I stand fully and turn to face him. He's standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "I want to know what your intentions are with her if you were to get her back." I blurt out. There is no reason to beat around the bush. I came here for one reason and one reason only.
"What's it to you?" The prick is really starting to get on my nerves. I'm so fucking sick of his attitude. He's not the only one with something to lose. I get that he has to act cocky to ensure his balls are still there, but at some point you grow up and realize that real men don't act like that. He needs to step over the line from the boy in high school to the family man, because that's what he's going to have to be for her and for Bryce.
"Because I fucking love her, that's what it is to me. I'm not giving her up if you're going to hurt her at any point in this lifetime!" My blood is starting to boil and I'm pushing my fingers in his chest. I'm sure it's a little of my broken heart taking it out on everyone else.
He stands there staring daggers at me, then looks down at my hand before I remove it. If he wants to get mad I welcome it. She's my priority, not him. I will not watch her exist like she was when I left ever again.
I'm already mad. I might as well get out everything I came here to say. "You think you're the only one that could take care of her, love her, and protect her? Well, I hate to burst your little bubble, but you're not. You may not like me and that's fine. Rightly, I don't give a shit, but dammit, you're the one she wants. I know I can support her and Bryce. I know I can love her and only her for the rest of my life. I know I could raise him as if he were my own blood, because I already feel like he is. I know I can protect her from being hurt physically..."
My eyes are starting to sting. I'm beginning to wither and fucking die inside. I wasn't emotionally prepared for this like I thought I was. They fill, blurring my direct line of vision from me to him. My brown lashes feel damp as they touch with each blink. My voice comes out strained. "But I can't protect her emotionally. I can't protect what isn't mine. Dammit, the truth is, her heart belongs to you. Do I understand why? Hell no, but it is what it is, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've lived in denial over it since I made my move to make her mine, but I was too late. I was always selfish before and I wish to God I could be now, because if I was I could hold onto her, but I can't spend another day watching her deteriorate emotionally like she did yesterday. I’m not a monster."
I take a moment to gather my thoughts. His face softens a little from arrogance to relief, an emotion I wish I could wear right now instead of hurt and heartache. I bore my eyes into his. I want to make myself very clear. "So I'm going to ask you again. What are your intentions? Is getting her back some kind of attempt to prove your manhood, or are you completely and irrevocably in love with her? If you can't give me the assurance I need, then maybe I was a fool for coming here and you don't deserve her. Her heart is the purest of pure and she deserves the best. One way or another, she's going to get it. The only way I can live the rest of my life without her by my side is to know that she is going to live a life full of highs instead of lows, and because I love her, I'm going to free her from her promise to me. I'm going to walk away, but not a damn second before you answer my questions so that I'll know I'm making the right decision."
He relaxes his stance once I step off my soapbox and rubs his hands over his face. I can hear him breathing, but he remains quiet. When he looks at me this time there is something in his eyes that has never been present when looking at me before: respect. "You really do love her, don't you?" His voice saddens at the question. He knows the answer. I don't have to confirm it, but I will.
"With every cell in my body. My heart will be destroyed when this ends, but it's a consequence I'm willing to take if it means hers will heal. She's been through enough sadness. It's time for her to be happy for a while." I can already feel my control on my emotions being revoked.
"Preston, this is a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. The kind of heartache that is caused when you fall in love with a girl, and then lose her, is the worst pain known in existence. You have no idea how much I respect you as a man for coming here, for talking to me face to face when I know your pride doesn't welcome it, and for willingly bowing out when I can see it's about to kill you. I wish I had that kind of strength, but I don't. I've wanted her since the day I met her and it's only increased since. My heart and soul won't allow me to let her go. To answer your question, my intentions are forever. The only way I can live is with her by my side."
That's a good start, but that doesn't pay the bills. "Where are you going to live, Breyson? How are you going to feed the three of you? Have you thought of those things? She's not in a place mentally or physically to work right now, and to be honest, she shouldn't have to. She should be caring for an infant and going to school if that's what she wants, but you're going to have to sacrifice the things you want and provide for them; that’s what a man does. I'm not trying to offend or downgrade you as a man, but I've finished college and have a well paying job. I can provide for them. I just need to know that if I transfer their care to you, you can handle it."
"I have plenty of money invested, Preston. I just have to withdraw it. I was planning to start the process today. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of her. I'll figure out a living arrangement as soon as I work out the finances. I have means to work until I find something more permanent, but I should be well set if it takes a while. I would never let her go without, either of them." He walks to the back of the couch beside me and lays his fisted knuckles on top of it. Turning his head to the side to face me, he continues. "Are you really going to let her go without a fight?"
I'm leaning against the couch, my butt pressed to it. I look at him. I may be willing to let her go, but he also needs to know what he's up against should she decide to stay. "I am. There is only one exception. There is one way you won't get her back. Should that happen, you have to let her go, let her live. Are you prepared to do so?"
His jaw begins to twitch. I know he don't like the thought, but neither do I. "What's your exception?" He holds up his fingers in quotation marks.
"Should she choose to stay, I'm not going to make her leave. I'm only giving her an out, free of guilt, if she wants it. Neither of us can make the choice for her. Her free will should remain intact no matter what either of us wants." He needs to understand we aren't kids anymore. We aren't competing over a toy, but a person. The heart of another should be handled with care.
He stands there for a moment, zoned into his own head. He looks like he's processing everything I've said. "Yeah, okay. Fine. If she chooses to stay I'll leave her alone, but I can't forget I have a son. I will be in his life if I have to move to California to do so."
Now that we have all of that out of the way and he's brought up the living situation, we have one more issue to address, one more thing to lay on the table. "Are you willing to stay in California if that's where she wants to live? I bought her a studio to start a cheerleading company. It's hers. I don't want it back."
He begins rubbing the top of his hair. I can be an overwhelming guy at times, but usually over things important to me. "If I buy you out, what do you want for it?"
"I don't want your money. It was a gift. I don't take back things that were gifts, regardless of who she chooses. She is free to do with it as she pleases, even if she moves back here with you. There is only one thing I want from you. I'm asking you man to man, person to person, because it's something that I can't have without you being open to it." I'm usually more of a demanding my way type guy, because I don't have problems getting what I want, but this is something that I have to respect him on. Now that I'm here, I could imagine how I would feel if the situation were reversed.
"What is it? I'm not going to agree until I know what it is." I assumed that would be his response, because it's what I would have said. We're more alike than I care to admit aloud.
"I still want to be a part of their lives, especially Bryce. It'll take a while before I can re
ally control my feelings enough to be around Kinzleigh and see you two together, but we were friends before this and friends I want to remain. If she's with you I will never cross that line. There is a history with us as well as our families. It's really best if we're on good terms." He pushes off the sofa and walks backwards.
I can tell he wants to scream, but he refrains. His jaw is working overtime and he is pacing back and forth with his hands interlaced on top of his head. He begins mumbling to himself. I remain calm. What I'm asking for is worth it to me to be a man about the whole situation. He finally stops. "I need you to answer one question before I actually consider this."
"I'm listening."
"I get it with Kinzleigh, but why Bryce? He's not yours. If you aren't with her then why would you want to be involved? Wouldn't you rather be free from something that would tie you down like a child? It's not one of those things you can go back and forth on. Kids don't understand if you just come and go. They get attached. Are you trying to replace me by getting close to him in hopes Kinzleigh will come back to you?" Now, I'm just insulted. I've been more than logical and understanding about everything that I do, including this.
Actually, it pisses me off somewhat, considering he was of the same caliber of male in the Pre-Kinzleigh period. A man-whore is what we both were. There is no reason to deny it. It was a part of who we were before we gave it up for sappy lovesick shit. Besides, I have a younger sister. I remember how she was when we were younger. Paxtyn was glued to Presley and I both. We were her heroes, even though she's only a few years younger than Presley.
"Nice. You really want to hit below the belt with assumptions like you know me? I've been nothing but respectful towards you since you showed up at our hotel room. The truth is I've been in his life longer than you if you want to get technical. You may consider me an asshole for bringing up things you couldn't control, but there it is." I'm not trying to be a dick, but I don't like when people insult or downgrade me based on who I was before, or who they think I am. He's no better than me. He could have left it at why.
The best method to avoid doubt and confusion is full disclosure. "I get that he isn't mine biologically, but that doesn't mean I wasn't there when you couldn't be. I was the one that felt him move when she was pregnant. I was the one that spent hours outside of work learning how to prepare for a baby. I was the one that has financially supported him to this point. I was the one that came home from work from the time he was born and took care of him to give Kinzleigh a break, even if only a few days."
He is standing still in front of me. His eyes look like they on the verge of spilling with tears. Right now we are in a mutual no judgment zone. I feel like an asshole, but I'm simply trying to prove I'm not an evil person. People change. I am not trying to plot against him. If I were interested in anything other than their wellbeing, I wouldn't be here talking to him.
I lower my tone. Fuck, I feel like such a prick right now. "Whether it's been days, months, or years, I've grown attached to him. I love him as if he were my own. I'm just trying to make you understand that I want a relationship with him as much as you. You are his father, I get that, and I will never overstep my boundary or try to replace you. You can tell him I'm his uncle, or whatever the hell you want. It's your call. I'm just asking you to let me be a part of his life. I'm giving up the girl I'm in love with, because she loved you first. I'm only asking that you not make me completely give him up as well."
He's staring off at the wall behind me, lost in thought. I have no idea what he's thinking or what he's going to say. "This is so fucked up," he mumbles underneath his breath. He looks at me. "On my terms? No barging in and trying to control everything with your power plays, right?"
I hold up my right hand. "You have my word. That means everything in my family."
He takes a deep breath. "Fine, but the first time you try the drop in game, you're out. I'll get over our issues and consider you family for Kinzleigh and Bryce. I'll even try to set aside my jealousy of knowing you've been with her in a way I wish you hadn't, but you better fucking remember that family is for life. You want to be family you stay around for the long haul. Don't hurt our family."
I nod and look down at my watch. If I'm going to try and get back before Kinzleigh notices I'm gone, then I need to get going. I would rather explain everything once D-day arrives and he's ready to collect. I begin walking forward, towards the door. There is something I need to make very clear.
I stop next to him, our shoulders touching each other, but facing different directions. "If I had any intentions on hurting either of them I would've deleted your call from the call history when I answered the phone and never discussed you again, but instead I'm here, sacrificing my wants to make her happy. Make sure you practice what you preach, because I'll always be waiting incase you fuck up. Know their value. Second chances only come around once in a lifetime. If you hurt them, I will recover what I set free."
I'm not trying to cause any more problems, but everything needs to be laid out in the open. Excuses and ignorance can be costly, and most of the times are. Nothing but silence momentarily fills the air. "What time should I expect you?"
"Tomorrow or maybe later today. It depends. I need to take care of a few things that can't wait." I nod and continue walking my path to the door. Grabbing the knob, I turn and pull it open. "Preston?"
"Yeah," I say, but never look back.
"How is she? How is Bryce? I just want to be prepared." There is no way to prepare oneself for the image he's about to see.
I close my eyes and try to breathe through the pain of what it looked like seeing her like that. There are no words that can properly describe the way it feels. "Bryce is fine. Kinzleigh...well, she's going to need some TLC. Envision her like a classic car. When you're looking at a rusty body and an engine that doesn't run right, it doesn't stop you from investing time and money, because you remember the way she looked brand new, and how she'll be even more beautiful when she's restored."
"She's really that bad," he asks as I take a step out the door.
"I wouldn't waste any time if I were you. We'll be waiting." I continue outward, shutting the door behind me. I did what I came to do. I just need to keep my game face on for a little while longer and then I can lock all of this away inside my own safe, never to be opened again. The worst part is yet to come, the part where I let her go. When she leaves with him, and when she takes Bryce, everything in my world will come crashing down.
Breyson
I'm in complete shock over what just happened. Is this real or is this a dream? I slap my face a few times. The sting that registers after each hit tells me that it is very much real. My heart begins to race. No later than tomorrow she could be on her way home where she belongs. She may have been born in California, but she's a southern girl at heart.
I can't help the excitement that is coursing through my veins. It's hard not to worry this is a set up, but he seemed genuine enough. If it were, it would never happen again when he witnessed the wrath that would come. I don't allow people to partake in trickery. The only worry that I still have is her refusing to give in. I have to believe that she has learned by now we are meant to be together. There is no reason to fight it.
Kinzleigh is also the most stubborn person I know. She chose him once. Will she do it again? It's plain and simple. I'll just have to make her see it my way. The option to fail does not exist. She can't possibly turn me away. He said himself that she isn't well. That thought becomes poison in my mind. I don't like the thought of her being ill, especially because we aren't together. If this doesn't prove that us being apart is wrong, then I don't know what will.
It can’t be past four in the morning. There is no way I can go back to sleep right now. What am I suppose to do until I talk to Braxton about his meeting with Pops? He’s probably sleeping in his dorm right now. I can't just sit here twiddling my fucking thumbs when I have so much to do today. I have to figure out finances and living arrangements before packing a bag
for California. The thought of getting on a plane still leaves me queasy, but bringing them home is the most important thing and that's what keeps me going.
At the rate I'm pacing across the floor I'm sure to leave a wear pattern in the rug. Screw this; I can't wait any longer. Pops is always up early to get started working at daylight. The drive will fill some of the time. Braxton promised he would make him aware that I was alive and home. I'm going to talk to him. I need to start getting everything worked out, so I will have everything ready when I return with them. No matter what, they will come back with me. That, or I remain there. I will not go another day without them in my life.
Rushing back to the bedroom area, I make my way to the closet that holds extra clothes for my brothers and I. We all wear the same size, so we keep this area stocked with clothes we may need. It keeps us from having to go in the house, especially if we don't want to wake Mom and Dad. From the bottom hanger I remove a pair of faded jeans and switch them out with the sweatpants I'm currently wearing. The first shirt I notice is the one I grab from the bar on top: a black polo. Quickly, I pull it over my head until it covers my undershirt.
Last, but not least, I slide on a pair of shoes that lie at the bottom of the closet. One thing I didn't consider: no wallet. I had to get a temporary ID in California to be able to get on the plane with Ryland, but I don't remember what I did with it.
How am I going to withdraw any funds without a photo ID? I guess I'll have to go get a new one, yet again. My to-do list is growing at a rapid rate. Pops has access to withdraw from my investment accounts since he's the one that helped me set them up years ago when I was a minor, but I have to have Mom or Dad to transfer or withdraw from my trust fund since they started it. Without them I only have access to partial withdrawals until I'm twenty-one.
Lasting Fate Page 6
