Jax shut the door, turned to face King. His dark-green eyes were serious and King waited for the hammer to fall.
“I was – I just – I wanted to –” Jax stopped, cleared his throat, started again. “Matt…”
King froze. Jax never used his real name. Whatever this was, it was big.
“Yeah?” King said quietly. “What, man?”
“Oh, shit. I suck at stuff like this.” Jax shook his dark head. “Fuck. Sarah told me that I should just say it, so that’s what I’ll do.” He took a deep breath, like a man about to cliff-dive into freezing water. “Matt, will you be my best man?”
“I – what?” King stared at his friend. “I – is that why you called me in here?”
“Yeah.” Jax looked embarrassed. “So… you don’t want to?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” King was incredulous. “Of course I do.”
“Yeah?”
“Hell, yeah. And actually… I wanted to ask you the same thing.”
“Yeah?” Now Jax looked both embarrassed and pleased. “For real?”
“Yeah.”
“So… yeah.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“How many times have we said ‘yeah’ in the past minute, do you think?” King asked him. “A rough estimate.”
“Ten?”
“I’d agree with that.”
The two men stared at each other, hard, then without a word, without a second of hesitation, they stepped forward at the exact same time. The embrace was brief, fierce, silent, but it was heartfelt and honest. Then they stepped back, studiously avoiding any and all eye contact, scrambling to regain their manly swaggers.
“You think that Mac and Aidan will be OK with this?” Jax said suddenly. “I mean… I want them both my wedding party, but you know, you can only have one best man…”
“Actually, they’re gonna ask each other.”
Jax paused. “You know this, how?”
“They both told me, asked if I minded, and if I thought that you’d mind.”
“Weird,” Jax mused. “You know, man, I had a feeling they’d ask each other. They’ve always had that sarcastic, snarky, sense of humor connection.”
“Right? I knew it too.”
“So.” Jax shrugged a bit. “Listen… seems a bit time-consuming for us to have, like, what? Six bachelor parties?”
King counted in his head. “Yeah. Six. Fuck me. How’d this happen?”
“Damn amazing women.”
Jax laughed, though about just how much he loved Sarah, thought how he’d never give her up for anything or change a single goddamn thing about her, not a single freckle on her glorious, curvy, astonishing body. “Ain’t that the truth.”
“So – what? You think we should have one massive party for all of us? All together?”
“Yeah,” Jax said. “A fucking blow-out party, man, the party to end all parties. The best party of our lives, before we all go trooping down the aisle to the best women we’ve ever known, and ever will know.”
“Sounds good to me,” King said. “On one condition.”
“Name it.”
“We do it in Vegas.”
“Jesus, man,” Jax said, stunned. “You reading my mind?”
“Nope,” King said, taking a sip of his almost-forgotten beer. “I just watched too many damn movies about stag parties in Vegas, and am dying to see if we can lose someone up on a hotel roof. I’m kinda secretly hoping that it’s Mac, for no reason that I can totally pin down.”
Jax threw back his head and roared. “You and me? We are sick and twisted, in the exact same ways.”
“You want to lose Mac on a roof, too?”
“Hell, yeah.” Jax grinned, now totally confident in King as his choice of best man. “Just for an hour, though, ‘cause if we came back without him, I for one wouldn’t want to have to explain to Mirrie where her man is. I’d rather take on a goddamn wild tiger than tangle with that woman when she’s pissed.”
“Amen, brother,” King agreed, thinking that even his years of military training and hand-to-hand combat experience wouldn’t save him from Mirrie, if she got it into her head to take his ass down. “So we lose Mac for an hour, then we carry on bringing Sin City to its knees.”
“So, speaking of happy couples… did you hear about Noah and Callie?”
King looked up, every nerve tingling and jangling. Callie was his niece, and as much as he loved Noah, and as happy as he was that they had found each other – despite both being autistic, and struggling with connection and emotion – King was not at all ready to hear that they were engaged too. “No.”
“Noah wants Callie to move in with him.”
“What?” King almost shouted. “Like – them alone?”
“Yeah.”
“Ohhhhh, man. How’d I not hear about this until just now?”
“Noah mentioned it to Sarah and Annie for the first time today. He hasn’t actually said anything to Callie yet.”
“You talked to him?” King asked, knowing that Noah and Jax had a close bond, for reasons that were both inexplicable and numerous. It was always touching and beautiful to see Jax with Sarah’s brother: Jax’s gentle soul, his kind nature, his shining good heart, all just come to the fore, and it was always a joy to see. “I know he’ll be turning to you for advice. He always does, when it comes to Calllie.”
“Yeah, he does,” Jax said, remembering when Noah asked him for kissing lessons. That had been one hell of an awkward afternoon. “I don’t know what to tell him, though. I mean, he’s almost thirty years old, man, and Callie’s twenty-six now. They’re financially independent, they’re learning life skills at the speed of light. If he wants to ask his girlfriend to move in with him, and she wants to do it, who are we to get involved? They really care about each other, and I know that Sarah never thought that Noah would ever be able to feel that way about anyone else.”
“I know. We thought the same thing about Callie.” King sighed. “Goddammit.”
“Well, Sarah and Annie are talking to him now,” Jax said. “Then I guess we’ll see what’s what.”
“Hmmmmm.” King said, with a slight tone of thoughtfulness in his voice. “Hey, you know what? Maybe Noah can come with to Vegas with us. He’d like that, right?”
Jax stared at his friend, knowing exactly what King was thinking.
“You aren’t leaving Noah on a fucking hotel roof except over my dead body, Kingston, so just forget it!”
King rolled his eyes, bit back a cocky grin.
Evil, genius plan thwarted by my mind-reading brother-from-another-mother. Shit.
**
“OK, sweetheart.” Annie accepted the tea that Noah had made her, bitterly regretful that it didn’t have a shot of whisky in it, but Noah didn’t drink and so his apartment was devoid of any and all alcoholic support. “You want Callie to move in here. With you.”
Noah nodded, sat down next to Sarah who was nursing her own cup of tea, looking tense and pale. “Yes. Here with me.”
Annie took a fortifying sip of sugary tea, prayed for strength and serenity. Yes, she adored Callie, loved her like her own daughter, and she was nothing but grateful that this sweet, funny, smart young woman had appeared in her son’s life. Callie had managed to coax affection and protectiveness out of Noah, things that he’d never shown anyone besides his mother and twin sister, and Annie would be forever grateful to Callie for opening up Noah to a whole new way to love, a whole new kind of love.
But… living together? Even if Noah and Callie weren’t autistic, Annie would have some serious reservations about her son taking such a huge step. But reality was reality – and they were an autistic couple. This introduced all kinds of unique challenges to the situation, and Annie hoped that they were all up for it – whatever the hell it was – becaus
e one look at the stubborn set of Noah’s jaw told her that his mind was made up. And once Noah made up his mind about anything, it was nothing short of hell on earth to get him to even consider an alternative perspective, course of action, or possibility.
She looked over at Sarah, saw Sarah looking back at her. She knew that the worry and trepidation so plainly present in her daughter’s features were visible in her own, and she tried to smooth her face into a semi-not-panicked state.
“Noah,” Sarah said now, her voice very clear and calm. “Could you please tell us what you think it would be like, living with Callie?”
Annie shot Sarah a grateful look; Sarah always knew how to approach Noah, how to speak to her brother without being condescending or dismissive, but in a way that forced him to think. He then had to express those thoughts, and if he hedged or hesitated, Sarah gently called him out. In this way, Noah was compelled to talk about his feelings, his hopes, his wants, his worries – even though he had no idea that’s what he was actually doing. He thought he was simply relaying information in a factual, dispassionate way… but it was far, far more than that.
“Oh. Well.” Noah blinked his blue eyes, the clear, beautiful eyes exactly like his sister’s, and shifted a bit on the sofa. “Well… we’ll wake up together in the same bed and I’ll get up and make us coffee and Callie will make us breakfast. I like eggs and bacon, and she’s good at making them, but she makes terrible coffee so I’ll make that. Then we’ll eat and wash the dishes and shower and get dressed, and Callie will put on makeup that I don’t think she needs, and then we’ll get our bags and leave. We’ll lock the door, always. Then we’ll go across the street to the bus stop and we’ll go to the Art With Heart Centre and I’ll paint and she’ll sculpt. But that’s not strictly about living together because we already do that almost every day. The painting and sculpting, I mean. The bacon and coffee and locking the door is about living together, so I’ll get back to that stuff now.”
Despite herself, Annie felt a smile starting to cross her face. Damn, her son was the most endearing combination of coldly logical and disarmingly sweet. That thing about Callie not needing makeup, for example… classic Noah. He was saying that he found Callie beautiful the way that she was, that he thought she was perfect the way that she was – but he didn’t use those words, he didn’t even know those words in some ways. The trick with him had always been to see the good, pure heart behind the sometimes brutal words… because that heart was astonishing.
It also hadn’t escaped her notice that although Sarah had asked in the hypothetical – what would it be like living with Callie? – Noah was answering in the affirmative – I will; she will; we will.
Yeah. For Noah, this was done. Mind made up, done and dusted, game over.
“After we finish painting and sculpting,” Noah continued. “We’ll get back on the bus and go grocery shopping for healthy food at the grocery store on the corner. Then we’ll go home and cook then clean up. Maybe some nights we’ll order pizza, but that’s not healthy so we won’t do that often. We’ll watch TV or a movie. Then we’ll shower and go to bed and sleep.”
Annie fought down the urge to applaud. Sarah, though, didn’t look satisfied.
“Listen, sweetie,” she said to her brother. “That’s all great, OK? Those are things that you and Callie would do if you lived together. Day-to-day routine stuff, which is important… but living with someone else isn’t just about taking the bus and washing the plates. It’s – well. It’s about living together. Making a home with another person, not just inhabiting a house with one.” She paused. “You understand me, Noah?”
“Yes. Can I try again to answer the question?”
“Of course.”
“I think – no, wait – I hope that living with Callie will be like you living with Brother Jax.”
Sarah cocked her head, her red curls falling over her one shoulder, warm and lovely. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that we’ll laugh and tease each other. I’ll kiss her by the sink when she’s washing the dishes. She’ll look happy as soon as I walk into the room. I’ll be somewhere and look in a store window and see something that I know she’ll like, and I’ll buy it for her, just to see her smile when I give it to her.” Noah opened and shut his hands, pondering, the he shrugged. “Lots and lots of things like that, too many to count or name. But I know how I want it to feel to live with Callie. Like how it feels to see you and Brother Jax live together. Warm. Happy.” He frowned, groping for the words. “It feels like a blanket or arms around you all the time.” He paused once more. “I think it’s love.”
Annie and Sarah exchanged glances again, saw nothing but admiration and acceptance this time. They also saw something else: the realization, both happy and tearful, that it was time to let Noah go. He was an adult with challenges, that was still a fact, but he was ready to tackle them – and with Callie by his side, he’d tackle them with dignity and fortitude.
God, to think that just three years ago, Noah couldn’t even handle having his cereal poured into the wrong-colored bowl. Yes, he still needed plans, routine, and agendas, and any major deviation from expected events was stressful and could lead to a breakdown or lashing out, but he’d learned how to self-soothe and he was much better at allowing himself to be distracted from his own panic and fear. He’d come so, so far, and this was the next step.
“Besides, it is assisted living here,” Noah said, abruptly veering back into the practical. “Doctors and counsellors and staff, and everyone is specialized in adults with autism. We’d have help with everything that we need, as long as we ask. And we always ask.”
“And us,” Annie said, her voice catching a little. “We’ll all be here for you both, any time that you need. Me and Sarah and Jax and King… and so many others, honey. You know that, right?”
“I know that you’ll be here,” Noah replied, puzzled. “I mean, it’s not like any of you are going anywhere. Of course you’ll be here in Denver.”
The women laughed.
“Exactly,” Sarah said. “Here in Denver, here nearby. You call us, any of us, and we’ll help.”
“I know,” Noah said with the simple faith of a person who knows that they’re loved, loved without question. “You’re always here to help.”
“OK, then, baby boy.” Annie took a deep breath, prepared to release her tenacious hold on her child a bit more. Not completely, of course, because she’d never do that with Noah, never do that with Sarah, because it went against her motherhood DNA… but she loosened her grip on her son. Let him make the decision to live with Callie if he wanted, if she wanted. Let him take a step away from her, another one. Let him go his own way in this mad, bad, sad world. Just a bit more. “You have my full support.”
“Mine too,” Sarah said. “And Jax’s.”
“Thank you,” Noah said, then in a rare moment of raw emotion, he added, “I know this isn’t easy for you two to do.”
They nodded silently. He nodded back, briefly acknowledging their splitting heartache, then he stood up. “More tea?”
They nodded again, still quietly. They knew that for Noah, this decision was made and this conversation was over, but they needed a few more minutes to adjust to this new reality before heading home.
They needed a few more minutes to figure out how to let him go.
Another cup of tea wouldn’t do it, of course, but it was a place to start.
Chapter Seven
Two weeks later
“So, how was moving-in day?” Sam asked Annie as he scooped vanilla ice cream on top of her warm toffee cake. “Besides totally worrying, I mean. Obviously.”
Annie laughed, accepted the dessert plate. “You know… I think I may have been worrying about things too much. Maybe even overreacting a tad.”
“No!” Sam gave her an exaggerated, wide-eyed stare. “Not you!”
“Yes!” she rejo
ined, mimicking his faux-stunned look. “Yes, me!”
“Do tell.” He sat down next to her on the sofa, positioned himself to give her his full attention. “They looked happy to be living together?”
“Well… they were a bit freaked out at first about all the mess and confusion. The boxes thrown everywhere and towering piles of stuff really challenged their need for organization and order, you know? Noah especially needs for things to be ‘in their place’, can’t move ‘em so much as an inch because he notices and gets all fidgety about it, so having his belongings all shoved to the side or put on a whole different shelf or whatever was doing his head in.”
“Yeah?” Sam took a bite of cake, watching her closely. “Did he melt down?”
“No. Jax took him aside and talked to him, kept him focused on the big picture. Jax is great at that, you know. Noah gets all bogged down and tied up in knots about details, but Jax always sees the endgame, and he’s really good at pointing it out to Noah calmly and without talking down to him. So this morning, Jax reminded him about the goal, and had Noah map out all the small steps needed to get there. Once Noah had manageable and individual things focus on again, instead of the hugeness of the mess, then he cooled down. Came back into the living room and started cleaning up and sorting. Then he was OK.”
“Yeah, Jax is a good man.”
“He’s an incredible man,” Annie said. “I didn’t always think so, but I was too busy being upset about his bike and his dive-bar business to see that about him.”
“Did you…” Sam’s voice trailed off. “Actually, never mind.”
“No, go ahead.” Annie ate some more cake. “This is amazing, by the way. Did you make it?”
“Are you kidding me? I live in bakeries, honey. Baked goods are my freaking kryptonite, and I’m never going to give up my almost-daily donut. They’re the reason I have to hit the gym four times a week and will never attain supermodel status. So much for my runway career, huh?”
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