literally shake.
“It does,” he argues.
“It doesn’t,” I shout. “You beat him in the bathroom at a hotel. Yet here he was coming into my apartment two weeks later. You think he’s going to stop? You think he’s going to walk away now?” I shake my head as angry tears fall down my cheeks. “I don’t know why he fucking cares!” I growl. “He never loved me anyway. Why won’t he just walk away?” I ask, looking down at the gray carpet and running my hands through my hair with frustration.
I know what it feels like when you can’t breathe. When the world starts to fade, and you gasp for air. It’s terrifying.
“Becca, talk to me, baby,” I hear Jaycent say. I open my mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. I’m gasping for air just like I had been before ...
“I wanna try something new,” Conner says as he hovers over me in our bed. His dark brown eyes shine with mischief, a smirk on his face.
“Okay,” I say slowly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and digging my heels into his ass. Why did he stop? I was so close.
As if he can read my mind, Conner moves his hips again as his lips come down on mine. He kisses me soft at first with just our lips then his tongue enters my mouth. I moan as his pace picks up. He opens his mouth wider and kisses me deeper. Sloppier. I try to press my head into my pillow to get away from his lips to get some air, but he doesn’t let up. He shifts on top of me, and it allows me to tilt my head to the side. I suck in one long ragged breath and then his hand wraps around my neck, cutting my air off.
My hands instantly go to his wrist, and I try to push it away, but he grips me tighter. His hips, more aggressive. I try to breathe, try to move out from underneath him, but his body has me pinned.
He arches his back and closes his eyes, and I let go of his wrist and start to pound on his chest. Trying to reach his throat or face to push him away. But it does no good. He’s got a hold of me.
Panic bubbles up in my chest as my body bucks, trying to free myself. The pressure on my neck from his hand makes it feel like it may explode. I have a pounding in my ears. I try to tell him to stop, but nothing comes out but noises that even I can’t understand. I try to kick at the bed, anything to get free. My vision fades in and out as my chest feels heavier.
Tears stin
g my eyes as his hips rock back and forth, harder and harder. I start to hit his side since it’s the only thing I can reach, but he ignores me.
Just as my hands fall to my side, he thrusts one last time and cries out as he comes inside me. Then he releases me. I shove him off me as I suck in a burning breath. He falls to his side on the bed, and I sit up, choking and heaving.
“God, babe, that was amazing,” he says, and then I feel his hand on my back.
Tears run down my face, and I shove him away. I practically fall off the bed and run toward the bathroom. I close the door and fall to my knees. Hunching over, I hold my tender neck as I cry my eyes out. Wishing that Ashlyn was here tonight instead of out with Bradley.
A knock comes on the door. “Babe?”
“Leave me alone,” I say, but it comes out hoarse.
“Don’t be that way, babe. You said I could try something.”
I swallow and flinch from the burn. “I didn’t tell you to choke me.” He laughs, and my hands shake as the tears continue to fall. “You could have killed me.” My voice shakes with fear.
“I knew what I was doing.”
“Becca!” Jaycent yells my name as he leans down, his face inches from mine. I’m able to suck in a deep breath, and my lungs burn.
That was a week before we took our Panama trip. It was also the last time I slept with him.
“I’m sorry,” I cry out.
“It’s okay,” Jaycent says as his soft brown eyes look at me with worry.
He removes his hands from my shoulders and wipes my cheeks with his thumbs. I’m crying? Just great. “I’m falling apart,” I say sadly.
“I think you’ve never looked more beautiful,” he says, giving me a reassuring smile.
I laugh because he makes no sense. He steps to me and wraps his arms around my upper chest. He kisses my hair, and I take a deep breath. “I just want him to go away and for us to move on.”
He pulls away and smiles down at me. “What do we move on to?” he asks, pushing my hair behind my ear.
I grip his shoulders and say something I’ve wanted to say for a long time. I wanna be more like Ashlyn. I wanna smile. I wanna be stronger. I want to know what it feels like to make my own decision and not be ordered.
“You asked me earlier if I still felt that way about you. And I do. I love you, Jaycent,” I say softly.
He smiles down at me as his hand cups my face. “I love you too, Becca.” He leans down and kisses my lips gently. When he pulls away, he presses his forehead to mine. “And no matter what happened today or over the past four years, from now on, it’s me and you.” I pull away and look up at him. “Me and you,” he assures me. And for once, I believe it’s possible. “I love you, Becca.”
“I’m sorry we had to cut dinner short,” I tell him.
He chuckles. “No worries, baby. We can go back whenever you want.”
JAYCENT
I lie in Becca’s bed, staring up at her ceiling. She lies naked and sleeping beside me. That yellow comforter still wadded up in her corner. She had some kind of breakdown earlier, and I’m not sure if it was good or bad. My mom once told me at times it was necessary to sit down and have a good cry—it cleansed your soul. My father said crying was for the weak. I never knew which one was more accurate until tonight.
She needed to let some things out. To just be held as she cried. And I think it was therapeutic for her. Afterward, she looked up and told me she loved me. Those words were a high better than anything any street dealer could sell me. It’s been a few hours since we made love, and I still haven’t come down.
But there’s still the fact Conner showed up again. What do I do with him? Do I go to her mom? Do I tell her that I think she’s a fucking bitch and that I know she is paying him? Or go to her father? Can either one really help me? Her protection is my number one priority at the moment. And Ashlyn’s too.
I roll over onto my side and pull her to me. She lets out a sigh as she snuggles into me, and I kiss her head. “Good night, Becca. I love you,” I whisper to her even though I know she’s already out. I just like the way it sounds when I say it.
**
My body is shaken, and I shove whoever the intruder is away. I’m not ready to wake up.
“Jaycent?” I hear my name and then feel two small hands on my bare shoulders. “Jaycent?”
“Hmm?” I mumble, turning away from it. The warm and soft pillow enveloping my head.
“Jaycent,” she snaps, and then I’m slapped hard on the face.
“What?” I ask sitting up quickly.
Becca straddles me, her green eyes wide and full of panic. “What’s wrong, babe?” I slur sheepishly, looking around her room as the light from outside her windows shines in. Things start to clear the longer my eyes are open. Is he back? Did Conner try to hurt her? I grab her bare shoulders and run my hands up and down her arms. “You okay?” I ask in a rush, finally awake.
She slaps her hand over my lips and lifts her free hand to place a finger over her lips. “Ryder is in the apartment,” she whispers.
I listen quietly and hear his voice followed by Ashlyn’s from what sounds like the kitchen. “Babe ...” Her hand tightens on my face. I shove it away and grab her upper arms, tossing her off me and onto her back. I straddle her this time.
She narrows her eyes up at me. “He’ll hear us in here.”
I give her a sly smile as I look down at her. “Jayce ...” I love it when she calls me Jayce. No one ever has. It’s her nickname for me. When she was younger and trying to learn how to say my name, she pronounced it Yace. And the older she got, the more it started to sound like Jayce. It stuck. And I’ve never loved a name more. Besides her name, of course.
“Shh,” I tell her as I place my hands on her small ribcage. Her eyes widen as she places her hands around my wrists, trying to pry them off.
“Don’t you dare,” she warns.
“What?” I dig my fingers into her ribs.
She squirms and kicks her feet underneath me. “Stop it, Jayce. If he hears us, I’m gonna be so pissed at you,” she whispers harshly.
I can’t help but laugh at her hard tone. This is the woman I’ve always wanted her to be. Feisty. Something more than a woman who was constantly beaten down by a man supposed to love her. “What are you gonna do?” I ask, arching a brow.
“I won’t give you sex for a week,” she says, lifting her chin.
I laugh harder, and she’s frantic to place her hand over my mouth again, but I pull my head back to where she can’t reach it. “I’m gonna call your bluff.” I dig my fingers in deeper and tickle her like I used to when we were little.
She squeals loudly and then places her hands over her own mouth as she tries to get out from underneath me. I can’t help the smile on my face, and the hardening of my cock as her perfect tits bounce from her thrashing around.
I suddenly stop to give her a second to catch her breath. Her dark brown hair covers her face, and her chest rises and falls quickly as she sucks in breath after breath. “You ... are ...” She swallows. “So dead,” she finishes.
“Then I’d better make it worth it,” I say and start doing it again.
“I’m gonna pee my pants.” She gasps.
I stop and place my hands on either side of her face, and before she can even suck in another breath, my lips are on hers. I kiss her deeply. My tongue stroking hers, and this time when she shifts underneath me, it’s not to get away but to pull me closer.
When I pull away, I smile down at her. “That’s what I wanted to see.”
“What?” she asks, taking a deep breath.
I run my thumb over her wet bottom lip. “That smile.”
“You’ve always made me smile,” she whispers, and it warms my heart that I am able to do that for her. Then she gets serious. “You’re still in trouble.”
“Still wanna cut me off for a week?” I ask, grinding my hips against hers. She lets out a moan and pulls my head down to hers.
“Mayb
e next week.”
I laugh as my lips find hers.
**
We stand side by side at the double sinks in her bathroom, getting ready and no longer having to be quiet. While we were having sex, we heard the front door close, alerting us to Ashlyn and Ryder leaving. She insisted for me to stop so she could go check. When I told her no, she reminded me that if they were gone, we could be louder. I let her get up the next second, and sure enough, she went out and checked just to be sure, and we were in the clear. And we were everything but quiet.
“What are your plans for today?” she asks, placing her toothbrush in her drawer.
“I have a meeting this morning in the office, and then I gotta meet a team of men on-site for a project I’m working on with your dad. They informed us yesterday of a problem.”
“Do you still enjoy what you do?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.
“Yes.” I rinse my mouth out and then grab a towel to wipe it off. “Why?”
She shrugs. “Just curious.”
I have always wanted to be an architect for as long as I could remember. I remember being a kid, and my father taking me to work with him. I was so amazed that my father had designed something so big and strong, and I wanted to do the same. It was never even a question of what I was going to do for a career.
“Do you ever see your sister?” she asks.
“Not as often as I’d like,” I admit. “She keeps herself busier than I do.” My sister and I were always close, just like Ryder and Becca, but after we had lost our mother, she was never the same. She buries herself in her work. She’s like a male version of Ryder. As far as I know, she doesn’t even date.
“Ryder got me and Ashlyn a spa day at her salon for next weekend. The day of his party.”
“He did? That was nice of him.”
She nods and laughs. “He was just sucking up to Ashlyn and didn’t wanna leave me out.”
“I’m sure that’s not the case, but she will be happy to see you.”
She looks down at her hands as she pretends to inspect her already clean and manicured nails and speaks softly. “Have you told her about us?
Myself (Selfish Series, #2) Page 14
