by Lyn Denison
“Talking to her aunt. She won’t be long.” Kate felt herself stiffen as Dean moved over into Ashley’s seat beside Kate.
She took a sip of her drink, eyeing Dean out of the corner of her eye. She had to grudgingly admit he was good looking in a dark, pretty-boy sort of way. He was older than Tim Maclean, more Ashley’s brother Baden’s age, and far too old for Ashley, Kate thought. He was smart and was in his first year of residency at the local hospital. Tall and well built, he had thick dark hair and a square-jawed, angular face. Every girl’s dream, she reflected sarcastically to herself. But not hers. And hopefully, not Ashley’s.
“While Ashley is away I want to ask you something,” Dean was saying, and Kate turned to him in surprise.
“What?”
“You’re her best friend. Has she mentioned anything to you about what she wants for her birthday?”
“Her birthday’s not for ages,” Kate said, and he nodded.
“I know but I want to get her something special.”
“I don’t know” Kate was noncommittal, and she barely registered the fact that Phillip had rejoined them.
“Get her an engagement ring and be done with it,” Phillip said, and Kate was shocked into silence.
Dean frowned. “I’ve been thinking about that. In fact, I sort of mentioned it to her father last week, but he thinks Ashley might be a little young. You know, to get married.”
“Ashley wants to go to university,” Kate said desperately, and Dean smiled.
“She won’t have to do that. I can afford to keep her. I’ve nearly finished my residency, and then I’ll be going back south. We can live in a unit my parents own back in Melbourne. I’ve thought it all out.”
Kate was horrified. She wanted to ask him if he’d talked to Ashley about this, but Ashley returned at that moment and Dean moved back to his own seat. As Ashley sat down, Kate felt the familiar warmth of Ashley’s arm so close to hers, and she felt sick with dread. Things had become progressively worse after that night, culminating in the argument Kate and Ashley had had over Ashley going to the football club dance with Dean.
The murmur of voices, voices closer than the sounds that emanated from the Maclean backyard, brought Kate back to the present. And when Ashley looked over the side of the tree-house floor, for one moment Kate thought she was dreaming. Ashley smiled, but there was a certain wariness in her eyes.
“Hello, Kate. I didn’t realize you were here. Jenny and I were just going to show Josh the tree house,” she said brightly. “Do you mind? Or are we intruding?”
“Mum said I couldn’t come over without her,” Jenny beamed at Kate as she clambered up beside her mother. “But I said you said you didn’t mind. You don’t, do you?” Jenny persisted as Kate made no comment.
“I…no, of course not. As long as you’re careful climbing up,” Kate said, and Jenny swung herself up beside Kate.
The young girl turned. “Come on, Mum. Josh can’t get up if you keep blocking his way.”
There was a flurry of arms and legs, and then the tree house seemed full of people. Kate stayed in her chair, mainly because she suspected her rubbery legs would give way if she tried to stand. All she could recall was the feel of Ashley’s body pressed so close to hers the afternoon before. And her heartbeats set up an erotic tattoo.
Ashley subsided onto the fruit crate, and Jenny organized her young cousin to sit beside her on the floor.
“Remember Josh, Kate? Aunt Belinda’s son? You met him in the library” Jenny smiled Ashley’s smile and turned to the boy. “Kate’s Mum’s best friend,” she said seriously.
Josh Harrison murmured a shy hello to Kate, and she fancied she could see a ghost of a resemblance to Ashley in the young boy’s features, a legacy of his mother, Belinda.
“Mum was telling Josh how she found you here the first time and how you became best friends from that day onward,” Jenny said wistfully. “I wish I had a best friend like that.”
Kate shot a quick glance at Ashley and saw a light flush color her cheeks.
“You’ve got lots of friends, Jen,” Ashley said gently, and the child pursed her lips.
“But not special friends like Kate, friends you have exciting adventures with.”
“We could have plenty of adventures in this tree house. It’s cool,” Josh put in. “It could be Duke Nukem’s base while he saves the world,” he added eagerly, and Jenny, distracted, turned to him, her eyes glowing.
“Or a pirate ship, and we could sail the seven seas in search of gold doubloons and pieces of eight.”
“It was a magic carpet for Kate and me,” Ashley said with a smile. “We rode it to every corner of the world. Remember when we decided it was a Cobb and Co. coach and we were taking the gold from the diggings to the bank?”
Kate made herself smile. “Yes. I remember.”
At her tone Ashley’s smile faltered a little, but the two children didn’t notice as Jenny was showing Josh how they could see into their grandparents’ backyard.
“Gran’s just arrived home,” Jenny announced, and Ashley sighed.
“You two better head home then. Gran will be worried if she doesn’t know where we are.”
“Oh, Mum.” Jenny grumbled. “But we just came over.”
“You can come over again another day.”
“Aren’t you coming home, too?” Jenny asked as she followed Josh off the platform.
“In a minute. I want to talk to Kate for a moment. Tell your grandmother I won’t be long.”
Jenny looked as though she was going to argue with her mother, but she sighed loudly, said good-bye to Kate, and disappeared from view.
Ashley peered through the leaves, watching until the two children had slipped through the fence, and then she turned back to Kate.
“Kate. We should talk,” she said softly, and Kate’s already taut body tensed even more. “About yesterday afternoon.”
“Forget it, Ashley. It was just” — Kate swallowed “a mistake,” she finished unevenly.
“A mistake?” Ashley repeated and gave a soft, humorless laugh. “I don’t think it was, Kate. And neither do you. Mistakes don’t leave you breathless and feeling as if you’ll die if you don’t get to repeat that kiss again.”
“Ash, don’t.”
“Kate, please. I need to talk to you.” Ashley sat down on the packing case, rested her elbows on her knees, and clutched her hands together in front of her. “This is tearing me apart.”
“That’s how I felt when you married Dean Andrews.” Kate regretted the words even as she said them, and she felt a stab of pain as Ashley blanched.
“Don’t you think it hurt me too? God, Kate. I loved you.”
“I find that hard to believe,” Kate said caustically.
“Why do you think I came back?” Ashley asked.
Kate shrugged. “It’s your mother’s birthday.”
“For heaven’s sake, Kate. What’s made you so hard? You never used to be like this.”
“It’s not being hard. It’s called self-preservation,” Kate said rationally, and Ashley shook her head.
“Do you know that sometimes it was only the thought of you that kept me sane,” she said quietly.
Kate told herself not to allow her aching heart to clutch at the other woman’s words. She had to remain aloof, not let Ashley weaken her hard-won resolve.
“I cried all through my wedding.” Ashley grimaced. “Everyone thought they were tears of happiness. Can you believe that? Happiness? I felt as though my life was over, and in a way it was.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Kate protested.
“It’s true, Kate. These ten years have become a blur of pretense, of hiding the real me deep inside myself and not letting me out. Because I was afraid of what I’d do. If it hadn’t been for Jenny, I don’t think I’d have made it.”
Kate swallowed. “If it was so bad, why did you stay with him?”
“I tried to leave him dozens of times. But our families, either his parents
or mine, always banded together, convinced me I had to go back, make a go of it for Jenny’s sake. And each time I went back, Dean was more malicious in his paybacks.”
“He physically abused you?” Kate asked hollowly.
“Only in the beginning. But after I came home the first time, before Jen was born, I told my parents, and Dad talked to him. I don’t know what he said, but Dean never hit me again. But he found other, just as hurtful, just as belittling ways of getting back at me if I didn’t go along with what he wanted, what he said.”
A sudden shaft of anger aimed at Dean Andrews sliced through Kate, and she had to look away, not wanting Ashley to see that her words had slithered under Kate’s guard. “So why are you divorcing him now?” she asked levelly.
“Dean thought he had the trump card. Our daughter. And our parents played on that, too. I was chock-full of guilt when I thought about breaking up the family and taking Jen away from Dean. I mean, you read all the books that say bad parents are better than no parents, etc.
“And then, one day when Dean had left the house after one of his tirades, Jen asked me why I didn’t divorce her father when it was obvious I was happier when I wasn’t with him? Just like that.” Ashley snapped her fingers.
“I realized how inadvertently selfish I’d been, totally involved in how much I wanted to get away from Dean. I hadn’t been watching Jen, asking her how she felt. It was then I saw that she was a different child when Dean was in the house. She was quiet and withdrawn, and she watched her father constantly to gauge his reactions. There was always a continuous tension around both of us. When Dean left she relaxed, just like I did.
“That was over two years ago. That’s when I decided to make some changes in our lives. I’d been playing around with writing Gold Fever for ages, so I began to take it seriously. When I finished it, I rang a well-known agent and convinced her to read it. And it went from there. Having the book do so well has opened up other opportunities for me, so I can now afford to provide for us. I just regret I didn’t do it sooner.
“When I stood up to Dean, he backed down. Of course, the fact that he had a mistress may have had something to do with it.”
“I’m sorry,” Kate said inadequately and a heavy silence seemed to stir the air in the fine leaves of the tamarind tree above them.
They sat in the uneasy silence, each lost in her own troubled thoughts.
“I won’t believe you didn’t think of me over the years.” Ashley’s voice was low, and it flowed sensuously over Kate’s hot body like warm oil.
Kate met Ashley’s gaze and was unable to look away, suddenly so sure she could drown in their inky blue depths. She was being drawn in, getting caught in the vortex of emotion that swirled about them both.
Ashley reached out, took Kate’s hand in hers, lifted it to her lips. And Kate’s senses leaped at the scorching touch, the fire of desire threatening to engulf her.
“Didn’t you sometimes think of me, Kate?” Ashley repeated, her voice almost a whisper, lowly inciting, and Kate snatched her hand away.
“Did I think of you?” Her lips twisted into a humorless smile. “Oh, yes, I thought of you.”
CHAPTER NINE
“In the beginning I thought about you almost constantly,” she continued flatly, memories of the past rising, causing well-remembered pain. “I was slowly falling to pieces, not eating, closeting myself in my room, and I was failing my courses.
“Finally someone, a friend, convinced me I had to do something about it. So I made a pact with myself. I started out only allowing myself to think of you six times a day. And then I cut it back to four. Then sometimes I wouldn’t even think about you for a week.
“I was so good at it.” Kate gave a soft, self-deprecating laugh. “And then someone would walk along the street in front of me, someone with long golden hair that swung in the breeze just the way yours did when it was longer.” Kate’s gaze went to the soft tendrils of Ashley’s now short hair, and she reached out, picked up one strand, let it slide through her fingers. Or I’d get a faint scent of some perfume that you used to wear. And then”— she shrugged— “it would start all over again.”
“Oh, Kate.” A tear spilled over and trickled down Ashley’s pale cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“That was in the beginning, Ash. I’m over that now. But it was agonizing, and that’s why I don’t want to go through it all again.”
“Mum!” Jennifer’s young voice came from below, and Ashley hurriedly wiped her face on the sleeve of her blouse.
Kate stood up, her legs and arms stiff from the tension that held her. “We’d better go down,” she said quietly.
Ashley looked at her for long moments, and then she nodded unhappily.
“We’re coming, love,” she called to her daughter, and Kate followed her as she climbed from branch to branch.
“Mum, Gran said to ask Kate if she’d like to come to the party tomorrow night,” Jenny said importantly. “You will, won’t you, Kate?”
Patsy Maclean wanted Kate to come to her birthday party? Kate couldn’t believe it. And what was more to the point, did she want to go? she asked herself.
“Oh, I don’t know, Jen. I —”
“Ah, Kate. Please come,” Jenny pleaded. “We’re having stacks of excellent food, and everyone will be there. Oh, and Gran said to bring your boyfriend if you’d like.” She looked up at Kate. “Do you have a boyfriend, Kate? Is he nice?”
Ashley’s gaze held Kate’s again, and then Kate shook her head.
“No, Jen, I don’t have a boyfriend,” she said evenly, and the little girl frowned.
“Gran said you did. She said he worked in the big city hall.”
“I know who your grandmother means, but he’s not my boyfriend.” So Patsy Maclean still thought Kate was safely involved with Phillip Walker. Or hoped she was? Was that why she’d issued the invitation?
“Why don’t you come, Kate,” Ashley said as she brushed a wayward strand of fair hair back from her daughter’s face. “I know Baden and Tim would be pleased to see you again.”
“Maybe,” Kate said without conviction, knowing she wouldn’t go.
“Mum always says maybe when she means no,” Jenny said with childlike insight, and Kate had to smile.
“I promise to consider it. How’s that?”
“Not as good as a ‘Yes, I’ll come,’” Jenny said and clutched at Kate’s hand. “It’ll be fun, Kate. You’ll see.”
Kate shot a quick glance at Ashley. “I’m sure it will be,” she said, more than a little disconcerted.
So Kate had spent the last twenty-four hours wavering between going to the party and not going to the party. Now, late the next afternoon, she found herself dressing for Patsy Maclean’s birthday celebrations with far more than her usual care.
And she still kept asking herself why she’d decided to go. Because Ashley would be there, an inner voice jeered, and she tried to push the disturbing thought from her mind, not wanting to face the truth of that implication.
Dress was casual, Ashley had said when she phoned a couple of hours ago, and her call hadn’t helped Kate’s indecision.
Ashley had been dispatched to the supermarket for some last-minute party fare, and she’d made her call from a pay phone there. Away from listening ears, she’d explained.
“I was just calling to see if you’re coming this evening,” she’d said, and Kate’s hand had tightened on the receiver.
“I don’t think it would be in everyone’s best interests, do you?”
“It was Mum’s idea,” Ashley reminded her, and Kate pulled a mocking face at herself in the mirror over her dressing table.
“Only if I was coming with Phillip Walker,” she put in. There was a moment’s silence when all Kate heard was the faint sound of Ashley breathing.
“I wish you’d come, Kate,” she said softly.
“And spend the whole night making sure I wasn’t talking to you every time your mother appeared?”
“Does that
mean you’d want to be talking to me?” Ashley asked lightly and gave a loud sigh. “No one but Mum knows what happened with us, Kate. But apart from that, what does it matter what anyone thinks? Were hardly children any more.”
“You’ve certainly changed your tune,” Kate said dryly. “I seem to remember that what everyone thought ranked rather high on your list.”
“That was years ago, Kate. And please don’t make me keep apologizing for it. I admit it was wrong, but that’s easy to say with hindsight.”
Kate sighed. She knew Ashley was right. But didn’t she have grounds for continuing to labor the point? Or was she becoming shrewish?
“I’d really like you to come tonight,” Ashley was saying. “And there’re no strings attached. I won’t even try to talk to you if you don’t want me to.”
“That might look a little strange, don’t you think?”
“Okay. That gives me permission to talk to you,” Ashley said gleefully. “And I promise to keep my hands to myself.”
Kate’s pulses leaped as her mind cast before her a picture of Ashley’s hands on Kate’s naked body. “Don’t, Ash.”
“‘Don’t keep my hands to myself,’ or ‘Don’t! Keep your hands to yourself!’?”
“You know what I meant. This isn’t a game, Ashley.” Part of Kate wondered where she’d lost her sense of humor over the years. Ashley had always been able to make her laugh.
“I know it’s not a game, Kate,” Ashley said quietly. “It’s much, much more than that. I guess we should change the subject. So, are you going to come tonight? Dress is casual.”
Kate sighed. “I’ll see how things go. I may just drop in for an hour or so. But I’m not promising,” she added, backing away from a half-made decision.
“What was it Jen said about maybes?” Ashley asked ironically, and Kate heard her sigh again. “All right, Kate. I guess I’d better get back with this stuff or else they might send out a search party for me.” She paused. But I hope I see you tonight, Kate. Bye.”
And the phone had buzzed in Kate’s ear for long moments before she replaced the receiver in its cradle.
So now here she was trying to decide what to wear to Ashley’s mother’s birthday party and wondering why she was even considering going.
