“How is she?” I managed to ask.
David grimaced. “I think we got most of it out of her, but we have to get her to the hospital quickly.”
“Will she be all right?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“We will have to wait and see. I don’t know how much she’s absorbed into her bloodstream. How long has she been unconscious?”
I counted back. “At most, four hours.”
David frowned. “We’ll have to pray that it was much less.”
“What will it do to her?”
David shook his head. “Liver and kidney damage is the main result. How severe depends on how much she’s absorbed into her blood.”
“Is there anything that can be done?”
David put his hand on my arm. “There is not much more we can do but wait.”
I held Jerie’s cold hand, stroking it gently, crying and mentally flaying myself. She was so young. How could I have done such a thing? Unmindful of David keeping an eye on Jerie’s condition beside me, I poured out my heart to her.
We arrived at the hospital and Jerie was wheeled away while I was ushered to a waiting room. I sat praying and trembling as the time passed. Eventually, David returned, looking weary.
“She’s out of immediate danger,” he assured me. “But we will have to wait to see if she’s suffered any liver damage.”
“Can I see her?”
“Best wait until tomorrow.”
I pleaded, “If she is going to die, I want her to die holding my hand David.”
He gave me an intent look, then slowly nodded. He led me along a corridor, then off to a side ward with about ten beds in it, half of them occupied. A nurse smiled at us both. He stopped at a bed. Jerie was lying flat on her back. Attached to her were numerous drips and tubes, and wires connected to electrical equipment. A strangled moan escape from my lips.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” David consoled me. “We are slowly exchanging her blood and dripping medication into her.” He moved a chair close to the bed “Talk to her, it might help. I’ll be back later.” He hurried off.
I sat down gingerly, afraid of touching anything. I gently touched the back of her hand and gazed at her face. It was like the face of a statue, unmoving and lifeless. The only movement was the slight rise and fall of the sheet over her chest. I started talking to her, telling her in many ways how I felt about her, how much I loved her and continued through the night. David appeared twice to check on Jerie’s condition and offered to relieve me for a while, but I refused.
I started out of a doze, as the sunlight crept through the window behind Jerie’s bed,. I heard it again, a faint moan from her lips. I shouted to the nurse. She hurried over, looked at the instruments and felt Jerie’s pulse.
“She’s starting to come around,” she explained with a smile.
“Thank you, thank you God,” I breathed fervently.
The nurse trickled a few drops of water onto Jerie’s lips and left to return to her desk.
I spoke to Jerie again, telling her how much I loved her and how sorry I was. Her eyelids twitched, and my heart started thumping. Her eyelids twitched again, then opened. Her eyes seemed to take a long time to focus then she moved her head weakly and her eyes examined me. I held my breath.
“Bill,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry Jerie,” I whispered, stroking her forehead.
I felt her eyes look around me, then she smiled her huge cheeky smile.
“I should have known, I’m stupid. You were just trying to drive me away.”
“I love you Jerie,” I whispered. “I wanted to do what was best for you.”
She looked intently into my eyes. “You have not learned to look properly yet. I know what is best for me.”
“How do you feel?”
She closed her eyes. “Tired.”
“I’m sorry,” I sobbed.
Jerie opened her eyes again and they were luminous. “Do not be sorry Bill, this was meant to be.” Her voice faded, and I had to lean close to hear her. “Do not leave me Bill, hold my hand.”
I grasped her hand in both of mine. “I won’t leave you Jerie.”
She gave a faint smile, then she was asleep again.
Chapter 21
Jerie awoke. I sensed the slight movement and jerked out of my doze. She was trying to sit up.
“Be careful,” I advised. I helped her raise her head on the pillows, wary of disturbing the wires and tubes. “How do you feel?”
She swore in Swahili. “Bloody awful.” She seemed to be back to her old self. I grinned then became serious.
“Jerie?” She looked at me. “I’m so sorry.” I told her about my vision. “I felt I had to drive you away to stop it from coming true.”
She was silent for a while then looked me in the eyes. “I knew when I was a little girl that I would only be with you for a little while. You have not learned enough yet. You have to learn what things are meant to be and what things you can change.”
“Why do I have to learn these things?”
Jerie’s eyes looked inwards. “You have to do many things.” She started to say more then stopped and looked secretive.
“What else?”
She seemed to be trying to choose her words carefully. “You have to give the stone to someone.”
“Who?”
“You will know when the time comes.”
“Why do you have to leave me?”
“Because you would not do these things if I stayed with you.”
I felt tears running down my cheeks. “Jerie!” I sobbed.
“Bill?” I looked at her. “You see people’s patterns but that is only the start. There are bigger patterns that you must learn to see.”
“I don’t want to see,” I groaned.
“You will see them soon,” she whispered.
I wanted to question her further, but her eyes were closing.
“Hold my hand Bill,” she whispered. “I’m tired.”
Over the next few days she recovered and fretted to get home. David agreed, but told me she had suffered liver damage and we would have to wait and see how much. He said the cells could regenerate, but scarring might impair its function.
When I took her home, she pottered around the flat but tired quickly and had frequent naps. I phoned Kathleen to tell her the news.
As I listened to Jerie’s soft breathing that night, I wondered how many breaths she had left. The vision of her death in my arms came back to me. I wondered at it. What would happen if I left her now? How could the vision come true? Maybe I’d only been shown the vision because the bonds were so strong I couldn’t leave her? I’d tried to leave her and had caused the very tragedy I’d tried to prevent.
Jerie recovered and went back to work at the hospital. David felt happy with her progress and I felt I could safely return home. I phoned Kathleen and on being prompted told her everything. The vision of Jerie dying in my arms, how I’d tried to prevent it and the outcome.
She was quiet for a moment then she said, “Maybe you should stay with her William?”
I felt her disquiet. “She seemed recovered and went back to work. David Balfour thought she was fine.”
Kathleen persisted. “I don’t feel right about it William, I think you should stay.”
I thought about it. I’d suspected before, that Kathleen had psychic flashes.
“Okay, I’ll stay a bit longer. Thanks love.”
She went quiet again. “I love her too Bill.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Anything urgent in the mail?”
“A couple of big royalty cheques.”
“Well, bye for now.”
“Bill! Let me know right away if anything happens, I’ll catch the next plane.”
Over the next two weeks I took Jerie to cinemas and out for dinner a few times, but she really seemed to prefer to potter around the house in the evening, while I worked on my novel. She helped me to develop my psychic senses while I held the life stone
, asking me to describe the patterns around the people we met. I began to see the larger patterns she’d mentioned which were not outside as I expected but inside myself, as if I was connected to them. I found I knew things without knowing where the information had come from.
She came back from work one day and told me she wasn’t going back. I’d noticed she was moving slower and stopping to rub her back. My heart went out to her.
“Is it getting bad?” I asked.
“It’s getting bad Bill,” she groaned.
“We’d better see Doctor Balfour.”
“I’ve seen him Bill. He’s done tests and has found that my liver is deteriorating.”
I opened my mouth, but she looked at me in her quiet way and I knew that this was one of the things that couldn’t be changed. I took her in my arms, tears running down my cheeks.
She whispered in my ear. “I’ve had a wonderful life with you Bill, part of me will always be with you.”
She became slower and slower as the days passed. David called every day to give her strong pain killers.
“She hasn’t got long left Bill,” he told me sombrely.
“Can nothing be done David?”
David put his arms around me and hugged me. “Bill, I love her too. If anything could be done, I’d do it.”
I phoned Kathleen. She promised to get on the first plane that she could. In bed that night, I held Jerie in my arms and felt the softness of her breath and the beating of her heart against my chest. I again wondered how many breaths, how many heartbeats she had left. I examined her pattern. The colours were now almost obscured by dark patches. I cried silently.
The next morning, I woke to her kisses and looked at her in amazement. She was glowing with an almost golden hue to her skin.
“Jerie! You are better.” David had said remission was possible, but I hadn’t expected this.
She gave me a huge grin. “Let’s have breakfast and hit the town.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. We had breakfast then walked around Nairobi, hand in hand. We stopped at a café and Jerie had an ice cream. We went to the market where she held various dresses against her, looking to me for approval, but refused to let me buy them. We had a light lunch, then walked along Princess Elizabeth Way where she stopped to smell and touch the flowers sprouting from every available space. We ambled back to the flat where she became amorous. I was hesitant at first, but she assured me she was well, so I responded. She made me kiss every inch of her body and aroused me until my erection was so hard it hurt, then she asked, “Do you remember our first time?”
“How could I ever forget?”
“Let’s do it that way then.”
I knelt and she lowered herself onto me and started moving slowly, kissing me and nibbling my ears. I felt my blood roaring in my veins. I gasped and gripped her bottom to try to make her move faster, but she refused to be hurried. She licked my lips and ears and nose as if trying to taste me.
As I felt the flare of my orgasm she gazed into my eyes and murmured, “I’m sorry Bill.” I felt her enter my mind. I came back to awareness to find her resting her head on my shoulder and gasping.
“Jerie?” I cried She opened her eyes with an obvious effort and gazed into mine. I was shocked at the darkness in them. Her eyes started to close again. “Jerie?” I cried in panic and shook her.
She seemed to struggle to get her eyelids half open, then she bent her head and I heard her breathe in my ear.
“I will always love you Bill.” She gave a tiny sigh then her head fell onto my shoulder.
“JERIE!” I shouted. I shook her. “JERIE!” I shook her more violently.
Her head flopped about as if it was broken. I felt her neck but there was no pulse. She was already starting to turn cold. I held her close and cried, and cried.
It seemed like hours later that I raised my head. Jerie was stone cold. I lifted her onto the bed and with some effort straightened her legs. I didn’t want anyone to see her like this, so I dressed her in her favourite dress. I phoned David who arrived soon afterwards. After a cursory examination he suggested he take the body to the hospital morgue until I was ready for the funeral. While we were waiting for the ambulance he told me of the necessary procedures before she was buried.
The ambulance arrived and Jerie was carried out on a stretcher. I was left to grieve and felt as if the bed, the chairs, all the furniture that her presence had touched, gathered around me, sympathising and touching me in shared sadness. I suddenly thought of Kathleen, she might be arriving any time. I booked a hotel room then packed a case.
The phone call came that evening. “Bill I’m at the airport.”
“She died this afternoon Kathleen.”
“Oh! Bill.”
“I’ve booked us into the Victoria hotel, take a taxi, I’ll meet you there.”
“I’ll see you soon Bill.”
I looked around the flat, remembering and grieving and then I left.
I dumped my case in the hotel room then went downstairs to wait for Kathleen. The taxi arrived. I helped Kathleen carry her luggage to the room, where she rushed into my arms. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here in time William,” she sobbed.
I stroked her hair. “I think you did well getting here so quickly.”
“Tell me about it William.”
I gave her an edited version.
“Can we go to see her?”
“She’s in the morgue. We’ll go tomorrow morning.”
“What happens about a funeral?”
“I’ll see her father tomorrow, maybe she should be buried beside her mother.” Kathleen nodded. “Well, let’s go and get some dinner. You must be hungry after that long flight.” We held each other close in bed that night until sleep claimed us.
We visited the morgue the next morning to look down on the still face of the girl we’d loved, each in our own way. We then drove to the farm to see Jerie’s father. Kaninu’s face fell when he was told the news that Jerie had died of a liver disease. He didn’t know where her mother was buried. Somewhere outside the camp he said. I had guessed as much, as gravestones and memorials weren’t in the African tradition. To prevent the graves being dug up for materials, bodies were buried, wrapped in cheap cloth and coffins weren’t used. Kaninu told me that as her husband, I ought to take her to a quiet place and bury her myself.
“Do you want to come Kaninu?”’ Jerie’s father looked me in the eyes then nodded.
I felt grateful, it wouldn’t have been right without Jerie’s father. On the journey back, I translated the conversation for Kathleen but substituted “adopted father,” for “husband.”
“Why can’t we bury her in the Church of Scotland cemetery?” she asked.
“It’s for whites only,” I muttered.
“That’s ridiculous.”
I nodded morosely.
“What will we do then?”
“I’ll take her somewhere beautiful and bury her myself.”
“But,” she was silent for a while. “I’ll come too.”
I looked at her and suddenly knew why I still loved her.
I dropped Kathleen off at the hotel and went to see David to tell him of my plans.
“How far away are you planning to go,” he asked. “Bodies deteriorate pretty quickly in the heat.”
I remembered a place I’d taken Jerie to for a picnic. “About two hours’ drive,” I replied.
David nodded. “I’m off tomorrow afternoon. We have an old ambulance I could borrow.” He added, “That is if you want me to come?” I just hugged him.
“Come to the hospital at one o’clock tomorrow. I’ll get things ready.”
“Thanks David. I’ve promised to take Jerie’s father, is that okay?”
He nodded. “Fine with me.”
When I got back to the hotel and told Kathleen, I knew she was appalled but she didn’t object. She left the hotel the next morning and returned carrying three huge bunches of flowers, roses, gladioli and passio
n flowers, and a carrier bag with provisions for the journey.
I hugged her. “Thanks Kathleen.”
We caught a taxi to the hospital and met David as Jerie’s body was being carried into the back of the ambulance and strapped in. I saw two spades sitting on the floor and felt grateful. I’d meant to buy a spade, but things just kept slipping from my memory.
Kathleen sat inside while I took the passenger seat, so I could direct David. After collecting Kaninu, we took the road to the East towards the small town of Kitui, then turned off and bounced along a dirt track and stopped near a stand of trees. We all got out. I picked a spot where the ground was soft and David and Kaninu helped me remove the turf and dig down just over three feet.
We carried Jerie, still clad in her favourite dress and laid her beside the grave. I touched the face I loved for the last time, Kaninu gave her a long hug, Kathleen kissed her on the lips and David touched her hand. We lowered her carefully into the grave and Kathleen scattered the flowers over the body. We took turns spading the earth back in, tramped it down, then replaced the turf.
With the sun a huge orange ball on the horizon shining through the high branches of the trees and the birds perched with uncharacteristic stillness, we stood round the grave in silence, with our thoughts and memories. We eventually left. After a long hug, I left Kaninu at his farm, and David dropped us at our hotel. Kathleen and I stayed the night, then caught a flight home.
Chapter 22
Kathleen went back to work. I was left to mope round the house after sleeping late. Changes were taking place in some hidden part of my mind. My psychic senses were growing stronger and sharper. Sometimes I felt that Jerie was inside me. My arms moved in a certain way, so as not to brush my chest as if I’d suddenly grown breasts and I would feel my chest in panic. I watched the way Kathleen moved her arms and was surprised I’d never noticed it before. I wondered if I was going mad. After two weeks I told Kathleen I was going back to Kenya to empty the apartment and get it ready for sale.
Love Patterns Page 15
