He reached over and took her hand in his, "Of course you were. This, what's happened, would have been at some point anyway - she - just made it happen, now."
"What is it about her Ben?"
He smiled, thinking that question over, while he knew why in his head, he couldn't quite put it into words, why. His eyes went back to her, "You're the one taking up sociology, psychology, - you tell me why."
Gail stared into his eyes, thought about all the things she knew about him and then reflected a bit on her, the one he fell for, Crystal. Mother of two, going through a divorce - stopping her thought, she asked, "Tell me, is she - divorced yet?"
"Far as I know, she and her mother would have gone this morning, in fact - she's probably there now, in court. If all went according to plan, yeah - she'll be divorced."
"You'll be glad about that, if it does." She thought out loud.
"Yeah, but - not sure if it'll make any difference - no matter how he - her husband, has hurt her, I get a feeling, she'll continue to love him."
"You're not gonna just - stand on the side lines, waiting for her are you? I mean, you deserve better than that Ben."
"Thanks, I can't believe you can say that after what I've done to you."
"Aih," She waved it off, "I helped you do it. I did some thinking of my own too you know and you're right, I'm taking sociology and psychology, so it was a good exercise for me. I think I just may know, why, her - and, not me - I just wanted to hear it from you first."
"Sorry, can't help you, but I'm willing to hear it, from you, tell me, why do you think, her, and not you, who knows, maybe you can help me, understand myself."
She sat straighter, putting forth the air of confidence she was feeling and said, "You, Benjamin Caesar McPherson, are a white knight, you're a - well - you're a hero."
Ben sat up making faces, "Huh? What? A knight? Hero? That's the last thing I expected to hear."
"Hear me out please." She petitioned seriously.
"Sorry, go ahead."
"Well, after your email, I went through a very deep soul search of myself, trying to understand what is it, that was so wrong with me, that you didn't fall in love with me, but her. And you know what I concluded? What I realized?"
"No, what?"
"That - there is nothing wrong with me, nothing at all. You see, I'm not broken Ben, and men like you - can't find any worthwhile reason to give me, your heart. You can't delve in with me and - well - save me. You Ben, and men like you, can only love a woman, that makes you feel you have a purpose in life. You need, to fix things. You are, Mr. Fixit, a hero, you need to feel that charged atmosphere that surrounds a damsel in distress. Me, my life, my home, my future, my family, it's all as it should be and, that - bores you Ben. It doesn't touch that deep seeded place that hungers to feel the value of rescuing someone, cradling someone, using those big strong arms to support or even, carry her to safety. You see, I don't need that. And it's that reason, I don't stir you. I don't move you, not emotionally - there is nothing about me, that grips your soul. That's why, I was good only for a short period of time, when you were struggling through your identity crisis. Now, because that was all - well let's face it, superficial, you're moving on to the bigger, truer, deeper need. I think I'm right Ben, because - I've looked at your family - even your step-family. Quincy, was a hero, a white knight - and you love Quincy, he rubbed off on you. It wasn't hard to do either, because look at your uncles, your grandfather, it all fits. You're a dominant host of alpha males driven by high doses of testosterone that compels you to reign and lead; part of that, is a need - with all your might, to rescue, save, protect, guard and carry; you need to be alpha males. No, you don't fly, leap over tall buildings, not more powerful than a locomotive - or repel bullets, but - you need an answer to the forces within you, and your women, well - you can only fall for women, who have needs, or - who needs a hero - who bring out your protective and masculine instincts. Otherwise, I don't think either one of you, would know what to do with yourselves. That's why I bored you; that's why all we had, was good sex. You need a challenge like you need air to breathe. And a woman that has it all together, leaves you out in the cold - because she doesn't really, need you. And you know that. Hey, maybe - that's what's wrong with majority of the men in the world, so many of us women, have stood and said, I don't need you - not really need you. I can take care, of myself. And because so many of you know that, you've kind of - lost your place, your strength, your valor - your knighthood." She stopped a moment as what she was saying, suddenly sank into her own mind. "Wow... that's scary - because if that's true, what will that mean for me down the road? Shit." She sat back, her mind in a whirl.
Ben sat as well, thinking about the things she just stated and began wondering if that was so? Because of the look in her eyes, he reached over taking her hand once more. "I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Someone so deep as you, beautiful as you, is bound to find the man, just right for you. I'm just glad, that as for you and I - you understand."
Gail nodded, still in thought to her words, stating, "I can't help but understand, but - I do wonder, why you gambled with her, does she show you any signs that she has feelings for you?"
"I think she does, even though she's asked me to give her time, to - back off a bit." He scratched his head, shrugging, "I do understand her, I know why she wants this time. She wants to be sure, she's such an excellent mother, struggling to get her life in order - she just wants to get it right - and I - well - I want to be there for her, should she ever need me, and doing that - would not be fair to you. I couldn't live any more with leading you on - and even though, that part of our relationship has ended, I would love it, if we could continue on being friends?"
Gail smiled, "You're so cool Ben, you really are - such a good guy. Us not being friends, would hurt far more, than us not being together as we were. And, if she is the one for you Ben, I wish you nothing but the best! You give it your best shot! You win this jousting contest and steady your mighty steed and charge forward with all your might! Knock that other sonofabitch, whoever he is, off on his ass - you show him, this tournament, that damsel ... is yours for the taking. After all, you let go of one helluva a woman for her, you better win."
Ben threw his head back roaring in laughter until tears gathered in his eyes, "Hell, maybe I do love you after all." He joked, still guffawing.
"More than likely you do, but not like you do her. I'm okay with that, I really am - but you, well you're a glutton for punishment I'm thinking; either way, you can handle it. It's just a shame, I can't offer you, the challenges she can."
Ben reached over and hugged her tight, kissing her temple. "You're gonna offer the man for you, plenty of challenges, and make him one helluva wife."
"You bet I will, because now that I've figured it out, I know exactly what I'll have to do to snag the next one." She laughed.
"Oh yeah? Since we're friends now, care to share ideas on how I might break through to her heart, knocking him out of it?"
"Yeah, be you Ben. Stand strong, true, be loyal to her, to her heart, to what you know about her, and just - hang on tight, and don't let go. If she's meant to be yours, you'll win her, body and soul."
* * *
Letter One...
My Dearest Love,
Now, now, don't shake your head and sigh at my opening salutation, it's how I see you. I bet you miss me. I bet you're thinking about me, even now, before the arrival of this letter to you - and I bet you'd never admit it.
The thought makes me smile, believe it our not. Your determined spirit, your drive, your dignity - your energy - it is all those things about you and more, that makes me smile.
Prepare yourself my love - this is the first of many letters from me, to you, to be found in your mailbox.
My father, by the way - knows.
I'm laughing because I can see your face - the surprise that swept over it upon reading that line - yes, I'm right aren't I? Or, did you think, "Knows what?!" I'm certain
one of the two responses took place in your mind - of that I am certain. In case the latter is correct, I will relieve you of suffering and nibbling at your thumbnail as you wonder. My father knows that we have been intimate with one another. To say the least, he was not slapping me on the back for my deeds; primarily due to fears that he has for my future well being. Because you are a parent, I am certain you can relate. I however, assured him that I am perfectly capable of seeing to my personal affairs - thank you. Even so, as he is my father, it is only right that he worries a little - any caring and loving parent will - once more I refer to your position as one, to understand - and not fear that it is anything else beyond that.
Now, I will change the subject from us for the moment to bring you up on what has taken place within my family, which took place on the tail of our return. A tragic emergency has occurred due to circumstances surrounding my uncle and his wife.... ( he went on to relay the events explained to him and where Meribel stood health wise at present ) ...all this time now, since that - it has been driven home to me how important it is to put all that is vital within me, into being a real man standing as a sentry to his family, to the ones that he loves. There is so much involved in being a good husband, and too many take that position for granted, I assure you, I will not! Having stood on the outlines, looking in - I now see that there are numerous layers given to a man, who claims to be one, especially should he choose to take on a woman, call her his, as well the children they share, of those that she, you - have bared before my choosing to take such a position before you. Being a good husband, a real man, is far more than just providing a home. As a boy growing up in the midst of my grandfather, uncles and father, I heard such mutterings around me, often, and yet, until - you - until my uncles tragedy, did they form within my mind a clear picture displaying the gravity of those things I heard from my grandfather and father, and uncles.
Companionship, preparation, entertainment, planning, providing food and clothing, as well sharing in learning and gaining are mere fractions of all that is required of the man. Wow... I am staggered by it all, but not in the least, has it frightened me from my plans. No, not even in the smallest bit. In a sense, my uncles misfortune has prepared me to seek ways in which I can greater benefit you, your children and if I reach you in time, and am blessed - dare I say it now - our children? Now, now, there you go again, shaking your head at what I say. I must prepare myself, right now, today even, for the mighty role in which I've decided to take as your future provider.
I'm young, strong, focused with plenty of advanced warning ... yes my love - when I appear upon your doorstep that day in our future... I will be ready on all counts, I assure you, my words are true. You must be made to feel secure beside me - by all means, that is a must - I will see to that - of that, you have my word. I will stand up, I will be as a buffer - a protector, a shield, a sentry guard before my family and to those I call my own. No harm will befall you - as long as I stand; know this now, I will shore up my powers, for the time if ever - I am tested before you - so that he, or they, that tests me - knows - to you - to ours - there is no clear or easy way through me - the deed will not be simple.
I shake my head now because I will confess to you, and only you - that I questioned my grandfather's words - his wisdom - his seemingly slippery slope on sanity at times, when we chanced to hear his words concerning the things I've spoken of above and how he - infused this into his sons - the mental state of being that would equip them with all that was needed to stand, to fight - and not give in - and all was fair, no matter what means that might be - to keep those you've taken on - safe. This weekend, I saw first hand - someone else, one of his sons, doubt him - doubt his word - doubt his reasoning and because of this - his wife, my aunt, was in critical condition. Oh Jackie, the agony that my uncle is suffering is unbearable to stand witness to. As for me.... lesson - learned. I will not be one, to repeat such an error with those I've chosen to bring home as mine, again - I assure you of this.
In conclusion my love - there is a lot involved with being a real man in this world that we're all forced to live in. Some of us are ready for it, some of us are not. Because I am a man of my word, it is time for me to get ready - while giving thanks that I have been shown this window to peer into which helps to prepare me - for the day when I return to you. I must be ready - I will not fail you.
Paul Raymond McPherson
Chapter 275
L. A...
Jeremiah had already taken the pictures of the possessions he found of the deceased, Mr Eddie Dane's daughter, also dead, supposedly, of suicide. He photographed anything and everything he considered relevant to proving the case against her suicide. He would add it to the other information he was building. At the present he was looking over the photographs spread across his desk; while he worked on clearing his calendar so that he could join Deidre in Wisconsin after she left, later that day. He had a court appearance to make that day and two meetings. His phone rang - his secretary informed him it was Deidre.
"Hey you..." He answered smiling.
"Just wanted to call you - let you know what's happened since you left this morning."
"Something's already happened? What time is it?"
"10:00 - no rest for the wicked."
"Uh oh, let me hear it."
"Of all people to show up at my door, my father! He obviously has discovered my whereabouts, and is wasting no time showing up unannounced."
"Nice..." Jeremiah returned sarcastically, "What does he want?"
"According to him, mother is filing for divorce."
"Aaah, such a lovely couple too, breaks my heart."
Deidre laughed on the other end, "Yes, the world is certainly to stop turning, not only that, mother is also threatening to kick him out."
"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy... and you're to do what about it?"
"Well, he says, that he came to prepare me for the controversy she might stir-up and - if by chance it gets ugly, he wants me to testify that she's crazy. That she slept with my husband, had me drugged and our child aborted, wrecked my marriage and even, possibly tried to have me killed because I provoked my husband into hating her and she took it out on me, her revenge was to try and have me killed."
"Holy shit! They're both insane!"
"Yes - a match made in hell."
"And what answer did you give him?" Jeremiah had to ask, shaking his head at the thought.
"I laughed, in fact, I couldn't stop. Charlie showed him the door."
"Good for you. It's a shame that he knows where you live - but - with his connections, resources, it was only a matter of time."
"Em, yes, well - enough about them - will I get to see you before we leave?"
"I'm planning on it - but - it's not a promise." He regretted having to slip that in.
"I could hold off until really late, as it is, they may not be home from Madison - remember Derrick's wife is still in the hospital."
"If you hold off flying over a day or two, we could go together." He suggested.
"I can't - I don't want to delay it. With her there, her security core needs to be seen to immediately. I need to purchase whatever means necessary to get them housed and set up nearby - that's not for Shawn to do. I also want to get there and meet with the firm who will be supplying all that will be used to build the core of the house and beyond. This way, all will be in place and ready to go. Charlie has seen to that, and made the appointment with them."
"I understand, and of course you're right, either way, I'll be flying down to join you. Thing is, how long do you figure on staying?"
Deidre sighed, "I can't answer that - as long as it takes. Is that going to be okay with you?"
"Are you kidding? Angela comes first. If I have to fly back and forth for us to be together, then I will, simple as that."
"Thank you - for being so patient, understanding about it all."
"Sweetheart, it's your parents I don't like. As for you - you're my kind'ah girl."
Deidre smiled, "You sure about that?"
"Absolutely - and then some."
"Anyway, so what's your schedule?"
"I have to be in court today, I have two meetings to attend, don't know how long they'll be, and I'll be taking my theories on Mr. Dane's daughter to officers investigating, see what they think."
"Is it enough to tie things together?"
"No, just a few pieces, but they're light - even so, every little bit counts."
"Emmm, my mother had a particular - hmmm - I think I'll stop until we're together, keep that info to myself - I don't think it's something to say over the phone, just in case."
"That's my girl, always better to be safe, than sorry. Okay, I better get crackin' here - I'm hoping I'll see you later."
"I'll wait as long as I dare."
Jeremiah went to court - to his meetings and half way through the second, felt his mobile vibrate. Afterwards - checking it - he noted it was from his brother, Max and phoned him back. "I felt your vibrations my brother." Jeremiah started out.
Max started cracking up, "Listen at'you, life sounds good, talkin' that vibrations shit my brother, what's up with that?" He smiled on the other end of the phone.
"Just keepin' things light and easy, how can I serve you?"
"Naw man, I'm just checkin' in tha's all. Been a while you know."
"Yes it has, sorry about that. I've been tied up in court, doing a few mergers, and then there's Deidre - life, you know. Hey, you know where to find me right? You know what to do? Like you just did."
"True dat, true dat - we need to hook up tho - you know what I'm sayin', we the only family we got."
"Missing me, huh?"
"Well yeah, don't you miss me? We blood, 'spose to be keepin' them ties that bind, strong - I'ah do my part, you do yours."
"Absolutely, okay, how about we set up a date for next week, I'll be going out of town in a couple of days, and soon as I get back, it's you and I."
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