by Jo Clayton
Thann waited as long as xe could keep Isaho quiet, sweeping xe’s thinta across and across the area around them just to be sure the streets were clear. When xe could feel the child’s restlessness about to explode, xe got stiffly to xe’s feet and signed to Isaho to walk beside xe.
The wait had been no rest; xe’s body screamed with fatigue, but xe crept on as xe had before, shuddering as xe nearly stepped on a body sprawled on the street. There were half a dozen dead scavengers scattered about, the bodies moving in and out of visibility as if they were actors on a spotlit stage. Isaho was silent beside xe, not looking at the dead, content for the moment with simply moving west.
Gradually the ruins grew wider apart and the rubble heaps smaller. Mill owners and merchants had lived here once, building large compounds with walled gardens. They were among the first to fall to the Mountain Guns, easy targets and tempting since the Pixa hated everything about Impix commerce. Thann could remember the first days of xe’s tribond when xe and Bazekiyl and Mandall used to ride the jittrain out here and walk along the streets enjoying the damp earth smells, the sounds of water from the hidden gardens, exclaiming over the mosaic murals that decorated the outsides of the walls. Once the bombardment started, though, the jittrains stopped running. The story of the destruction came through the news reports on the radio, but no matter how deft the reporter, it hadn’t been real until now, until xe felt it with xe’s fingertips, saw the ruin of xe’s memories in the dim light from the setting moon.
Xe caught hold of Isaho’s arm, pulled her to a stop beside a wall more intact than most while xe’s thinta scanned the area for life.
Nothing larger than small rodents scurrying about in their hunt for food.
+Shashi.+
Isaho wouldn’t look at xe, just kept tugging at the hold on her arm as if she meant to walk forever without stopping until she reached Linojin.
Thann moved in front of xe’s daughter. +Shashi.+ She made the movements large, a silent shout.
Isaho blinked, then seemed to crumble as her concentration broke and the automaton that had been wearing her body disengaged. “Thanny?” The word was dragged out and blurry.
+We need a place to rest a while and sleep. Seems to me, this is as good as we’ll find inside the city.+
Isaho leaned heavily against xe. “‘M s000 tired, Thanny.”
+Listen, Shashi. This wall is still pretty high. I’ll lift you, but you’ve got to pull yourself over. Soon as you’re down inside there, stay very still and wait for me. Do you understand, Shashi?+
“Mm. Unnerstaahhhh…” The word was swallowed by a huge yawn.
Thann dragged xeself wearily onto the broken stones, eased around, and let xeself fall into the weeds at the base of the wall-and, for a moment, fell into a panic when xe couldn’t see Isaho anywhere. Xe pressed xe’s back against the wall and thinta swept the garden until xe touched the child’s small bright life.
Lost in the hot flush of fear/anger, mouth gaping in a soundless scream, xe ran toward the life fire, pushing xe’s body through the thick overgrowth of hedges and goneto-wild plants until xe reached an old garden shed, shaky and smothered in plant debris but still standing. Isaho was stretched out beside the small stream trickling from beneath it, scooping up water and drinking avidly from her cupped hand.
Thann caught her by the shoulders, yanked her onto her feet,, and stood shaking her and sobbing, mouth opening and closing with the words xe wanted to scream at her but could not.
“Thanny?”
The weak wobbly cry broke through the spasm of rage and Thann caught xe’s daughter hard against her, hugging her and shuddering.
After a moment xe stepped back, brushing a hand across xe’s burning eyes, then signed, +I told you to wait for me.+
“Thanny, I was s000 thirsty. So I came here to get a drink”
+How did you know there was water here?+
Isaho blinked. “I dunno. It was kinda like I smelled it. Anyway, I knew it was here and there wasn’t anybody to bother us, just some mayomayos and a nest of wejeys and some little brown birds hopping around.”
Thann closed xe’s eyes, drew a long breath, let it trickle out. +Shashi, I almost died when I saw you weren’t there. Don’t do that to me again. Please, daughter meami.+
Isaho stiffened, then flung herself at Thann, her hands clutching frantically, her body shuddering. “No no no no, Thanny don’t die, don’t die eee.”
Appalled at what xe’s thoughtless words had done, Thann held her and whistled softly until her shaking stopped, then xe unhooked Isaho’s fingers and patted the small hands. +So let’s get camp made. Do you think you could pull some of that dry wood off the shed? A little fire under the eaves back there would be safe enough, and we can have a hot meal before we sleep.+
Thann sat by the small fire gently massaging the egg in xe’s pouch and watching xe’s daughter sleep. For the first time in weeks Isaho wasn’t writhing in the grip of nightmares; her face was smeared with dust and a crust of dried moss, but it was calm and sweet, and the sight of it was balm to Thann’s weary spirit.
The red faded in the dying coals as the sky lightened. Finally xe emptied a mug of water onto the last patches of fire and curled in xe’s blanket next to Isaho, listening to the femlit breathe and wondering if xe was going to be able to sleep. Almost in the middle of the thought xe was gone.
Thann woke not remembering where xe was, lay staring at the crooked lacery of twigs and leaves over xe’s head until last night’s events came back to xe. Xe sat up and smiled despite the aches and stiffness of xe’s body. Isaho was kneeling close by, a little pile of broken wood beside her. +Did you sleep well, Shashi?+
“Ground’s hard.” She rubbed at her side. “And there was a stick poking me. But I didn’t dream.” She wrinkled her nose. “Thanny, I saw some plants, they looked like pictures in my farm book, you know, tatas, I was thinking maybe we could dig them and cook them? And there was some qanteh, I pulled one and it was fat and yellow, see.” She reached behind her and brought round a dirt-crusted root with the three leaves like feathers growing from its crown. “I remembered Mam… I remember you washing them and cutting the tops off and slicing them for me to eat. I liked them.”
+Must have been a kitchen garden, Shashi. Let me get my teeth cleaned, then you can show me where you found those things.+ Xe pushed the blanket back and got stiffly to xe’s feet, then turned to frown at Isaho. +Did you clean your teeth and wash yourself?+
“Ahhh, ‘Thanny…”
+No matter. We can have our wash together.+
The wild garden was quiet and peaceful in the waning hours of the day; the pop pop from the snipers and the scream/boom of the shells from the Mountain Guns seemed distant and somehow muted. As the sun slipped lower in the west, Thann found xeself increasingly reluctant to leave. Xe and Isaho could live here well enough, at least until the egg hatched and the anya inside began to suckle, venturing out only when they needed things the garden couldn’t give them. They could clean out the shed and use debris from the house to weatherproof the walls, and the war could go on around them, but they’d be safe.
Each time xe’s mind traveled that road, xe would catch sight of Isaho watching the sun, measuring how soon they could leave. Then the dream would slip away from xe. And even without Isaho’s urgency it would still be only a dream, xe knew that. Peace anywhere was ephemeral, to be treasured and dismissed.
They left the garden as the red was fading from the western sky and crept on through the fringes of city, an area deserted, ruined, gone wild. Several times they ducked behind a wall or under a hedge to hide from peddlers or farmers packing in produce on the backs of munymys, but that was only because Thann didn’t want anyone to see or question them, not because there was any danger in these folk. The scavenger gangs never came this far, setting their ambushes deeper in the city.
By midnight even the ruins were behind them. The road was a collections of shell holes and erosion, but it was at least an open space in t
he tangle of weeds and plants gone wild, berry bushes whose long tough canes had brittle thorns that caught at anything that brushed against them and broke off at the slightest pressure. The small farms that had once lined this road and provided fresh vegetables for the city had been deserted for years, the families who worked them driven from the land by the Pixa phelas who killed as many as they could and burned out the rest.
Thann was back to being scared again. Xe didn’t like having no straight lines xe could depend on to orient xeself, didn’t like knowing nothing about what lay on the far side of any bend in that awful road. Letting Isaho guide xe’s steps, xe sent the thinta sweeping round and round again, fearing that Pixa phelas or the murdering robber bands xe’d heard about on the radio would somehow slip past xe’s senses and come down on them.
The anya-in-egg was restless, kicking and scratching at the leathery shell; Thann’s fear was like nettles rubbing at it. Xe knew that, but xe couldn’t control xeself. All anyas had trouble dealing with uncertainty; they liked order and calm, with their cousins and bondkin close about them.
The road grew slightly better as Thann and Isaho left the city behind; there were no more shell craters, only ruts and potholes decorated with the dried manure from packer munymys and teams of draft skazz, wheel tracks from the farm wagons and the footprints of the small lives that ran in the briars and birds hunting out grass seeds.
Thann kept to the road because there didn’t seem to be anything else to do, but it worried xe. Their only hope of actually reaching Linojin was to stay elusive and apart like mayomayos living near a mahay’s lair. The road made them targets.
Near moonset they came on tilled land.
The field was enclosed by a double fence of barbed wire, the strands only a span apart, the outer fence at least two meters high. In the narrow lane between the two lines of barbed wire.a pack of hunting chals came running toward them, throwing low threatening growls at the walkers in the road. With a small squeak Isaho crowded against Thann, clutching at xe.
Thann patted her, led her to the far side of the road, one eye on the chals. The extra distance stopped the growls, but the beasts paced along with them until they reached the end of the field and moved into a stretch of wasteland.
It was another indication of how dangerous the road might be, and it was all Thann needed to convince xe that they had to get off it right now. Besides, dawn was less than an hour off and they had to find a place to camp. Xe tapped Isaho’s arm to signal that xe meant to sign.
+Your eyes are better than mine, Shashi. Can you find a way off the road and into the thorns? We need to make camp.+
“Timmy, the river’s that way.” Isaho pointed. “I can smell it. It’s not far. If you want, I think I can find a way there.”
Thann felt the child grow steadier as she spoke. Having something important to do pushed away the fear and fretting. Xe nodded. +Yes. We’ve got to get away from the road, and the river will keep us going the right direction.+
As Isaho moved ahead and began working her way into the mess of thorns and weeds, Thann followed, wondering what Isaho’s newly discovered gift meant. This was the second time she’d had spoken of smelling water. A gift she hadn’t needed in the city, so no one ever knew it was there? Hahkeh! if it’s true, it’s God’s benison for sure. Crossing the Plain without following roads… shay ya!
No matter how carefully Isaho led and Thann stepped, the wind blew thorn canes against them, canes that acted like saw blades cutting into their boots and trousers and sometimes even flew up to slap them in the face, drawing blood wherever the thorns touched skin.
The eastern sky paled to gray, then flushed pink.
Isaho kept going. She glanced back now and then to be sure that Thann was still following, but mostly she moved quickly and surely through the fields, heading for a goal that seemed clear to her, though Thann rapidly lost any sense of direction. Even the dawn colors didn’t help to orient xe. An eight-year-old child, xe thought. It should be me taking care of her.
Despite xe’s disturbance at this tumbling of roles, Thann felt relaxed for the first time since they’d left Mikil’s apartment. The thread of order, xe thought. That’s what it is. God’s presence in Shashi, caring for us both. Xe nodded as that thought finished, feeling cradled in caring hands.
The thorns gave way to trees.
From the darkness of the soil and the dead stumps, fire had swept through here a few years ago, clearing out the weeds and brush and thorns, giving a new crop of saplings room to spring up, delicate maka trees and the sturdier, slower growing vevezz.
Isaho led xe in a complicated twisting path through the thicket; though the going was less painful without the thorns, pushing through the dense growth of young trees was hard, slow work. The sun was well up by the time they reached the riverbank and stood looking at the water flowing eighty meters below. Isaho had brought them there as straight and true as if she’d been following a blazed trail.
Broad, deep and muddy with a small island poking around the bend just ahead of them, the Khobon River rolled along with the illusion of serenity a shallow mask on the surface, broken by the occasional snag or sudden sucking eddy. Watching the hypnotic shift of current lines, Thann felt fatigue settle over xe, weighing down xe’s limbs more and more heavily with every breath xe took. Xe touched Isaho’s arm. +That glade a short way in, let’s make camp there. We can eat some of Mikil’s way cakes, then catch up on our sleep.+
Isaho shook her head. “Here, Thanny. Let’s camp here. I don’t like all those trees. And look, if anyone comes at us, we can just jump in the water and get away.”
Thann shuddered at the thought, then nodded. +But we should move back a little. Into the edge of shadow so travelers on the river won’t see us.+
Isaho yawned and smiled sleepily at xe. “All right, but I don’ want any cakes, Thanny. I just wan’ go to sleep.”
Thann woke and started up. Isaho’s blankets were empty. Xe swept thinta round, relaxed as xe felt xe’s daughter close by. Xe got groggily to xe’s feet and moved from under the trees, following the pull of the thinta, found the child curled up on the edge of the cliff, deeply asleep.
Thann looked from Isaho to the river below. It was as if the water had pulled her as close as she could get, reaching her with a call so strong that it overrode mind and will. Xe listened a moment to Isaho’s steady breathing and wondered if xe should carry her back. Finally xe shook xe’s head and returned to xe’s blankets to get what sleep xe could before it was time to move on.
They left camp while it was still light, following the bends of the river as closely as they could.
It wasn’t easy walking. Nothing was easy anymore.
When they made camp the second night by the river, Thann brought out the balls of cord xe’d put at the bottom of xe’s pack. Half asleep, Isaho watched as xe carved a crude shuttle from a bit of deadwood, wound a length of cord about it.
“What’s that, Thanny?”
Xe set the shuttle down so xe could sign. +A long time ago, when I was an anyalit about your age, in the days before the war when Khokuhl was a happy place, my father took me fishing along the edge of the estuary marshes. In the summer we went almost every day. I learned the netting knots because he said I couldn’t fish with any other net but one I made for myself. It wasn’t proper, he said. When I finished a net he liked, he taught me the way of casting it. In the morning I’ll try out this net, and with a little luck we’ll have fish for breakfast. We’ll need to find our own food, Shashi. There won’t be places to buy it, and we haven’t the coin anyway.+
“Oh. Is there enough cord to give me some?”
+I put some in your pack, too, down at the bottom. Why?+
“I thought I could make snares. You remember how
Mam taught me to catch rats? Maybe I can trap some mayomayos and wejeys.”
+Ah! Yes, that’s a good thought. Dig out the cord and see what you can do.+ Xe took up the shuttle and went back to making the net.
<
br /> As the twist and slide of the shuttle grew more automatic, xe found time to watch ‘mho gather sticks and play with the bits of cord until she had the nooses arranged to her satisfaction. The Need for Linojin hummed down deep in her, but it was overlaid now by a purring contentment. Ah, Shashi, why didn’t I see this before? You need something to do, to take your mind off Linojin. Diversion. I could have done it in Khokuhl and maybe… I don’t know… God give you game in your snares.
In the morning, while Thann was tossing the net for fish, a river peddler sailed round the bend behind xe and brought his boat to shore before xe knew he was there.
2. Walking with the Ixis to Linojin
Wintshikan woke into the warm gray light of a summer dawn with her shoulders burning and cramps in her legs that made her want to scream when she moved. She floundered in the blankets and tried to sit up.
She couldn’t. Her legs had no strength in them, and the muscles of her arms and shoulders seemed turned to jelly. She lay back, staring at the leaves arching overhead and wondering how she was going to manage this day and the next and the next if she couldn’t even stand.
Zell heard her moving and came trotting over to her. Wintshikan glowered at her anyabond and for a moment hated xe’s wiry agility.
After looking her over, Zell nodded and went away. When xe came back, xe had a stout staff with xe, a sturdy bit of limb xe’d trimmed and polished before Wintshikan woke. Xe laid it beside her. +I thought you were going to regret pushing so hard yesterday.+
Wintshikan tried to use the staff to pull herself up, but she couldn’t get the proper grip or brace it effectively. She let the staff fall and lay back in the tangle of blankets, her eyes blurring with angry tears.
Zell bathed her face with a bit of rag dipped into the mug of warm soapy water, drew the rag along her arms, and washed her feet, then xe took the bladder of maphik balm xe’d rescued from Oldmal Yancik’s body and began kneading the greasy cream into Wintshikan’s arms and shoulders, then her legs. As xe worked, xe stopped now and then to sign comforting words to xe’s fembond.
