by Baker, LJ
I sat on the couch and dropped my head into my hands. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. We beat all the odds. We survived two years in a world where the dead got up to hunt the living. We found each other, when everything was against us, and we fell in love. Not just any love, but that special kind of love that some people search their whole lives for. We survived being separated, lost, and got reunited. And we were so close.
Making it back to the basement was supposed to be the start of our new lives. No more military base, nothing that was going to keep us apart. Instead, it would be the place that everything ended.
I wanted to cry, break down, but the tears wouldn't come. So I sat alone in silence with my heart aching and dug my nails into my palms to keep from screaming. Dan and Derek stayed with Will and watched over him in case he woke up again. I should have been in there, but I couldn't bring myself to watch the last bit of life drain from the one person in our shit hole of a world, that I loved.
"Andi?" Derek peeked his head into the living room from the hall.
It took all my energy to lift my head and respond. "Yeah?"
He took my answer as an invitation to join me on the couch. Honestly, all I wanted was to be alone, but I wasn't going to tell him to leave.
"How you holding up?"
I shrugged and leaned back against the cushions. "I don't even know."
"When I found Janet, my first thought was to bury her. It took forever to dig the hole with that travel shovel I have, but I took my time and made the perfect rectangular hole. It was big enough for three bodies, but I couldn't stop digging."
Derek leaned back too and took a few breaths. Janet's death was fresh and I knew it hurt more than he was willing to show. "I put her in and picked up the shovel to cover her and I couldn't do it. I literally could not cover her up. I ended up on the ground, crying my eyes out, while those little girls filled in the hole. It was all I could do just to keep breathing."
I knew that feeling. Breathing was an effort.
"Andi, I know how much this hurts. And for you, I'm sure it's worse. Not only did you lose Janet, but now Will. This world sucks and there's nothing I can say that will bring you comfort right now. I just want you to know, you have me. For as long as you want me around, I won't abandon you. I promised Janet before we all left, that if anything happened to her, I would take care of you. And I will."
I nodded, because that was all I could handle at that moment.
Derek was a good guy. I could see why Janet fell for him, but he didn't owe me anything. I was grateful for his offer, but I wasn't going to hold him to it. He would be better off returning to the military base and continuing with his life. He didn't need to worry about me.
***
Dan nudged me awake a couple hours later with a bowl of oatmeal and some fresh wild berries on top. It was getting harder to find berries, or anything else fresh for that matter, but Dan seemed to have a knack for finding the impossible.
"Andi, you have to eat. You haven't touched any food since we got back here."
I looked down at the food and my stomach grumbled loud enough for Dan to hear. Mentally, I wasn't interested in eating, but physically, my body didn't care what was going on. It wanted food.
"Thanks." I took the bowl and mixed the berries around a bit. "How's Will?"
Dan sat next to me and laid a new ice pack over my ankle. "He's been out for two hours. Still has a fever, but the tossing and turning has stopped."
I spooned some of the oatmeal into my mouth and did my best not to gag. The idea of eating anything while Will was in the next room dying, was not exactly appetizing. I choked it down anyway because I knew my body needed it, but it wasn't a pleasant experience.
Dan looked from my face to the bowl of oatmeal and gave me a funny look. "You want something else instead?"
I scrunched up my nose and shook my head. "No, it's fine. Just not in the mood to eat."
Dan frowned and nodded. "Gotcha. Anything else you need? How's your ankle feeling?"
I tried to wiggle my toes a bit and stretch it. "Still pretty sore, but getting better. At least it's not broken." That was the last thing I needed.
"Andi, what are your plans... for after."
"After?"
"Yeah. Are you going to go back to the military base with Derek? From the way he was talking, it sounded like that was the plan."
Oh. He means after Will is dead.
I swallowed hard and the oatmeal slid down my throat slowly in one giant lump. "Do you really wanna talk about this now? Will isn't dead yet, ya know?"
Dan sat forward and took a hard breath. "I know that, but it's only a matter of time. We both know it. That shot didn't do shit. I don't wanna lose Will either, but if I'm gonna lose you too, I need to know that."
"You really think I'm going to just leave you?" I could see on his face that he did, not that it made sense to me.
"Derek said—"
"Derek." I huffed. "Seriously?"
He slid his hand over mine and brought his eyes up to meet mine. "Tell me you won't leave me."
I pulled him hard against me and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm not going anywhere. And if I do, you're coming with me." There weren't many people left in the world that I cared about, but I knew I wasn't going to let anymore get away.
"Andi?" Derek took a few steps into the room. "Will is asking for you."
Dan stood and helped me to my feet. I was still using the crutches to give my ankle a chance to rest. Being injured in a zombie apocalypse was like laying down on train tracks during rush hour. I needed to be better as soon as possible.
I was almost afraid to go in the room, not really sure what state of mind he was going to be in. The further along in the process he went, the less likely he was to be himself. I knew it would break my heart if he didn't know who I was.
I stuck my head in the room and looked around. Will was sitting up in bed, propped on some pillows. His cheeks were red and the rest of him was pale. I inched my way over and stood near the side of the bed.
Will patted the bed next to him. "Sit."
I rested the crutches on the chair and climbed up next to him. "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit." He laughed and ended up in a coughing fit.
I rubbed my hand over his arm to soothe him. He was still warm, but nothing like earlier.
"You don't look so great either."
He half smiled and closed his eyes for a long moment. "Gee thanks. I knew I could count on you to lift my spirits."
"I'm sorry, Will, but it's true. Derek said you wanted me?"
"More than anything." His smile widened and he slipped his hand over mine.
"Something wrong?"
"Yes. I'm in here, and you were out there." He faked a pout and even in his condition, it was adorable.
"I'm sorry. We've been taking turns sitting with you."
"Derek said I was pretty out of it. I'm sorry about that. I know it couldn't have been easy to watch."
"Don't apologize. I'm sorry I wasn't here the whole time, but I just... I needed..."
"Andi, don't feel bad for that. As much as I want you here with me, I also don't want you to see me like that. I don't want this to be any harder for you than it has to be."
"Stop worrying about me. This isn't about me."
"I'll stop worrying about you when I take my last breath." He pulled my head down to lean on his chest.
I lifted it back up a little and tried not to put any pressure on him. "I don't wanna hurt you?"
"It's fine. It doesn't hurt."
"I don't believe you." By this stage he should have been in excruciating pain. The slightest touch was misery.
"I'm not lying. Derek gave me some more morphine and it's a lot better. I promise. Please, I wanna feel you close to me."
I gently laid my head back against his chest and listened carefully for any wincing or signs of pain. There were none. It didn't make sense. He should be in agony.
He pul
led his arm around me and draped it over my hip. It was an effort for him to move, but I was glad he did. I missed the feel of him more than I realized and soon it would be gone forever.
"You're breathing better." I looked up at him and he smiled. He was able to get out a whole sentence without stopping to catch his breath and the wheezing was nearly gone.
"Yeah. I don't feel like I have a load of bricks on my chest anymore. I've never really seen anyone die from a scratch. I guess that's normal."
"No, not really. I mean, sometimes they shift in and out of different phases, but I've never seen anyone almost seem to be getting better."
I heard the words as I said them and my head went into a spin.
He was getting better.
I sat up on the bed and looked him over. Sure, his cheeks were red and he was still pretty pale, but his fever was broke, and when I pushed on him, he didn't show any signs of pain. His breathing was better and he was lucid.
"Any hallucinations?"
He tilted his head and glanced around the room. "No. I don't think so."
I pressed my hand down on his ribs. "That hurt?"
"Not really... a little."
I pulled back the bandage on his arm and examined the scratch. What was putrid and oozing with green pus before, had calmed into something that only looked mildly infected. There was a dark redness around the scratch and a pale yellow pus sat in the middle. The swelling was down and the smell was hardly noticeable.
My heart picked up and slammed itself into my chest. All at once I couldn't breathe and every thought in my head overlapped each other in a mixed up, incoherent mess. "You... you're... it's..."
Will looked down at his arm, alarmed. "What is it? Is it worse?"
"No. It's.... better."
He blinked his eyes a few times and squinted. "No, it can't be." He poked his finger into the wound a little and pressed down.
"Will, stop that. Leave it alone." I slapped his hand away and covered the wound back up.
"That's not normal. Is it?" His eyes were wide and he had a hint of a smile.
"No. It's not like anything I've ever seen, but that doesn't mean much. Maybe all those antibiotics are helping the actual wound. That doesn't mean..."
It couldn't.
No, the virus was still in his blood. Antibiotics don't help viruses and everyone said it was a virus. The meds had to be working on the infection on his arm. That's all.
"But Andi, the cure..."
The cure that Derek said wasn't going to work.
"It… can't… be. Derek said..."
"I said what?" Derek cracked open the door and took a few steps into the room.
"That the shot you gave him was probably not going to help. You said—"
"I said, it was a long shot. I know. Tommy said it rarely works, but look at him. He does look like he's getting better, don't you think?"
I looked over Will once more. Even the redness in his cheeks was lightening. He actually did look like he was getting better.
"Yes, but..."
Will laughed. "Don't you want me to get better?"
"Of course I do!"
I couldn't let myself believe it if it wasn't true. I couldn't think he was going to be okay and then lose him all over again. The room spun around me and I had to lean back against the wall to keep from falling over.
Derek checked Will's pulse and smiled. "Sixty."
"Is that good?" Mom taught me all about that stuff but the information wasn't coming back to me.
"Yes. It's good. Much better than the thirty or one fifty he was alternating between earlier. It's a good sign."
Derek was a medic so he had some knowledge about such things, but I wasn't quite ready to believe him.
"But that doesn't mean he's getting better. Maybe it's just all those antibiotics I gave him. Maybe they are masking the symptoms. Or the morphine. Something."
Derek put his arm around my shoulder and took a long breath. "Andi, he really is getting better. It's okay to believe it.
I tilted my head up and met his eyes. His smile was sad, but reassuring. I knew he was happy for Will, but I had to think it must be bittersweet for him not being able to save Janet.
"He's not going to die?"
Derek shook his head. "Doesn't look like it."
I looked back at Will with my heart pounding, wanting some sort of confirmation that it could really be true. He flashed me one of his signature crooked smiles and I knew he was back. All at once, the crushing pressure lifted from my chest and I could breathe again. I wasn't going to lose him after all.
CHAPTER SIX
I didn't move from Will's side for the next six or eight hours. I couldn't feel my left arm and I was pretty sure if I didn't get up to pee, my bladder was going to explode, but I couldn't bring myself to leave him.
"Andi, you need to move." Will tried to nudge me over so he could climb off the bed.
"Am I hurting you?" I jumped up and landed right on my sprained ankle. A sharp pain shot through my foot and up my leg.
Damn that hurts.
"Hey, hold on." Will grabbed my arm and steadied me on my good foot. "You're not hurting me. I just need to get up."
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and was sitting upright for the first time on his own since just after we realized he was scratched.
"Wait, let me get Dan or Derek to help you." I grabbed the crutches and went to go, but Will tugged on my hoodie to stop me.
"Andi, no."
"What? Why not? You shouldn't be getting up alone."
I wished I was able to be the one to help him, but I could barely keep myself standing, much less Will.
"I'm okay to get up, I think. Just give me a minute to try." He let his feet touch the cold cement floor and gave them a minute to adapt.
"But if you're not okay, shouldn't one of the guys be here to help?"
He wanted to do it himself and I understood, but at the same time, I didn't want him to get hurt.
Will scooted to the edge of the bed and shifted some of his weight to his feet, while still sitting. "No, I think I got this."
He was still pale and looked weak. I didn't care if he got angry, I wasn't going to take a chance of him falling, so I called into the hall for help.
Dan came running in and looked around. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." Will glared up at me and pulled himself up with the help of the chair.
"Oh hey, what the hell are you doing?" Dan grabbed Will's arm to make sure he didn't fall.
Will tried to shrug him off, but almost knocked himself over in the process.
"See? Don't be an idiot, Will. You nearly died. Let Dan help you."
"Seriously, one of us on crutches is enough." Dan looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be staying off that thing?"
I rolled my eyes and hobbled out of the room toward the bathroom.
It was still hard to believe that Will was going to be all right. There were never happy endings. Things never worked out without misery and death. And if they did, they never happened in my life.
Until now.
I smiled at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My hair was a knotted mess of blonde curls, there was dirt smeared across my left cheek, and I had dried blood on my neck. I looked terrible and none of it mattered.
It was a long shot that I'd not only find Will, but that he would still be alive when I found him. But I did and then he got infected before we could even make it home. I mean, what the hell are the chances of that?
Probably better than the chances of him surviving the infection.
I spent nearly two weeks thinking he was dead or worrying he was going to die and the stress made me a little nuts. It had to be that. Why else would I be standing in the tiny bathroom laughing out loud at the mess that was my life? It was either laugh or cry at that point and I'd shed enough tears.
A small knock on the door was followed by Derek's voice. "You okay in there?"
Nothing in
our whole messed up world was okay, but Will was going to live, so nothing else mattered.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
He paused for a moment outside the door, then walked back down the hall. I splashed some water on my face and scrubbed at the dirt and dried blood. If I'd had a brush in there, I might have tried to do something about my hair, but at that point, I didn't really care.
I slipped the crutches back under my arms and hobbled out of the bathroom. Will and Dan were standing in the hall waiting for me. Will pulled free of Dan and slammed the bathroom door closed behind him.
"I see he's getting back to his old self." I motioned toward the bathroom and my crutch slid on the floor, almost knocking me over. Dan caught me and managed to keep me from hitting the floor, but not before my foot hit the cement and the pain came flooding back.
Frigging ankle.
"You're no less stubborn than he is. Now let's go, off that foot."
"I am not stubborn." I thought about trying to swat him with my crutch, the way my seventy-five year old, one-legged friend, Jack, from the military base would do, but I knew I'd end up knocking myself over.
Even Will laughed from inside the bathroom at that.
"You come willingly, or I'll just carry you." Dan shrugged. "I'm good with either."
I took a quick breath and pouted, but I knew it wasn't going to make a difference. "Oh whatever." I hobbled past him as gracefully as I could on crutches and went into the living room to sit.
Derek was on the couch, lacing up his boots.
"You going somewhere?"
"Yeah, we need some decent food in here, so I'm gonna go hunt a bit." He unzipped his backpack and pulled out the black leather case with the syringes. "Andi, I want you to keep this with you."
He handed me one of the yellow liquid-filled shots and returned the case to his pack.
"Why? Does he need a second dose? Is he going to get worse again?"
"No, one is enough. He should be fine now. A little weak, but that should be it. It will take him some time to get back to normal. Having that virus in your system is like having a nuke go off inside you. It leaves a lot of damage to the cells, but he should recover fully."
