by Casey Lane
“That too.” He added.
I sighed.
David.
Why did I have to be reminded of him so often? It was as if the universe was betting against me. Trying to push me harder and harder until I give in. I wanted to give in so badly, but I have a list of things I need to do, and I can’t focus on anything but that right now.
Parker took a seat next to me and settled in without trying to chat. I appreciated it but soon found myself wanting to engage in some small talk.
“So, business, huh? I mean since you’re a…” I paused and dumped some peanuts in the palm of my hand. “What are you, exactly?” I asked, and he grinned at me with the tilt of his head.
“You asked for my ID.”
I shrugged my shoulders and popped some peanuts into my mouth.
“I kinda read it.”
He rubbed the side of his neck, and I saw no ring. He was single.
Stop it Halo. Just stop.
My eyes remained locked on his hand, and he lowered it to his lap.
“I’m a detective.”
I dumped a few more peanuts into my hand and jiggled them around. The chill was passing, and so was the nausea. I gave him a nod.
“So, you’re like CSI, you know, that crime drama show?”
He let out a sigh. “Not exactly.”
I chewed on the remainder of the peanuts, and he glanced over at me, but I was fixated on him now. Anything was better than watching some vampire battle a demon, or a train on fire, or best yet, the world disintegrating into fire and complete ruin.
All of which was in my head.
All of which was a direct result of the growing tumor that would eventually swallow me whole.
I leaned toward him and bumped my shoulder against his. I don’t know why I felt so chummy with Parker, but I did. He just made me feel at ease, which was something I desperately needed.
He cleared his throat.
“So, what is it like, then?” I asked.
He stared down at his hands then let his eyes roam. The wrinkles in his forehead didn’t detract from his boyish good looks.
Halo, I’m dead serious. Stop eyeing this guy like he’s a potential boyfriend. You’re dying. Dying.
“I’m part of a special unit.”
My lips pursed then relaxed. “Special how?” I asked.
He spoke softly, not wanting to share this information with anyone but me. I guess it kind of made me feel special. “Like X-Files, special.”
My short burst of laughter echoed in the room but faded when his eyes locked onto mine. “Are you kidding?”
His facial expression never changed, and I adjusted in my chair. I guess it was just the last thing I expected to hear from him. He seemed so normal, so composed. Surely he was messing with me.
“Come on,” I said with a half-smile. He sighed and looked around the room before his beautiful eyes landed back on me. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”
I nudged him with my elbow. “Why? Do you have to kill me now?” My eyebrow wiggled, but he didn’t take the bait. I leaned back in my chair and stared across the room.
“No.” he added with a sigh.
My eyebrow cocked. “No, what?”
The edge of his lip curled. “I don’t have to kill you, but I’m serious. My job is to investigate things that don’t fit in a box.”
I turned to face him. “You’re serious?”
He nodded to me, and I smiled and gave him a once over.
“What?” he asked me as he stared down at his clothing. “Did I spill something on myself?”
“No, it’s just…I mean, you’re like a real live Fox Mulder, that’s just…” I paused.
“Silly.” He muttered.
I shook my head and placed my hand on his arm. His eyes lifted and I removed it. I really didn’t need to be making connections with people like this. I wouldn’t be around long enough to see it through. It was unfair, so I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest.
“No, it isn’t silly, just odd. I didn’t know that people like that existed.”
He leaned back and shook his head. “Well we do, and it’s not, I mean, it isn’t taken as seriously as I guess it should be.”
I sighed. “So you believe in all of that stuff?”
He shifted his weight on the chair, and it creaked beneath him. I could tell by his body language that I had made him uncomfortable.
“I believe in more.”
I snorted, and he stared at me. “What?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “More, like angels and demons, more?” I asked him.
“Like God and the Devil.” He said, without hesitation.
I looked down and bit my lip.
He moved his feet, and his heel left a small scuff mark on the stark white floor.
“God and the Devil? So, I guess you’re religious?” I asked him.
“No, not so much.” He said.
I turned and looked him over. His face was relaxed, but his eyes looked saddened. I shouldn’t have dug so deeply. I don’t know why he intrigued me, but he did. Especially now.
“Atheist?” I asked him, and he tilted his head to one side then the other. I could hear his neck crack, and I grimaced.
“Wiccan.” He replied.
“Like a witch?” I asked.
“Technically, Warlock. I’m male, but…”
I smiled. “So you cast spells and what not?”
He studied my mouth. “No, not exactly. I just identify with the earth and science more than I do with people.”
I turned and stared at the front desk. “So, you investigate paranormal activity, and you ride a broom, cool.”
He laughed. “They like to call it unexplained phenomena, and no broom. I drive a four door sedan, black.”
A female voice interrupted our conversation. “Halo Bay.”
I looked up, and the woman behind the desk was staring at me.
“Yes?”
“You’ve been cleared.” She said without any emotion.
I paused and looked over at Parker. “Wait, why did they send you to investigate Father Keith?”
He didn’t say anything. “Parker, why did they send you?”
His eyes lifted and he fidgeted with his hands.
I snapped my fingers. “I knew it; I knew he would never do that to himself. I told you that, right?” I asked.
Parker didn’t say anything, and the woman behind the desk called out to me again.
“It’s now or never, Ms. Bay.”
I bit my lip and wagged a finger at him. He tried to control a smirk as I walked away from him. Then he called out to me.
“There’s a coffee shop on 184th and 5th.”
I spoke without thinking and responded much too quickly. “Yes.”
He grinned. “Okay, we can meet at six tonight, then?” he asked.
“It’s a, I mean, sounds good.” I almost said date and that was the last thing I wanted to say to him.
I spun around and made my way over to the desk, glancing back only once to see Parker standing up as a woman approached him with short red hair. She was wearing a tight-fitting gray business suit that hugged her curves. It forced me to smile.
“Fox,” I whispered to myself.
“Go through the door and then it’s the third door on the right.” The guard spoke to me without any emotion.
“Thank you.” My voice cracked. She said nothing. This is how all of my conversations should be now. Abrupt and to the point. I shouldn’t be making new friends who would only have to watch me die. It was unfair. Not only to them but me. I glanced back and watched Parker walk out the front door with the attractive redhead at his side.
He should date her, hell, maybe he was.
She could make him happy.
“Ms. Bay?”
I turned back, and the woman pointed at the door. “You only have a small window of time; I suggest you get moving.”
I tapped the visitors pass against my fingertips a
nd offered a quick nod. I made my way to the large door, and the buzzer went off, forcing me to flinch. I blinked when the lock clicked, and another buzzer went off. I reached for the handle, and the cold steel slid into the palm of my hand. My heartbeat sped up, and for a split second I wanted to turn and run, but I couldn’t.
Chapter Eight
I sat in a white room with a large flat screen TV sitting on the wall in front of me. I studied my dark reflection. Suddenly I spotted a shadow move behind me, and I spun around in my chair and scanned the room. I looked from side to side and saw no one. More hallucinations, great.
I turned back to face the screen and could see a figure standing behind me. I narrowed my eyes, and it appeared to be a man in a black suit and thin white tie. I swallowed hard as the hair on the back of neck stood up.
“Hello?” I whispered and then I yelped when the TV turned on, and a familiar face sat before me.
“Halo.” The man said with more compassion than I expected. It infuriated me.
“Father,” I spoke without emotion, but he narrowed his eyes.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.
“Why does something have to be wrong with me?”
He scowled. “You wouldn’t come here otherwise.”
I cleared my throat and decided to dump my news at his feet.
“I’m dying,” I said, and he closed his eyes and lifted his hands. His fingers intertwined and he started to pray.
“Stop,” I whispered through gritted teeth.
“Please, Lord all mighty, hear my prayers. Please spare my daughter and take me, I beg you.”
“Stop it,” I spoke a little louder.
“Lord, please hear me.”
“Stop, you fucking liar!” I yelled, and he paused, opening his eyes and studying mine. My chest rose and fell, and I felt flush. I tried to calm myself down, but the dizziness threatened to overtake me. I had to lean forward until it passed. Finally, I sat straight up and glared at him.
“I didn’t come here for your bullshit,” I said.
His expression softened. “Baby girl.”
I shook my head. “Don’t call me that.”
“It saddens me to see that you’ve lost your faith.”
I started to laugh, it rolled out of me and then ended with a jab of my rigid finger in his direction.
“Faith? Are you kidding me, dad?”
“You should talk to Father Keith; he is a great man and…”
I interrupted him. “He’s dead.”
“What?” he asked through glossy eyes. I wasn’t buying into his crap. This was a man who showed no mercy to the family he claimed to love. I knew what he was, what he would always be. A hideous monster.
“He’s dead, just like everyone else, you know….just like mom and Fin.”
He took a slow breath and pressed his folded hands against his mouth.
“Halo.” He whispered.
“No, I didn’t come here so that you could pray and ask for forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness?” he asked me.
“Yes, you want me to forgive you, right? Well, guess what dad, I don’t forgive you. I will never forgive you for what you did to us.”
He started to laugh, and I tilted my head. His facial expression changed and his eyes darkened. I adjusted in my chair as the temperature in the room seemed to shift.
“Forgive me for what?” he asked.
I bit my lip and released it. “For everything. You ruined my life!”
He leaned forward and glared at me through the screen.
“The only thing I should be forgiven for is not finishing the job.”
“What?” I asked in horror.
He sighed. “I should have turned the gun on you and your brother after I handled your whore of a mother. She didn’t have faith like she should. She didn’t believe in the one true God of all things.”
The TV glitched on and off, and I could see a shadow standing behind me. I didn’t bother to turn; no one was really there.
My dad pressed his hands against his mouth and tears flowed from his eyes.
“My Lord, you grace me with your presence!”
I narrowed my eyes as my dad stared past me. I wasn’t buying it; he was just as crazy as he had always been. The years of drinking had warped his mind. I guess I just wanted to see it for myself. I wanted him to show his true colors so that my hatred for him would be warranted.
“You’re pathetic,” I muttered.
His glare landed on me. “Halo, you should kneel before our King.”
“I don’t believe in your God or any God.” I hissed.
“Why not?” a calm voice spoke behind me. My eyes widened, and my entire body hummed from shock. I let out a short breath, and a white puff of smoke rose from my lips.
I gripped the sides of my chair and gritted my teeth. “You are not real. You are not real. You are not real. This is all in my head.” My father laughed and clapped his hands together like a child.
“I am as real as you are.” The voice replied.
A chill rushed through me, settling into my bones and making me feel weak.
“Who are you?” I choked out.
The voice whispered into my ear. “I am many.”
I stood up so quickly that the chair flew out from beneath me. I turned as my red hair swung out to the side and then settled around my shoulders but no one was there. I turned back, and the TV screen was black. I stepped forward and tilted my head until it finally flipped back on and there my dad sat before me, looking completely normal and at peace.
“Halo? Is that you, honey?” he asked, and I ran to the door and fumbled with the doorknob. I jerked it open and ran down the long hallway. I could hear my dad desperately calling out to me.
* * *
My hand trembled at the edge of the coffee cup. I clenched my fist then released it. The bell went off at the door and my eyes lifted. Parker came strolling in. He spotted me and made his way over after a few brief words to the barista who worked behind the counter. She eyed me for a second but was overtaken by his broad shoulders when he reached the table and pulled the chair out. He took a seat without removing his coat. Then he stood up with a slight grin and took it off, placing it on the back of the chair. He sat down and offered a genuine smile.
“So, how did your visit go?” he asked.
I cleared my throat and stared into my coffee that was now swirling in the cup. Wouldn’t he love to hear about the shadowy presence in the room who had spoken to me? A God, according to my dad.
I sighed. “Fine, everything was fine.”
He leaned forward and placed his hands on the table. “Listen, Halo. I know about your dad.”
I reached up and wiped my eyes, everything went out of focus for a moment and then returned to normal, but for a split second, I swear that I witnessed an oversized lizard, the size of a city bus, rush by the front of the coffee shop with two heads and one tail. I leaned back with parted lips as a Roman rushed after it with swords drawn.
A Roman in full Roman gear.
So ridiculous.
I blinked when Parker spoke to me again. “Halo?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, oh…my dad. I don’t really like to talk about him.”
He leaned back in the chair as I narrowed my eyes and saw the Roman rush back by the window with the lizard not far behind. I shook my head in disbelief. The lizard paused and spat a ball of fire, and the Roman lifted his shield as the flames lapped around the edges of it. I could see his leg muscles straining as his heels dug into the asphalt. The lizard whipped his tail around and knocked the Roman’s helmet right off of his head. The Roman stood up straight and proud, letting his shaggy blue hair wave in the wind.
Blue hair.
I laughed and covered my mouth. It was beyond ridiculous. A blue haired Roman fighting a giant fire-breathing lizard in the streets of New York City.
“What?” Parker asked as he turned to look out the window. He froze, and I waited. I guess
a tiny part of me wanted it to be real, but of course, it wasn’t. He turned back to face me with the tilt of his head.
“I thought I saw someone that I knew.” I lied, of course. I had no choice.
“That made you laugh?”
“An old boyfriend.” I swallowed hard. I immediately regretted saying it. It’s not like Parker and I will ever be anything more than this, but I didn’t want to appear callous.
He looked down, and I could tell that it bothered him. It felt awkward, so I offered up something to steer the conversation away from it.
“He was a comedian. Very funny. I was just thinking about a joke that he told me about a giant lizard.”
“I see,” Parker said as his eyes lit up. The barista approached the table and sat an espresso down in front of him. He lifted the small spoon and stirred it without speaking.
“My visit sucked,” I said.
His eyes lifted. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”
I cleared my throat and stared out the window. The blue haired Roman and oversized fire breathing lizard were now gone. I wasn’t as relieved as I expected to be. Somehow it seemed reasonable to me to see something like that instead of sitting here with Parker in a coffee shop.
I would rather live in that world, not this one.
“Yeah, well, life, ya know?” I added.
Parker leaned back and shot his espresso. His eye twitched, and he sat it down in front of him. I half grinned. I love caffeine, but that was a shock to the system.
“So you investigated me, huh?” I asked.
He bit his lip and pulled out a small file. He slid it toward me.
“This wasn’t my business, and I’m not even sure why I took it, so here, you should have it.”
I fingered at the file and opened it up to see a picture of my mom. I shut it with a gasp. Seeing her face made my heart ache. I didn’t even keep pictures of her in my apartment. Over time it helped dull the pain.
His kind eyes remained locked on me. “Listen, what happened to you was…”
I raised my hand and pushed the file back to him. “Yes, I know.”
“Did he?” Parker paused, and I looked up at him.
“No, he never touched me. He was a mental sadist. He saved the physical abuse for my mom, but he handed out the psychological torment like candy…but oh how he loved Griffin. My brother could do no wrong.”
