Yeah. And hell, no.
And damned if his heart rate didn’t kick up as she wheeled toward him, a slight smile on her lips. Not in any hurry, though—and he’d seen how fast she could go, so he knew the chair was no hindrance. The sun sliced across the yard, making her hair flame. The stark light wasn’t particularly kind, but it was revealing. Honest.
Now it wasn’t only his heart rate kicking up.
“If you recall,” she said when she got closer, “I’m not real fond of crowds.”
It took him a moment—because the blood flow wasn’t exactly surging toward his brain—to remember what he’d said to provoke her response. Probably because he’d expected her to take him to task for ditching her.
“And yet you obviously like people.”
The smile stretched. “I love people. Just not so many of them at once. In fact...”
Mallory moved closer before pivoting her chair to face the mountains. The temperature was already dropping with the sun; she rearranged that shawl, tugging it higher on her neck.
“Russell loved to throw these big parties. I much preferred intimate dinners, six people at the most. But more and more he kept coming up with some excuse or other for those dinners at the last minute, forcing me to cancel. Didn’t take me long to realize he was doing it on purpose, that being in a small group forced him to actually relate to his guests. So much easier to mask who you really are in a crowd. And I really hate pretending.”
“Isn’t that a little weird, coming from an actor?”
She barked out a little laugh. “I do know the difference between taking on a role and real life.” Her gaze slid to his. “Where are the boys?”
“With Mom and Dad, last I saw. Although around here, everybody looks out for everybody’s kids. Meaning nobody can get away with squat.”
“A real-life example of ‘it takes a village.’”
“Pretty much, yep.” At her wistful expression, he asked, “Who’s Landon more like? You or his dad?”
Her mouth pulled flat as she thought. “Hard to tell. Crowds don’t really bother him, but he’s good in one-on-one situations, too. I’m not sure he takes after either one of us, frankly. He’s just...himself. Oh...wow...”
“What’re you looking at?” Zach asked, twisting around to see what had caught her attention.
“This,” she said, pushing herself a few feet down the veranda to a padded porch swing, its chains tinkling in the breeze. “We used to have one on our porch when I was a kid. I’d sit in it for hours, reading. Or just swinging and thinking.” She sighed. “Had my first kiss in it, too.”
Zach rose from the chair he’d been sitting—okay, brooding—in and came up behind her. “I’m guessing Dorelle doesn’t know about that part.”
“Don’t kid yourself, that woman knows everything. Although I’m guessing she did not tell Daddy,” she said, reaching for the chain, which only made the swing wobble even more. “Stevie Franklin. We were fourteen. And we both had braces. So, yeah. Awkward. Especially since the swing wouldn’t stay still.” She heaved a dramatic sigh. “It was two years before I kissed another boy.”
“You’re not serious.”
“No, really, I thought it was disgusting and stupid.” She chuckled. “Not to mention painful.”
At that point, Zach expected her to roll away. When she didn’t—
“I’m guessing it’s been a while since you’ve been on one of these?”
“Not since I left Texas. Russell thought they were tacky.”
“Screw Russell,” Zach muttered, walking around her. “Can you transfer by yourself? Or do you need help?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never tried. Obviously. Although I might be able to—” she wheeled closer “—if you could hold the stupid thing steady...”
Easier said than done. Because no matter how he held it, he couldn’t make it stop wiggling. Which was only made worse when Mallory tried to grasp the arm or seat to make the transfer. A situation she seemed to find funnier the longer they tried to make it work. Finally Zach said, “This is ridiculous,” and scooped her out of the wheelchair, and she linked her arms around his neck, laughing...and then he tried to lower them both onto the swing, only he lost his balance and they crashed into the cushion, the chains creaking with the stress.
She sucked in a breath. “Ohmigod, if this thing falls... I don’t know, maybe you should get up?”
“Can’t now, not with you on top of me.”
“Oh, yeah?” Her grin spread warmth through his chest. Among other places.
“Yeah. Because some things can’t be stopped once you start.”
At that she lost it completely, howling with laughter. But at least the swing had stopped its violent quaking, even if Zach’s heart had only gotten started. Especially when her eyes locked in his, her smile softening. He shifted, the idea being to set her beside him. Only she tightened her grip behind his neck.
“You know what I’d really like to do right now?”
“I can’t wait to hear this,” he said, and her eyes twinkled. Then she palmed his cheek, that simple touch immediately setting him on fire.
“It’s also been a while since a boy kissed me on a porch swing.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking, Mallory.”
“Actually, I do... Oh.” Her gaze darkened. “Sorry, I thought...” She huffed a sigh, then said, “And here’s where I should probably get off your lap and pretend like this never happened. If, you know, I could actually do that—”
“Oh, God, no, honey—” Zach grabbed her hand and pressed it to his chest. “That did not come out the way I meant it. Because trust me, I’ve been thinking about kissing you, too. For some time, actually.”
Her lips curved. “You don’t say.”
“God’s truth,” he said, and she chuckled, low in her throat. “But...it’s been a while since I’ve kissed a girl, too. On a porch swing or anyplace else. And I—”
“Think far too much, is how you want to finish that sentence,” she murmured, then curved her hands around his jaw and brought their mouths together.
And in that instant, he knew kissing her would never be enough.
* * *
This was definitely one of those moments, Mallory thought as the kiss instantly morphed from sweet to sensational, when you realize nothing will be the same. When your life switches from before to after, the demarcation as clear as between the river and the shore.
Oh, jeez, could the man kiss, she thought as his mouth moved so firmly, so sweetly under hers...his teeth gently grazing her lips as one hand tangled in her hair and the other splayed across her back in a move so deliciously possessive she could barely think straight. Barely breathe.
She reached for one of the chains, the cool metal soothing her heated palm. Kind of.
“I’d forgotten how well you country boys can kiss.”
“I’d sort of forgotten myself,” Zach muttered, and she grinned.
“Your glasses are all steamy.”
He removed them, frowning at the fogged lenses for a moment before smiling up at her. A sad smile, though. Big surprise.
“Not what I expected when I came out here.”
“Me, neither. But I’m a big believer in taking advantage of the moment.”
One side of his mouth lifted. “So you go around kissing random men whenever the mood strikes?”
“Oh, Lord...not hardly.” In fact, she’d shocked herself, coming on to him like she had. Taking that risk. Being the aggressor never had been her strong suit. And since the accident—
“What?” Zach whispered, stroking her hair away from her face. Clearly not caring that she was sitting on his lap. She wondered what was going on underneath her butt, since she couldn’t feel much of anything down there. Didn’t mean she couldn’t feel other things, though, other places.
“There’s only so much opportunity for lip-locking in a small town,” she said. “Especially if you don’t really get started until you’re sixteen and you
meet who you thought was the love of your life a year later.” She sighed. “Meaning Russell was my first. And only. But like I said...” Her shoulders bumped. “Things had gone wonky between us even before...all this. Afterwards...” She shrugged again, then sighed. “And maybe you should get me off your lap before somebody comes out and sees us. Like your kids, maybe.”
“Good point,” he said, then maneuvered her onto the swing beside him, his arm resting on the back behind her neck. To her chagrin her feet didn’t touch the floor.
“Jeez, I feel like I’m five years old again. And to think I used to be so proud of these legs.”
“Bet you could benchpress a Ford pickup, though. The exercise equipment?” he said when she frowned.
“Ah. It’s true, my upper body strength is off the charts.”
Zach dug his boots into the floor in front of him, setting the swing into motion. A steady, easy motion, not the crazy jittering from before. “So you haven’t...you know?”
His shyness was beyond cute. Especially considering that little necking session back there. “Six years and counting.”
“Damn.”
“You’re telling me. What Russell never understood—or wanted to, more likely—was simply because things worked differently didn’t mean they didn’t work at all. Or that my brain shut down simply because a couple vertebrae got screwed up.” To her annoyance, her eyes stung. “I’m the same person I was before, you know? Okay, so maybe I wasn’t exactly hot to get it on those first few months, but afterwards... Dammit, sex is about more than body parts fitting together!”
Oops.
Zach put his glasses back on. All the better to give her a long, searching look, she supposed, before saying, “I know what you mean.”
“So I take it you...?”
His fingers grazed the back of her neck, making her shiver. “First kiss in forever, remember?”
“Hey. I read. I keep up. So I gather kissing isn’t necessarily a prerequisite to...other stuff.”
“For some men, maybe. Not me. I happen to like kissing. A whole lot, actually.”
“Somehow I got that.”
Then his lips curved, slowly. And with great meaning. “In fact...” This time he took the lead, one hand cupping her cheek as he brought his mouth down on hers, and she opened to him immediately, brazenly asking.
And boy, did she receive. After what seemed like three hours, although in reality the sun hadn’t even shifted all that much, they came up for air. Which she may have gulped for a little. What was it they said about when you lose one of your senses, the others become more acute? In her case, apparently the nerve endings in the still-working parts of her body had happily taken on the tasks of the parts that didn’t. She didn’t just tingle, she burned.
Praise be.
“Thanks.”
Zach smiled. Looking a little less sad, maybe? For his sake, she sure hoped so. “For?”
“Not rejecting me,” she said bluntly.
Frowning, he looked away for several seconds. But when he met her gaze again, anger darkened his eyes. “Okay, I realize however I say this, it’ll probably come out wrong, so I’m just gonna take my chances. I’ve also gotta be honest about having issues with...whatever this is between us. But those issues have nothing to do with you. Nothing. Because what I see, when I look at you...is you. Just as you are. Inside and out. The chair...okay, it’s part of who you are, but it’s not you. And I sure as hell don’t give a damn that you’re in it. And...”
He scrubbed his free hand through his hair. “And the thing is...” A ragged breath pushed from his lungs. “You make me...”
Oh, dear Lord. “Hot?” Mallory ventured.
A faint smile touched his mouth. That incredible, beautiful mouth. “Like you wouldn’t believe. But not because I’ve got some weird fetish,” he added quickly, and she laughed. “What I’m trying to say, is that the chair isn’t an obstacle. Neither is the reason you’re in it. The obstacle is me. And you need to know that before...”
He seemed to catch himself. Mallory laid a hand on his knee.
“Before we do anything more?”
Another pause. “Do you want to?”
“You really have to ask?”
“Even knowing...?”
“Especially knowing,” she said, and his puzzled gaze zinged to hers. She folded her hand around his fingers, smiling when he squeezed back. “For five years, people have twisted themselves inside out trying to figure out what they could do for me. Some people, anyway. Now here’s an opportunity for me do the giving. No, listen to me, Zach,” she said when he shook his head. “You got me back up on a horse. Gave me back part of myself I’d pretty much thought I’d never have again. So let me do this for you.” She smiled. “But act now, because this offer isn’t available to the general public, and only available for a limited time.”
His throat worked for several moments before he said, “How?”
Her heart slammed up against her ribs, even as she somehow managed to calmly say, “Up to you. You’re the one with the kids. And I’ll be the other one with a kid in a few days. Narrow window, guy.”
“You’re really sure?”
“You know, my hands work just fine. And you’re close enough for me to smack. Yes, idiot, I’m sure. But...are you?”
Zach looked away again, then heaved a sigh. “Not at all,” he said, lifting her hand to kiss her knuckles. “And ninety percent of me is saying I’d be a fool to do this.”
“And the other ten?”
That got another sigh, this one absolutely breaking her heart. “Thinks I’d be a fool not to.” He palmed the back of his neck, shaking his head. “You have no idea, the war that’s going on in my head right now. Between what I want and what’s right. And until those two mesh in my head...” He lowered her gaze to hers. “I can’t.”
“Can’t?”
“Okay, shouldn’t.” Another breath. “Won’t.”
“I understand.” And oddly enough, she did. Of course, leave it to her to find the most honorable man on the entire planet in a town so small half the houses didn’t even have real addresses. She gave him a little smile. “But at least I got a couple fabulous kisses out of the deal.”
He chuckled. “Same here.” Then he stood, holding out his hands. “Need help?”
“Unless I plan on sleeping out here tonight? Yep.”
Once back in the chair, Mallory looked up into that strong, gentle face, finding herself wondering what it must’ve been like, being his wife. Being the focus of all that devotion. And for a moment she actually felt envious of a dead woman, God help her.
Except then she thought, if what she saw in front of her was the result of loving that hard, she wouldn’t want to be the cause of that much pain for anything.
“You know, this is where I’d stand on tiptoe to give you a kiss on the cheek before making my graceful exit. But I can’t exactly do that.”
In the deepening twilight, she saw him smile before he bent over, close enough for her to inhale his scent. “How’s this?”
She reached up to touch his cheek. “Still can’t reach,” she said, and he bent closer, his late-day whiskers scratching her lips, still sensitive from all that earlier kissing. Same as her heart, she thought, glad he couldn’t see the tears brimming on her lower lashes. Not for herself, though. For him.
Which could only mean one thing—
“I’ll go back first,” she said, “so we don’t start a gossip riot.”
“Thanks,” he whispered, standing straight again, and she could feel his eyes on her back as she wheeled away. As well as her heart swelling to the point where it felt like it might burst.
Yep, she was in love, all righty. In a way she’d never been before. In no small part because she’d never known a man like this before.
Well, poop.
* * *
After the wedding, the boys had wanted to play a little longer with Austin—because spending the last three hours together running around toge
ther hadn’t been enough—and Zach was too mentally fried to come up with a reason why they couldn’t. Val’s former in-laws had taken the girls so Levi and Val could have a short honeymoon up in Durango across the Colorado border, his parents had left early, and frankly Zach didn’t want to go home, either, to a house perfumed with too many memories, too many unrealized hopes and dreams. Normally he could hack it, but tonight...not really.
So here he was in their old childhood home, the three-bedroom cabin on the property that came with the foreman’s job. Not huge, but adequate. Comfortable. Place hadn’t changed much, though, since Zach and his brothers had lived there with their parents—same worn upholstered furniture, same even more worn rugs, same burn marks in the wooden floor fronting the stone fireplace from when somebody hadn’t bothered replacing the grate and a red-hot log had tumbled out and nearly caught the carpet on fire. Not to mention that old Labrador retriever they’d had back then.
Said somebody came out of the kitchen with two mugs of coffee, handing one to Zach before—carefully—sinking into the middle sofa cushion with a huge sigh. The boys were all in Austin’s room, lost in a world where a miniature toy car could take you anywhere you wanted to go, and a box of old Halloween costumes could change you into anybody you wanted to be. Too bad there weren’t such things for grown-ups, Zach thought, morosely sipping his coffee.
His brother was close enough to prod Zach’s foot with the toe of his own boot. “What’s up with you?”
A question he’d never have asked when he would’ve only been five to Zach’s twelve, thirteen to Zach’s twenty. Funny how adulthood leveled things out. On that score, anyway. Although the brothers had grown closer since Levi’s discharge from the Army that past May, the bond between the twins—and their feeling of comfort about sharing with each other—was much stronger than between Zach and them. At one time Zach and his other brother, Colin, only a year younger than him, had been best buds, but since he hadn’t even heard from him in years...
Forcing a smile, he turned to the brother who was there and threw him a bone. “The wedding hit me harder than I thought it would. That’s all.”
Josh frowned. “You’re not happy for them?”
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