"Hello." He answered.
"Yeah? Calling you back, what'a'ya want?"
"No, hey dad what's up?" He asked, hearing the coolness in his son's tone.
"Hey dad, what's up?!" He returned sarcastically.
"Have I done something to you? Because if I have, can you just let me know what the hell it is, so I can try to fix it and move on."
"Look dad, just because I'm not up your ass like everyone else is, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me! I have a life, and things to do, you know! Quincy wants me to help him get some stuff done too, so I'm not gonna ignore him when he needs me, for you."
"Excuse me!? I'm your fucking father!" Jake blasted him.
"So is he! The one that raised me!" He blasted back.
"Well I fuckin' supported your ungrateful ass! Everything you fuckin' have, came out of my fuckin' pocket! He hasn't had to spend a fuckin' dime!"
"You know what dad, I'm not doing this! I'm the fuck out of here!" Kevin hung up on him.
"You selfish little prick! Fuck off then!" Jake fumed putting his phone back in his pocket. Mad as hell, racking his brain one moment to figure out what and why? To thinking he didn't give a damn, "I don't want another fuckin' boy! Hear me God?! No more sons! Fuck'em - good for shit anyway! Gonna have me a couple of girls, no boys!" He mumbled, hyped up, mind in too many places at once, not focused on what he was doing, cut the wedge slot in one tree, walked away from it to start another forgetting to fell it with the last cut to the back, and went to the next to wedge it, and went to fell it, it went down, hit the previous tree, which came down so fast, so suddenly, within a hair's width before Jake, close enough to hit the bill of his hard hat, flipping it off of his head as it went down, hitting the chainsaw blade, yanking it from his grasp to land on the ground at his toes, making him jump back just then. Adrenaline shot through him, his heart pounding so hard it took his breath away. He stumbled back tripped over another fallen log and sat there, staring around him, alone - in the woods.
He'd almost killed himself, and no one would have known.
For countless moments, he couldn't move. Had the tree fallen just a couple of inches further back, he would be dead or pinned beneath it, no doubt in agony - on his way to dying - alone. Five minutes later, he got to his feet, his chest and breathing still off; he picked up the hat, put it back on his head, went to grab the chainsaw, but the blade was lodged into the ground, trapped beneath the tree - the motor and handle sticking out.
Still shaking, unable to calm himself, his heart from tripping in beats, "Fuck this - I'm going home!"
Twenty minutes later, he pulled up in front of Shanna's home, still driving the logging truck, dusty, dirty; shocking Vivian, walking in because she hadn't expected him. Shanna wasn't back yet, wouldn't be back until later that evening.
"Jake? What-..."
He reached her in record time, lifting her up off of the floor and carried her off to their bedroom.
"Jake?!" She gasped his name.
He tossed his hard hat off across the room, dropped her on the bed and laid on her, kissing her madly, desperately, taking her breath away. She noticed something else, he was shaking, really shaking. In fact, he was shaking so bad, he couldn't get an erection and giving up, he tumbled from her to his back. Vivian, breathing hard; sat up and turned to him, "Baby, what's going on, what happened? Why are you shaking?"
His breathing was deep and heavy, as if hyperventilating, fighting to get it under control. "Jake! What's wrong?!" She shrilled, he was scaring her.
She leapt off the bed, ran into the bathroom, wetting a towel with cold water, ringing it out, she ran back, quickly climbing onto the bed right up to him, and began, wiping it over his face to cool him down, she loosened his shirt, applying the towel to his neck and chest, both were vivid red. "Baby what's wrong, your chest hurt? What?!"
He was laid out with his arms out by his side, finally lifting one to hold Vivian close to him, his large hand caressing her back, rubbing it, holding her closer to him as if having her near, would calm it all down, "Marry me Vivian, marry me now."
"Huh? We are getting married Jake, remember? August."
"Now Vivian, marry me now." He gasped.
"What's come over you? Huh? What happened baby?" She moved from her haunches to her rear, leaning against his body, still using the cool towel to calm him, cool him.
"Why won't you marry me now Vivian? Why do we have to wait?"
"Jake, I want a wedding - I've compromised plenty with you now. Put that aside, what's wrong?"
He lay there for a while, saying nothing, and then rolling his eyes to her, he stated, "My son hates my guts."
"What? Who?"
"Kevin - he doesn't like me. Truth, he ain't too high on my list either."
Vivian slapped him on the chest, "Don't say that, he's your son!"
"I know - I know he is. He's being a shithead all of a sudden for some reason. I mean, what the hell does he want from me? I've done the best that I could! Ben is not even my son, but he treats me better than Kevin! And look at Paul, he doesn't treat me like shit! Now that's a good son - I tell you that right now! He's the star, my Paul is. But Kevin - who knows."
"You know, they say, the people that are most alike, get along the least."
"You trying to say he's like me? He's like me?"
"Well I don't know, is he like you?"
Jake sat up, "Hell no! Nothing like me! I never gave my father the kind of hell he's giving me!"
Vivian looked up at the ceiling, on the verge of whistling, not about to go there, because that is not the stories she got from Gert. According to her, Jake gave Bart all kinds of hell, but she would keep that to herself.
"What was that look you just did? Huh? What's with that look?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all, whatever you say dear."
"Yeah, that's right, because when I was the only one left at home, I did everything in my power to get my dad to like me!"
"In between giving him hell?"
"Okay yeah! I gave him hell sometimes, sure I did! I admit it! Okay?" He was on a rant, continuing, "But when he needed me, I was there! Shawn had fucked off! Derrick took off too, and I was the only one left there! Did I leave? NO! I stayed my ass put! Fuckin' helping him on that land, planting his crops - spraying his crops - harvesting his crops - bundling it up year after fuckin' year! Just so he would fuckin' like me!" He was up off the bed, yelling down at her, "And you know what? He doesn't like me!"
"He bought us that house Jake."
"He bought YOU that fuckin' house! YOU! Because my mother's behind him, prodding him, don't forget Jake, remember Jake, give Jake something, there's that other son of yours Bart, you remember him right, Jake! Let's help Jake get on his feet! I want that black velvet for my Jake!"
Vivian sat staring at him while he went on his rant, breathing hard.
"That why you want me Jake? Because your mother wants me? Because your family wants better things for you, so - you're doing this for them, so they'll finally be happy with you?"
"AH HELL! Noooo! No no no no no! Come on Vivian, don't you start now."
She hoped up from the bed heading towards the kitchen to check on the food. He followed her, "Vivian, come on! Haven't we had this discussion before?"
She wouldn't respond, checking on the food, keeping quiet.
"Come on Vivian-..."
She slammed the spoon down on the counter and turned on him snapping, "Look! Open your eyes! You've done to Kevin, what Bart's done to you! He's responding to you! The way you responded to Bart! Figure it out! Then fix it, or not! How can you expect him to like you, if you don't even like him?! You're his father! You're the reason he's here, not the other way around, so really - it all fell on you to make it right! If you were too young then to make it right, you're not anymore - because - how old are you now?! HUH?!"
Jake stood a moment gazing at her back, feeling mulish, he mumbled, "Since I'm not wanted here, guess I'll go, work on your house." He
took a few steps, and mumbled out, "Just in case you give a damn, or not - I almost died today, tree came down brushed my nose hairs."
Vivian looked at him, her mouth open.
"I'll go now, obviously you don't give a damn - yelling at me, first Kevin, now you."
"Baby I didn't know, is that what sent you here in a panic?"
"Yeah, I was so scared, I almost shit myself. I could've died! Nobody would know! I was all by myself, in those woods! And all I wanted to do, is get home, to you - and what do you do? Chew me out!"
"Aaah honey, come here, you need a hug?"
Jake leaned over gathering her in his arms, "Marry me now Vivian."
"Jake, why does it matter if we wait another month and a half? What difference will it make?"
"I've waited all my adult life, I don't wanna wait anymore, let's just get it over with. Get it done, and then later, we'll have a big wedding."
"No Jake, we gonna do this once, and I'm certain, that one time will be plenty enough. Now, go get on my house."
"Gotta take the truck back and get the bike first." He was still in mumble mode.
"Okay, well - I'll see you at five-thirty, and please, be careful."
Chapter 279
Sylvia sat on her daughter's bed, holding her face in disbelief. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Oh my goodness Crystal! I knew that you rushed into it too soon."
"The story of my life." She commented softly.
"What's done is done, she can't go back and I don't think she should, time for her to move on and place the focus on getting proper arrangements for him to see the boys." Shawn commented, standing in the door of the room. Sylvia looked from her daughter's bewildered expression to his. "Shawn, if what he says is true, that he didn't sign those papers, and didn't want that divorce, he deserves to be heard. He deserves a chance to give his side of things."
"He cheated on her, don't forget about that!"
"Shawn, that is up to Crystal to decide if she can forgive it or not, that's not up to us."
"What about all the other stuff Sylvia, should she forgive that too?!" Shawn asked, getting heated over it.
"If she chooses to, Shawn - it's her life! It was her decision to marry him, it needs to be her decision if she gives it another chance or not. Don't forget she has two sons, his two sons."
Shawn turned red and suddenly punched the wall, startling them all, Angela included who was sitting there, "Well you know what Sylvia - maybe if Armundo showed up on our doorstep, maybe you'd like to give him another try as well! After all, he has two kids, doesn't he? Not that he ever did them a bit of fuckin' good!" He stormed off down the hall, slamming the basement door.
Sylvia stood with her mouth wide open, "What in the heck is going on with him?" Neither Crystal or Angela could figure out that reaction. "Hang on here, I'll be right back."
"No mama, leave'im alone right now. Please, I don't want you two arguing about me. Besides, he's right. I don't need to rush back into anything, regardless of him signing those papers or not, the things that happened between us still exist. He still didn't have enough respect for me, for us, not to go to bed with Jeanine. He did that. Just because he felt we were separated is no excuse - which if you really think about it, says loud and clear, this marriage really didn't mean that much to him - or rather, I didn't. When he did it, I was still his wife. No, papah-Shawn is right, Isaac and Darren are not reason enough for me to go rushing back to him with open arms and all is forgiven. Just because he's their father, doesn't mean he's a good one."
Sylvia stood a moment looking from the door back to Crystal, saying, "Sweetheart, what you decide, you have to live with. I, nor Shawn should be the determining factor in which way you go. I just want you to be sure, and happy. You take as long as you need, to get where it's best for you to be, okay?"
Crystal nodded with an apologetic smile, "Okay mama." She'd been playing her music once more, at the moment, Diana Ross's, Summertime. A sure sign of her inner turmoil when the same song was played on and on.
"Now as for him, no no no, that was uncalled for. Excuse me."
"Mama don't get into no argument."
Sylvia walked on, heading down the basement stairs and then into the office, Shawn had boxes sitting out, and pictures and files stacked up when she came to the door, leaning there with her arms crossed. "What was that all about?"
He ignored the question a few moments, needing to get a grip on himself. The last thing he wanted was to upset her with what might be. Even so, the thought of it was eating him alive. In the core of his gut, he knew he was right, that he was on target with his theory on Armundo sr. the other thing that was eating him up, was how to resolve it? He was in a touchy mood, because now that he felt it so strongly, he wanted to act on it. He wanted to move on it, right now. That was impossible, because no one knew where he was.
He looked towards the door because he had to smooth it over with his wife, but she was no longer there. He walked out to look for her in the kitchen, not there either. "Geez..." He walked further down to where the washer and dryer was, the bathroom, not there. He glanced up at the ceiling above him, their bedroom, he could hear her walking around there. He made his way up the stairs and through the door, to see her coming out of their bedroom, purse over her shoulder.
"Hey, where you going?"
"To the store!" She snapped, moving onward.
"Wait, want me to go with you?"
"Hell - no!"
"Okay, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too!"
He moved quickly behind her, his hand on the door to keep her from opening it. "I mean it, I'm sorry."
"I don't - give a shit! Now move your damn hand, because you done pissed me off! I left you alone, now you, leave me the hell alone!"
"Do you know you can get mean as hell, at the drop of a hat?"
"Might I suggest you stop dropping them? Now - move."
"Let me go to the store with you." He asked soft and low, by her ear, then kissed it.
"Don't do that again, I'on want you kissin' on me. I want you to leave me alone; now move Shawn!" She shoved her rear back at him to shove him away, her rump encountering his crotch, "Hmmm, that's a peculiar way to shoo a man away, doing that has an adverse effect on me." He simpered, refusing to take her serious or get mad. She spun facing him crossing her arms across her breasts. "Thought you brought back meat, steaks, with Vivian earlier?"
"That went into the freezer, I feel like something else, are you going to let me out the door?"
"Only if you forgive me, let me kiss you and you smile and mean it, otherwise, no."
Sylvia looked away and hated the grin that burst upon her face, making him chuckle seeing it, "See, you know you can't stay mad at me, don't even know why you try. Look at me." He coaxed with an index finger under her chin turning her his way. "I'm really and truly sorry for that, it was completely uncalled for."
"My words exactly, uncalled for, so why?"
"Can we talk about it on the way to the store?"
"By the looks of things, I have no choice."
"You're learning, you are, learning."
"Don't push it Shawn." She warned, now allowed to open the door and exit it with him right behind her.
In the car, as he drove he tried to form his thoughts to explain himself, and he'd better be quick about it because she didn't waste a moment, "I can't believe you brought Armundo up and compared him to Victor. They cannot be compared, Victor is nothing like Armundo."
"How do you know that? You lived with Victor or something?"
"I don't need to live with him to know he was nothing like Armundo."
"Em, how come you never talk about him much?"
"Armundo?"
"Yes, of course."
"He's dead, what am I supposed to say?"
"Can I give you a hypothetical?" He asked.
"As in question?"
"Of course."
"Go ahead."
"When he died, you two were gettin
g along pretty good weren't you?"
"Yes, we were."
"What if he suddenly showed up on the scene, would you consider taking him back?"
"Shawn, what in the heck is this about?"
"This scenario with Crystal and Victor just got me to thinking that's all, answer it, would you take him back?"
"We're married, you and I, remember?"
"If he came back, we wouldn't be, would we? I mean, he would still be your husband, legally speaking, right?"
"This is ridiculous! He's not coming back, so there's no sense in us even discussing it."
"So humor me, just for the sake of discussion."
"Shawn... don't be crazy!"
"If he showed up on the scene, as Victor did today, and gave you some, I don't know, excuse for being away, and said to you, I love you, I want you back, please forgive me, or, whatever other bullshit might be said, would you take him back? Now think about it before you answer."
"I don't have to think about it Shawn, I - how can I say this? I was never, really in love with Armundo to start with. He, entered my life when I was very young and unable to deal with rebuffing someone like him."
"Like Crystal with Victor."
"Please stop comparing them Shawn."
BOMAW 10-12 Page 129
