Before I woke Sasha up, I put her blue top back in her drawer and made her and Mum a cup of tea.
The boys were watching cartoons, Denny had the remote and Arthur was whining, “Den-ny! Denny! I want to watch the o-ther siiiide…”
“Can’t. I’m in charge.” Denny waved the remote just out of Arthur’s reach.
“Denny!” Arthur squealed, and jumped up and down, his face red with anger. “It’s not fair! Denny, you are a slug-brain! A poo-head.” Arthur turned his voice up to loud. “A MR STUPID POO-HEAD SLUG-BRAIN!”
Denny shouted back. “I’m gonna be the one on the telly and in the papers. People are gonna see me all over the world. You’ll never get on the telly because you’re a troll. A tiny troll-face boy. You’d only be on one of them shows, The Troll-Face Boy of Hackney…”
Arthur crumpled. “That’s not true! Seren! Tell him that’s not true!” Arthur looked at me, bottom lip stuck out a mile and wobbling like jelly.
“Denny!” I said.
Denny just sat there grinning, holding the remote. “Troll boy.”
Arthur started punching him, and when that didn’t work, lay back on the sofa and kicked him, his legs spiralling in the air like a toddler having a tantrum.
Denny just smiled, which made Arthur worse.
“Arthur. Stop it!” I pulled him away. His face was red and blotchy. “It’s Mum’s day off. Don’t make her come down, not yet.”
“I hate him!” Arthur said. “He said I was a troll!”
“Well, you are…” Denny said.
I took a deep breath. “No, Arthur. You are not a troll. Denny, apologise. Now! Or I’ll take the remote upstairs with me.”
“You’re not the mum, you know,” Denny said, scowling. “You’re not even my sister, you’re only my half-sister...”
For a second I didn’t say anything. The words stung like a slap round the face.
“Denny!” I was shocked, and Denny realised what he’d said and went pale. Arthur smiled and said, “Ummm-mm” in that sing-song, little-kid way.
“Sorry, Seren,” Denny said quickly, without being asked. “I am, Seren, really. I never meant…” He couldn’t look me in the face.
“OK, done now,” I said, and it came out flat and unwobbly, even though I thought I might be sick. “Say sorry to Arthur too, while you’re at it.”
“Sorry Arthur.”
I was still moving in slow motion. Of course I was only his half-sister, that wasn’t exactly breaking news. I told myself I was totally lucky it had taken him ten years to think of it.
I went into the kitchen and picked up the teacups. We were not a family like you see on the telly. OK, maybe in one of the soaps where they’re all complete nutters. Me and Sash have different dads and different last names. She’s Sasha Campbell Brown, Brown for her dad who died before I was born. And me, I’m Seren Campbell Ali for my dad who runs the restaurant – Mum said it was true love for about a week. She also said he’s a kind man, a too-soft-for-his-own-good man, and that’s where I get it from, whatever ‘it’ is. The boys have the same dad, and I can remember him and the rows, so the boys are both just Campbell.
So we’re all half-sisters and brothers. But like Mum says, we’re not half a family, never just half a family. She won’t have the word half in our house. She says it’s the worst word in the world and we’re not half of anything. We’re whole, she says.
That’s why it was such a shock. Denny had never thrown that at me. Not in all his ten years. Ever.
I took two cups of tea upstairs. Mum’s door was propped open and she was sitting up in bed. I could see she was halfway through her brick of a book. I put the tea down on her bedside table.
“Thanks, love.” She looked at me, and patted the bed next to her. So I put Sasha’s tea down and slid into Mum’s bed.
She put the book down, spread flat so as not to lose her place. “Are things OK?”
“Yeah,” I said. “‘Course.” I put my head down on her shoulder, shut my eyes and breathed her in.
When Mum first started work driving the buses, I had this stupid idea that she would come home smelling of buses and not of Mum. You know that smell? That sort of sun-through-scratched-windows-and-old-chips-and-fizzy-drink kind of smell. She never did, obviously.
“Are you still checking I don’t smell of bus?” she said.
I smiled.
“Everything’s all right, isn’t it?” Mum said. She smoothed the hair away from my forehead with her hand. “Oh, I wouldn’t be your age again for any money,” she said. “Thirteen!” There was a sort of sad laugh in her voice, like she was remembering.
I shut my eyes. It was lovely lying there, listening to her voice.
“You know you’re really lucky, you are,” Mum went on. “A gang of good friends, I mean, Christina’s almost like another sister to you...”
I moved away and sat up. I didn’t want to think about it and most of all I didn’t want Mum worrying about something that had happened ages ago and was most definitely old news....
“It’s all cool, Mum.” I smiled and picked up Sasha’s tea. “S’brilliant about Denny, isn’t it?”
“Seren?” she said, and her voice sounded a little bit too sad for my liking.
“Mum, really. It’s all good. Better than good. I’m making a film with Keith…”
“Keith? That’s great!”
“I’m fine,” I said, and smiled wide to prove it. Then I scurried out and was across the landing and back in our room before she could say anything else.
“Sasha. Sash!” I nudged my sister awake. “You promised.”
“Promised what?” she mumbled.
“To get up, remember? I said it was a surprise. And look, remember that top you were on about? Well, clever Seren found it for you.”
Sasha hugged me.
We got to the shop just in time. As we rounded the corner I got a text from Keith. The Paradise has mirror glass windows so you can’t see in.
L HERE, read the text. BUT OTHRS WTH HIM.
I put my arm through Sasha’s.
“Is this the surprise?” she said, taking her sunglasses off.
“No, I just need something…”
Sasha’s phone rang. I knew it was Fay because Sasha’s got a special ringtone for her, that number one by the American girl singer, the one with the voice that does all those wobbly bits. Loud. Very loud. Sasha unhooked herself from me and answered.
“Gotta get this, Ser.” Sasha had saved up for one of those new phones with touch screens and everything, and she loves it almost as much as she loves Luke Beckford.
Sasha was soon having an even louder conversation with Fay, while staring at herself in the mirror glass of the supermarket. I had to go in, and she had to come with me. I walked to the shop entrance. I could see Keith at the till, pointing round the corner to the cereal aisle. I really didn’t want Sasha doing the girly phone thing in front of all those boys. Not cool.
I snuck in and saw Jamie Kendrick, who is six-foot-something and the school goalie, towering over the top of the aisle. He hadn’t seen me. I could hear them chatting and laughing.
My mind was racing. It was going to be hard to get Luke to notice Sasha when he was with his mates. I listened. It sounded like four of them at least, and he was there, that was his voice, teasing someone about an easy goal.
I ran back outside. Sasha was twirling a ringlet of dark brown hair, watching herself in the mirror.
“Yes, Sasha,” I said. “You are beautiful but will you come inside.” And I did mean it. She was lovely, my sister, honey-brown skin, dark-brown hair that might just be black. Why couldn’t Luke see how lucky he would be to have a girlfriend like her?
Sasha cupped her hand over the phone. “Can’t I wait out here?”
“No! Finish your call! Please!”
“Seren, what is up with you?” She spoke to Fay again. “Excuse me, but my baby sister is giving me so much grief.”
I winced at the word ‘baby’. �
��Sasha, come on!”
Sasha covered the phone again and rolled her eyes. “What is your problem? I am coming, OK? Do I have to hold your hand to go shopping now?”
I sighed and went inside and hoped she’d follow. The boys had moved to the chiller counter. It was easy to find them because one of them was laughing really loud. I kept my distance, just out of sight on the other side of the cleaning powder.
“You’re never asking her?” That was Luke. His voice sounded really nasty. I could practically hear him making a screwed-up-in-disgust face.
Then I realised. They weren’t talking about football any more. They were talking about girls. I felt my stomach do that super-speed swoop it only usually does in tower block lifts. Thirtieth floor to ground level in seconds.
They were saying things about some of the girls in Sasha’s year. Horrible things. Talking about them like they were animals. No, worse than animals. Meat. Lumps of meat, like the cold, crispy pork and dead barbecue duck hung up on hooks by the checkout.
Ugly words. Horrible words. I couldn’t believe that Luke, with his floppy hair and girl-magnet smile would say such disgusting things.
Then Sasha’s name. He said Sasha’s name and someone else laughed. I screwed my eyes up tight, willing them to stop, but it didn’t work. I thought I was going to be sick. I could feel all the blood draining away from my face and rushing back to my heart. At least Sasha wasn’t hearing this.
Luke went on. “I asked her for this picture, yeah, for the Leavers’ Book….”
I felt someone take hold of my hand and squeeze it. It was Sasha, she was standing right next to me and I realised I didn’t know how long she’d been there.
“Sasha Campbell Brown?” one of them said, shaking his head. “She’s so after you, Luke man, it is sad!”
Luke laughed. “Sasha? Fay’s mate? That is one mad-looking girl... we got her down as Miss Desperate 2012! If there was a gold medal for stalking, she’d get it!” Luke laughed the loudest.
I saw Sasha’s face begin to crumple. I was shaking my head.
“You’re not, Sash, you’re so not!” I said it too loud. Suddenly, there was Jamie Kendrick looking down at us from over the Persil Non Bio.
He coughed.
Sasha dabbed at the mascara from where it had started to run under her eyes. I could hear the blip of the till, but nothing else. It was perfectly quiet.
Sasha blinked. I picked up some washing powder. From the other side of the aisle I heard Luke saying, “What! What?”
Jamie looked at us. “Sasha,” he said, and waved a silly little wave. “Hi.”
Luke said, “Oops!” More laughter. Loads of laughter.
I looked back at Jamie. He looked embarrassed. The others didn’t seem to care.
Sasha pulled away but I kept hold of her. “Let me go, Seren,” Sasha said in a quiet, tiny-girl voice.
“No,” I said, low. “Nobody talks to my sister like that.” I thought I’d said it quietly but there was a chorus of ‘ooohs’ from the chiller-cabinet aisle.
I took a deep breath. I reminded myself that I had promised not to take any more snide remarks or giggles. I had promised that no one was going to make me or anyone I loved feel small and worthless ever again. I had made this mess. Now I was going to clean it up. I walked round to where the four boys in the football gear were still laughing. Well, all except Jamie.
Sasha let go of me and ran to the door. “Seren, come on!”
“No!” I faced the boys. They were just little boys, I said to myself. Like Denny and Arthur, only bigger and more stupid. One hundred million times more stupid. “Shame on you!” I tried to shout, but I could hear my voice was wobbly.
Luke Beckford had his hand over his mouth to cover his snaky, pretty-boy smirk.
“You!” I pointed at him with the box of washing powder, which was still in my hand. “Don’t you ever,” I was boiling over, “ever, talk about my sister like that!”
His stupid hair flopped into his stupid mouth.
This was the opposite of how it was supposed to happen. I wanted to make them hurt but they just laughed more. I wanted them to know how Sasha felt now.
“Sasha is lovely and you…” The words seemed to fall out of my mouth. “Mr Stupid Luke. You are a waste of space... a slug-brain!” I shut up. I was saying exactly what I was thinking. I slapped my hand over my mouth. I almost said poo-head. I wanted to say much, much worse.
Suddenly, there was Keith. He yanked me away and the washing powder jumped out of my hand and landed with a thump on the floor.
The box exploded in a cloud of blue-and-white, soapy snow.
Outside, Sasha was waiting round the corner, face to the wall, make-up smeared. “You bloody idiot, Seren!” She was sobbing, her face red and angry.
I put my hand out but she wrenched it away. I reached out again. but she slapped my hand away, hard.
“Ow! Sasha!” I said. “That hurt.”
“Good!” Her voice was hard.
“It’ll be OK, Sasha. I’m sorry, I never meant it to come out like that. I thought… I thought he’d be there on his own. I thought he’d see you in your blue top…”
“You idiot!” Sasha hissed. She looked at me, and if looks could kill I would have been dead three times over.
“Sash, I never meant…”
“Shut up. Don’t even talk to me.” Sasha spat the words out. She took a deep breath in and wiped the tears away from her face. She looked straight at me. “You have made the biggest fool out of me! My life is over! Don’t you see that? It is over! And it’s your fault!”
Sasha turned and flicked her shiny hair, and stormed off in the direction of Fay’s.
4
CASTING
Sasha didn’t come home for ages. She called Mum to say she’d be staying at Fay’s till late and not to worry. I made pasta with sauce for the boys but I couldn’t eat a thing. Mum was ‘at a really good bit’ in her book so she didn’t come down either. I looked at the boys snarking at each other while they ate, and I wished I was ten like Denny, or five like Arthur, and nothing much mattered except who could shovel their spaghetti down the fastest.
I had to keep myself doing stuff to not think about what had happened. The sound of Luke Beckford’s voice, Jamie Kendrick smiling stupidly with a stuck-on smile and, worst of all, Sasha shouting at me. I pushed my plate away.
She will come round, I told myself. I remembered last Christmas when she got this huge make-up kit and I accidently mashed up one of the brushes, and she managed to hold out not talking to me for two whole days. I knew this was worse. I must have sighed out loud, cos Denny spoke.
“Are you OK, Seren?” He looked at me. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said. “Honest. You cook good tea and you’re not bad for a big sister, believe.”
“Good,” I said. I told myself to try and be nice, Denny was trying.
“You’re not cross with me, Seren?” Denny said
“No,” I said. I knew I sounded cross, I couldn’t help it. My face was sort of fixed down. And all those things Sasha had said were just going round and round inside my head.
“You should eat some of this, it’s love-erly.” Arthur smiled and pushed the food through the gaps in his teeth.
“Oh, don’t do that, Art,” I said.
“Laugh then, Seren. That’s what you’re s’posed to do.”
“I’ll tell her a joke,” Denny said. “It’s really good, this one... there’s this bear, see...”
“Denny, I’m not in the mood!” I sounded like Mum when she didn’t have a book on the go. I couldn’t help it.
The boys looked crushed and I thought it was better if I just got out of the way. I went upstairs and turned on the computer.
I hadn’t been on the thing for weeks now. When we first got it, me and Sasha would fight over it. Like the boys and the TV remote. We had an hour each after school and that was it.
I’d stopped using it because you couldn’t help seeing what the others were doi
ng, Christina and Shaz and Ruby. And it all sounded so great and I wasn’t part of it any more. Where they were meeting on the weekend, who did what, when.
Going on those sites and having no one to talk to and seeing who did was a bit like, well it was more than just turning the knife. It was like taking the knife out and then stabbing it into the wound again and again.
I took a deep breath while it started up. Sashness. That was her password, and if I didn’t know it off by heart it came up in the little box when I typed the s. I looked at her page. Across the top of the page next to a picture of her and Fay in the false eyelashes it said Sasha is seriously shamed.
OK, fair enough. I scrolled down to look at her messages. None from Fay, obviously, cos she was there talking to her, but some from Toyin and Debra in her class. All along the lines of “Oh my days! I just heard what happened!”
She was getting enough sympathy. Perhaps it would be OK. No perhapses. I called Keith.
“It’ll take time,” he said. “You know that.”
I went to bed early and pretended to be asleep when she came in. I lay there listening to her getting ready for bed, and I wanted so much to turn round and to talk to her. We were sisters, weren’t we? I mean, I know we fall out and row sometimes but it’s never for ever, is it?
When me and Sash were little we would reach out across the gap and hold hands.
I waited until she had flicked her bedside light out, then I turned over to face her. She was turned away from me in a ball. I knew she couldn’t be asleep. Not really. I watched her back. I could tell she wasn’t asleep. I coughed. A little ‘I’m not asleep either’ cough. So she’d know.
Nothing.
I saw the numbers on the alarm clock flip over five more minutes and I coughed again. A quiet cough.
“Seren, I know you’re awake.” Sasha didn’t turn round. “And I hope you feel like shit, because I do.”
“Sasha, I am so sorry,” I said.
“From now on things will be different,” she said. She still didn’t look at me.
“Yes, I know. I’ll be...”
“Listen!” she said, and I heard the hardness in her voice. “After today, after this, now. I am not talking to you. I am not talking to you and I don’t want you to talk to me again. Ever.”
Brave New Girl Page 3
