c) Her tiara
3 What favourite childhood toy did I sell for $5 at the garage sale?
a) Barbie campervan
b) BB gun
c) A voodoo doll of my brother
4 What did I frame and give to my parents as a gift for their first Christmas in their new retirement village?
a) A photo of André Rieu
b) Our baby’s twelve-week ultrasound
c) A photo of their three children with only the top of my head in frame
5 How many Australians are currently diagnosed with dementia?
a) Around 350,000
b) 10,000,000
c) What was the question again?
6 What was my auntie hoarding in the back of her drawers?
a) André Rieu DVDs
b) Other residents’ reading glasses
c) A six-pack of beer
7 What collective noun did I coin to describe a group of Alzheimer’s patients?
a) A wander
b) A forget
c) A muddle
8 Which DVD was on high rotation at my parents’ house?
a) André Rieu
b) The Muppets Take Manhattan
c) The Benny Hill Show
9 What was my mother’s all-time favourite song?
a) ‘Gangnam Style’
b) ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’
c) ‘Baby Got Back’
10 In my grandmother-in-law’s nursing home, what nickname was on the door of another woman’s room?
a) Grandma Funk
b) Grandma Hugs
c) Grandma InDaHouse
11 What type of man in uniform would turn up to my mother’s nursing home when Dot raised the alarm?
a) A fireman
b) A Chippendale
c) A janitor
12 What type of animal reading the news did I think would be a ratings bonanza?
a) A monkey
b) A comedian
c) A dog
13 What type of biscuit did I obsess over in the bereavement holding pen?
a) A Tim Tam
b) An orange cream
c) A hash cookie
14 What was Sam going to miss most about his nana?
a) Her warm hugs
b) Her baking
c) Her wheelchair
15 Who did Sam reassuringly let me know was looking after Nana in heaven?
a) Jesus
b) Frank Sinatra
c) Michael Jackson
Answers
Q1: b; Q2: a; Q3: a; Q4: b; Q5: a; Q6: b; Q7: a; Q8: a; Q9: b; Q10: b; Q11: a; Q12: c; Q13: b; Q14: c; Q15: c.
Calculating your score
Each correct answer is worth 3 points.
Each incorrect answer is worth 0 points.
Maximum points: 45
Minimum points: 0
Interpreting your score
30–45 points
Congratulations, you either have a very good memory, paid close attention to what you were reading, or you are a relative or friend of mine and knew the answers anyway. Either way you have nothing to worry about and can freely use ‘it must be the Alzheimer’s’ comments willy-nilly in any social situation. Perhaps pick up the book in a year’s time and do the test again and see how smart you feel then. If you can’t remember where you have put the book, then go to the results summary of 0–14 points and have a read—it will probably apply to you then.
15–29 points
Not a bad result. You either read this book while riding the train to work, read it while in bed and dozed off during the last couple of pages each night, only found it mildly compelling and just skimmed it to see if anything might apply to you or a loved one, or your memory is not what it used to be and, judging from most of the made-up answers, your commonsense is possibly not up to scratch either. If none of the above apply to you and you just can’t remember much of what you have just read, then maybe a trip to the doc is not a bad idea.
0–14 points
Well, at least you can hide your own Christmas presents this year.
Not Right In The Head Page 17
