Swallowing, she searched for a reply that wouldn’t sound hackneyed or offensive, but without knowing what had occurred with his marriage, it was impossible. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you,” she finally said.
“Don’t be. The marriage should’ve never happened. We were all wrong for each other. And it was my fault for not realizing that before I married her.”
Sassy hadn’t expected him to share such a personal part of his life with her. And she’d been telling herself that the less she knew about the man, the easier it would be to keep her distance emotionally. But now that he was talking, her heart was crying out to know more.
“Was she from this area?”
“No. I met her while I was in college at UNLV. She was petite, dark-haired and very beautiful. I was smitten from the first moment I saw her. We dated about six months before we married. By then, I believed I knew everything I needed to know about her and my feelings toward her. But I was wrong. Now that I look back, I think I saw her faults all along, but I chose to ignore them and hope they’d go away.” A fatalistic smile twisted his lips. “Don’t get me wrong, Sassy. I had faults, too. Everybody does. Some are just more serious than others. And Erica’s turned out to be the serious kind.”
“Oh. Was she unfaithful?”
Turning away from the window, he walked over to the fireplace. As he used the poker to stoke the fire, he said, “Not at all. In fact, in her eyes I was the only man on earth.”
Sassy moved over to the couch and resumed her earlier seat. “And that was bad?”
“Very bad, Sassy. I couldn’t be away from her for two or three hours without her thinking I was with another woman or wanting to be with one. She was consumed with jealousy.”
“Did she have reason to be?”
Standing on the hearth, he turned his back to the fire and cast a weary look at her. “No. My Lord, I’d married the woman I loved. Why would I immediately start looking for another one? I tried everything I could to make Erica see she had nothing to worry about, but the more I tried, the worse she got. I finally realized she was basically an insecure person, and that marriage was more than she could deal with. Her doubts and fears grew to the manic point.”
“Do you know why she lacked self-confidence?”
“That’s the mystery of it, Sassy. She was pretty, smart and well educated. She had loving parents and siblings, and a great job as a secretary for a city administrator. But that wasn’t enough. For some reason her insecurities grew and grew, until she began clinging to me like a helpless child.”
“How sad,” Sassy murmured.
“Sad was just a part of it. The turmoil between us began to take a toll on her health. She developed all sorts of dependencies and I ended up being more of a prisoner than a husband. It became an unbearable situation. We’d married for better or worse, but the marriage wasn’t helping her, either.”
Sassy was stunned. Jett seemed like a sensible man and slow to anger. The fact that he endured such a nightmarish relationship for three long years told Sassy he must have loved his ex-wife very much. “So you finally put an end to it.”
Returning to the couch, he eased down beside her and the bitterness she saw on his face told her that the pain of his failed marriage was still haunting him.
“We tried counseling but it didn’t seem to help. And when she felt threatened by my talking to any woman—even to Bella—well, after that I didn’t see much point in trying to hang on.”
“If she was so obsessive over you, I can’t imagine her letting go nicely. Does she still live around here?”
“Oddly enough, she was so mentally and physically drained by then that she didn’t put up a fight over the divorce. She accepted it was over between us and moved back to Las Vegas. About a year later, I received a letter from her father telling me he’d managed to get her into therapy and that she’d finally recognized she had problems. He said he was sorry for everything his daughter had put me through.” Pausing, Jett shook his head. “Sorry. As if that would take all the damage away.”
“What else could he say?” Sassy asked softly. “The man understood that words couldn’t fix the hurt. Deep down, I think you understand that, too.”
“Yeah. It was too late to fix anything. And now—well, when you said I was a man who’d sworn off love—you were close to being right.”
In spite of the heat radiating from the fireplace, Sassy felt a chill wash over her. It shouldn’t matter to her whether this man was capable of loving anyone, much less her. Yet it did. Jett deserved to have more in his life. He deserved to be happy and have someone to share in that happiness.
“What do you mean, close to being right?”
His brown eyes were full of anguish as they connected with hers. “It means I’m not exactly sure how I feel about love. For a long time after my divorce, I even doubted such a thing existed. What Erica and I had certainly wasn’t love.”
“Surely you loved her when you married her?”
“I believed I did. But if love can crumble that quickly, then it’s not something I want to invest in ever again.”
His cynical statement was probably justified, but it rubbed every womanly cell inside of her the wrong way, and before she could catch herself, Sassy’s jaw clamped tight. The words rolling off her tongue were just as stiff.
“You have a right to feel the way you do, Jett. But why tell me? Are you afraid I have designs on you or something and you feel the need to warn me off? If that’s the case, then you’ve been wasting your time. Just because I called our outing tomorrow a date doesn’t mean you need to go into panic mode. If you’re that worried, go ahead and call the whole thing off.”
“Sassy, that’s not what—”
Horrified that she’d not kept a better rein on herself, she quickly jumped to her feet. “Sorry, Jett. I shouldn’t have gone off on you like that—I’d better go to bed before I say any more.”
She started to walk off, but Jett leaped off the couch and snatched a hold on her arm.
“Wait just a minute, Sassy. You’re not going to throw something like that at me and then walk off!”
She whirled around as hot color washed over her face. “Jett, I was out of line. Please, let’s leave it at that.”
“Sassy, I don’t care if you speak your mind. I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to do that. What I don’t understand is why you’re angry with me.”
With a heavy sigh, she stared at her feet. “Jett, it was— It made me feel special for you to share that private glimpse of your marriage. But then you had to go and ruin it all with that last remark.”
“Why did that ruin it? Because I busted your romantic bubble about love and marriage?”
That jerked her head up. “No! If you want to live like an unfeeling rock that’s your business. But why tell me? I’m not weak-willed, and though I fainted the other day, I’m not ill. I didn’t come here looking for love—or anything like it.”
With his hand on her shoulder, he moved forward until the front of his body was pressed against hers. “Sassy, I think I should tell you that the warning was more for myself, not you.”
His eyes were locked on hers and the heat of his body was arcing into hers like a wildfire leaping from one branch to the next. His chest was practically flattening her breasts while his hips reminded her he was all man. And she was melting like a snowflake on a warm cheek.
“Jett, this is crazy—”
“Sassy, Sassy. I don’t want to love you. I only want to touch you. I want to hold you in my arms and feel your skin against mine, taste the sweetness of your lips.”
As everything inside her began to tremble, she realized she couldn’t deal with this or him. Her senses were too weak and willing for her to fight against the pleasures of being this close to him.
“It won’t wor
k, Jett. I won’t go to bed with you. The next time I let a man touch me in that way, I’ll have to be in love with him. And him with me.”
Even as she spoke her vow, his head was lowering, his breath skimming across her face like a sweet whisper.
“I’m not asking you to go to bed with me. Not yet.”
There wasn’t even time for her to gasp before his lips came down on hers, and by then Sassy was a willing prisoner to the tantalizing taste of his kiss. She didn’t want to back away. And she especially didn’t want to think about tomorrow. Being in his arms took her to a special place. One that she never wanted to leave.
Her lips parted and, as he deepened the kiss, his hands thrust into her hair and tilted her head to one side. Beneath her breast, her heart was hammering, and before she could stop them, her arms slid around his waist.
Sassy wasn’t sure how long the kiss went on. She was too absorbed in Jett for her mind to register the passing of time. But eventually the sound of Bella entering the front door was enough to rip two of them apart.
Dazed, Sassy slapped a hand over her mouth. Then, darting a frantic look toward the entryway, she whirled and ran from the room.
* * *
The next morning dawned clear and the sun sparkled off the snow that blanketed the open mesa and decorated the distant mountain tops like white lace on green velvet. The change in the weather helped to lift Jett’s spirits. Especially after he learned all the major highways were clear and it would be safe enough for him and Sassy to travel up to Reno.
But later that morning, as he readied himself for the outing, he wondered what the hell he was doing getting himself involved with Sassy. They were both saying one thing and doing exactly the opposite. She wanted love from a man. He could see it all over her face, hear it in her words. He couldn’t give her that much of himself. He didn’t want to give any woman that much of a hold over him again. And yet, it made him happy to be with her. After dealing with Erica’s frailties, Sassy’s proud determination to forge ahead and make a future for herself and her baby was especially endearing to him. Then there was the sound of her voice and the richness of her smile, which were just as bewitching as her fiery hair and blue, blue eyes.
Face it, Jett, you’re tumbling head over heels for the woman. She’s going to take your heart and wring it between her two little hands until there’s nothing left inside it.
Fed up with the voice going off in his head, Jett finished buttoning his shirt and reached for the sheepskin jacket lying on the foot of the bed. For the first time in years, he felt excited about life. He wasn’t going to let anything ruin that today. Even the thought of losing his heart.
Ten minutes later, Jett steered the truck beneath the entrance to the J Bar S and turned south on Highway 50. Across the seat from him, Sassy silently stared out the passenger window. She’d hardly said more than ten words to him since they’d started the trip, and he wondered if she was pouting over the cross words they’d exchanged last night, or their kiss, or if something else was on her mind. Like the baby or the Calhouns.
Damn, damn, Jett. The woman has enough on her plate without you trying to wedge your way onto it. So, why are you trying?
“Do you like the snow?”
Her simple question jarred his wandering thoughts and he took a moment to gather them before he spoke.
“I like the moisture it puts in the ground. God knows around here we never get enough of it. But since cattle can’t graze through drifts of snow, it’s hard on them. You already know about the snow and feeding cattle, though.”
“Hmm. I should’ve guessed you’d look at it from a rancher’s point of view. If I owned a ranch, I probably would, too.”
He could feel her gaze traveling over the side of his face and it urged him to glance her way. The picture she made, sitting beside him, made the sky seem bluer, the sun even brighter and turned him into a complete sap.
“And how do you see the snow, Miss Sassy?”
“When it first falls it makes everything look new and fresh. Like the world is starting all over. That’s what I like best about it.”
“Is that what you’d like to do? Start all over?”
Silent moments passed before she finally said, “Not exactly. I’ve made mistakes. But that’s how we learn, isn’t it? And I don’t want to look back with regret. I want to move forward to where everything is fresh and new.”
Was that what he’d been doing? Jett wondered. Looking back with regrets instead of reaching for a better future? He didn’t want to think he’d wasted these past five years just licking his wounds and trying to avoid being hurt all over again. But now he was wondering if that’s exactly what he had been doing.
Reaching for a knob on the dash, he adjusted the heater so that part of the warm air would blow on her feet. “Last night, after you raced off to your room, I expected you’d cancel our trip this morning.”
He glanced over just in time to see her features tighten.
“Thank God your sister chose that moment to enter the house,” she muttered.
He had to grin. “Hmm. I was thinking Bella had very bad timing.”
Sassy lifted her chin to a defiant angle and Jett realized he admired her pluckiness as much as her vibrant beauty. “Well, I’m not a coward, Jett. I wasn’t about to let that kiss scare me away from you or this outing. You can kiss me all you’d like, but you’re not going to break my resolve concerning you.”
“Kiss you all I want, huh? That sounds like a pretty pleasurable challenge to me.”
“That wasn’t a challenge. That was a promise.”
His chuckle was low and sexy. “Well, promises are made to be broken, Sassy. And resolves can be broken, too.”
* * *
After traveling through Carson City, the eastern shoreline of Tahoe Lake was only a few short minutes away. Jett drove to one of the more easily accessible beaches and stopped the truck in a paved parking area surrounded by huge ponderosa pines and red firs.
“There’s a wooden dock not far from here that goes out over the water. Do you feel up to walking?” he asked.
She reached to unfasten her safety belt. “Sure. I’d love to get a closer view.”
“Great. Just wait until I help you down. The ground is slick. I don’t want you going anywhere unless you’re holding on to me.”
She shot him an impish grin. “Okay, Jett. I’ll let you lead me around like an old granny woman,” she teased.
Moments later, he helped her to the ground and she buttoned her coat and fastened a thick green scarf around her neck before he led her away from the truck.
“Cold?” he asked, as a breeze from the north ruffled her red waves.
“No. The sun feels wonderful.”
He took a careful hold on her arm, and they started over a small trail that led downward to the shoreline. Along the way, huge boulders rose above their heads and wind whistled through white firs and giant pines.
Other than the two of them, there was nothing around but the birds swooping over the span of deep blue water that stretched as far as the eye could see.
“The water looks so clear,” she remarked. “Just how big is this lake?”
“It’s twelve miles wide and more than a thousand feet deep.”
Clearly impressed, she said, “Oh, we don’t have anything like this around Ruidoso.”
“You won’t find any other lake like this in North America. Guess that’s why the tourists flock to it.”
Using her cell phone, she snapped several pictures before turning a smile on him that said she was enjoying every moment. The idea that he’d managed to please her made him ridiculously happy.
“This is so gorgeous, Jett. And practically right here in your backyard. Do you come here often?”
“No. I really don’t have a reason to drive over
here. When Bella and I were just little kids, our parents would bring us here during the summer for swims and picnics. One thing about Dad, he liked to enjoy himself. He’d bring his guitar and make up silly little songs around the campfire.” He smiled a bit. “Funny, even though our father would be gone for long stretches at a time, it was very special for us all whenever he was home. We adored him.”
Resting her back against the railing on the dock, she looked up at him. “Was he kind to you?”
“I don’t recall him ever raising his voice to me or Bella. But then he left most of the disciplining up to Mom. I never did have much in common with my dad. We had totally different interests. But sometimes I really miss him—just hearing him laugh—seeing his face.”
“Would you like for him to come around?”
“Only if it was because he wanted to see his kids. Not because he was feeling guilty.”
“Well, at least you have a father,” she said with a small sigh.
“You do, too. Somewhere,” he said. Then, in an effort to lift the somber moment, he smiled and touched a fingertip to the bridge of her nose. “Out here in the sunlight I can see your freckles.”
“You shouldn’t be looking at my freckles. Especially with all this beauty around us.”
“Your freckles are very charming.” To emphasize his point, he bent his head and kissed several spots along her cheekbone. As his lips hovered near her nose, he felt her fingers momentarily tighten over his forearm, then just as her flowery scent filled his head, she suddenly turned her back to him.
“We should be going.”
Her voice was small and strained and he wondered if she wanted to be in his arms as much he wanted her to be there. “Sassy, before we go I—I’m glad you still wanted to come on this date with me.”
Her head twisted around, and as she stared at him in wonder, strands of red hair blew across her face and clung to her moist lips. Jett’s fingers itched to clear them away and press his mouth to all that sweetness.
“Is that what this really is, Jett?” she asked slowly.
The Baby Truth Page 11
