“Sure, Anna, I’ll go with you,” I tell her, my voice cracking with the multitude of emotions brewing in my body.
Anna’s face lights up like fireworks on the Fourth of July as she races over to the closet. She starts grabbing clothes off their hangers and tossing them at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her move this fast. I feel my lips tugging upward, a smile spreading across my face, despite the worry gnawing away at me. It will be fine. I can do this, I try to convince myself.
I end up wearing some khaki cutoff shorts and a blue Nail in the Coffin t-shirt. They were a popular local band back in Hilldale. Anna and I went to all of their shows. Although she’ll never admit it, I’m sure the only reason Anna went was because she had a thing for the bass player. He always wore the same black skinny jeans, a too-tight white t-shirt, black high-top Converse, and his blonde hair stood up in sharp spikes on his head. I really don’t know what she saw in him….
My heart starts to race, beating violently against my chest as I stare down at the shirt. I need to get rid of this thing, I think. All it does is bring back memories of how it used to be, and how it still could be if not for the events of that tragic day. Knots form in the pit of my stomach as flashes of what our life would be like today skirt across my mind. Those images suddenly change to ghastly ones, the ones that torment me in my sleep. I close my eyes, willing them away, but all I see in the darkness are streaks of crimson blood raining down over my eyelids. No, I’ll keep the shirt, as a reminder of how all our lives got ruined in just a matter of seconds. God, how did my life get so messed up? Five seconds. Five measly little seconds. That’s all it took to completely throw mine and my family’s life off track. I would change it all in a heartbeat if I could. I would travel back in time and change the course of everything if I could, but, of course, that’s not possible.
Anna hands me a hairband from my nightstand, pulling me back to the present, so I can toss my hair up. She knows I won’t bother to do much else with it, even if I did have the time, which apparently, I don’t, because she’s silently rushing me with anxious eyes. I scurry into the bathroom, splash some water on my face, and brush my teeth.
“Come on, Alex, I’m gonna be late!” Anna grabs my hand and practically drags me down the stairs and into the kitchen where Mom and our little brother are eating breakfast. The smell of bacon and eggs welcomes us and awakens my empty stomach.
“Good morning, girls. You two sit down and I’ll get you plates,” Mom says as she reaches into the cabinet.
“Sorry, Mom, I have to get to swim practice. I’ll take a bagel and eat on the way,” Anna tells her while rummaging through the fridge for a carton of juice.
“Oh, okay. I guess it will just be Alex, then. Have a seat, honey,” she says, taking a dish. “What do you want? We’ve got eggs, bacon, or I can make you some pancakes.”
“Actually, Mom, I’m going with Anna.”
Mom and Zack both gawk at me like I just grew a third leg or something.
“What?” Mom asks, her tone matching the confused expression on her face.
“I’m going with Anna to her swim practice.” The words come out harsher than I intended.
“Seriously, you mean you’re actually gonna leave the house?” My annoying brother says, shoving a handful of bacon into his mouth.
“Zack, no one asked for your opinion. Besides, it’s not a big deal” I say as my sister walks by and smacks Zack on the back of his head. I guess the twin-to-twin psyche hasn’t diminished all the way. “I just figured some fresh air and a change of scenery would be good for me. Plus, Mom, you’re the one who keeps pestering me to go out and meet some people here.”
“Okay, you’re right, Alex. Sorry, it just took us by surprise,” Mom says, putting her hands up in mock surrender. “Grab something to eat on the way.”
“Here, take a banana,” Zack says, tossing one at me and hitting me in the face with it. He tries not to laugh and ends up choking on his food.
“You little—” I start toward Zack, prepared to get my revenge, but am interrupted by Mom.
“Okay, you two. That’s enough.” Mom shouts at us.
“Come on, let’s go.” Anna grabs a bagel for herself and hands me an orange. As we head out the door, Anna is all smiles. Mom and Zack are whispering in the kitchen. And me? I’m already regretting my decision. Is it too late to change my mind and go back to my room?
ANNA WILL NOT SHUT UP. I don’t say much as we make our way to the Community Center, where the swim team practices since our school doesn’t have its own sports facility, and I doubt I could get a word in even if I wanted to with the way Anna is rambling on. She acts like I’m on a freaking tour or something and she’s my overzealous guide. As we pass small shops, she insists on telling me who owns each, and includes a few details about the owner’s personal life—how long they’ve lived there, who they’re married to, and who their kids are. Pretty much all the stuff I don’t care to know and probably won’t bother trying to remember.
Without warning, a guy comes barreling out of a craft store and stumbles to a stop just shy of slamming into me. I stagger back a few steps and Anna grabs my arm to help steady me. I look up, prepared to give whomever this inconsiderate moron is a piece of my mind, but I’m instantly side-tracked, captivated by what I see. Standing before me is one of the hottest guys I have ever seen—he may be even better looking than Jake, my ex-boyfriend, who I must say, was pretty dang good looking. He towers over me and I have to crane my neck at an odd angle to stare up at him. I squint into the sun’s harsh rays, and take in the smirk on his face. The heat from the blazing beams scorching my skin, along with his lack of consideration, sends sparks of anger erupting throughout my body. He acts like it’s no big deal that he just about knocked me off the sidewalk. What if a car had been coming? I could have been killed! I bet that would erase that smug look off his face. But I’m finding it hard to stay tapped into my anger when his sparkling green eyes catch and hold mine. He lifts his arm to swipe away a few blonde hairs that keep falling in his eyes. His bicep ripples with his movement and I find myself holding my breath as I drown in those deep, dark, gorgeous eyes of his. His mouth moves with his words, but I don’t hear them. I feel an elbow dig into my side and realize Anna’s been trying to get my attention.
“Alex, this is Luke Carol. His mom owns the craft store.”
“What?” I respond, probably looking like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh, sorry. Hi, I’m Alex.” I raise my hand and wave awkwardly. Heat rises into my cheeks, and I quickly look away to hide my embarrassment.
“So I’ve heard,” Luke says, giving me a flirty smile…at least, I think it’s flirty. I’m not sure I know anymore—no one has bothered to hit on me in a long time. But that thought quickly vanishes as I’m too busy obsessing over every inch of him. I’m sure I’ve seen him around school, but I never really noticed him before now. I know I’m staring and probably making a fool of myself, but I just can’t seem to look away.
Anna snaps me back to the present with another nudge to the ribs. I nervously clear my throat and hope to God Luke didn’t notice me ogling him.
“Come on, Alex, we have to go.” Anna grabs my arm and yanks me away, not so gently. “Bye, Luke, I’ll see you later,” she calls over her shoulder, still gripping me.
“Bye, Anna. Bye, Alex. It was nice to finally meet you,” Luke says, his raspy voice vibrating throughout my body, sending chills up my spine.
I whisper a goodbye and look at the ground, totally mortified by my reaction to this guy’s smoking looks. I hear Luke chuckle as we walk away and I want to kick myself for being such an twit. Great way to make a first impression.
“Alex, what in the world is wrong with you?” Anna glares at me.
“What are you talking about? Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“You kept staring at Luke like you wanted to take a bite out of him or something. Fo
r a minute there, I was sure you were going to start drooling.”
“Oh, shut up, I was not!” I snap at her.
“Whatever, Alex!” Anna rolls her eyes and continues strolling down the sidewalk while I follow a few steps behind.
I hurry to catch up to her and we travel the rest of the way in silence. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Anna watching me. A smirk spreads across her face, and I know exactly what she is thinking, but she is totally wrong. I have no interest, what so ever, in getting to know this Luke guy. Do I? He was pretty hot…. No! I will not allow myself to be caught up in whatever it was I may or may not have felt for him.
We finally arrive at the Community Center, a two-story red brick building with long windows lining its front wall and one of those merry-go-round doors. I notice a map of the place by the entrance and stop to look, but Anna pulls me inside and to the front desk where we’re greeted by a frizzy-headed lady who seems to have gone a little overboard with the hair teasing this morning. She says a nasally hello and swipes Anna’s school badge. Ms. Frizz pushes her glasses back up on her long, pointy nose and glares at me. She reminds me of the witches from Hocus Pocus. All she’s missing is a huge wart. She asks for my badge and I’m just about to tell her I don’t have it when Anna pulls it out of her pocket and hands it over to the lady. She swipes it and buzzes us through a set of glass doors. The smell of body sweat mixed with bleach overwhelms me and I have to fight the urge to gag. It doesn’t appear to bother Anna, maybe she’s just used to it, but I don’t see how anyone could get accustomed to this stench.
I trail after my sister down a carpeted hallway and past a weight room full of a few anorexic-looking women and several men who look like they are on steroids, their muscles bulging and sweat dripping down their faces. She takes me around a bend to a door labeled “Women’s locker room.” Inside, Anna leads me past three rows of beat up lockers and the germ-infested showers. Do they ever clean this place? We then head over to a lone locker hidden in the corner by the entrance to the steam room.
“I have an extra swimsuit if you want to do some laps with me,” Anna says, tossing her wallet into the rusty locker.
“That’s okay, I think I’ll just sit and watch. Maybe I’ll listen to some music on my phone,” I tell her, looking around the damp and—I’m sure—mold-filled room.
Anna shrugs and throws her discarded pants and shirt in with her wallet. When we enter the pool area, I’m entirely caught by surprise. It’s nothing like I expected. I figured there would be minimal seating and a small pool, with maybe one lane for doing laps, but I was totally wrong. Bleachers, which I’m guessing seat close to two hundred people, line two sides of the room. One wall holds an announcer’s box, with big speakers on each side, while the adjacent one is covered in championship flags and shelves filled with trophies. The pool is pretty extravagant, also. It has three diving boards on one end, and the other has starting blocks positioned in front of ten of the lanes. Anna gives me a small wave as she heads to the lane on the far left.
I settle myself on the top row of the bleacher closest to me, put my ear buds in, crank up Theory of a Deadman, and watch Anna kickoff with her warm-up laps. I remain fully aware of the acrid chlorine scent that fills the air as I watch Anna swimming up and back down the lane. Her arms and legs gracefully maneuver through the water, and her head pops up every few seconds for air. Just as I’m beginning to relax, I get the strange feeling someone is watching me. My stomach curls into knots and a tingle spreads from my neck to my ears. I take a deep breath and chalk it up to my paranoia. Everyone here probably is staring. I’ve made it a point to stay hidden. I don’t want to know these people and they don’t need to know me. I can only imagine the things they’ve made up about me. They, no doubt, pictured me covered in oozing blisters or hideously disfigured. I close my eyes, take a few more deep breaths, and try to get lost in the music, but I just can’t seem to shake this feeling. I open my eyes and look around the pool area. Anna is still doing her laps and two other kids from her swim team have joined her. The lifeguard is sitting at his post, scanning over the swimmers, and a small group of senior citizens who are doing water aerobics on the other side of the pool. I feel sure no one else is here, but then I spot him: a guy on the opposite bleachers, definitely looking over at me. Or at least I think he is.
I can’t see him very well because he has his hat pulled down low on his face and dark shades hide his eyes. Why in the world is he wearing sunglasses indoors? I wonder. I also notice he’s wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. Does this guy not realize that it’s like a hundred degrees outside? This whole time, he hasn’t moved his head from my direction and it’s really starting to grate on my already sensitized nerves. I remove my ear buds and slowly stand to make my way to the bottom of the bleachers, hoping to get a better look at him. Just as I’m about to take a step, he rises and limps down the bleachers. That’s odd! He’s using some sort of cane, but he can’t be much older than me. Can he? I need to get a closer look. If he would just take those stupid glasses off, then maybe I could tell more about him. He continues his descent, his head lowered, ignoring my obvious staring. His head snaps up as he reaches the final step. A chill scurries down my spine despite the muggy heat filling the room, and I’m sure his eyes are locking with mine behind his tinted lenses.
“Alex! Hey, Alex!” Anna’s voice echoes off the walls. Hesitantly, I turn and glance at her. “Everything okay?” she asks, a concerned look on her face.
I nod my head and give her a thumbs up. When I glimpse back toward the other bleacher, where Mystery Guy was, he’s gone. Damn it!
“ANNA, DID YOU SEE THAT guy at the pool?” I ask as we walk home.
Anna kicks a stray pebble toward the gutter. “What guy?”
“The one sitting in the bleachers across the room from me. He was wearing a hat and sunglasses, and he was walking with a cane.”
“No, I didn’t see anyone, but I don’t really pay attention to anything when I’m practicing. Why?”
“I don’t know, I just got a weird vibe from him. And I could swear he was watching me,” I tell her, nervously twisting my fingers around one another.
Anna wraps her hand around my wrist, stopping me mid-step and forcing me to look at her. “Did he do or say anything to you? Cause if he did, I’ll go back there right now!” Still holding me in her grasp, she heads back the way we came, pulling me along behind her.
“No, Anna.” I reach for her hand with my free one, trying to stop her.
She pauses and looks at me, confused.
“It’s just…I don’t know. It’s stupid. I just know he wasn’t taking his eyes off of me, and it made me uncomfortable.” I make myself smile at her, but it’s forced and I can tell she knows.
“You’re likely just imagining things, Alex. And if he was looking at you, it’s probably because he’s never seen you before. If you would just get out more and get to know some people, then you wouldn’t feel like everyone is watching you. This really is a good town and the people here are super easy to get along with. You could even get to know Luke.” She flutters her lashes at me, a devious grin spreading across her face. “He’s really nice, and totally single. I could say something to him for you, maybe set up a date.”
“Oh, my God, Anna, don’t go there.” I give her a playful shove and we both laugh. I’d forgotten how good this feels, the two of us hanging out, joking around and teasing each other. And, even though I know I don’t deserve to feel good about anything, I can’t help it. I love my sister and I really have missed spending time with her.
I look down at the ground, my steps slowing, trying to convince myself that these feelings I’m having, this enjoyment and peacefulness, is okay. I look up as I get a whiff of chocolate and peppermint. The aroma tickles my nose, and I see a little old lady opening the door of the bakery across the street. Anna leads me to the other side of the road and the delectable essence gr
ows stronger. If Heaven has a smell, I sure hope this is it. My stomach lurches and grumbles loudly, reminding me that the orange I brought is sitting uneaten on the bleachers back at the pool.
“Good morning, Anna,” the lady says as Anna and I approach, her white hair shining in the sun.
“Good Morning, Mrs. Bailey,” Anna says, leaning in to hug her.
Mrs. Bailey squeezes Anna tight, then reaches into her paper sack. She pulls out a muffin and holds it up for us to see. “Laura just finished whipping up a batch of her famous Chocolate Chip muffins.”
My mouth waters as I imagine the chocolate chips melting on my tongue, spreading their gooiness through my mouth and down my throat. My stomach growls more powerful this time. Sliding my hand over my belly, I bow my head, embarrassed, and try to smother the noise. Fortunately, no one seems to notice.
“Oh, I love those,” Anna exclaims. “Alex, you have got to try one. My treat.” Anna grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door without giving me a chance to respond.
Mrs. Bailey reaches out a withered hand and encircles my wrist, her grasp surprisingly strong. I stop in my tracks, looking at her, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
“So, this is the twin sister. I was starting to think Anna here was lying about you. Well, you’re just as pretty as she said you were. But I really doubt she would say differently considering you two are identical. You’re both beautiful young ladies.”
Grave Little Secrets Page 2
