by H. L. Wegley
“Gee, I can’t imagine why.”
She gave him her laser look. “See, even you think of me as, well, different. I really hate that.”
“You are different and I love that.” He came dangerously close to an admission that was still just a suspicion in his heart. He needed to tread carefully. Not overstate things.
Jennifer smiled and it looked as if she was blushing. “What am I going to do about you, Mr. Brandt?”
“I’ve got a suggestion, Miss Akihara.” His remark drew a mischievous smile. Good. “But first, you were going to tell me about your friends at school.”
“The only guys I would label as friends are computer geeks. We get along because of shared interests. They’re protective. They watch out for me, but that’s as close a relationship as I have with anybody, male or female.”
“No girlfriends?” He was puzzled.
“None since I was twelve or thirteen. Girls can be really cruel if you don’t conform to their codes of conduct, dress, and certain other things completely outside of one’s control.”
Sure glad I’m a guy.
He glanced at her face. He could see a whole host of “certain other things.” “That’s too bad. I can introduce you to some women about your age who would be real friends.”
“If you’re suggesting women at your church I’ve already experienced cruel, churchgoing women.”
“A church is like a wheat field. You’ll find both wheat and weeds there. Sounds like you found some weeds. But there’s genuine wheat growing there if you look for it without letting the weeds discourage you. But may I sum up what you’ve told me? I want to be sure I understand.”
Jennifer looked into his face like a serious reader turning the page in a suspense novel. “OK. Tell me what you heard.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Let’s see, you haven’t gone on any dates. How am I doing so far?”
“Absolutely correct. The harassment from guys began before I was old enough to date. If you don’t count going out for pizza with five or six computer nerds, then I’ve never dated.”
This was unbelievable, but Jennifer despised lying. Though difficult to believe it was his good fortune. “And you’ve had no close girlfriends—”
“That’s true. But tell me something. How do you know you can believe me?”
“Now we’re getting into an area I’m familiar with.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “I would trust you with my life. In fact, I already have several times.”
“But those were times when I was in danger, too. It could have been, you know, self preservation—purely self interest.”
He looked at her until she returned his gaze. “But not when you were falling off the rock. You kept silent to save my life.”
Jennifer had no reply.
Lee tried to see what was in her eyes, but she looked straight ahead, far down the road. From the side, her large brown eyes appeared to be brimming with tears. At least the right eye was. That wasn’t like the Jennifer he knew. But maybe it was like the Jennifer he was beginning to know.
Should I or shouldn’t I? Stupid question.
“I’m thirty years old. I’ve been looking for someone for several years—someone to spend a lifetime with. I think someone like you. But everyone I’ve met has fallen short of—”
“How do you know I wouldn’t fall short like the others?”
He paused as he sought an appropriate way to express what was on his heart. “I’m just like most people, a person looking for genuine love. But love isn’t just feelings. That’s where so many people go wrong. Real love is a choice, a commitment to never ever abandon a person for as long as you live. You choose to love them for a lifetime. I’ve seen what commitment means to you especially when the chips are down. I don’t think anything could pry you loose from a commitment you made. That’s how I know you aren’t like the others.”
She didn’t reply. She brushed her eyes and stared far down the road.
Seconds went by. They seemed like hours.
“Lee”—she took a deep breath and exhaled—”what if you committed to something or someone?”
Was it too soon for them to be having this conversation? He looked at her again. Stupid question. “I hope my commitment would be just like yours.”
A smile spread across her face. She brushed more tears away. “That’s good to know.”
His spirits began to soar. This conversation far exceeded his expectations, but so had Jennifer. “There’s a whole lot more I want to know about you—things that just don’t come up when goons are shining a flashlight at you on a cave wall so they can blow you away.”
“That does sort of restrict the scope of the conversation.” She sighed. “So …what do you want to know? Ask away.”
No woman had ever given him that invitation. But then, he’d never met anyone like Jennifer. “OK. What’s your favorite song?”
“I thought you might ask me what my favorite hymn was.”
“I didn’t honestly think you had one.”
“Well I do…sort of…not exactly a hymn. I heard a song on the radio while I was scanning for some good music. An older song. The DJ said it was from the ‘90s. But the words pulled me right in. I heard a real joy in the music, the rhythm, and the words. I immediately loved it. Later I searched the net, found the CD, and bought it. Then I discovered all of the other songs were openly Christian. That’s when I realized the love the artist sang about was really between him and God, not love between a man and a woman. That kind of relationship with God, if He were real, became something I wanted for myself. But I didn’t know how to get it, or if it was even possible.”
So much for hard-core agnosticism. Jennifer was a seeker.
“Wow. It sounds as good as any hymn I know. What was the song? Maybe I know it.”
She hesitated before answering. “It’s called ‘Living in the Light of Your Love,’ by Al Denson.”
He smiled at her answer and the open door it gave him. “I have that CD in my collection, too. Great song and a great artist.” He paused. “What do you think about the part of the title that says ‘the light of your love’?”
She gave him a corner-of-the-eye glance. “You heard me in the cave, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, when the song got to where two hearts became one and I realized the songwriter was talking about a really intimate relationship, it attracted me and frightened me at the same time, because the relationship would be between me and God, not between just a man and woman.”
How should I say this? Help me, Lord.
“When the relationship is based upon the right things, the relationship between a man and his wife and the relationship between a person and God have a lot in common.”
His comment drew her laser look. “Come on, Lee, I’m not a churchgoer, but I’m not naïve, either. I think you’re a smooth talker who—”
“No, Jenn. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Both relationships are intimate. Both are based upon love. Not the Hollywood fantasy version of love, but an unselfish love that always considers the other person first. Both are meant to be a lasting commitment. The love doesn’t dissolve as soon as either party decides they want to walk away. If you want to read about this kind of love, read First Corinthians chapter thirteen in your Bible. It explains it better than I ever could.”
There were far too many coincidences for what was happening in their lives to be accidental. He wanted to probe deeper. “One more question about the song—when did you get the CD?”
“About a week ago.”
God’s timing was impeccable. “Jenn, does that tell you anything?”
She sat silent and stared down the road for a few moments. “Maybe…something like—”
“Like maybe He’s inviting you to be living in the light of His love?”
He was certain God had been at work in Jennifer’s life, drawing her to Himself, before he even met her. “You and I called on Him several times in the la
st two days. Did He answer?”
It was silent in the SUV for several seconds. Jennifer gave a slight nod and spoke softly. “Yes…maybe not exactly how I thought He would answer, but He always answered.”
“Sometimes it’s incredible how God answers. I think I know what’s best, and then He answers in some entirely unexpected way making it so much better—better like—”
His words were stolen from him by a glance at Jennifer. They had rounded a turn causing the late afternoon sun to light her face. Struck again by Jennifer’s beauty, his mind and emotions began racing out of control.
He needed to slow things down for Jennifer’s sake, as well as his own. “I didn’t mean to get into a heavy discussion.”
She reached across and squeezed his hand. “It’s OK. I didn’t mind.”
She wasn’t making it easy to slow anything down. Maybe a change of subject would help. “I never did find out the answer to my original question. What’s your favorite song?”
She released his hand and put hers back on the steering wheel. “It’s a really old one. Artists still record it, but only one person knows how to sing it. The person who wrote it.”
“The name of the song is?”
She reached for his hand again. “It’s ‘You’ve Got a Friend,’ but only when Carole King sings it.”
“Surely you lie.”
Her hand went back to the steering wheel. “You know better than that, Mr. Brandt.”
“Bad choice of words. You surprised me. It’s at the top of my list, too. But I also like the way she sings “Way Over Yonder.”“
Jennifer laughed softly. “Well, I guess we’re musically compatible. I have that CD, too.”
“It’s more than just the music.” He’d done it again. But what he said was the truth.
Jennifer grew quiet and pensive for the next few minutes.
He had probed deeply and possibly had jumped the gun with some of his assertions. He stopped asking questions.
But they had shared life and almost certain death with each other. After those experiences how could the deep issues of life be off limits? And Jennifer had answered even the serious questions. She was honest almost to a fault if such a thing was possible.
During the intermission he slipped into a silent conversation.
I’ve waited for a long time, now. I’ve seen no one I could picture spending my life with. I know Jennifer is still a seeker, not yet a believer. This isn’t what I expected, Lord. I really need to know what’s happening here.
He was willing to wait on God, as well as Jennifer’s response to Him. He glanced her way. He couldn’t wait much longer. If she wasn’t God’s choice for him, having to give Jennifer up after twenty-three hours and twelve minutes of knowing her would be, by far, the hardest thing he had ever done.
After a few minutes Jennifer gave him several quick glances. She took her right hand off the wheel of the big SUV and held his left hand.
“Now it’s my turn to ask you some questions. OK?”
What she asked was only fair.
“OK. Fire away.”
“Are you sure, Lee?”
“I think so. Why?”
“Because some guys have started squirming and weaseling out when I ask them questions. You’re not going to weasel out on me, are you?”
“No, Jenn. No weaseling out.”
She looked at him without smiling. Her eyes were intense, but they displayed something less than her laser look. “So you’ll do your best to answer every question truthfully?”
What did she want him to do? Place his hand on a Bible and swear to tell the truth? “I’ll answer as best I can.”
“OK. We’ve grown very close during the past twenty-four hours.” She opened his hand and interlaced their fingers. “That’s pretty obvious. Suppose my character and personality were unchanged, but I was obese or ugly. Would we be sitting here holding hands? Would we be this close?”
The first question and already the thumbscrews were painfully tight. This woman was good at that. He couldn’t blame her for asking the question. But he needed to tell the truth or he could kiss her goodbye.
No…there wouldn’t even be a goodbye kiss.
Based on what she had told him Jennifer wasn’t even looking for a man. They were only a source of trouble and pain for her. There was so much riding on his answer.
“Lee, you disappeared on me. Where did you go? To weasel land? Tell me, would we still be this close?”
He needed to answer her and only the truth would keep him in the hunt. “No, Jenn. We wouldn’t.”
Jennifer’s face fell. She slumped behind the wheel, hardly looking up enough to see the road ahead. Had he really sucked all the life out of her with his answer? She didn’t look like the same person.
“Please let me explain.”
“Go ahead.” Her monotone said she was hardly interested.
He squeezed her limp hand. “When did we really draw close?”
“I thought we did in the cave, but I’m not so sure now.”
“Remember how dark it was where we spent most of that time?” He didn’t wait for a reply. “There was no way I couldn’t see what you really looked like and—”
“No more baloney, Lee. You knew! From the second I walked into Howie’s office, you knew.”
“I know, but let me get to my real point. If you were by most people’s standards, unattractive, it wouldn’t have made any difference to me. Your character and your personality drew me to you. I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with that person, no matter whether they were ugly, plain, or just plain beautiful.”
Jennifer sat in silence. She was ruminating on his answer. “And what about the obese part?”
“It’s irrelevant. In that case, we wouldn’t be here having this discussion. You would have gotten stuck under the big overhang and the goons would have shot you.”
“Lee, I said no more baloney. Answer the question. You’re not going to weasel out of it by stupid, twisted logic.”
Why had he said that? It was true but—”I get it. The obesity issue has not been sufficiently dealt with.”
She glared at him. Her hand wasn’t limp. It was crushing his. “Not even close.”
“Jenn, I need to know. Are we talking morbidly obese here?”
Jennifer’s voice had the edge of a razor blade. “Yes. I’m morbidly obese.”
Lord, help me here.
The revelation came from somewhere deep inside. God had already answered this question in His word. He took a deep breath and plunged into his answer. “People are sometimes sturdily built because of genetics—maybe even a little plump. But unless they have some untreated medical problem, morbid obesity is something they do to themselves. The Bible calls that thing gluttony, eating too much because you like eating. God says it’s a sin, a character weakness. I wouldn’t want to spend my life with someone who hadn’t dealt with that issue. An issue that’s actually between them and God.”
Jennifer didn’t reply immediately. She sat silently, staring down the road with a squinting frown on her face. “OK, what if I was in the process of dealing with the issue, but was still, you know, too heavy?”
If this was her litmus test she was milking it for all it’s worth.
“Then I’d be glad to stick with you and help you deal with it. In the meantime, I wouldn’t be looking for anyone else.”
There was no comeback from Jennifer. She sat still and silent for a full minute. Then she lifted her head, looked far down the road and took a deep breath like an underwater swimmer coming up for air. She smiled and squeezed his hand. There were no more questions.
She smiled at me. Does that mean I passed the test? Maybe I aced it.
He would have to wait for Jennifer to let him know in her own time and in her own way.
21
Jennifer drove the big car slowly as she navigated the streets near Lee’s apartment.
“You probably should drop me off at a car rental place.
There’s one about ten blocks from here. They stay open late and I’m going to need a car.”
“Since I’m picking you up for church in the morning. Can’t you wait until tomorrow to get a car? What you really need is a good night’s sleep.”
“What if something comes up tonight, Jenn, and I can’t get to you?”
“Nothing’s going to happen tonight. Our apartments are being watched. Are you a worrier? Because if you are I need to know now, so I can learn to deal with it.”
“I just have, well, concerns. At least until this is all wrapped up in a nice little bow.”
“OK, let’s get you a car. But I think you should go for a small, white, 2001 sedan from Rent-A-Wreck.”
“No, thank you.”
She gave him a melodramatic, wide-eyed stare. “Lee Brandt, are you insulting my taste in cars?”
“No. It would just bring back too many memories.”
She reached for his hand. “They weren’t all bad memories, were they?”
“Yes, Jenn. In your car, they were all bad memories.”
She was quiet for a moment. “I guess those were all bad—while we were in the car that is.” She squeezed his hand. “But the cave—”
“That’s the rental lot on the right.” He really wanted to hear Jennifer’s take on the cave, but they were both fading fast. “Have you got anything to write on?”
“I don’t have a clue. I just hopped in and started driving this thing. Look in the glove box.”
“Hmmm. A gum wrapper and a small, sticky-note tablet. It’ll do.” He pulled his space pen from his pocket. “Here’s my phone number. If anything comes up, or if you get the willies, call me and I’ll be right over.”
“You’ll be right over where, Lee?”
“I must be getting pretty wiped out. Didn’t even remember that I don’t have your address or phone number.”
Jennifer looked at him and shook her head. “You’re a smooth operator, Lee Brandt.” She took a sticky note from him and snatched his pen. “Just remember this. No guy has ever gotten what you are about to get.”
He hoped no other guy ever would.
Jennifer wrote down her address and phone number. She gave him his pen and he gave her a droopy smile.
