by Liz Isaacson
She grinned and leaned into him. His hands slipped to the small of her back and tucked her against him. “I guess I don’t need to ask if I can kiss you.”
She shook her head and closed her eyes, the anticipation of kissing Walker only second to the actual moment when his lips touched hers. He moved passively, seeking permission. She gave it eagerly, and he finally kissed her like he meant it. Tess held on, drew it out, experienced Walker in a whole new way.
“Come in!” Tess yelled, not that she needed to. Paige and Alison had already twisted the doorknob and were stepping through the house. Tess backed out of the fridge holding a tray of the most perfect chocolate mousse she’d ever made. “I hope you ladies brought your A-game.”
Alison scoffed. “You think pudding can stand up to my chocolate soufflé?” She eyed the mousse like it had no business being at a chocolate party.
“This is mousse,” Tess said. “It’s so much more sophisticated than pudding.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Paige said, sliding a cake stand housing a gorgeous treat onto the counter. “None of it is going to stand up against my chocolate-chocolate chip cake with a candy bar topping and chocolate frosting.” She swiped her finger across an edge of the cake. “Homemade.”
Tess admitted defeat to herself, determined not to give in publicly until everything had been tasted. But Paige knew how to bake a cake up right, that was for sure. “Where’s Shirley?”
“She can’t come tonight. The bakery was getting a fresh shipment of fruit and she had to go in to get it all inventoried and prepped.”
Tess reached for the silverware drawer. “All right then. Let’s get tasting.”
Paige swiped the spoons from her hand. “Oh, no. You have to tell us about Mister McDreamy Cowboy first.”
Tess ducked her head. Her first kiss with Walker was only two days old, and he’d left thirty minutes ago, after they’d shared another spectacular kiss. She still had the taste of him in her mouth, and chocolate had suddenly become number two on her list of things she wanted to experience every day.
“He kissed me on Monday night.”
“Finally,” Paige said, sagging onto a barstool. “Was it wonderful?”
Tess sighed. “Spectacular.”
“Let’s try the cake.” Paige moved around the counter and plucked a knife from the block next to the stove. She raised the knife to cut wedges, but Tess stopped her.
“You’ve forgotten the right way to cut a cake.” She took the knife and cut the cake right in half, turned the cake and cut it in half again. Several more cuts across the cake and Tess placed the knife in the sink. “See? Now there are four slices that are special. They have the most frosting. And, if Shirley were here, we’d each get one.”
“You and your traditions.” Alison shook her head, wearing a fond smile, and accepted her piece of cake. She took one bite and moaned so deep that Tess knew she’d never beat Paige’s cake with a simple chocolate mousse.
Chapter Nine
“Who cut your hair?” Landon asked the moment Walker walked in the barn the next morning.
He didn’t see any reason to hide it. “Tess.” Monday had held a lot of firsts for Walker, something he absolutely wasn’t upset about.
“Looks nice.” He went back to filling feed bags. “Things are going okay with her?”
“Just fine,” Walker said, thinking fine was such a poor word for how things were going. He hadn’t kissed a woman since Libby. Kissing Tess had reset his center, made him feel something he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore, something he’d never expected. When Libby had died, he thought all he’d ever need in his life was Michael. After all, every time he looked into his son’s eyes, he saw Libby’s.
But now he’d opened the door to other possibilities, and he’d walked all the way through. The grass wasn’t greener, but it was new. Different. Exciting.
He realized he’d stopped working and was just standing in the middle of the barn. He ducked his head as Justin, Ted, and Emmett came around the corner. He lifted his hand in a wave, but he didn’t want to talk to them. No, today, he wanted to be inside his own head, working with an animal that listened but didn’t offer advice.
As he clucked his tongue at Magnolia, got her to walk in a circle and step over the stick, and finally come to him in the center of the ring, his thoughts didn’t stray to Tess.
But to Libby.
By evening, he was physically and mentally exhausted and he still needed to drive down to Tess’s to get Michael. He wanted to see Tess and he didn’t at the same time. When he knocked on the door, he waited for her to answer.
She pulled open the door and leaned into it, her beauty striking him like lightning in the chest. “Evenin’ ma’am.”
She giggled. “Shut up.”
“Is Michael ready?”
“You don’t want to come in?”
Walker suddenly did. “I suppose I can come in for a few minutes.” He stepped into her house, glad when she didn’t move back to give him room. He did what came naturally to him—he wrapped one arm around her and pulled her in for a kiss.
Everything aligned inside Walker. “It’s good to see you,” he murmured, his lips catching against hers.
“Dad?”
Walker looked over Tess’s shoulder to see Michael standing there, his hazel eyes—his mother’s eyes—wide and shocked.
“Hey, bud. How was school?”
“Are you—?” He swallowed and looked at Tess, who’d twisted toward him but hadn’t put a single inch between herself and Walker.
“Are you guys dating?” His gaze volleyed back and forth between Walker and Tess.
A cold stone settled in Walker’s stomach. He should’ve spoken to Michael about this new relationship with Tess. The boy was nine now, would be ten by the end of the year. Of course he knew what dating was.
He exchanged a look with Tess and stepped past her. “Michael.”
“Are you?”
Walker had always appreciated when his parents had been honest with him. A stab of guilt reminded him of how long it had been since he’d spoken with them.
“Yes,” Walker said. “Tess and I are dating.” He crouched down and put one hand on his son’s shoulder. “You don’t like that?”
Michael shook his head. “I don’t know. I—I just—”
Walker waited for him to continue, employing every ounce of patience he had. “I should’ve told you. Talked to you about it.”
Michael stooped to get his backpack. “Let’s just go.”
“Michael.” Walker straightened as his son marched out the front door. He exhaled and brushed his fingers along Tess’s as he passed her. “I’ll call you later.”
She nodded, a brave mask cemented in place. Walker wanted to stay and comfort her, but he kept his feet moving in the direction of his son.
Walker didn’t turn to head back up the canyon to the cabin. Michael kept his gaze out the passenger window, his chin supported in his hand.
“You want some of those fried cheese curds for dinner?” Walker asked, unsure of how to have this conversation. He tightened his fingers against the steering wheel and offered up a plea for help.
“I guess,” Michael said.
Inspiration didn’t strike him, so Walker kept the truck moving toward the next small town, Beaverton. A dive of a diner served garlic burgers and fried pickles and shakes made with hard ice cream. Walker had discovered the place on his way into town five years ago, and he’d gone back often, usually when he needed an escape from Brush Creek.
He loved both towns, but less people knew who he was in Beaverton, and Walker needed the anonymity sometimes. Like tonight, when he needed to have a hard conversation with his son.
He pulled into the parking lot, the dusky sky around them reminding him of how much he just wanted to kick back and relax with a steaming cup of coffee. He pushed down his frustration and exhaustion.
“Michael, I’m
sorry.”
His son finally looked at him, and the hurt in his hazel eyes sliced right through Walker.
“You like Miss Tess, don’t you?”
“Yeah, sure, she’s nice.” Michael switched his gaze out the front windshield. “She hugs me after school. It’s…nice.”
Walker’s heart expanded two sizes. Megan had been right. Michael needed a motherly touch in his life. Guilt and gratitude pulled through him at the same time, making the idea of eating anything unappealing.
“That’s great,” he said, his voice on the choked side. “Sometimes grown-ups…well, our relationships evolve.” He stopped. Did Michael even know what evolve meant? “They change. I’ve been friends with Tess for years. We’ve been doing that cotton candy fundraiser for a while. And this summer…” He didn’t know how to articulate his feelings in an appropriate way for a child.
“You decided you like her,” Michael said. “Like you like-like her.”
Relief washed through Walker. “Right. So we started, um, hanging out more, and holding hands. Normal stuff adults do when they like-like each other.” He cleared his throat. “Stuff you shouldn't do until you’re older. A lot older.”
Michael gazed back at him steadily. “So will Graham and I be brothers?”
A chuckle burst from Walker’s mouth. “Oh, son, I just started dating Tess. It could go nowhere.” He swallowed. He definitely wanted their relationship to go somewhere. “Or we could date for a long time and then get married. But it’s not going to happen anytime soon.” He didn’t want to admit to his son—or himself—that he was going slow on purpose, searching for the right thing to do, exploring all the possibilities, examining all the ramifications of a relationship with Tess.
He extended his hand toward Michael, who scooted across the seat and allowed Walker to hug him. “I love you, bud. You’ll always come first.”
Michael hugged him back, making Walker realize that he didn’t hug his son as often as he should. Everything had become about finding the shoes, and eating breakfast so they could go, and getting to work on time.
Tess had been taking care of the after-school things. She’d signed the boys up for soccer, had snacks waiting for them at the house, the whole nine yards.
As he climbed out of the truck and waited for Michael to follow him, Walker realized that he needed to be more than a dad who signed the papers and found the shoes. He wanted to be a counselor for his son, a friend, and a father. He felt inadequate to be any of the three, but he pasted on a smile and hooked his arm around Michael’s shoulders.
“You gonna try the grilled cheese challenge?” He grinned at Michael, who grinned right back.
“Gross, no.”
Walker tipped his head back and laughed, and not only because he agreed. A hamburger should not be sandwiched between two grilled cheese sandwiches. It wasn’t American. They ordered, and with plates of burgers and fried food in front of them, Walker finally felt like he’d settled things with his son.
In his back pocket, his phone buzzed, and he ignored it. It would be Landon or Tess, and he wasn’t prepared to talk to either of them yet.
Chapter Ten
“I just think we should be smart.” Walker’s hushed words didn’t soothe Tess. She’d put Graham to bed an hour ago, then eaten more cake than any one person should in a single day. Finally, Walker had called, but now she didn’t like what he was saying.
She didn’t know how to be smart when it came to Walker. They’d known each other for years. She understood his loss on a personal level—better than almost anyone. Both of them had lost spouses in an accident, and a bond existed there she’d always felt. She just hadn’t realized she could have him be her best friend and her boyfriend.
“So I’m taking Graham strawberry picking this weekend,” she said, unsure of how to address his smart comment. “Do you and Michael want to come?” The fall strawberry picking was a tradition she’d established when she’d moved to Brush Creek. She’d always gone alone with Graham; she’d never even invited Paige or her family, or Alison, or anyone.
“I always come back and make fresh strawberries and cream. We can have a little picnic in my backyard. Or yours. Or at Oxbow.”
Walker remained silent so long she thought she’d lost the connection. She checked her phone right as he said. “Sure, Tess. That sounds nice.”
She wasn’t sure what nice meant either, and she hated how she was now analyzing every word the man said. Her head pounded, and it wasn’t only because of the sugar overload. “Great,” she said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Listen,” he said. “Don’t be mad, all right?”
“I’m not mad.”
“I mean about tomorrow, when I don’t come all the way to the door to get Michael. It really has nothing to do with you. I just want him…. He needs to know I care about him as much as I care about you.”
Warmth filled the icy spaces in Tess’s soul. “All right.” They hung up, and Tess floated upstairs to her bedroom. The next evening when Walker tipped his hat to her from the driver’s seat instead of leaning in her doorway with a sexy smile etched on his face, it did hurt. She did feel a flicker of anger, a tiny flame of resentment. Michael hadn’t acted any differently. He’d accepted her hug, the container of applesauce and the cheese stick. He’d run down the street with a fishing pole in his hand, Graham hot on his heels as they went over to Oxbow Park to catch crawdads.
She hadn’t made dinner, and though she hadn’t done much of anything else that day, she felt bone-weary. She wondered for a few brief moments as Walker’s truck disappeared around the corner if she should go see her doctor in Evanston. She’d felt better after the hospital stay in Vernal, and she’d kept her promise to Walker. She was taking care of herself.
But something still wasn’t right.
Something non-physical gnawed at her too. With this new distance between her and Walker and a considerable cooling in their relationship, she wondered if he really needed to know everything right now.
“Mom, I need help with this.” The frustrated sound of Graham’s voice drew Tess away from the front door, where she still stood. She closed the door and joined him at the kitchen counter, where he had a worksheet in front of him.
She tousled his blond hair and smiled into his dark eyes. Her husband had been blond and light-eyed, but somehow, Graham had almost chocolate-brown eyes. With a start, she realized what was eating at her.
She and Walker would never have a child. She would never be able to look into her son or daughter’s eyes and see Walker’s. Or find the familiar shape of his nose, or the midnight quality of his hair. And he would never be able to do that either.
“What have you got?” she asked Graham in a voice barely above a whisper. As she helped her son figure out two-digit addition, the loss of something she didn’t even know she wanted dug at her.
She’d always been satisfied with just having Graham. She’d never fantasized of having a whole houseful of children, though with the sale of the scrap metal salvage, she certainly had enough money to stay home and take care of them.
While Graham ate a bowl of cereal for dinner, Tess escaped to the backyard and dialed Walker. She hung up before the first ring finished. He wouldn’t be able to comfort her in this right now. He hadn’t even spoken to her today.
Helplessness threaded through her, stitching every breath tighter tighter tighter. She’d felt like this in the days and weeks following Brandon’s death, and she was well acquainted with fear, and grief, and desperation.
Tess took a deep breath and calmed herself. She sank onto a chair and watched as the sun sank lower and lower in the sky. A constant prayer ran through her mind as she searched for a solution to the things that troubled her.
When the last of the light left the sky, she stood. She didn’t have a definitive answer, but the same one the Lord had always provided for her. One day at a time.
So she went inside and started helping Graham get ready for bed. They’d ma
de it through another day, and tomorrow would bring new possibilities.
After Graham went to school, Tess called her doctor in Evanston and scheduled an appointment for the following day. For some reason, she didn’t want to tell Walker about it. The boys had soccer practice after school anyway, so she dialed Paige.
“Hey, I need a favor,” Tess started. “I have to go up to Evanston tomorrow. Could you take Graham and Michael to soccer practice? I should be back by six for sure, to meet Walker.”
“Of course,” Paige said. “They can walk home with Linus.”
“Great.” Tess smiled to herself as she puttered around the house, putting away a tea towel and then wiping down the already clean counter.
“Are you feeling all right?”
Tess bit her lip and tossed the washcloth into the sink. “Something’s off,” she admitted. “I’m just going to get some tests done, do another scan. Just to be sure.” She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Having a relapse while she was dating Walker definitely wouldn’t be smart. She could see him running for the canyon and never coming back down. Bitterness coated her tongue at the unfairness of life.
“When are you leaving?” Paige asked.
“As soon as Graham goes to school.”
“Let’s go to lunch today.”
“Sounds great. Amigo Taco?” She loved tacos, and today seemed like the perfect day to splurge on her dietary choices.
Paige laughed. “I can’t believe we have to drive fifteen minutes to get tacos.”
“They’re the best. And Beaverton isn’t that far.”
“Ten minutes then.”
“They’re tacos.”
“Oh, that reminds me. I got you a new peanut butter to try.” Something banged on Paige’s end of the line. “I’ll bring it with me.”
A rush of affection for her friend made Tess smile. “Sounds great. See you in a bit.”
A couple of hours later, Paige brandished a jar at Tess when she opened the door. “This is going to blow your mind.”
