"Breyson, what are you doing here?" I'm trying to sound strong, but my voice is being treacherous.
"I came to take you home where you belong." He remains standing where he is, waiting for a response.
"What makes you think I want to go back? I told you I chose. You're better off without me." My voice cracks as the words exit. My heart doesn't want to say them, but my mind is steering my tongue.
"I call bullshit. Stop fighting us, Kinz. You know we're meant to be together. One way or the other we will be together, dead or alive." He inches forward, slowly, as if I'm an abused, abandoned animal, and scared I'll run away. Maybe I'm tired of running.
I release a long, steady breath, relaxing some of the tension I've been carrying since February. I'm exhausted from burdens I've been bearing in his absence. "You don't want to be with someone like me. I'm different. I can't even be a good mother to our baby, Breyson. I've barely even held him since he's been born."
Tears are soaking my face. He sits down beside me, wraps his arm around my waist from behind, and scoops me into his arms, pulling me to straddle his lap. "I'm not the person you left behind. Something is wrong with me," I whisper and try to look away ashamed.
He turns my face so that I have no choice but to look him in the eyes. Those blue eyes are smoldering, dominating, and unforgettable. They lock on you and you're doomed. You get lost in their depth without even realizing you're hooked. My heart feels like it's soaring just by touching him. "It's because we are supposed to raise him together," he says, brushing my wet hair off of my face.
He swipes his thumb over my bottom lip as he bores into me, reading all of my secrets without my consent. He's the only one that has ever had that capability, the ability to read into my soul just by looking into my eyes. Chill bumps sprout all over my skin with each touch from him.
"Your soul belongs to me, Kinzleigh, as mine does to you. Fate mated them together. If you try to fight what's meant to be, you'll always lose. You're sick, because your soul is yearning for its mate; therefore, it's taking it out on you. The person you are is in here," he says, pointing to where my heart resides below the surface.
"Why should I believe that? That would be too easy."
"It is easy. Why do you keep fighting what God placed together? Didn't your parents teach you that everything happens for a reason, good or bad? How do you feel right now? How does this make you feel?" He touches his lips to mine, and a rush floods through my body.
My body begins heating and a tingling sensation tickles my lips. His tongue slides through the crevice between my lips and brushes against mine. That's all it takes and I'm completely lost in a world I've been locked out of for so long. The metal cuff that has had my heart under lock breaks free. I feel like I'm high, but I haven't consumed any drugs.
My heart has a mind of its own. Without any further ado, my fingers thread through the back of his hair, and I kiss him back. I can't describe the emotions that are taking control of my body. An unexpected moan escapes my lips and I hear a throaty groan in return. In one swift motion he turns me so that my back is lying on the very pier this happened on two summers ago.
My legs instantly wrap around his waist. I want him so badly right now I would allow it right here in the open if I hadn't just given birth to a baby. My tears have changed from sadness to surrender. I want him, I need him, and in this moment I know without a shadow of doubt I can't live without him. I've already tried. I may be a little hesitant to believe soul mates have as much control as he says, but one thing is for sure, and that's the fact that we always end up back together.
He breaks the kiss and the loss of contact burns inside. He wipes the tears in a constant rain down my face. "Say you'll be mine, Kinzleigh. Tell me you'll stop fighting us and come back home where you know you're meant to be. I will do anything to support my family. As long as you're with me I will never let you or our son go without. I will sacrifice anything to provide for the both of you. I've already prepared for a place to stay. I just need to fill it with my family. You are and will always be the love of my life. I don't care what hurdles stand in our way; we can jump them as long as we do it together. I'm enough of a man that I'll beg if that's what you need, but don't make me live without my family anymore. I can't do it, and more importantly, I won't. I've never lied to you and I don't intend to start now."
He rubs his rough hand up my leg and underneath my shirt, baring my stomach. It makes me slightly uncomfortable just having had a baby and not being completely back to my old size, but the fact that he's touching me and my need for it drowns out self-conscious thoughts.
He bends down and kisses beside my belly button and comes back up to ensure I'm looking into his eyes. "I love you, Kinzleigh, with all that I am. You gave me your heart standing behind the field house. When I promised you I would take care of it that meant forever. What happened to me was not your fault. Give me forever; that's all I'm asking."
My heart sends a shooting pain throughout my chest cavity, as if warning me not to make the wrong choice. I'm giving in. I can't deny him anything anymore, not even myself. I tried to walk away from him once; I'm not strong enough to do it twice. If there is some kind of curse on me, then I'll just have to outsmart it. Coexisting in a world together, but apart, is no longer an option. I will die of a broken heart before I can survive without him.
"My heart has always been yours, Breyson, even before I told you so, and I've never taken it back." The floods of emotions pour out, hindering my ability to speak. "I tried to walk away from you, to give you a better life in an attempt to replace what you lost, but it's wearing me down. I'm exhausted. The truth is, the love I feel for you is unexplainable. I can't eat, sleep, or function being apart from you. The only thing left is to give in to my heart's only desire or allow it to destroy me slowly. For as long as you want me, I'll be yours."
He's holding his weight above me. With one free hand he grips my chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting my head slightly, so he can study me as he does when he tells me something important. "Forever with you is what I need, Kinzleigh."
My eyes close at the sound of that word. I've dreamt so many times of hearing it come out of his mouth. I'm not sure in what context he means it right now, but taking into consideration he is not presenting me with a ring, I'm going to assume that he means in more of a metaphorical sense instead of literal. I don't care. I'll take him in whatever way I can have him. "Okay, but under one condition," I whisper, and open my eyes.
For the first time since he left the airport back in February, I feel like my heart is pulling itself together, mending the open wounds that have been bleeding. "Anything, just name it, and it's yours."
"I'll come back and never walk away again as long as you don't give up football. If you sacrifice your dream, I'll sacrifice my heart, and that's a promise." I've never been more serious of anything in my life. I will not let him give up his lifelong dream to provide for us. We can do this together or not at all.
"I can't promise something I have no control over, but I'll try my best. We can sail to our dreams together and that's all that matters. I will always fight for you, for us, and for our family with whatever means necessary. I've never been a quitter. Giving up isn't in my blood." That's the last thing he says before his lips crash to mine.
***
We made out on that pier for well over an hour. I guess you can say we were making up for lost time. Breyson Abercrombie has always been it for me, my man. When you find the person whose soul was carved out to fit your own, it's hard to stay away. I'm done living a life in sadness. I had happiness once, before it was taken from me, and I can already tell I'm on the road to recovery.
There are times that I think life can be cruel by the things that Breyson and I have endured just to end up together, but I have learned a humility that I have never before had. Life is too short to settle for less than what you want. The best piece of advice is to treasure each day with someone, because come tomorrow they could va
nish. Today, I'm starting my forever. I just pray with everything in me this time it lasts...
Chapter 5
Breyson
We waltz into the house Kinzleigh has called home for the past few months. The monstrous size, I'll admit, is a little intimidating. Knowing this lifestyle is what I'm up against is difficult to swallow. I hope she doesn't freak out with financial hardship and run back to Preston. I finally got her back. I almost didn't survive losing her the first time. Losing her a second, I wouldn't have a chance.
I owe Preston everything for putting his pride aside and bowing out, leaving her in my care. It's not something I was prepared to do. I can tell Kinzleigh has a long road ahead of being back to herself, but I'll do everything in my power to bring that girl back to the surface. I know she's hiding in there somewhere.
This is the second time I've been to this house today. The first time was to pick up Kinzleigh, only to be told by Lauren that she ran off to think. From the conversation that Preston and I had I was worried to think of her being on her own. I didn't have anything to give me a hint as to where I should look, so I went with my gut. I know where I would go if I wanted to get away from everything: the place that started it all.
On a whim, I bailed and went to the pier, the first amazing memory we had after the first day I met her. When I saw her at the other end I was terrified. Honestly, I was expecting to have to beg and plead for longer, but based on the way she looked she's worn down. I feel the same way. One thing I've learned is that without question we are meant to be together. If we weren't then we would have both moved on by now. Kinzleigh and I were premeditated and planned for each other before we ever set foot into this world, and of that I'm certain. I believe it just as much as I believe in God.
I shut the massive wooden door as we walk into the entryway, but never let go of her hand. I'd kill to see her smile again the way she used to. I pull her toward me, wrapping her in my arms. "I'm going to bring you back, Kinzleigh. Do you hear me? I'll make you happy again." I kiss her lips softly, cleansing the salty tears from her mouth. I'm sick and fucking tired of seeing her cry. It kills me inside.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I am happy I just don't feel it. It's hard to be hopeful when something always swoops in and tries to rip us apart, Breyson. Do you get that? Why is it so wrong for us to be together?" I feel like I'm being gutted as her voice gets screechy with every sentence.
"Shh, shh, shh. Stop crying." I wipe her face with my thumbs and tilt her head so that I can see deep into her eyes, making the black speckles more noticeable. "I may not can tell you where we'll be in a week, month, or a year, but I can tell you this: I will walk through Hell, barefooted, and ten fold, before I will let anything come between us again. You are my world, Kinzleigh, and you always have been. We will make it, baby. Will you trust me?"
She searches my eyes with her own, her lips quivering. She nods, barely even noticeable, but I can feel it since my hands are holding her cheeks. "The moving truck should be here within the hour. For now, I just need you to pack enough to fly with for you and Bryce. I'll never leave your side again."
I run my fingers along her neck, across her bare shoulders, and down her arms. She is wearing a tank, leaving her chest and arms bare. Her skin is smooth, making me want to remove every stitch of clothing from her body and tangling with her in a bed that is ours, and only ours. I haven't seen that body in so long, but that's about to change.
I take her small hand in mine and lead her into the open family room. As soon as our footsteps begin trampling over the wood Bryce starts to cry. Hearing him cry stirs something inside of me that I can't ignore. That's my son, our son. Lauren stands from the couch, but I hold out my hand, stopping her. "Thank you for everything you've done, but we'll take it from here. This is something we need to do alone."
She nods and turns for the patio doors. "I'll give you two some time alone." Opening them, she exits, leaving us by ourselves.
I look at Kinzleigh. She is staring off, zoned out, as if she can't even hear him crying. She's worse than I thought. I walk towards the staircase in the direction of his cry, pulling her alongside me. "Breyson, maybe I should wait here."
I stop as I place my foot on the first step and turn my head back to look at her. She looks like a terrified pup that was separated from its mother. "No, Kinzleigh. You'll be a great mother. We are going to learn this together. Trust me, yeah?" She nods and I continue up the stairs.
His cry changes from a whine to a piercing scream, causing my heart rate to pick up. The past few nights I've spent dreaming of being able to come to him when he cries. I've been absent from his life more than I want to be. I pick up pace, pulling Kinzleigh along with me. Her short legs start to slip on the stairs and she falls on her shins, but she quickly gathers herself and trudges along after me.
We come to a door marked with the initials BPA hanging on the front in navy lettering. It still seems surreal that we thought of the same first name oceans apart. If I wasn't witnessing everything between us first hand, I'd think I was crazy. I'm just thankful she didn't give him Preston's last name. I don't know if I would've been able to handle it. We may be young, but I come from a family that doesn't tolerate conceiving a child and not providing for it. I had sex with her and helped conceive him, and I want him.
Pushing open the door I walk inside, and as I take in the room I feel like I've been hit at full frontal by a tidal wave. There are things I didn't consider until now, as I briefly take in the room. Preston really was being honest with me.
The whole nursery is done in a nautical theme. I know without a shadow of doubt that this wasn't the work of Kinzleigh, and even though it completely kills me that I didn't get to be the one here for this I can't even be mad at the guy, not anymore anyway. He stood in my place without anyone asking him to when I couldn't. Then, in the same respect, returned her unselfishly.
Only a real man would do something like that, and it's now that I realize how much respect I have for him. Before, I agreed to it, but only now do I whole-heartedly accept what it is he asked me for. If Preston wants to be in my son's life, then that's what he'll get. So far, he's been just as much of a father to Bryce as me. It's not blood that makes you a daddy, but being involved.
We arrive at the crib and I look inside. A little bundle dressed in brown and green is kicking and wailing as he flails his tiny arms straight out above him. The only time I've been able to hold him was that short time at the hospital. My eyes moisten as I take in the small baby I helped create. I silently make a promise to myself that no matter what I have to do or give up, neither of them will ever want for anything.
I reach inside, scooping my hands underneath his head and bottom just like the nurse taught me. I lift him off the mattress and bring him to my chest. He's still crying. I turn around and Kinzleigh is standing by the rocker in the middle of the room, petrified. "Do you think he's hungry?"
She begins biting her nails and shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe."
"How do you feed him?"
She looks away from me, almost as if she's ashamed. I notice her eyes filling with moisture and I walk over to her, attempting to bounce him on my way. "Kinzleigh, look at me."
She does as I ask and I can see the guilt all over her face. She falls into the rocker and places her hands over her face. I squat with him in my arms so that I'm level in height with her and remove her hands from her face with one of mine. "I was nursing him, but the last time I remember trying I looked down at him and all I could see was you. I couldn't do it. I had forgotten until now, but I couldn't feed our own baby, so I let him go hungry. I couldn't look at him or hold him. I just left him crying in a wet diaper with nothing to eat, because he reminded me of what I couldn't have. I couldn't move and my whole body ached. If Preston had not of come home and taken care of him, what could have happened?"
She is now bawling in front of me. "Don't you see what kind of person I've become? I don't deserve him. I put him down and neglected him. If
I can't care for him and don't want to hold him, then I shouldn't have him in my life at all. What's wrong with me?"
They are both crying hysterically. I feel so helpless, but that's not what she needs from me. This is the time to be a man and think like one. It's time to put aside boyhood and step into manhood. "Everyone makes mistakes, Kinzleigh. You've gone through a lot, and I've gone through a lot, therefore, it's only natural that Bryce will experience the debris from some of it. Don't let the decisions of yesterday define who you are today or tomorrow. What's important is that you recognize the problem and fix it."
I kiss the top of Bryce's head and scoot in between Kinzleigh's legs. I grab her chin between my index finger and thumb, pulling her toward me enough that my lips touch hers. "I'm here now. We are back together, so our hearts can begin to heal from our separation. He is ours to take care of and look after. God bestowed this responsibility on us together, equally. Feed our son," I say, and lay him in her arms.
I can feel her shaking. "What if I don't have any milk left? I haven't tried to pump or feed him in over twenty-four hours. I don't know what I'm doing."
"Kinzleigh, just try. We can learn together. There's only one way out: forward. I just need you to take the first step with me. If it doesn't work, then we will figure out the alternative. You chose to feed him this way, so try." I kiss her lips one more time, teasing her a little with my tongue to relax her. I can feel the tension in her body start to dwindle and I release her lips. "I believe in you. I believe in us. We've never been parents before, so we aren't going to be perfect at it. We have to learn. That’s part of growing up."
I look down and Bryce is rooting against her shirt, reflexively looking for food. It's amazing to see the survival instincts that a baby is born with. She is watching him and her breaths are coming out short and quick. I place my hands at the bottom hem of her red tank and begin easing it up her body. She holds him with one hand while I pull the shirt over the opposite and then exchange until all that is left is to remove it over her head completely, and I do.
Lasting Fate Page 9
