by Sara Summers
“What am I, fifteen? I don’t have a curfew.” I narrowed my eyes at the bodyguard. “Who decided that, Laren?”
“Actually I think Logan is getting home at 10. He wants to see you when he gets back.”
“Oh, screw Logan.” I muttered, leaning back in my seat and folding my arms.
“I think he’d prefer you do that.” Arthur said, still straight-faced.
I grinned when I caught what he was saying.
“That’s crass, Arthur.” I chastised, though I was still grinning. “Somehow, it suits you. But we should still go to the forest.”
“I can take you anywhere else.” He offered.
“I don’t want to chase any more purse thieves, I think I’ll pass.” I sighed and slumped a little. “Can you just drive me somewhere that at least feels like nature? I’m tired of the city.”
“Sure.” Arthur nodded. He drove me to a big park in the middle of the city. It was nice to walk around for a while, but I really just wanted to shift and go running until I forgot all about the past two days. Since I couldn’t, I went back to Logan’s house and took a nap.
Nineteen
I woke up when Logan opened the bedroom door. My body was sprawled out across the bed, my hair wild and spread across the three pillows that surrounded me. Sitting up quickly, I wiped my face and looked sleepily at the door.
Logan stood in the doorway, and I could tell before he walked into the room that he was tense.
I had a feeling that didn’t bode well for the conversation that was coming.
“Hi.” I waved, my eyes drowsy still.
“What were you thinking, Emma?” he dropped his phone on the dresser and left his shoes by the door. When he sat down on the edge of the bed, he folded his arms.
“What was I thinking, when?” I yawned.
“When all of this happened.” He handed me his phone and I scrolled through some social media site full of pictures. He was looking at things that said #emmalush. Most of them said something about how cool it was to meet a shifter, or how sweet it was that Logan and I were soulmates.
“I told you I wasn’t going to pretend to be a human, what did you think was going to happen?” I handed him back his phone, not feeling tired any more.
“You knew I was spending my day convincing people that I’m not a shifter. Do you have any idea how hard that is when the girl that I said is my wife is walking around the city, taking pictures with people where they can see the tattoo on your neck?” he snapped.
“First, it’s called a cotie. Your crazy mother is the only person on the planet who calls it a tattoo. Second, you knew exactly how I felt about the way you were going to spend your day before you even left. You chose to go anyway, leaving me alone to go make friends with strangers at the beach. If you didn’t want me out where people would see my cotie maybe you should’ve spent the day with me like you said you would.”
Logan groaned and held his palms to his eyes.
“You didn’t have to take a picture with every person you saw. And giving that teenage girl your bag? What were you thinking?!” he demanded, pulling his palms away from his eyes.
“It’s called being a nice person, Logan. You should try it sometime. When nice people asked to take pictures with me, I took pictures with them. I gave that girl the bag because she’s in love with you and she wanted to fight me for being your soulmate. If you weren’t famous, none of this would be happening.” I reminded him.
“And if you weren’t a shifter, none of this would be happening.” He growled.
I stood up and put my hands on my hips.
“You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when you showed up five minutes after they busted holes in the Cage walls. If you didn’t want this mess, you should’ve stayed away from me.”
Logan stood, holding his hands out at his sides.
“How was I supposed to stay away from you? You’re in my head all the time, Emma. I can barely think straight! I feel you walking around the boardwalk, I feel you stop at a shop or for a volleyball game. I feel you driving around the city. All I do is feel you.” He glared at me.
I glared right back.
“Where I come from, that’s a blessing. Men wait their whole lives to feel their soulmates. Do you want me to apologize for that? For being who I am? For being a shifter? Because I won’t. I’m a shifter, and I love being a shifter. If you didn’t want me to be a part of your life, you should’ve kept ignoring me. I’m sure the urge to find me would’ve gone away eventually.”
I grabbed my purse off the floor and stepped into my sandals, pulling my hair into a ponytail again.
“What are you doing now?” Logan demanded.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I shook my head, glaring at the house as I headed toward the stairs.
“You’re leaving?” He asked, like that was ridiculous.
“Of course I’m leaving. You don’t want me here, there’s no reason for me to stay. I don’t want to spend my life coming in second place to your mother, or to the fame.” I gestured to the house around us.
“This isn’t me. I like to be friends with strangers, I like to say hi and smile at them and take a picture if they want. You’re mad at me for doing that too. Everything I do makes you hate who I am even more, Logan. I have to go.”
“Emma.” Logan protested, grabbing my arm. “Stay, please.”
“Why should I? So you can ditch me all day and then get mad at me for being who I am? I shouldn’t have to change for you.”
“You don’t have to change for me, you just…” he leaned his head back, closing his eyes.
“I just have to lie and pretend to be someone else.”
“Just give me one more day, alright? It will be better tomorrow.” He pleaded.
I sighed.
“Are you going to spend time with me tomorrow if I stay?”
“Yes. We’ll do something fun tomorrow, we’ll go out on the boat or to the aquarium. I’ll make it up to you.” He promised, coming closer so he could take my hands.
“Fine” I agreed. “I’ll stay until tomorrow night.”
We went to sleep after that, and for some reason I still felt hopeful that things would change. I thought that maybe we would spend the next day together, and that we’d start to fall in love again or keep falling in love.
But when the next morning came around and I woke up alone again, I knew that I’d been wrong. Logan would never choose me over his fame or the rest of his life.
Twenty
“Do you think fame is like a drug, Arthur?” I wondered, sitting in the front seat next to the bodyguard who was a better friend than my own soulmate.
We’d just gotten in the car, so I didn’t bother looking at the scenery around us. It was just buildings, and I didn’t care for the buildings.
“You think Logan is addicted to fame?” Arthur asked. His face was as stony as usual, his stoic expression somehow calming.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to come up with a reason as to why I’m the least important thing in his life. I know it can’t be because his fans don’t like me; I met some of them yesterday and they were thrilled to see me. So it’s either his mom or his job or the fame.”
“I don’t know him well enough to say.” Arthur shrugged.
“I don’t either.” I sighed and looked out the window at the busy streets and tall buildings. There was no peace in New York, not like there had been in the Cage. The people were always moving, always focused on doing something and getting somewhere.
I had always loved the busy calm of the forest. The busy craziness on the streets, not so much.
“Would you be bothered if I called my mom and vented to her?” I checked with Arthur, not wanting to annoy the guy.
“Go ahead.” He said.
I pulled out my phone and then paused.
“Everything I say to you doesn’t get reported back to Logan or Laren, does it?” I frowned, one arm wrapping around my stomach. Arthur was
the only sort-of friend I had then, it would suck if he was only my friend to get information for Logan and his mother.
“I’m here to protect you, not spy on you.” He didn’t look away from the street.
“What will you say if they ask if you happen to know how I feel about something?” I asked.
“That I’m here to protect you, not to be your friend.” His expressionless face gave nothing away, but I felt pretty sure he wasn’t lying.
“Alright, thanks.” I gave him a small smile and dialed my mom’s phone number. She answered at the last possible second, the way she usually did. She always tried to finish whatever she was doing before she answered.
“Hello.” She said, and I could see the expression on her face in my head.
“Hey.” I smiled.
“Emma!” she exclaimed, recognizing my voice immediately. “Thank goodness. How are you? How’s New York? How’s Logan?”
“Um,” I looked out the window, away from Arthur. We were on the freeway then, heading toward the forest. “I’ve been better. New York is interesting, Logan… well, I still don’t know much about him.”
I tried to figure out a way to say it that didn’t sound so bad.
“Honestly, I’m thinking about coming home.” I admitted.
“What? Tell me everything.” Leah insisted.
So I told her all about the past two and a half days, I think I was speaking for an entire hour.
“He’s not going to change, mom.” I said, tired. “There’s no point in staying and being miserable just because he wants me to when he’s not willing to change.”
“That’s true, but he’s still your soulmate.” She reminded me.
“You tried to leave dad a dozen times before you finally agreed to stay.” I protested, watching the green grass and trees as we passed by.
“I stayed long enough to know if it would work out between us or not. It did, so I stayed for good. I’m not saying you should pretend he’s perfect and wait naked in his bed for him to get home, I’m just saying you need to stay long enough to be sure.” she reasoned.
“Mom! I’m not talking about that with you.” I chastised her, rolling my eyes. I glanced over at Arthur, and saw his ever-stoic face, so I hoped he hadn’t heard that. “How long is long enough to be sure?” I asked, because I already felt pretty darn positive.
“A month, or two, or three. That’s between you and your conscience, you don’t want to feel guilty for not waiting long enough.” She figured.
I sighed.
“You think I need to stay for a whole month?”
“It’s up to you, Em. Stay for another day or another month, just be sure that you’re not going to regret it when you leave.” My mom said.
“Alright, I will. Thanks.”
We talked for a few more minutes before I hung up the phone and looked back out the window.
When we got to the forest, I couldn’t wait to shift. Everything always felt easier as a wolf.
I ran through the forest for hours, enjoying the peace. While the forest was constantly moving and flowing, it was in a calm sort of way. Everything did its job, and everything had its place.
I had a place too, or at least I thought I did. My place was back at home, in the Cage. Though, I suspected the Cage was going to just be considered a part of Washington again in the near future.
As I ran, I thought about my soulmate.
Logan.
He was sexy and sweet, and he could be very considerate when he wanted to be. I wouldn’t forget the way he bought me a sandwich when he realized I want soup, or how he’d placed himself between me and the paparazzi on multiple occasions.
But that wasn’t enough. I deserved more.
I was worth more.
Whether or not his world was a place for shifters, he had become like me. He could pretend he wasn’t, he could push away the wolf in him, but I refused to. I was a wolf, and I was a shifter, and I loved that.
I loved myself.
And I was someone who deserved to be loved for who I was.
As I ran, though, I also thought about what my mom had said. She was right; if I left after two or three days, I would spend the rest of my life wondering if I’d done the right thing, wondering if Logan might’ve changed had I stayed just a little longer.
So I had to stay long enough to know for sure that Logan wasn’t going decide that I was more important than his fame or his job or his family.
After a long drive back to my soulmate’s house, I walked upstairs to find Logan sitting on the bed, watching a movie. He gave me a small smile when I walked into the room, and he paused the movie.
“I’m sorry.” He said, and I could see that he was scared about what his breaking yet another promise meant for us. For him.
“Don’t apologize if you’re not willing to do anything about it.” I sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Are you leaving?” He asked. The fear in his eyes was real and thick.
“Not tonight.” I looked at the empty grayish-white wall behind the bed. “But if nothing gets better, I’m leaving a month from today.” I met his gaze and watched his shoulders relax.
I thought that should make him more stressed; he only had a month to make me fall in love with him, or I would leave him.
Apparently, though, a month was more than enough time in his mind.
“You won’t want to leave by then.” He promised, pulling the blankets to the side, gesturing for me to join him under the covers. I joined him, and he draped his arms over my shoulder. “That’s when we’ll leave for Atlanta, for the movie I told you about.” Logan reminded me.
“Mmm.” I nodded, not knowing what I was supposed to say. As of that moment, there wasn’t a sliver of me that planned to go with him to Atlanta.
The only reason I was staying was so that when I did finally leave I’d know I made the right choice.
“Do you want me to start the movie over? It’s only been ten minutes or so.” He offered.
“Sure.” I leaned my head against his shoulder.
Logan started the movie from the beginning, and we watched it together, going to sleep as soon as it was over.
Twenty-One
The next month passed by both slowly and quickly. I woke up alone, every morning, and spent the day by myself. Though technically I wasn’t alone because I had Arthur and he was always driving me around or following me, I still felt like I was on my own.
I visited everything in New York City that the internet could think of. I went to aquariums and beaches, amusement parks and boutiques. Filling my closet with clothes that I liked and my bag with souvenirs to take with me when I went home, I felt like I was simply on the ultimate vacation with a bank account that could never run out.
While the bank account part was more than true, I knew that I wasn’t on any sort of vacation. That was clear when I went back to Logan’s house every evening and spent my night watching movies with him or attending publicity events.
He never asked me to hide my cotie again, but he also never tried to spend time with me anymore. He didn’t ask what I wanted or if I was happy. He simply reminded me to use the card he’d given me for whatever I needed.
I knew it was because he felt guilty about how everything was going for me. He felt bad that he wasn’t the soulmate I’d thought I was going to get. While I knew he felt bad, I also knew he wasn’t willing to do anything to change it.
As I explored New York City, I started to change. I warmed up to life in the city, enjoying meeting all kinds of strangers and telling them about shifters. It almost felt like I was playing the part of the Emma Lush that they had seen online with Logan.
When I went back to the salon for an eyelash extension refill and a mani-pedi, I even left with a smile on my face.
I still loved being a shifter and spent time in the forest a few days a week, but I was starting to love being a human too.
The way I loved being a little human didn’t change my plan to leave, though.
When the end of the one month I’d promised to stay came around, I woke up to hear Logan in the closet, packing a large suitcase full of his clothing.
“Hey.” He smiled and walked over to the bed, planting a soft kiss on my mouth.
We kissed plenty, but in the entire month we’d been together, we’d never gone any further. I didn’t understand how he was okay with that, but I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to see the outcome of that conversation.
Our relationship wasn’t physical at all, really, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy being around Logan. In our month together, I had come to love him for all of the things that he was good at. We had plenty of sweet moments and fun times together.
I only wished that those could make up for the problems that he refused to try to fix.
I wanted to stay with him, I ached for that, but I couldn’t do that to myself while he was still choosing everything else in his life over me. Even after everything I wasn’t willing to be a pretty doormat.
“Hi.” I gave him a tiny smile.
It was the last day of the month I’d promised myself I would stay, and the three suitcases full of stuff I would bring home with me had been packed for two days already. Arthur had given me a sheet of paper that listed which things could be in my small, carry-on suitcase and which items had to be in the bigger suitcases.
I’d picked out a cute set of suitcases on one of my days out. The suitcases were white with a floral print, like many of the clothes I’d purchased since being in New York. White was my favorite color, I’d learned, and I was a sucker for floral print on just about anything.
While I liked my eyelash extensions and pedicures, I had discovered that I really loved wearing comfy shorts with flowy t-shirts that fell off my shoulders. I still hated high heels and the clip-in hair extensions, but I could tolerate them for an event for a few hours.
“Logan.” Laren called out from the hallway outside our room.
He immediately went to her, the way he always did.
Maybe if he hadn’t chosen his own mother over me, maybe if he’d been struggling to choose me over his acting, maybe then I would’ve been able to understand him better.
