Loneliness was kept at bay by the sounds of life reaching me from somewhere in the castle. Like the occasional door banging or other sounds echoing up. Even Alex’s laughter could be heard, his voice carrying, and he sounded so happy. I’d only witnessed his moody side so it was comforting to know he accepted me being here. I was sure the revving of a motorbike whizzing past my window was Alex riding around the castle with his new toy. From the sound of the engine, it was a powerful bike too. Knowing Alex, he was probably recklessly riding that thing. Though if he did fall off he’d of course be fine. I heard Sebastian telling Paradom to come down from the chandelier. Again.
We really were a collection of misfits, and it really was comforting to know I was welcome.
“Are you up for a visit?” Anaïs lingered in the doorway.
I patted the bed beside me. “Yes please, I’m nose deep in boring Hauville footage.”
Anaïs kicked off her shoes and climbed beside me on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. “I promise to make everything up to you.”
“I probably would have done the same in your position,” I said.
“No, you wouldn’t. I was a total bitch.”
“You kind of were.”
“How can you not hate me?”
“Because deep down I believed vampires feel love,” I said. “You caught me off guard, that’s all. Look, Anaïs, you came to me for help and I failed you. I’ve messed up everything and I promise to put things right too. How about that?”
She wrapped her arm around mine. “We do feel love deeply.” Her eyelashes lowered. “I can’t get over how kind you are to me even after everything. I took you to the Athenaeum. I alerted the elders you existed.”
“Oh Anaïs, I’ve been digging around the underworld for months. I imagine they knew about me long before I set foot in their place.”
She rested her head against my shoulder.
“Let me ask you something,” I said. “If you know there’s a camera in a room and it’s your camera wouldn’t you glance at it when you walked in?”
“Makes sense.” She shot me a look. “You don’t think Hauville knew about the camera?”
“Which means it wasn’t his.”
“Someone was filming him?” She thought it through. “Perhaps he was being blackmailed?”
“Maybe.”
“You’re right. That is strange.”
Jadeon leaned against the doorjamb.
Anaïs was off the bed in a flash, grabbing her discarded shoes and bare footing it out the room.
“You scared her off.” I pushed the laptop aside.
He shrugged a shoulder.
“I’ve forgiven her,” I said.
“So I see.” He gestured. “May I come in?”
“This is your room.”
“I’ve taken one of the guest bedrooms.”
“No, I should be doing that.”
He raised his hand to still me. “I like the idea of you sleeping in my bed.”
“Thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Ingrid, we want you to think of this as your home.”
I reached into his mind yet heard nothing.
“Your symptoms are fading?” he asked.
He was right. Whatever ability I once had to access a vampire’s thoughts was now gone. I’d been through hell and back and was left with nothing but fatigue. I felt appeasement mixed with the realization it had all been for nothing. Drinking that concoction had nearly killed me, and I cursed myself for believing that anything good could have come from it.
Jadeon shut the door. “I’m seeing Fabian tomorrow night.”
“Can I come with you?”
Jadeon hesitated. “We’re meeting at the Athenaeum.”
“Can’t you meet him somewhere else?”
“And risk him changing his mind?”
“Well at least we’ll have some answers.”
“Yes.” He looked away, his expression thoughtful. What was that? Guilt?
“Jadeon, I take full responsibility for my actions.”
“As do I.”
“I have to find Helena. Her missing is my fault. I asked her to make some discreet inquires into another department in Scotland Yard and put her in harm’s way.”
“Discreet inquires and getting a tattoo is not the same thing. She went rogue.”
“I hate myself for not catching the fact she was scheming.” I threw my hands up in frustration. “I’ve let everyone down.”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
Caressing my forehead, I tried to ease the tension.
He pointed to the laptop. “Found something?”
“Not sure. I need to go back to the Bainard Building.”
“You’re not well enough.”
My incredulous stare gave my answer.
“This is not up for discussion,” he said. “Please don’t defy me.”
The silence lingered a little too long and I tried to understand the reason for it, trying and failing to read Jadeon’s thoughts. That chasm between us that I’d not so long ago crossed, that closeness we’d found, was seemingly out of reach again.
His gaze locked on mine. “Have I lost you?”
“I don’t know,” I said, wondering how long before grief no longer had its hooks in me.
His face was full of sorrow, or perhaps it was the fact his control over me waned.
“It was never control I wanted,” he said. “It was your love.”
“You always had it.”
“I’m sorry that you have to go through this.”
“You warned me. I didn’t listen.”
“You have to let this guilt go or it will devour you.”
I conceded a vampire would know a thing or two about how to endure life. My lips trembled. “How am I ever going to forgive myself?”
“When your life takes a head dive you have two ways to deal with it,” he said. “Freefall into the spin or face it with dignity.”
“I have nothing now.”
“Ingrid, you have me.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Love is waiting for you in the center of all that darkness.”
“What if I can’t get to it?”
“It will find you. I’ll find you.” He removed his shoes and pulled off his shirt, leaving his trousers on. “If you’re choosing to freefall at least let me fall with you.” He climbed onto the bed, wriggling beneath the covers and spooning behind me, hugging me into him. “I want you to fall asleep in my arms. I want you to know what it is to feel safe again.” His body pressed against mine.
I’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to be held, how comforting it was to have his arms wrapped around me, his fingers interwoven with mine. For now, I gave myself permission to let this self-loathing go, ease up on this guilt that had bored into my heart. This new normal of pain that threatened never to leave.
He squeezed me back into him, soothing my heart.
With everything I’d lost, everything that had slipped away from me, there was one constant, one person who kept me from drowning. And he was here with me. His love reached into the depths of my soul.
Jadeon whispered, “I will always love you.”
CHAPTER 26
I took a second bite out of this slice of buttered toast and closed my eyes in satisfaction while soothing my hunger.
Still feeling a little weak, I carried my plate and mug of tea over to the center kitchen aisle and sat. I’d managed to fumble through my bag full of fresh clothes and pulled on my jeans and a white T-shirt. Being dressed again had me feeling half-normal. Though my eye color had become fixed with this vibrant blue and showed no sign of resolving, I had at least ceased to experience black-outs, moments of genius, and the urge to paint masterpieces. Everyone around me had appeared to find that reassuring too. I’d observed all these experiences like a stunned witness, fascinated by the profoundness of human consciousness to stretch beyond its usual boundaries. I wondered if I was the first person
ever to go through this. I really hoped Fabian Snowstrom had answers. This was not exactly something you went to your local doctor with.
I was surrounded by characters whose lives were defined by the supernatural, and therefore talking to them about all this was received with a healthy curiosity and not fear and disbelief. I felt like a paranormal parlor game gone wrong.
Now though, it seemed the spell was fading and I was back to my usual knack of having to read expressions along with body language and was no longer able to read the thoughts streaming out of people’s minds. How, I wondered, could anyone endure the ability to hear every thought of those around them? Though Jadeon had reassured me it was something he’d adapted to and that over time he’d even mastered the ability to close down his thoughts to the intrusion of others.
In-between sips of tea and bites of toast, I took in the kitchen. I mused what those who had once lived here hundreds of years ago would make of all these modern appliances. I tried to imagine what this room looked like back when there was only a hearth and a central wooden table. They’d only recently renovated St. Michael’s and for centuries its appearance had been no different to how it looked back when Jadeon and Alex were boys. Of course the Mount still looked every bit like an ancient castle, but now it had bathrooms, phones, and even televisions installed. All the creature comforts.
More fascinating still was the thought that Jadeon and Alex had been born here over two hundred years ago and still walked the hallways. Sebastian was right to feel excited about being able to spend time with them. Being around those with such a significant perspective felt like a privilege. I never took it for granted.
With daylight came the delivered promise I’d have the run of the place. Even Sebastian had become a night owl, adjusting his schedule to that of Alex’s and Paradom’s, and was apparently never up this early.
This morning I’d awoken to find Jadeon gone from the bed we’d shared. He’d left while I was asleep. I missed him so much.
Sparrows had stirred me from my slumber, as had the sun shining through my window, waking me from what felt like the deepest sleep I’d had in a long time, and gratefully nightmare free.
* * *
Jadeon made me smile when he’d told me last night he wanted an evening together. Just us two curled up on the sofa watching a movie together. I had an idyllic evening ahead of me and couldn’t wait for the sunset to come fast enough. These moments with him gave me something to hold on to. I wanted to go in search of him and snuggle back into bed beside him, but hunger had gotten the best of me.
You’d have thought I’d found the Holy Grail from the way I’d reacted to the sliced bread I discovered in the pantry. Finding butter in the fridge had made me giddy with happiness. To be honest, after all I’d been through I was grateful to still be alive.
The stainless steel fridge did its best to blend in with the ancient brickwork. I took another peek inside. It was well stocked. There was a box of chocolate truffles in there and a note card on top. I reached in and read it again.
“For you, my darling Ingrid.” – Jadeon
He knew I’d find them. It made me smile, reminding me of when he’d stocked my fridge at home. My smile faded as thoughts of having lost everything screeched through my brain.
There came a gentle wave of Jadeon’s presence, as though I’d stepped into some kind of time lapse and felt his emotions as he placed all this food in here. I had a sense he took the greatest pleasure in doing this for me.
Washing up my plate and teacup in the sink, I soaked in the atmosphere of the kitchen. I could almost sense Sebastian moving around in here, feel Alex sitting at the table watching him prepare Paradom’s usual meal of cat food. There was a warm, safe feeling in here, bringing with it the sense of mutual respect. Peacefulness. After placing the plate and teacup on the countertop rack to dry, I turned around and leaned back against the sink, roused by what I was picking up.
It was as though the room had a residue, the emotions of those who had been in here earlier lingering as an imprint. The mood, the memory of Sebastian and Alex’s interaction, had been somehow captured and had remained long after they’d left.
Realizing what my mind was suggesting, I froze.
This wasn’t a musing. I was picking up on the energy within the room. How was this even possible?
My head spun with the implications. If I was correct about what I’d detected, I may very well be able to grasp every interaction from here on in, even if I was never present when those conversations took place. Moving quickly, and just a little excited at the prospect, I made my way out and through the foyer and was again stumped by the emotional waves that swept around me in circles.
Just last night Paradom had hung from the chandelier again and Sebastian had talked him down, only something had caused Sebastian to express his panic. He’d raised his voice at Paradom, his sharp words bringing him down from the chandelier fast. A wave of the incident hit me and I realized that Paradom had sulked afterwards, clearly shaken from Sebastian’s uncharacteristic outburst.
My gaze swept the ceiling, trying to work out what had caused Sebastian to snap at Paradom. The remains of his fear oscillated around me. Where the chandelier’s prong embedded into the ceiling there were huge cracks along the plaster. All that hanging Paradom had done over months had left fractures weakening the structure and making it unsafe. That chandelier probably cost a small fortune. A sigh escaped my lips as I realized these trailing emotions had led me to this clue. This ultimate answer of what had really happened here last night.
Okay, let’s not get too excited.
This might be temporary.
Needing to gather my thoughts and process all this, I found the quiet of the sitting room. Settling onto the soft leather couch, I kicked off my shoes and brought my legs up beneath me. The chocolate chenille blanket felt warm and soft against my skin, the material comforting as I pulled it up to cover me. Smoke from the firewood had soaked into the blanket’s fibers and I breathed in its hominess.
The vibration of peace should have radiated from this room, along with a welling of happiness shimmering. Yet it didn’t match my current mood.
You’re tired. You’re run down. You’re imagining it.
The cozy décor made it easy to relax. It was nice to envision Alex at the piano. His fingers stroking the keys effortlessly as he moved with the music, telling a story with each note he struck. I chuckled at the thought he’d had a century or two to practice his remarkable talent and that was why he was so good. Alex found playing cathartic. He enjoyed getting lost, carried away to a happier times.
Melancholy… That’s what I’m picking up.
Oh no.
Jadeon had been in here earlier too. In fact, I sensed he’d sat where I was now, his heart heavy and full of concern over what I was going through. There was something else too and I reached for it, tried to fathom what seemed just out of grasp. If I merely listened...
No, that wasn’t how to find it.
Settling back, I waited for the emotion to circle round again, as though time had the residual feelings on a loop and all I had to do was wait for them to come back around.
Oh wow, I felt a rush of wooziness at the impact of Jadeon’s love for me, saw him sitting forward and resting his head in his hands. The emotion tore him up in a visceral response to what he truly felt. His deep love was a profound and potent longing for me.
Oh my darling, I feel the same way. I hoped he would pick up on my silent message of love for him from wherever he was in the castle.
Reaching out, I tried to catch the wave as it passed by again. I was mesmerized by this moment.
Despite this new revelation, my thoughts felt more focused than ever. I’d survived the strangest experience, yet I had the sense I’d been left with this ability to read the memory of a room. The truth of a moment caught in time.
I shot to my feet, the realization of its implications vivid. Fearing this extraordinary gift might fade, I ran from t
he room.
I had to get to London.
CHAPTER 27
“I’m bringing the girls home.” I ended the note with this.
And left it for Jadeon and the others, making sure to add I was eternally grateful for all they had done for me. I was feeling better. I could do this.
I left it on the kitchen table, reassured that Sebastian would find it when he came down for breakfast. Also leaving a note for Alex, I promised I’d return his motorbike in one piece. I knew he’d understand my need to borrow it.
It didn’t take me long to find his Ducati parked out front. Borrowing Alex’s helmet, I rocked the bike off its stand and climbed on. After a quick turn of the key, the engine roared to life. I grasped the handle bars, noting the clutch on the left and the throttle on the right and remembering to center my body for balance.
At eighteen I’d been as reckless as I was now. Despite only having ridden a motorbike a few times, I’d not forgotten how thrilling it was. An old boyfriend had reluctantly agreed for me to take his bike out for a spin. I’d become so enamored with the rush I’d disappeared down Salisbury’s country lanes for hours. When I’d finally returned with his bike I’d faced his wrath. I’d fallen hard for his bike but never him. Even then I knew I wanted to be a policewoman. I’d never seen myself doing anything else. I swallowed that memory down along with this self pity. There was no room for selfishness in this mission.
Navigating across The Mount’s causeway, I was grateful the tide was out, but even more grateful for this second chance. There was no time to wait for nightfall, and I feared Jadeon may question my plan and try to stop me. I had no choice but to do this on my own and I had to finish this fast. Too much time had already been lost.
The surge of adrenaline forging though my veins stayed with me all the way to London.
Within hours, I was back where all this had started: the Bainard Building.
Using the service entrance around the back, it had been easy to enter the office building and feign with a confident air that I worked here. No one bothered me. Security wasn’t exactly tight. With Hauville gone and his wife distracted, the staff would no doubt feel a little lost, and with deliveries coming and going I went unnoticed.
A Vampire's Bohemian Page 24
