by J. D. Moon
She almost let it fly again. But no, she bit her tongue and grabbed her hair, finally calming herself down and letting the notion to scream subside. “Nothing. I figure it’s nothing to get worked up about it. Right?”
Dad was dead. That’s the only thing that had to be said. And as soon as she heard those words she felt a calm peace built in her heart, quieting her tremors. Mom was gone too and good riddance.
She said goodbye to Rose and stewed over it, feeling something intense, but not quite sure of how to reconcile it, let alone define it. She wanted closure, yes, but maybe comfort too, and from someone who really understood who the Kylers really were. Wealthy, of course, classy, definitely, and their secrets were not well hidden.
Carolyn in many ways was their darkest secret, she being a poor girl the family took in as one of their own, when Ralph Kyler felt especially charitable one day—and as always, with intent to boost his own ego by doing something super-heroic for the little people.
One name came to mind as she thought over so many painful memories. Rob. Rob and Guy, her two stepbrothers who always looked out for her and helped the Kylers raise her as one of their own. Hell, Carolyn thought to herself, They raised me. Compared to the damage Dad inflicted on me, Rob and Guy were the only family I had.
Carolyn looked for Rob’s number, remembering that she wrote his new number down several months ago in her notebook. She dialed his number on her cell phone and smiled as his image came up. A bit dated, but still the same handsome and sweet face she had known for so many years. Dimples out to here, baby blue eyes and clean shaven all over his face, except those golden locks. Rob was the type of guy you hated to hurt, and he was such a sensitive guy. Carolyn braced herself, balancing her enthusiasm for finding an excuse to talk to Rob again, with the necessity of being strong and sober for the announcement.
“Yeah, this is Rob.”
“Hello, Rob,” she said with a pause, knowing it was enough.
“Carolyn. Wow…How are you?” She instantly felt the laughter and smile in his eyes, even over the phone. His voice always seemed to go up an octave when he spoke to his “little sister.”
“I’m okay. But before we go on…I have something to tell you.”
“Oh god. I think I know what it is.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. A friend of a friend called me last week. They said mom was missing, dad wasn’t looking too good.”
“Yeah. I just got word.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
“It’s all right, Rob,” she said before a muted laugh. “I’m not a little girl anymore.”
“Well, yeah, I know…”
“Nice of you to protect me all the time, like you do. It’s been so long since I’ve heard from you.”
“I know. It has been, way too long. Life just seems to go by so fast. You lose track of time. Another year passes by.”
And Carolyn finally let herself cry, not for the man, certainly not in his memory, but the reality of what Rob said. Another year robbed of his company, another year of not having him in her life. Of course, most brothers and sisters go months without talking, but Rob never seemed like the cold fish type. If anything, he always seemed regretful to let her go, and relieved when she found an excuse for them to get together. A reunion, an attorney meeting, a property tax talk, it all flew by when Rob was making boring conversation.
The sounds of her tears upset him and he shooed her into silence. “Hey, hey, come on. What’s the matter? It’s okay to feel something, you know. Even with all that’s happened.”
Carolyn shook off the grief. “It’s not that. I miss you, Rob.”
“I miss you too, sis,” he said. “Say, you want to go somewhere? I think maybe we’d both feel better if we talked about it.”
“Yeah. Okay. That sounds good.”
Rob smiled as they made plans, as always, like Carolyn loved to suggest, the little coffee shop house on Irving Street. It was the same place they used to go as teenagers. Now, twelve years removed from their fondest memories, it felt amusing to know their minds hadn’t matured that much. They both still yearned for coffee, donuts and mints at their favorite place, still standing.
Rob lost her smile as he put the phone down, fighting memories of the past. It wasn’t right to keep harping on them. The pain and anxiety never left him. The abuse, the shame, the exploitation. But no, this wasn’t about Dad or Mom.
Rob watched in silent amazement as Carolyn entered the coffee shop, as beautiful as he remembered her, maybe even more so, as the ten years that passed turned her from a lanky tomboy into a confident woman of 29. She still had the same brunette curly hairstyle he remembered as well as that full, intoxicating smile that seemed to warm the air around her when she entered a room. He fought the urge to notice what she was wearing, that blue dress with just a hint of cleavage, obviously not worn for any particular reason. He shook his head at the thought, warding off his perversions, as he thought them, and eager to welcome Carolyn back into his life as his little sister once again.
He smiled wide and welcomed her into her arms.
“It’s good to see you again, Carolyn.”
“You too,” she said, getting back some of her glow. “I’m sorry I was cracking up earlier.”
“Don’t be.”
“I think I’m actually more upset that I don’t know how to feel, than I am upset that he’s gone.”
“Yeah. I know what you mean. Dad never had a good relationship with any of us.”
“Have you talked to Guy?”
“Not lately. But I figure he knows by now. We should call him.”
She sighed. “But you know how Guy is. I just kind of want to be alone, with you, right now. Does that make sense?”
“Say no more,” he said with a smile. “I know Guy rubs people the wrong way.”
Speaking of rubbing the wrong way…
Carolyn looked into Rob’s eyes, his focused deep eyes which seemed almost hypnotic in their calming power, and shared a wordless moment. A bit of an awkward moment too, as Carolyn simply stared at him, as if thinking something that Rob wouldn’t dare speak.
He looked back at her, feeling the same, and caught in a dishonest moment. He flinched and fake-coughed, looking away momentarily and expecting Carolyn to do the same. But there she was, connecting with his eyes and telling secrets of the mind.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said innocently and with a girlish smile.
Rob laughed, relieved that she must surely be thinking the far opposite of what was on his mind. “Oh? What am I thinking? Thinking I want to try a Bavarian cream donut is what I’m thinking. What are you thinking, hon?” He smiled back, a comfortable and quick glance.
“Do you feel guilty, Rob?”
Rob suddenly put the menu down, losing his appetite and staring into Carolyn’s blank face. “About what, about Dad? No. I mean, he knows the kind of man he is. It doesn’t bother me.” He picked up his menu and started whispering the dishes to himself.
“No, I don’t mean about dad. I mean about…us.”
Yes, she was talking about it. A chill came over him and he lowered the menu, only to find Carolyn’s captivating green eyes glued to him. “I thought…I thought we agreed to not speak of it,” he said, still hiding behind the menu.
She giggled to herself. “We don’t have to speak about it if it makes you uncomfortable.” She paused staring into his eyes and feeling an illicit shared moment with a man that might as well her own flesh and blood, considering how much they had suffered together. “But I just want you to know something. I never blamed you. What happened…it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”
The admission, while not absolving did help Rob to smile, at least that, as he patted her hand from across the table. “It is good to hear that. I always wondered if I…you know…screwed up your life.”
“No, no, not at all. Don’t think that way,” she said, taking his hand and not letting him back away. “I ne
ver felt bad about it. Maybe I should have? But I never once blamed you or even regretted anything that happened.”
“Well, I mean,” he said carefully, “I just chalked it up to experimenting. Right? Yeah. I mean, we were teenagers and under a lot of emotional stress and sometimes mistakes happen.”
Rob looked at Carolyn, but she only waited in respect, choosing not to say another word. “What matters is that we move on. We find happiness in our own lives. And especially with dad gone and mom who knows where, we really can start a new chapter. Both of us.”
Together.
The thought seemed to come out psychically even in that moment of dignified silence. “Carolyn was agreeable to his parting words and let Rob drive her back to her neighborhood after a brief snack, back home, which still seemed polluted with bad memories.
“Nothing even happened in this house,” she said, eyeing her front door in trepidation. “But the more I sit here…I just keep thinking I’m not ready to go inside. I’m not ready to move on like you. How do you do it? How do you bounce back?”
“Sometimes I don’t even know my own secret to doing that,” Rob said. Sometimes…”
Rob paused and looked into Carolyn’s eyes, always so trusting, so vulnerable and nowhere in the world to go, except wherever he might take her. “Sometimes…” He shook his head, unable to concentrate and eyeing Carolyn’s neck and chest, thinking back to that, yes, that time when they both surrendered themselves to experimentation and didn’t think—for once—they just followed their urges.
Rob was standing still, deadly silent, and taking turns between eyeing Carolyn in curiosity and then back to the steering wheel of his truck, as if trying to pep talk himself out of here.
But Carolyn’s vulnerability, her dewy-eyed trust, was always what made him feel secure. Without thinking, without even anticipating the “why”, he reached out his hand and put his palm on her cheek. She waited in obedience, never questioning, only meeting his eyes, and breathing deeper.
His own internal questions of What am I doing seemed to fade away the more he let himself feel the moment. His chest was burning. Just a tiny speck of sweat appeared on his forehead. He had the strangest inclination, to get clean, and to take Carolyn with him. What would it feel like, he wondered as their eyes spoke long sentences, to rip her clothes off and bathe, cleansing them both and starting a new chapter in life. Maybe one more time wouldn’t hurt.
Maybe you never really stop experimenting, he figured, as he begin softly tracing her lips with his strong fingers. Nothing turned her on more than her stepbrother’s loving attention, then and now. Whenever he would hold her hand and apply a band-aid. Whenever he would console her after a hard day at school, a long hug, a firm shoulder rub. Always with family affection, platonic love.
But not this time. This time she sensed something intense, lonely, and hungry in his touch. He couldn’t take his hands off and for once, he seemed to leave his mind and his conscious behind, just as when they were young, the same way everything seemed so free and instinctive.
He removed his hand, knowing full well he could end the conversation now, send her to bed and go home to pummel himself with guilt just for thinking the things he did.
“Come here,” he said, without a pause or a shudder or even a gulp. His voice became calm and centered. He spoke from his heart and met her eyes, enjoying the power he felt. She would let him do anything. She would have no choice but to do whatever he asked. From the moment she first called him that was the feeling in the air.
At last, he wanted to take what was his. She obeyed and scooted herself forward, letting him take her face into his hands. He kissed her lightly at first, tasting her lips then her mouth. Then he kissed her deeper, holding her tight and heightening the intensity of the kiss. There is where she should say, What are you doing? But all she did was absorb his power, taking in his lips, his tongue and his humid, delicious taste.
He didn’t say a word but he let go and took his foot back to the gas, releasing the parking break. He knew, somehow, that going into her house wouldn’t be right and that thought alone made them both boil hot for each other. If they were going to do this, they would have to find a neutral setting, just so they could keep pretending this never happened. No need to taint wholesome platonic memories with this…this filth.
Rob looked at her, a wild and ravenous look to which she stared at him raising her chin, inviting him closer. He parked the truck in a hotel parking lot before scooting closer to her and taking her into his arms once again.
She panted with excitement as she placed fiery kisses up and down her neck, keeping his hands warm on a chilly night with her body heat emanating from that dress. That sexy dress she wore just for him in hopes that he might crack. He buried his face, his hot lips, right in her cleavage, in between her breasts, and sniffed in her intimate perfume. She wouldn’t dare object, wouldn’t dare ask him to slow down or go inside. She wanted him however he wanted to take her.
Fuck me right now, right here, she said with her weakening eyes, barely able to stare into that glowering face.
“Ahhhh…” she sang deeply as he sank his lips lower, kissing her breasts, while pushing his fingers up and under her skirt. He needed to touch her. Before anything else, that which was forbidden he needed to feel right now. He pushed his fingers up against her slit, finding her clitoris and rubbing it. Not a word was shared, but he listened to her soft moans, her cracking voice, like listening to classical music.
He craved to hear her voice, to hear her orgasm just once, that same excited squeal she made so many years ago, when it felt so wrong, so raw and never-going-to-happen-again furious. He found her clit’s sensitive side and rubbed it, slower to start, then increasing the speed until his arm was shifting hard, all over the seat and dashboard. He couldn’t stop, he wouldn’t stop until he made his sister come…
He rubbed her clit firmly, making Carolyn shudder in her seat. She squealed a good one, a moan that let him know she had come. But the night was just getting started. He only looked into her eyes, but she knew his order was to follow her inside the hotel. They both got out and he locked the door, racing to the hotel front desk.
They didn’t look at each other while waiting for a room. It felt a little strange. Besides, Rob didn’t want to stop now. One odd look, one strange comment could kill the mood—for him or for her—and more than anything this is what he wanted. To be in her. In Carolyn.
He closed the hotel door behind him and stared at Carolyn in fascination. She hadn’t made any move yet, preferring to be ordered, to be told what to do. Maybe he wanted to take her clothes off. Maybe she would tell him to strip.
He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to happen, but he knew he enjoyed the sensation of finally looking into little sis’ eyes, with full permission, and no reason to runaway in guilt or fear. Maybe there would be hell to pay later, but for now, all he wanted was to give in and stop thinking. He gently pushed her on the bed and lifted her skirt, just so he could look at her forbidden fruit. Her panties were already moist, a black little thong that moved so easily so lightly in his hand.
He pulled it off slowly, looking into her eyes, until he looked down at her shaved pussy. It felt right, resting his hands on her pubic mound and touching her intimacy. She felt like family, and all of this felt platonic—except a corrupted, dirty version of the love they had already shared.
He took his shirt off button by button and she watched, spreading her legs and feeling the heat of the moment. His chest was peppered with hair and his muscles were big and well-toned. His body was always to die for, even as “brother and sister” she thought that. She would sneak a peek through the window while he mowed the lawn or showered with the garden house.
And now it was here, rubbing on her body, his scent—just a hint of cologne mixed with sweat—was all over her, crushing her senses and making her gasp for relief. She sighed and took a gasp as he boldly grabbed her dress shoulder straps and pulled them down, anxiously awa
iting her bra. After kissing her fleshy chest, he turned her around on the bed, kissing her lower back and then her shoulders as he unfastened her bra.
A stomach-churning, “what would they think” notion came over him, but it only made him harder for her. He shoved her back over, dying to put his lips on her breasts, her forbidden luscious cleavage that always taunted him not to look. He suckled on her thick nipples, first one and then the other, tasting her scent over and over again and becoming dizzy from the rush.
“Let me see it…”
Her whisper was almost enough to make him stop, to think, and to obsess over the ethics of it all. But no, it wasn’t time to regret. Not yet. He unzipped and wiggled his pants up, dropping them to the bed and then to the floor. He took off his blue boxers and showed it to her—his hard, aching cock, reaching nine inches. He was big just like she always suspected. She never got as far as seeing him named, not that she never tried. She smiled and touched her lip as he stroked himself for her pleasure.
Their eyes locked and the energy sparking, they waited a long two minutes, just being there naked in each other’s presence. By the time Rob penetrated Carolyn in missionary, she was already wet. He slid his thick cock inside her, slowly, feeling every inch and pushing ahead into her, and then back, loving the sensation—yes, doing what he did to other women with her, the one woman he promised never to touch illicitly.
“Oh God! Rawwwbbb…” she said with a rising voice, spreading her legs wider so she could feel his already big cock thrust in deeper. “Oh…yes…yes…”
He could feel his legs buckling and his stiff cock starting to spasm. He felt strange asking her the question, but it was the one mood killer probably worth speaking. “Where do you want me…”
“Not inside. I’m not…” she shook her head and stopped talking but met his eyes in wild-eyed lust.
He almost lost it right there, that look and that implication—that he could do the unthinkable. He just barely pulled out in time, just as she was rocking with pleasure and gripping his cock tight.
