I pull one of the balloons away from the bunch and hold it out to her. “Your first one needs to be your trust issues. I’ve done nothing to hurt you. Give me a chance.” After considering what I’ve said, she takes the string from me and is looking up at the balloon she is holding just above eye level. “I get that other people have hurt you, Alyssa. I’m not asking you to trust them. I’m asking you to trust me.”
Alyssa turns to look at me. She takes in a deep breath. When letting it out, she lets go of the balloon leaving a half smile on her face. We both turn to watch the balloon float into the air until we cannot see it anymore. I hold out another ribbon to her and she takes it right away this time watching me. “Jeff and any other ex-boyfriends that have hurt you. They didn’t deserve to have you in the first place.” The string is gone from her fingers and she doesn’t even watch this one drift away.
When I go to give her another one, she shakes her head and pushes my hand away. “Your turn,” she says staring me right in the eye with sheer determination. “What happened to your dad was not your fault. Let go of the guilt you’ve been walking around with for fourteen years.” All of the shrinks my mom has taken me to since my dad died weren’t able to touch the responsibility I’ve felt over this. The look in her eyes makes me believe, even if momentarily, it really wasn’t my doing.
“How did you know?” I ask her.
“It was all over your face when I asked about your tattoo the other day. Your dad loved you, Rocco. Yes, he died protecting you, but it wasn’t your fault. Any parent who loves their child would have done the same thing. You should feel honored your dad cared about you. Remember what my mom did. Anyone can have a kid, but it takes a special person to actually be a parent and do the job well.” I feel tears building that I’ve repressed for many years. This wasn’t supposed to be about me. This was supposed to be about Alyssa letting go of her shit. “He would be so proud of you,” she whispers putting her hand on my arm that is holding the balloon. When I look at her, she tilts her head to the direction the last two balloons went. I let it slip through my fingers and she wraps her arms around my waist as far as her small arms allow her and lays her head on my shoulder as we watch it float away.
Now that I’ve regained control of myself, I hand her another string. “I think it’s only appropriate you let go of thinking you aren’t good enough. My guess is it’s because of your mother leaving you. It was her loss, Sunshine. She missed out on the life of the most beautiful woman in the entire world.” This gets me a small chuckle as she lets go. I see her glancing at the balloon for a few seconds then she looks back to me. We both turn at the sound of a minivan pulling into the parking lot behind us. A young mother and her two small children have come to enjoy the beautiful day. Alyssa smiles watching the kids run away from their mother to jump onto the swings.
“Your turn, again, Mr. Know-It-All,” she says punching me in the leg. I pull out another string and hold my breath for what she has planned next. She better not make me cry in front of her, I’d never be able to show my face again. “Let go of your need to control things and people outside of your power.” I start to speak, but she doesn’t let me. “You cannot control the world, Rocco. No one can. Let it go.” There is no arguing with her. I let it go thinking how no matter what, I will still try to protect her from anything she needs protection from for as long as she’ll let me. I know I’ll do it for the rest of my life.
“I only have one more request from you,” I don’t look at her. I’m looking out over the lake. “I want you to let go of feeling like you’re just another girl to me. The way you make me feel is completely different. That part of my life has been over since I saw you standing in the laundry room and I didn’t even know it.”
She reaches over pulling a string from the few that are remaining. She immediately lets go of it. “Done,” she tells me confidently and kisses me on the cheek. “Can I have two of them, please?” I hand her two balloons and she ties the strings together in a tight bow. “These aren’t for letting go of anything. These are for my aunt and uncle who I miss terribly every single day. I know they are happy because they are together. That’s all they ever wanted out of life, but I still miss them.” She whispers how she loves them and lets the balloons go. I watch her as she watches them disappear into the sky. She sheds a few tears before taking a deep breath and wiping her face.
“There are four left. Anything else you need to let go of?” I ask her draping my arm around her shoulders.
“No. I’m good. You?” I shake my head. “Do you mind if I take them?” I hand her the last couple strings that are wrapped around my hand. She gives me a quick peck on my cheek and says she’ll be right back. She jogs over to the playground and after asking their mother, hands both of the boys a balloon. They each hug her and Alyssa gives the last of the balloons to the mom. I see her talking to the family for a few minutes before she walks back to me.
“I see you made some new friends,” I say.
“Friends? Not really. Anyone shorter than me scares the hell out of me. That was just to ensure I’m able to walk by them later, unharmed.” She looks like she might actually be telling me the truth, so I laugh at her.
“You’re kidding me, right? You were over there with them for about two minutes and they fell in love with you.”
She turns around to glance at them again and they wave to her. She laughs. “Seriously. I’m petrified of little kids. As soon as I turned about fifteen, they started haunting me in my dreams.” She shudders. “Thank you for bringing me here today. It was very enlightening.”
“You’re very welcome. I hope it helps you. You deserve to live a life without anything holding you down,” I say wrapping my arms around her and pulling her up against the side of me. It doesn’t matter that we may have an audience. I want to hold my girlfriend. “You know when my dad died, I thought my heart was broken forever. It turns out, it just needed a reason to start beating again. You’ve given my heart a reason to live.” Alyssa apparently doesn’t care about there being little kids behind us. The kiss she gives me will linger in my head for a really long time. She pulls away leaving the both of us breathless and I’m ready to lay her on this table, taking her right here and now.
“Do you need me to throw you in the lake?” she asks smirking. Guess she does know she is tormenting the shit out of me. I jump off of the table and lift her up putting her over my shoulder the way I did in the parking lot of the restaurant the other day. She is laughing uncontrollably. When she realizes I’m walking toward the water, she starts to panic. “Don’t you dare, Rocco!” Her shouting gets louder the closer we get. “Don’t forget I have to get in your car!”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. I pull her off of my shoulder to hold her in my arms across the front of me. She wraps her arms around my neck as tight as she can. “You don’t really think I’d put you in the lake, do you?” I ask.
“I don’t doubt it for one second,” she states without question. One of her hands go into my hair and she pulls my lips to hers again.
“We need to get out of here before these little kids get a lesson in life their mother probably doesn’t want them to have for many years,” I whisper softly putting her down. She hugs me tightly before we start to walk back to the car.
We are passing the playground when the two kids slide down the slide and run over to the fence. “Are you and your friend coming to play with us, Alyssa?” The smaller boy asks. Even little kids are not immune to her beauty. I cannot catch a break.
“Guys, this is Rocco,” she says walking over to the fence.
“Is he your boyfriend?” This time it’s the older one who cannot be more than four years old asking.
“Yes, he is,” she says grinning.
“I don’t think he should be your boyfriend,” he says crossing his arms over his chest and a scowl on his face.
“Oh, why not?” Alyssa asks him bending down, so she’s the same height he is.
“Cause I should be your boy
friend,” he tells her.
“What?” I say to him teasingly. “No way. I saw her first! There’s no way I’m going to let you get away with that.” Not waiting for a reply, I leap over the lower part of the fence and start to chase him. He runs away screaming and laughing. His younger brother is following behind the both of us. I see the boys’ mom walking over to Alyssa who has let herself in the gate. The two of them are laughing at the three of us running around and climbing up the ladders and slides of the jungle gym. After about twenty minutes of chasing them and being chased, I scoop up the two boys, throw each one over a shoulder before walking over to Alyssa and their mom. “I think these belong to you,” I say not putting down the squirmy kids.
“No, I don’t think they do,” their mom says chuckling.
“Mommy, you know us!” Jake says while Joey says, “We are Joey and Jake!” They are laughing so hard they can barely get the words out.
“Oh, right. That does sound a little familiar," she says. I put them down and they scurry over to her. Watching as she holds her arms out to them reminds me of when I was little. The smile on my mom’s face all the time is something I will never forget. “Thank you for playing with them. They may actually take a nap today which means I might have a minute to relax.” She smiles at me.
“My pleasure. They are good kids, as long as they stay away from my girlfriend,” I tease Jake again.
He’s hiding behind his mom. “No way!” We are all amused by his comeback.
“It was really nice meeting all of you,” Alyssa says to them.
“Thank you for the balloons and for playing with us,” the kids shout. There are a few more goodbyes between the five of us.
We wave leaving the playground and return to my car. “You were really good with the boys. I would have never guessed.” I try to look insulted until she adds, “You will make a really great dad someday.”
I’m sure the surprise at what she just said is all over my face. I’ve never even considered having kids before. “That will only happen if I find the perfect someone willing to make me a dad someday.” I reach for her hand and bring her fingers to my lips. “There’s somewhere else I want to take you today, but we have a couple hours to kill. We don’t have to be there until one o’clock. What do you want to do now?”
“Do you think two secrets in one day is a good idea?” She looks even more worried than she did earlier.
“This one wasn’t so bad, was it?” I start the car ready to take her wherever she wants to go.
“No it wasn’t. I appreciate what you did for me today. You are proving to be a pretty classy guy, Rocco Matthews.”
“You had doubts?” I ask raising an eyebrow at her.
She rolls her eyes at me. “Did you forget I have class at five tonight?”
“Oh shit. I did. You might be late. I’m not sure how long this thing will take.” How did I forget her class?
“Classy guy to bad influence in a matter of seconds. Interesting,” she taunts making me feel guilty.
“We’ll work it out,” I decide. I don’t want to cancel this appointment. It was pure luck to be able to get something so soon. “So where to now?”
“Let’s get something to eat and then if there’s time we should go back to my room to grab my stuff for class in case we run late.”
“Your wish is my command, Sunshine.”
Chapter Fourteen
Alyssa
After a wonderful morning at the park with Rocco, I am feeling a little lighter emotionally. It is hard to believe that stressing over so many things could make you feel like you are physically carrying around so much extra weight. When he first told me the point of the balloons, I was extremely skeptical. How is it possible that watching a helium filled piece of rubber float away into the sky could help release the burden of issues that are bothering you? Now that I’m sitting here thinking about the whole time we spent together earlier, the freedom from the stress is exhilarating. It’s easier to breathe, to smile, to simply feel happy.
We grabbed a quick lunch at a small café that Rocco knew about. There was an outdoor seating area which was open today since it was beautiful out, so we took advantage of it along with two other groups of people. The section with about six tables was to the side of the building which allowed us to watch as people walked by. The owner of the place knew Rocco’s stepdad, so he came out to sit with us for a little bit. He looked so relaxed while catching up with the old family friend.
Now we are back in Rocco’s car traveling to the next destination of the day. He still hasn’t told me where we are going, but honestly, it doesn’t really matter. As long as I’m spending time with him, I don’t care what we are doing. About fifteen minutes later, at around quarter to one, we pull into a parking lot of a decent sized shopping center. The low, one-story, red brick building looks practically brand new. Along the front, there are a couple different clothing stores, a shoe store, and on the corner there is a jewelry store whose windows wrap around the building. When we get to the end of the walkway, there is another strip of stores that goes straight back. Some of these are more stores and some are offices. Rocco finally stops at the last door. There is a sign that says ‘Zac’s Place’ in the window. I cannot tell from the outside what kind of place it is.
When Rocco opens the door and signals for me to walk through ahead of him, I recognize immediately that we are in a tattoo parlor. Confusion sweeps over me. “Okay. What’s up?” I ask him.
Before he has a chance to answer me, a tall and very muscular guy walks out from the back room. Both of his arms are tattooed from the wrists up under his short-sleeved black t-shirt, up both sides of his neck. He is actually very attractive looking even with the piercing through his bottom lip. It seems to suit him perfectly. Combine the tattoos, the piercing along with the short haircut he is sporting and his bad boy look is complete.
“Rocco Matthews! How the hell have you been, man?” the guys asks and shakes hands in that confusing way guys do with Rocco.
“Not bad. How’s it going? Looks like business is going well,” Rocco says gesturing to the setup he has going here.
“Couldn’t be better. My wife is pregnant with baby number two. Life is really great,” he says.
“Congrats. I cannot believe Tiffani is still putting up with your sorry ass,” he laughs shaking his head.
“I still wonder every day when she will kick my ass to the curb,” the guy replies laughing with him. “Who is this beautiful girl standing here and what the fuck is she doing with your ugly ass?”
“This is my girlfriend, Alyssa. This jerk off is Zac. We went to high school and played football together for a few years.”
Zac reaches out for my hand and I shake it. “Nice to meet you,” I say.
“Rocco Matthews finally has a girlfriend? Guess you were waiting for perfection,” he winks at me. “So, what can I do for you today?”
“Not me. Alyssa,” Rocco says with a cocky look leaning his elbow on the glass countertop. What the hell did he just say?
Zac turns to look at me. “You want to tattoo that amazing skin of yours, Sweetheart?”
“No way,” I say backing up holding my hands out.
“Don’t give me that bullshit. You said you wanted one. Zac is free. Do it.” He’s ready to catch me if I try to make a run for the door.
I start shaking my head. “I also told you I was too afraid.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m here to hold your hand.” Rocco is walking towards me holding his hand out. When he reaches me, I’m pulled in to his chest and he kisses me. Suddenly, I cannot remember what I was even thinking about let alone afraid of. “I promise,” he says, “I wouldn’t let just anyone touch you. Zac is an incredible artist. Besides, he knows I’ll kick his ass if he screws this up.” I can hear Zac chuckling behind Rocco.
“Okay. Let’s get this over with,” I sigh.
“That’s my girl.” He kisses my cheek.
“Do you have an idea of
what you want or do you need to look through these portfolios?” Zac asks directing my attention to the stacks of books.
“I know exactly what I want,” I tell him pulling my phone out of my back pocket. I scroll through the pictures stored on my phone. It takes a few seconds to find the picture of the tattoo I have wanted for over two years now.
I hand my phone over to Zac. “That will look perfect on you. You want this on your foot like in the picture?”
“I do, but I want to change the design a little,” I say.
“Is it okay if I text it to my phone? This way I can print it out and then you can tell me how you want it.” I tell him to go ahead. “Don’t worry, Alyssa. I’ll be as gentle as I can. I’ll be right back.” He goes back into the office.
“You don’t hate me, do you?” Rocco asks trying to figure out if I’m really alright with this.
“I could never hate you,” I reassure him. I’m quite excited about this now. It’s something I’ve always wanted but would have never done on my own.
Zac comes out of the back room with the picture printed on a piece of white paper laying it on the counter. He grabs a stool and holds it out for me to sit on. “Okay, Sweetheart. Challenge me,” he says with another wink taking the pencil from behind his ear.
It’s not that hard to explain when you have been envisioning it for this long. “First of all, I don’t want it this long. Maybe only two or three inches.” He jots that down on the paper. “I’m thinking it should start just below my second toe then angle to the outside of my ankle.” He nods. “I like the vines that are in the background, but I would rather they are more like swirls. Sort of like wind, but prettier, if that makes any sense.” He starts drawing next to the picture I sent him. When he’s finished, he holds the paper out to me. I cannot help my smile. Rocco was right. Zac is a very gifted artist. He drew some simple swirling lines, but then decorated them by adding fancy patterns around some of the curling parts and then simply doubled the lines in other areas. “Perfect! Now this one uses all different butterflies. I only want to use one specific butterfly, three or four times, and in different spots within flight.”
Forever Altered Page 13
