by Casey Lane
She turned and looked me over. “Are you high?”
I glared at her. “You wish.”
“Well, Halo Bay, my name is Vanessa, and I am the daughter of Vlad…”
The man interrupted her as he grabbed her arm. “Stop.”
I shook my head. “What are you?” I asked, and she grinned at me, exposing her white teeth along with two sharpened fangs. I was too shocked to blink, and my body froze in place. I lifted a trembling hand, and with a blink of an eye my hair blew up around my face, and they were gone. Ghosts, or so it seemed.
I was left there with my hand trembling and my heart racing in my chest.
“That couldn’t be real; it couldn’t be,” I whispered. I heard a voice behind me. I turned in a panic, and a nun reached out forcing me to stumble backward. Her skin was pale and flawless. The thin weathered lines of time lapped at the edges of her almond shaped eyes nestled in thick brown lashes that matched the color of her bangs which were cut straight across her forehead. Her lips were thin, and she had two dimples, one on either cheek that made her appear jovial.
“Stay back.” I hissed, and she lowered her hand.
“My child, how can I help you?”
My hand flew up, and I jabbed at her right shoulder, then her left.
“Please, tell me how I can assist you in this house of the Lord.” She spoke with kindness, and my anxiety subsided. My head tilted. “You’re human, right?” I asked.
“We have food and shelter; you are welcome to sleep this off.”
I ignored her assumption that I was inebriated and glared behind her, but the couple who had discussed eating me were gone. My voice shook as I spoke to her. “Did you see them?”
“See who, my child?” she asked, and I scanned the room, and then my glossy eyes landed back on her. “The young priest and the woman who was with him.”
“Our new father will not arrive until next week; he is coming from Rome.”
“But there was a man in black, playing the violin. He….he, was right there, right under the crucifix.” I stammered.
She peered at the pulpit and then her attention landed back on me. “I’m sorry, I saw no one, and I heard no music playing. I’ve been here all day.”
My shoulder bumped into hers as I rushed toward the exit. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
I ran down the center aisle and hit the front door, struggling to push it open. I nearly fell as I stumbled out into the rain. It was cold and unyielding. A sharp pain rushed between my eyes, and I hissed, pressing my fingers against it until it started to fade.
The nun called out to me from the open doorway. “Come back inside, my child.” I swayed on my feet and then turned my back to her and the church. I tilted my head and could see the pair of vampires standing on the top of the building on the opposite side of the street. Lightning streaked the sky behind them, and I pressed my hand against my stomach and lurched forward, throwing up bile on the sidewalk. I had to place both hands on my knees, and I shook my head from side to side.
“You can’t be real. You can’t be real. You can’t be real.”
I jumped with a yelp when a voice interrupted me. “Hey baby, you okay?”
I stood up straight when I felt a hand on my back and couldn’t help but laugh when I glared up at Travis.
“No, I mean yes, go away.”
He straightened up and then shook his head, scooping me up and tossing me over his shoulder. I tried to struggle, but my strength was fading. We reached my apartment building, and he walked inside with me still draped over his shoulder. He hit the stairs and rushed up them without much effort at all. Travis was always strong, much stronger than me.
He pulled out a key and slid it into my lock, and we were inside my apartment before I could protest. I placed my hand against my chest and could feel my heart palpitations. I was experiencing a full blown panic attack from what I had witnessed.
Vampires.
They couldn’t be real, but I had spoken to them.
I felt that ice cold grip on my hand.
I felt the terror rip through me.
Had what I witnessed at the hospital been real? Had the man in black fighting the demon in the prison been the truth lurking in the shadows all around me? What about the blue haired Roman and the two Vikings in the street just outside the café?
My head spun.
“That wasn’t real, none of it has been real, it couldn’t be, could it? No, no way. I’m ill, that’s it, it’s just this thing growing inside of me, it’s warping my sense of reality because things like that they don’t exist, none of that shit exists.” I muttered as Travis leaned forward.
“What is wrong with you? You been drinkin’? If so, I want some of whatever your havin’ cause it looks like one hell of a trip.” he grinned, it infuriated me.
I finally glared at him. “What are you doing here and why do you still have a key to my apartment?”
He rubbed the side of his neck and added a shoulder shrug. He always dismissed my feelings and any question that I had for him, even when he would come home smelling like perfume and sweat.
He pointed toward the window. “What happened at the church, Halo? You tryin’ to find your religion?” He laughed. “I hate to tell ya, baby, but that boat done sailed away for the two of us.”
“The two of us?” I muttered under my breath. “There is no us you idiot.”
I shook my head and headed for the kitchen. I fumbled with a coffee cup, and it dropped to the floor, shattering at my feet. He loomed in the doorway behind me. I turned and held onto the counter at my sides.
“Nothing that happens to me is any of your damn business.” I blurted out as the pain returned and I squinted my eyes. The ringing rose in my ears, and the muscles in my jaw tensed up until it subsided.
He took a step toward me with an outstretched hand, and I moved out of habit. Travis was the most abusive lover that I had ever had in my life. The beatings were severe, and finally, I had broken it off but not without consequence.
He paused and lowered his hand along with his tone.
“Halo, I love…”
I laughed at him, interrupting his admission as I slammed my hand on the counter.
“Shut up! You never loved me, Travis. You loved controlling me, and I let you do that for far too long.”
He crossed his arms over his chest as I pushed past him and he let me. I stopped in the middle of the room and rubbed the palms of my hands on the tops of my thighs. I saw a bright light outside the window, and I was drawn to it. I stumbled toward it and placed my hands against the glass as I watched the building catch fire across from mine. Hands banged against the windows, and I could feel the suffering. I turned in a panic and ran right into Travis’s chest. I tried to pass him by, and he grabbed my arms and held me in place.
“Move! Those people are going to die!” I screamed at him. He stared at me in confusion.
“What people?” he asked, and I struggled until it broke his hold on me.
“The people in the burning building!” I turned and pointed a finger at the building that was now calm and peaceful. There was no fire, and no one was in danger. I bit my lip and started to laugh. It rolled out of me along with the tears.
I was dying, and my mind was working against me. I saw things that couldn’t possibly be real, and now I was imagining horrible scenario’s in which people were dying.
My laughter continued until my belly ached and I couldn’t catch my breath.
“What the hell is going on with you?” Travis asked as I stood up and gave him a quick nod.
“Get the fuck out,” I said through laughter, pointing at the door.
“Huh?” he asked.
I jabbed my finger into his muscular chest. “You heard me, get the fuck out of here and don’t come back, Travis!”
His voice remained steady and strong. “You tell me what’s going on.”
“Jesus Christ, I’m not doing this with you.” I headed toward the bedroom, and he rac
ed to meet me, placing his arm across the doorframe and blocking me from entering. “I asked you a question.”
“I need a shower, do you mind?”
I ducked under his arm and headed to the bathroom. He followed, but I slammed the door behind me and locked it. He pounded on the hardwood with the side of his fist, and I ignored him. Finally, he stopped, so I reached into the tub, and I turned the water on, allowing the steam to fill the small room. I stripped down and stood in the mirror, staring at my pale frame and sunken eyes. I shook my head and stepped into the bathtub. I faced the large showerhead and closed my eyes, reaching up and pushing my long hair back and over my head. Suddenly the nausea hit with an unbearable pain that rushed along my temples and settled between my eyes.
I had to stumble out of the shower and hunch over the toilet. I stood up and toweled off, letting it drop to the floor and wrap itself around my ankles. I turned the antique silver handle, and the cool water bounced off my fingertips in the large white sink. I placed my hands together and scooped it up, splashing my face and shocking my system back into place. I stared at the white packet of pills that was setting on the side of the sink. For a split second, I thought about taking them all, every single one of them.
I closed my eyes.
The pills couldn’t end my suffering quickly.
But something else could.
I eyed the door in the mirror behind me.
Travis could do the job; he just needed a little nudge.
I slid my tank top on and pulled my skinny jeans up and over my protruding pelvic bones. I had dropped at least forty pounds over the past two months, taking me from a size ten to a size four. I should have known that it was more than grief.
I pulled my hair out of the back of my shirt and let it tap against the base of my back. I stared at the scissors on the edge of the sink and grabbed them, quickly gripping the end of my hair and chopping it off just under my chin. A huge handful fell to the floor, and I grinned, then I cut the other side and finally the back. I shook my head and lifted my chin to stare at myself in the mirror. I laughed, this would drive him mad. He loved my hair, and I had just done the one thing that he forbade me to do.
I unlocked the door and walked out into the bedroom. Travis sat on the edge of the bed, and he stood up and scowled at me. “What have you done to your hair?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “What I wanted to do. I hate long hair, so I cut it off.”
I walked past him and into the living room. He followed me, stomping his feet the whole way.
“I loved your hair long; you know that.”
I paused and turned to face him. “And why does that matter? We are not together, Travis. I kicked you out.”
He placed a hand on his hip and stared me down in anger. “I said, I loved your hair.”
“Well, it’s my hair, not yours.”
I walked to the couch and fluffed the pillows like I didn’t give a shit how he felt about anything. “Excuse me?” he asked, and I bit my lip and turned around to face him.
I leaned toward him and arched an eyebrow. “I don’t give a shit what you like.”
I started to walk away, and he caught my arm and dug in. I could feel his fingernails cutting into my skin. I would have normally apologized by now, but I knew what I was doing, and calming him down was the last thing on my mind. He leaned into my ear. “You still belong to me.” He whispered. I laughed and rolled my eyes, jerking my arm away from him. He turned with a look of complete confusion on his face as I walked out to the center of the room and faced him like a gladiator in the ring.
“You don’t own me, Travis. You never did and you never will. I broke up with you because I hate you. I hate everything about you from the way you look to how you talk like an idiot.”
He let out a short laugh and rubbed the side of his neck then he wagged his finger at me.
“Who are you fucking, now?”
I raised my hands into the air. “Oh, of course. I have to be fucking somebody, right?”
He stepped up to me, and I could see the muscles in his jaw flex then relax. I knew what was coming.
“Listen, bitch. You tell me who it is or I’ll…”
I interrupted him. “Or what, Travis? What will you do? Try to screw me with your limp dick?” The ringing in my ears was becoming unbearable as was the throbbing pain that raced from the base of my skull to both temples.
He gritted his teeth, and the blow came to my jaw before I could blink. I hit the hardwood floor with open palms, spitting out a small amount of blood. It was a good hit, the best one that I had received. I rubbed my chin with my stiffened fingers and pushed myself back up as he paced back and forth in front of me. The dizziness tried to overtake me, but I caught myself, tilting to the left. The thought of running to the bathroom and taking all of those pills crossed my mind once again, but something in me wouldn’t let me take my own life. It felt weak, and weakness had plagued me my whole life.
No, I would go out on my own terms. Utilizing this idiot to do my dirty work.
I spit on the floor. “You hit like a pussy,” I muttered to him, rubbing my palms on the sides of my jeans.
“I’ll show you pussy.” He raced toward me and grabbed me by the hair, wrapping his fingers around it and tugging hard. His brutality was welcomed. I grinned, exposing my bloodied teeth.
“Who are you fucking, Halo?!” He asked again while his temper raged on.
Yes, Travis, give me that part of you. I need it to finish the job.
I laughed at him and then my smile faded.
“Well it can’t be David, can it?” he said with a grin.
How dare he speak his name? Poor David. David…sweet and pure, now lying dead in the morgue after having his throat slit by another piece of trash in this city. Another piece of trash just like Travis. David should be alive. I should have done more, been more. Hell, I should have loved him. He deserved love. He deserved more than I was able to give.
I nodded to him and started to laugh. “You wouldn’t believe how good he was, Travis. I came every single time with David, and I faked it with you.”
Travis let me go and yelled as he pulled at the sides of his head and jerked on his shaggy black hair. He closed his eyes and screamed again and then ran to the kitchen. I could hear the clanging of silverware hitting the black and white checkered floor. The noise stopped, but he returned, breathing hard and wild-eyed like an animal on the hunt. My eyes lowered, and I spotted the large knife in his right hand. I stood my ground as he approached me. He wrapped his large hand around my throat and pushed me back in a hurry until I felt my shoulders slam against the wall. His grip tightened, and he said nothing. Usually, he screamed obscenities at me, but I had pushed him beyond his breaking point. He began to lift me off the ground, and I couldn’t breathe, I shook my head and clawed at his hand, but it did nothing to stop him.
With one thrust the knife plunged deep into my side, and he jerked it back, only to stab me once more. He released me and stumbled back, leaving the knife behind. I felt nothing. Nothing at all. Then I stepped forward, and he shook his head. His eyes floated down and lingered on my side in horror.
“You did this. You made me do this, Halo.” He spit the words out like a lost child searching for absolution. I guess I expected more. I thought he would decimate me with obscenities and blows to my self-confidence. He was so good at that, but here, on the edge, he was afraid, and it amused me. Travis…afraid. I should have known. Bullies are weak, pathetic creatures, with nothing to live for but spreading misery, but he had served his purpose. He had stabbed me when I found it impossible to kill myself. The irony was amusing.
I stared down at the knife and placed my hand on the hilt. It trembled as I slowly removed it with a gasp and dropped it to the floor. It stuck in the wood and rocked back and forth. My blood slid down the side of it and disappeared into the crack, taking with it my need for anything more.
“What have I done?” I whispered as the burning pain ripped
through me.
I placed my hand over the gaping wound and pressed as hard as I could. The stain spread and trickled down my leg. My thoughts splintered and my vision returned. My fists balled up, cramping my fingers into unrecognizable extensions of anxiety. I let out a sigh. The acceptance of my fate flowed like a river through my battered soul. My breathing slowed, and all of the anxiety and pain started to fade. I closed my eyes and could feel the hot breeze on the surface of my skin gently caressing me like a long lost lover. It sent shivers up my spine and waves of pleasure through my chest that radiated out to each hand. I opened my eyes and extended them in front of me, staring at the beauty. The amber light danced across my fingertips. The fire off in the distance beckoned me. My name echoed in my ears from the tortured lips of memory. It seemed to know me as intimately as I knew it. A desperate rush of emotions came over me. Tears streamed down my face.
The raspy voice rode the hot wind and penetrated me as deeply as anything ever could. “Halo, come home.”
“David? Is that you? Is this Heaven or Hell?” I asked as my throat became dry.
My whole body flinched as I looked up into the sky and a large blue planet started to crack in half. Long black fissures ran the length of it with explosions large enough for my eye to see. A large chunk separated itself and began to move to the right. I turned and could see a beautiful white temple standing behind me. Its long thin towers jutted skyward and made me feel protected yet small. The ground shook beneath my feet, and the white temple started to crumble. I could see the land rolling and shifting like liquid on the horizon. I shielded my eyes from the bright flashes of light that began to ascend from the planet's surface. I lowered my hand and could make out shapes. They looked like large ships hurtling toward the outer atmosphere. I dropped my hands and watched as the shimmer faded on the surface of my skin and long black cracks raced along my veins. I fell to my knees and sobbed. I could feel death all around me. My world was dying, and it took my life force right along with it. I was powerless to stop it, but I held onto a small sliver of hope as the last of the ships fought through the fire-filled skies and finally, with one last exhaustive push, disappeared from my sight.
