WHITE FEATHERS
Susan Lanigan
‘Pray that you will not be put to the test.’
Matthew 26:41
Contents
Title Page
Epigraph
Prologue
I The Legacy
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
II The Decision
12
13
14
15
16
17
III Oblivion
18
19
20
21
IV War
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
V Singing It Straight
33
34
35
36
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Copyright
Other Books
Prologue
May 1917
The train pulled out of Eastbourne just after five. Although it was early in the evening, the sun was already turning a fiery gold, bathing the passengers in warm light until they squinted and fell silent, like insects trapped in amber, war-weary and speechless. Men returning to the front after being patched up in Summerdown Military Hospital gathered in the corridors by the half-open windows, while in one compartment, a young woman sat in the sun’s direct line, letting herself become washed in the glow until she seemed as bronze as the light. She wore a simple violet calico dress and hummed a phrase from a Mozart operetta, over and over again. But she looked tired. Her body had been through a lot.
Her companion opposite stayed in shadow, for a story had been told, a story that needed an answer, for better or worse. But the woman in the light was taking her time: there was no hurry, for the story’s first words still echoed between them.
It was my fault.
I
The Legacy
1
1 September 1913
Until the ticket collector arrived, the two women occupying the second compartment of the fifth carriage on the two o’clock train from London Bridge to Brighton had not said a word to each other. Mrs Michael Stewart, the older of the two by several decades and dressed in black, the excrescence of crêpe and tulle partly hiding the cracks on her gloves, had no book or newspaper or pastime to amuse her but stared straight ahead with the grim face of the chaperone on duty. Nothing stirred her, nothing interested her. Her widow’s weeds were not recently acquired, yet she had lost interest in life long before she had qualified for their use.
By contrast, the younger of the two, Miss Eva Downey, sat close by the window, so close that her breath nearly grimed the glass. She squirmed on the soft upholstery of the seats and tweaked at the velveteen curtains. Sometimes she sat back and clasped the small medallion she wore around her neck. On other occasions she consulted her Bradshaw’s Railway Guide, her other books being in the valise stowed above their heads.
Of this behaviour, Mrs Stewart indicated her disapproval though a series of tuts and sniffs, all of which Eva ignored. She was seventeen years of age, with hair the colour of straw that had not seen sun, wide-apart grey-blue eyes and a carriage that was a good half stone too heavy for the stricter kind of corset. And up until the moment the line turned towards the coast and showed the wide expanse of sea glowing in the severe autumn sun, she had never seen the English coastline, nor had she ever been on a train, apart from the Tube.
Her stepmother, Catherine, had admonished her, ‘’Twas gettin’ on the Tube that night brought it on yourself in the first place. I’m glad Mrs Michael’s keepin’ an eye on ye.’ Eva, feeling the familiar residual ache in her arm and remembering all too well what she had brought upon herself, had made no reply, merely turning away in disgust.
Mrs Stewart was a friend of Catherine’s. Or, at least, they had known each other, back in Ireland. In London, Catherine Downey paid few calls; even after eleven years of marriage, her status was too uncertain for her to risk it. So of all the women in London she could have called on for the task of escorting Eva to her destination, only Mrs Stewart was at her disposal, for Mrs Downey could not, she declared, be expected to carry out the disagreeable duty herself. Why, the … the injustice of seeing off her stepdaughter to some fancy school when her own dear Grace had to stay at home! Every time the subject was broached, she became so impassioned that she lost her senses and it became necessary to administer sal volatile to revive her. In her stead, Mrs Stewart had agreed to accompany Eva from the top step of the Downeys’ three-storey terrace in 35 Wellclose Square, East London, to the station at Eastbourne, where Eva would be handed over, like a package of goods, to Miss Caroline Hedges, headmistress of The Links School for Young Ladies.
Mrs Stewart was not a pleasant companion: she smelt of mothballs combined with something malformed and rotting deep within the gut. But, regardless, Eva felt only joy. She flourished her ticket at the collector, who stamped it with a smile. It was a single. She wasn’t going back any time soon, thank God.
‘Eastbourne, eh?’ he enquired. ‘Well, it’s nice to see a lady as happy as you are. What business brings you there?’
Mrs Stewart immediately cut in. ‘You’re not to answer him.’ To the conductor she declared, ‘This girl’s family is respectable. She doesn’t talk to strange men.’
‘He is the ticket collector,’ Eva said, her voice like a bucket of iced water. ‘It is his job to ask people where they are going.’
‘And it’s my job to make sure you behave yourself,’ Mrs Stewart responded, rather more sharply than seemed merited.
The conductor, obviously perturbed, backed away. He was nearly out the door when Eva called after him. ‘Sir, wait, please. I shan’t leave your question unanswered. There is a school near Eastbourne, called The Links. I am going to attend it for a year.’ She broke into a broad smile.
‘The Links! Isn’t that the fine school for young ladies? I’ve heard it’s very fancy indeed. You must be quite the lady yourself to be going there, miss.’ His forehead creased with the beginnings of doubt. She did not look quite right. While she was acceptably dressed, in a simple ivory habit-like dress that looked like a school uniform, she was hatless, her hair hanging limply by her sides in a thick, rather shapeless cut. She was no Lady Lavery, that was for sure. But the conductor had heard tell that the school cost north of seventy pounds a year. One had to be seriously moneyed to put that amount aside.
Eva shook her head, laughing. ‘Oh, no, not I. I’m hoi polloi, I’m afraid. No, I was very kindly bequeathed a legacy by Lady Elizabeth Jenkins for this specific purpose. I met her at a—’ But there, Eva bit her lip and stopped.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ Mrs Stewart snapped. ‘Don’t be telling him of your disgraceful behaviour, or he won’t be so nice to you any more. You should have stayed home and married Mr Cronin, like you were told to.’
‘I’m sorry, miss,’ the conductor said, nodding at Eva. ‘I seem to have embarrassed your mother.’
Silence fell for a few heartbeats, a few clackety-clacks as the wheels passed over the gaps in the rails. When Eva eventually replied, it was with a quiet viciousness that was clearly audible against the rush of wind and the noise of the train on the tracks. ‘She’s not my mother, nor is the woman who sent her. My mother died when I was five years old, and there’s not a woman alive fit to take her place.’ And with that the smile left her face, she opened her Railway Guide and remained every
bit as still and cold for the rest of the journey as the miserable, fossilised creature sitting opposite her.
A month ago, she would never have dreamed she would be making this journey. That day, she had been called down to the parlour and introduced to a stranger, a solicitor called Mr Phelps, who had called especially to see her. The parlour fronted onto the square, which was in a rather shabby part of town, so the curtains were often drawn to conceal the modesty of the neighbourhood; Mr Phelps seemed to be enveloped in a kind of half-gloaming.
Papa had been present, of course, as had the rest of the family, when that gentleman with the overlong trousers and florid delivery informed them that in gratitude for her work for The New Feminist, Lady Elizabeth Jenkins had bequeathed Miss Eva Downey the sum of seventy-five pounds for the express purpose of finishing her education. There had been a pause, which Mr Phelps, who looked too grand for the room, had allowed to lengthen beyond the point of embarrassment before saying, pointedly, ‘Any questions?’
Eva’s sister, Imelda, had embraced her while Catherine stood there with a face like a gate. Since the discovery of what Mrs Stewart called her ‘disgraceful behaviour’ two years ago, Eva’s relationship with her father’s wife had deteriorated from mutual distrust to open warfare. Catherine had done no more than live down to all expectations.
Grace’s reaction, however, had been somewhat different. At the time, Eva’s stepsister merely greeted her news with a shrug and the blood-red smirk that habitually animated her pale, lovely, suspicious face. But a few weeks later, in August, while reading Woman’s Weekly on the sofa in the parlour, Eva had felt two hands suddenly settle on her shoulders. She had jumped. ‘Grace! What do you want?’
‘Stand up.’
Eva was too surprised to disobey.
‘Now. I am going to stand behind you. Like this. And I want you to fall backwards so I can catch you. I need you to trust me. Just for this moment.’ No doubt Grace saw Eva’s shoulders stiffen, because she quickly added, ‘You’re leaving now, you’ve chosen your school, and we haven’t really had much of a talk, have we? About what will happen when you go?’
‘No.’ Eva clenched her fist to her chest.
‘The world is not a friendly place for people like us. We have to be careful not to let the mask slip. When we’re excited, our Irish accents can come out. We’re judged for that.’
Still Eva kept taut, lifting her chin slightly.
‘You needn’t shut me out, Eva. Just this once, let yourself be helped.’
There was something mesmerising about her voice. Eva let herself lean backwards.
‘Further. Trust me.’
Eva leaned back further – and fell, hitting the floor with a thump on the tailbone. She exclaimed with pain, looked up and saw Grace glaring down, as if Eva had caused her offence.
‘Let that be your first lesson. Never trust anybody.’
Eva gaped at her. Grace returned her astonishment with an elegant little moue. ‘All right, so I tricked you. Don’t be childish about it; those society girls aren’t going to be any nicer. At least you now know what to expect.’
Slowly Eva rose from the floor. Her lower back was screaming. She was about to tell Grace exactly what she thought of her, but Grace held up a hand.
‘The trouble with you, Eva, is that you’re too reckless. And you know what happened the last time.’ Without waiting for a reply, she exited the room with the same tight elegance with which she had entered it.
The memory of Grace’s last salvo faded into the imperious hoot of the train as it pulled into Eastbourne station. Eva wasted no time in gathering her things and left the train without saying goodbye to her chaperone or even looking around to see where she might go. She was glad to be well shot of Mrs Stewart.
‘Eva Downey?’
She turned to find herself face to face with an attractive, red-headed woman somewhere in her early forties. She wore a perfume Eva recognised, for Grace had the same one: a new variety called April Violets.
‘Caroline Hedges. I trust you had an easy journey?’ Without waiting for an answer, the woman held out her hand; her grip on Eva’s fingers was soft but firm. The porter came from behind with Eva’s bag. Miss Hedges made a gesture to him indicating ‘outside’ and said to Eva, ‘Follow me.’
They made their way through the sunlit pavilion and out onto the street. The station entrance curved around a junction and at the far side a little clock tower chimed a quarter to five. Not far away, perhaps a mile off at most, Eva could sense the presence of the sea, could smell it in the air. Her anticipation only gathered pace when Miss Hedges stopped beside a small red motor car with a canopy and three wheels and indicated to the porter to bring Eva’s suitcase separately; small though it was, it was still too big to fit into the space behind the seat. She leaned into the driver’s seat and fetched a red checked scarf and motor hat from her glove compartment, beckoning Eva into the passenger seat as she fastened the scarf around her chin. Eva noticed that it smelled of April Violets too. Then she dragged the hat down on top of the scarf and dashed around to the rear to crank up the engine while Eva sat watching her, enthralled at the sight of a woman working a car, driving on the road.
‘Oh, that’s nothing,’ Miss Hedges laughed, when Eva commented on her driving. ‘We can do anything we want! I do encourage my pupils to bear that in mind. There is more than one way of finishing one’s education these days. Did you know we teach mathematics? We are one of the only finishing schools in the country to do that.’ Eva made a sound that was meant to convey polite admiration. ‘Well, I’m glad you’re sensible anyway. No retinue. You could nearly have fitted that case into the back of this little Carette. I thought when I saw that woman on the train with you—’
‘Mrs Stewart?’ Eva shuddered. ‘She’s my stepmother’s friend.’
‘So many of my girls think I’m going to put up their maids! It frightens me sometimes, to see them so ill equipped for life.’
Eva wanted to laugh. A maid? Her?
‘It’s hard,’ Miss Hedges continued, shouting over the wind, ‘to reconcile this sort of education with proper feminist principles. We do try to arrange alternatives for our less fortunate girls, who might not have the opportunity to marry.’
Oh, Eva thought, she means me.
‘A decent career … teaching perhaps. Never did me any harm. Anyway, you’ve had the good fortune of enjoying this little trip,’ Miss Hedges shouted, as the wind began to get up, ‘since none of the other girls come in on the train. They all have private transport, so they’ll be along later.’
Whereas I took the train because I’m poor.
As they left town, Miss Hedges accelerated along the country lanes. It was a bright evening after rain. Droplets on the windshield shone as the yellowing sun hit them, and trees whispered in the wind as they speeded past. Miss Hedges’ hair blew out of her hat and scarf, while her attempts to make conversation were largely defeated by the rushing air and the noise of the engine behind them. Eva was too spellbound to speak much anyway. She allowed herself to feel the wind brushing past her cheek with an almost ecstatic pleasure.
They reached the school half an hour later. It was up a short, twisting driveway, a rather grand, white, two-storey house with a stern portico and a lawn out front that stretched for a good half an acre. Beyond that, a row of trees half concealed some sports pitches. On the far side, Eva could make out a whitewashed stone building, of the same height as the original house but longer, with its own entrance. This, Miss Hedges explained, contained dormitories and servants’ quarters; beyond that were stables and outhouse buildings. These had been converted to classrooms; equitation was included on the curriculum but conducted off the premises.
‘I bought the whole thing for a song back in 1907. It was a tumbledown wreck at the time. Some sort of artists’ colony.’ She did not say where she got the money from, and Eva knew better than to ask; she was already aware of being in a different world. In the six years of its operation, the h
eadmistress continued, The Links could boast many distinguished former pupils in spite of its modest size and unpretentious rooms. And here am I, Eva thought, a parvenue Irish girl with barely a spare penny to her name.
A man came out onto the gravel driveway: Miss Hedges instructed him to take the car around the back, while she and Eva went inside. The hall was narrow and dark, with a limestone-tiled floor painted green and white, a colour scheme continued in the striped wallpaper. Eva guessed this was Miss Hedges’ private quarters. Straight ahead, a small series of steps led down to the kitchen. On Eva’s left was a row of coats on hooks. She reached out to touch one, a grey gabardine, brushing it ever so lightly with her fingertips. It released a smell of geraniums into the air. Her own coat, heavy on her shoulders, felt malodorous and shapeless in comparison.
‘Miss Downey!’ Miss Hedges called out.
Eva guiltily dropped her hand and went into the kitchen. A supper of thickly sliced bread with cheese and dripping was waiting for her, along with a mug of tea. Opposite, a place was set for Miss Hedges, with some cold meats and a small glass of white wine.
‘Elderflower,’ Miss Hedges said. ‘From our gardens. Would you like to try some?’
‘Oh, no, ma’am. I don’t drink,’ Eva answered, flustered.
‘Oh, I think a sip just this once should be fine.’ She extended the glass, and Eva took a cautious sip – then recoiled, the sharp taste jangling on her tongue and down her neck like a twisting corkscrew.
Miss Hedges took the glass away from her and smiled. ‘Ah yes. Perhaps you are not quite ready to taste the sweetness of wine.’ She finished the glass off herself with surprising speed. ‘So, Eva Downey,’ she said, when it was drained and set firmly back on the table, ‘why here?’
The question caught Eva off guard. ‘It was, er, on a list Lady Elizabeth Jenkins included in her will. She said you had a thorough understanding of the grounding needed for a modern woman. Lady Elizabeth was the one who—’
White Feathers Page 1
