by Bailey West
“I guess I was,” I smiled. “I didn’t know she was married.”
She side eyed me, “You didn’t know?”
“Correction, I didn’t know she was still married. I was under the impression she and her husband were no longer together.”
“How did you miss an entire husband?”
“I never went to her house, and she never came to mine. We met at a hotel. We didn’t talk a whole lot about deep things, and I was cool with that. One time I met her at the hotel. When I walked into the room, she was fully dressed which was not how she usually welcomed me. She said we needed to talk. I sat down expecting her to say something about taking the relationship to the next level which I had considered but instead she told me she was pregnant. Although we used protection most of the time, I didn’t question if the baby was mine, but then she said, ‘it’s my husband’s baby, not yours.’ That was the last time we were together.”
“Wow…were your feelings hurt?”
“No, I was a little stunned, but I wasn’t emotionally invested for my feelings to be affected by her revelation.”
“Are you sure the baby is not yours?”
“Yes, we had a DNA test done. I didn’t care if she told me it was her husband’s. I needed to be one hundred percent certain that it wasn’t mine.”
“She readily agreed to that?”
“No, I threatened legal action if she didn’t comply. I wasn’t going to have my child floating around in the world not knowing me.”
“The test came back negative?”
“Yes.”
“Were you sad that the child wasn’t yours?”
“I was indifferent. I would have accepted either outcome.”
“The great Samuel Valentine was some side dick. That’s unbelievable.”
“We all can get played if we are not careful. What about you, no one ever played you?”
“I mean, I wasn’t played, but I was in a non-traditional relationship, but that was years ago.”
“What does that mean, non-traditional?”
“He was my father’s co-worker, and they graduated from high school together.”
Samuel twisted his mouth in disgust.
“Don’t make that face. I didn’t make faces at your side dick story.”
“Please tell me you were eighteen and it was consensual.”
“I was over twenty-one, and it was consensual. I thought I wanted someone who was more mature and could understand my drive and ambitions. I figured an older man wouldn’t want to knock me up and keep me in the house. I was wrong. It started out cool, but then he wanted me to slow down. He asked why I applied for the second clerkship with the Supreme Justices. He told me if I accepted the second clerkship he wouldn’t be around. I accepted the clerkship. He told me I would be lonely and miserable for my entire life. I said but I’m still at the beginning of my life, and you are at the end of yours. He was offended. We haven’t spoken since,” she shrugged. “It’s so much easier to let people be who they are instead of trying to change them.”
“Did that hurt your feelings?”
“No, I did miss the regular sex but other than that, I was okay.”
“Did your family know?”
“Hell no! Although my mother probably would’ve been elated I brought someone home for dinner, my father would have murdered him.”
“Did they meet Barry?”
She sat up from her relaxed position and looked at me confused.
“Why would I want to introduce them to Barry?” She asked with her head tilted to the side.
“You dated him, right?”
“Hell no. I didn’t date that filthy, sleazy ass, halitosis having, cheap suit buying, gutta-rat. Someone told you I did?”
The look in her eyes was quickly identified as anger. It wasn’t my intent to make her angry.
“No, no, no one told me. I assumed that’s where all the animosity came from the other day in court,” I answered quickly to assure her no rumors were flying around.
“Oh,” she sat back and rolled her eyes.
“What did I witness between you and Barry?”
“You witnessed me reminding him I’m not a female who gains position by fucking or sucking dick. I do those things because I want to not for career advancement. I’ve worked hard for everything I have, and I continue to work hard to earn more. No one has given me anything especially through sexual favors.”
I have apparently discovered a sore spot of hers.
“Barry thought you were easy?”
“Barry thought I was somehow moved by his blonde hair and blue eyes like other women in this industry are. I could give two fucks about blue eyes, blonde hair and artificially tanned skin. Not too long-ago girls that looked like me didn’t have a choice when it came to men who looked like him. But I was born with the option and I don’t want to deal with a man who needs more hair products than me. He thought I would bend to his will if he reminded me he was the one in control. The first time he said something slick, I was not exactly sure what I’d heard him say. I thought, ‘well maybe I’m just hearing things’ because I’m always looking for something. I rationalized it away using the black girl with a chip on her shoulder excuse because that’s what women do. We always find blame in ourselves first before blaming others.
Then we were working together another night, and he did it again. This time it wasn’t any way for me to mistake what he’d said. I engaged him some because I was recording our brainstorming session and he didn’t know it. I told him no. He walked up on me and told me if I didn’t, he would tell the partners that I was hard to work with and was not a good fit for the firm, essentially blackballing me. I told him I would tell his wife about this conversation. He told me she wouldn’t believe me until I played the recording back. The conclusion is, I hate him. He tries to pretend it didn’t happen, but I still have the recording, so I dare him to try something with me.”
“Did he put his hands on you?”
“I would have tried with all my strength to kill that muthafucka if he would have touched me. I promise I would be serving time for murder right now.”
“You are not apprehensive about working against him as opposing counsel?”
“Men come for me all the time because I am a woman. They believe I will fold, cry or run away from a fight. I will never fold. I don’t cry unless I am laughing so hard it brings tears to my eyes, and I don’t run not even for exercise.”
Talking to Averie is almost like having an internal dialogue. She thinks the same way I do on a lot of issues. Indeed, she is an anomaly among women.
“Is it the same dynamic when you date?”
“Dating can be difficult. The rules for a woman in leadership are different. If I’m warm, then people think I’m weak. If I’m strong, people think I am cold. Men don’t know how to handle me, they are usually intimidated by my job or by my independence.”
“That’s because you’ve only dealt with boys. Real men are attracted to women with power, not to rein it in but to have a front row seat to see it in action. Boys are intimidated by you. You are intriguing to men.”
I certainly am intrigued.
Suddenly the whirling sound of lights and electronics powering back on filled the room.
I looked at my watch. It was a little after midnight.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Averie commented while standing and collecting her things. “I’m glad I didn’t have to feast on you. You’re all muscle. You would have been tough,” she laughed.
Averie
“And you ain’t do nothing?” Kenzie asked.
“No!”
“Oh, my gawd!” Kenzie said exasperatedly.
“I am so disappointed,” Keeva said while sipping her strawberry daiquiri through a crazy straw.
Kenzie would be leaving soon to go back to California so, my sisters spent the night at my house for our girls’ night. Our schedules had been too busy for us to spend any real time together since she’d been home. We order
ed Chinese food and had settled in to watch re-runs of our favorite show, Relationship Status with our girl Natalie Hopson. She was our friend in our heads.
“Mother Nature set you up perfectly and what did you do? What did you do? You choked,” Kenzie threw her hands in the air.
“Or didn’t choke,” Keeva said while using her fist and tongue creating an oral sex gesture.
I had just finished describing my electricity-free evening with Samuel. He was so laid back, which made me comfortable. I had readily shared things with him that had taken me years to share with my sisters. I could have easily climbed onto his lap and rested my head on his shoulder, that’s how safe and comfortable I’d felt with him. He had softened towards me so much in the past few weeks. I’d developed a strong attraction to Samuel during our time of working together. I loved his confidence, his power, and his heart. He was a caring and compassionate man.
We all cracked up. We all were on our third drink, so we felt good, and some things were funnier than usual.
“Shut up!” I said while still laughing.
“I mean, you are attracted to him, right?” Keeva asked.
“I am attracted to him. I’m not blind but we are working together, and it’s not wise to pursue it. What if he’s whack and now we can’t work together because I don’t want to be around him?”
“Or, he could be the best you’ve ever had…”
“Which still would be uncomfortable!” Kenzie laughed.
“Right, I would be trying to get it all the time.”
“Do something! You know we live vicariously through you! You’re the only one with a valid hoe card,” Keeva laughed.
“Did you two ever have a hoe card?”
“I mean…” Keeva started.
“To a certain extent,” Kenzie finished.
We cracked up again.
“Y’all been booed up since birth and got Mommy breathing down my neck cause I’m not like y’all like that’s normal!”
“No, don’t blame us for Mommy’s antics. It’s more about her and less about you. You know that,” Keeva said.
“Besides, sucking on daddy dick ain’t normal either,” Kenzie laughed.
She was referring to my relationship with Cleophus, the older man. I’d broken down and told them one night after way too much tequila. They didn’t pass judgment and promised to never mention it around our parents.
Keeva fake gagged.
“Whatever! His dick wasn’t my favorite body part, his tongue was!”
“Ewwwww!” They both laughed.
“Did he take his teeth out before he did it?” Kenzie laughed. “Those gums gnawing on your clit probably offered an interesting sensation!”
“Shut up!” I bent over laughing and holding my stomach. “He wasn’t that old!”
“Whatever! Old ass was probably popping blue pills like M&M’s. Did he take off his readers before going down?”
“No, no remember that magnifying glass with the leather case grandpa used to use? He probably has something similar,” Keeva added.
“He probably doesn’t like the kids on his grass. By kids I mean people fifty and under!” Kenzie laughed. “He refers to them as young whippersnappers!”
“He probably calls Facebook, the Facebook and Twitter the Twitter. You know a person is old when they put the word ‘the’ in places it doesn’t belong.”
I knew eventually they would tease me about dating Cleo. We laughed until we cried.
After we sobered, I asked, “How are my brothers doing? Y’all still in love?”
“Trevor is good. He’s so focused on making a name for himself in the industry, so he works extra hard. He makes sure I am sitting in on sessions and learning, so I appreciate him.”
“How is the sex?”
“He still knows exactly what to do to satisfy me. I can’t complain.”
“What about you Key?”
“Kerem and I are good. Very busy with these daycares and him climbing the corporate ladder. We are good though.”
“Key? I’m a little concerned about your answer. Usually, you say stuff, like he’s always full, from munching on me or the back of my throat, is bruised. What’s going on?”
“Honestly? Nothing is going on. I mean nothing is different, but everything is different. Something feels off with us, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Yes, we are still having sex, and he knows my body well, but we are not connecting. I think I may be putting too much energy into the daycares and not enough into him.”
“Don’t you automatically place blame on yourself. We’ve talked about that before. I understand self-introspection but if something is wrong, it’s as much his fault as it is yours.”
“I hear you and I agree but he acts like nothing is wrong, so that’s why I have to examine myself.”
“You’ve asked him about it?”
“Yes, every time I ask him how he feels about the relationship he says he is fine. He talks about me being a great wife and not knowing what he would do without me. I don’t know. I can feel it. I know it’s not right.”
“Maybe it is the stress of the daycares that’s weighing on you. You believe he still loves you, right?”
“I know he loves me.”
“Then keep communicating until you figure it out,” Kenzie said.
Keeva started crying which made Kenzie cry.
“I have to figure this out,” Keeva said between sobs.
“You will sis,” I said while pulling her to me for a hug. Kenzie joined us.
“Alright, enough of this crap. We got a show to watch,” Keeva said.
Samuel
I didn’t make it to church as much as I would like but I never missed the Meeting of the Minds men meeting. JD held them once a quarter. He would pick a location, we would all meet and discuss male issues in a safe setting. I’d volunteered my house on several occasions, but tonight we were meeting at a cigar bar.
Raymond and I arrived and were greeted by several other brothers who were also members of the church. We all chose seats among the tufted leather sofas and chairs and talked until JD motioned it was time to begin.
“Good evening, Gentlemen. Welcome to our Meeting of the Minds. Before we get started, let me explain a few things. I chose a cigar bar because I wanted everyone to be comfortable. If you enjoy cigars, then please indulge. If you enjoy a nice cognac or brandy, please order it and relax. This is a judgment free zone. I personally don’t drink alcohol, but you don’t hear me preaching against it. It’s a personal choice and one I don’t put off on anyone. So, don’t front ’cause I’m here, enjoy yourself. We will get started in a few moments.”
Everyone ordered their cigars and drinks then the meeting began.
“I want to start with prayer and then we will discuss our topic for the evening,” JD announced. “Touch the brother next to you.” All the men touched the man next to them. JD said a prayer. We all said “amen” at the conclusion.
“Welcome to those of you who have never participated in our men’s meetings. I am James DeLucas; my friends call me JD. I am extending that courtesy to you. My parents had two children, me and my younger sister. We were close. She was my pride and joy. Beautiful, loving spirit. Always looked on the bright side of things. Always made you feel better about life. She joined the military and moved away. She got married and had two children. I was proud every step of the way. One day I got a call that she and her children had been in a terrible car accident in Germany. My wife and I caught the first flight we could find to Germany. We arrived and found my nephew was banged up, but he would be okay. My niece was in a precarious position where they weren’t sure if she was going to make it. My sister was in critical condition and not expected to survive. My niece got better but my sister passed.
My wife and I were awarded custody of her children because her husband, my brother-in-law and best friend, had passed a year before her. So, there I was, a new pastor, preaching and teaching to people and was going through the worst pain I�
��d ever experienced. My sister was my sweetheart, my guiding force, my friend and she was poof, gone. Now I had sworn off children, both me and my wife did. We didn’t want them and suddenly we had two. I am mourning the tragic loss of my family, trying to console my niece and nephew, run a church and not be mad at God. Aye man, can I tell you it was next to impossible. I didn’t have anywhere to turn to. I was the Pastor. I was the husband. I was the Uncle. I had to figure it out. One night, I was just completely overwhelmed. I had to get my sister’s things back from Germany. I had to get the kids enrolled in a good school which required me to find a house in a good school district. My wife, Elisa and I were city dwellers. We said we would never move from the City. We had to for the kids. So here I am trying to balance all of this stuff. One night, I went to the church, I fell on my knees and I yelled at God. I mean I gave him not a piece of my mind but the entire thing. Then I cried because I was embarrassed that I wasn’t strong enough to handle it all. See, that’s what we are taught as men; be strong, don’t cry, be the rock. Sometimes, we are not strong, we do cry, and we need a rock. That’s where men groups like this one come in. A Pastor friend of mine just happened to be walking past the church and saw the lights on. He knocked on the door and came in. He told me he felt led to come by the church and pray but he saw the lights on, so he knocked. In that moment I realized my connection to a man had been severed when my brother-in- law died. I felt comfortable enough with this Pastor to explain everything that had happened in my life. He prayed with me but in the matter of a week, he’d activated his male network and had found me a realtor, a grief counselor and a secretary because up to that point, Elisa had been working with me but she was going to need to pull back to raise the kids. That’s when I realized the importance of the male connection. My kids grew up to be successful, amazing people and now I am a Pa-Pa. My niece had a baby boy and I randomly, throughout the day, video call her just to see his little face.
That’s why this group is so important to me. While you think I am here to impart wisdom, I am actually here to gain it as well. This room contains some of the most intelligent, creative, brilliant minds this city has to offer. Why would I not learn something every time I come?”
