Belonging

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Belonging Page 9

by Maria Bernard


  Although they were far from being alone with all the people milling about, within the comforting walls of Crispin’s arms, it kind of felt like it was just the two of them standing there observing the goings on. Just when she thought things couldn’t get any better, he leaned in closer, wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and rested his forearms against the rail.

  When she tensed at his unexpected but most welcome boldness, he smoothed his cheek against hers and smiled lazily out the side of his mouth. As he drew back, he nuzzled his nose along the soft skin by her ear and planted a trail of gentle kisses on her neck. Gwen didn’t know quite what to think about all this but then again, thinking of any sort was impossible with Crispin’s warm lips against her ear, his arms around her upper half, his scent surrounding her, the slow subtle press of his thighs against her backside. It was a good thing he was holding her so tightly or she might just crumple to the ground at the sensations he was stirring up in her belly.

  She wanted nothing more than to reach for him but in her present position with his arms locked around her, she was basically trapped, her hands useless.

  “Tell me about yourself,” he whispered in her ear, resting his chin on her shoulder. When she hesitated, he kissed her cheek and then the corner of her mouth. The moment she turned her face to receive more, he ever so subtly pulled away. “Tell me something first.”

  “I get a kiss for telling you what, exactly?” she asked with a shy smile.

  “A little something about yourself.” He pressed his lips into the side of her neck. “For everything you tell me, you get a kiss.” At his words, she smiled all the more. She was glad for the cover of darkness for she was sure her cheeks were burning with anticipation of more of his sweet kisses. Crispin surprised her with his unexpected affectionate nature. It was in such contrast to his cool exterior. Who would have imagined it?

  “I’m not sure what to say or where to start.”

  “Start with where you work.”

  “The jewellery shop?” When he nodded, she took a deep breath and opened up. “It’s my uncle’s shop. When I… quit university, he was kind enough to offer me a full-time job and a place to live. I rent the apartment above the shop which is nice and convenient.” When she paused, Crispin came through with his promise and kissed her high on her cheek, near her ear.

  “Continue…” he whispered. “What did you study in school? When did you leave and why?”

  She hesitated to answer but the promise of another one of his kisses prompted her. “I majored in English Literature. Then just this past fall… I um… I just… I woke up one day and I just couldn’t do it. The pressure, the stress of keeping up, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I was stronger but everyday things, situations… well, it just gets to be too much.” She paused, overwhelmed by the feelings her admission stirred up inside her. “I wanted so much to finish my education. My dream was to become a writer, an author of novels. I even wanted to open a bookstore someday. But with the way I am… well, I just don’t think it’s possible.” Admitting defeat to her anxiety was never easy. What would Crispin think of her? Would he think she was crazy? Or would he see her as weak, a coward unable to deal with the most mundane everyday things?

  “Continue.” He tightened his comforting vice-like hold on her and kissed her slightly lower on the cheek two times.

  She leaned into his kiss and drew strength from it. “Working at the shop is okay, though. For some reason, I can handle it. Although even then there are some days…”

  “When did this start?” He kissed her once more. “How long have you felt this way?”

  “I’m not sure exactly when, but as for why…”

  “Why then?” He kissed the corner of her mouth again.

  “We moved around a lot when I was growing up because of my father’s job. I’m an only child and I had trouble making friends. Actually, I never had much of a chance at forming many friendships since we moved around so much. I was never in a school longer than two years at a time. Just when I’d get comfortable, we’d up and move away to another place. Then I’d have to start all over again. After a while, I just gave up trying to make new friends. You know how it is when you’re the new kid in school. Always the outsider. It went on like that until three years ago when I turned nineteen and went off to university.”

  At her words, Crispin frowned, realizing that despite the different circumstances, how similar a childhood they’d had.

  “You think I’m weird, don’t you?” she asked, looking away from him.

  He took her chin in his hand and turned her head towards him. He waited until she looked into his eyes. “I do,” he said with a smile. Before she could pull away, he kissed her, this time, on the mouth with lips so stunningly soft she nearly swooned. After a good long while, he drew away and gazed at her. “Refreshingly weird, and I like it. I like it a lot.”

  Chapter 17

  Following that spellbinding kiss, Gwen was grateful once again for Crispin’s taking the lead since she couldn’t trust her knees from buckling and it was taking all her concentration to keep walking. With her hand in his, he led her along Tower Bridge Road and found a nice quiet pub in which to have dinner. She smiled as the greeter placed them in a cozy corner booth and smiled, even more, when Crispin helped her off with her coat.

  “Go on, get in there,” he said as he encouraged her to slide in ahead of him. He then followed her in and sat snug beside her. He took the initiative and ordered them a bottle of Baco Noir. While the waiter went to retrieve the wine, they sat quietly and studied the menu. After a moment, Crispin closed his, sat back, and rested his long arm on the booth behind Gwen’s head and waited for her to decide.

  From where they were seated they had a great view of the charming old place. It was just what he’d been looking for as they’d passed a few more modern restaurants along the way. He could tell Gwen was pleased with it, too, since she appeared to have a preference for this old-world kind of thing.

  While his eyes took in the scene in front of him, his mind was only on one thing. That thing was how to get through this trip with whatever was left of his heart intact. He had thought he could have the best of both worlds, a casual sexual escapade with his unexpected travel companion without fear of attachment. But it would appear that his plan had already gone to shit. After that kiss back by the River Thames, he had no delusions of how this would play out. Getting her into bed would be a piece of cake. Keeping her out of his heart would be near impossible. Yet he was determined to shield himself as well as he could. He was prepared to do whatever he needed to do to save himself the inevitable disappointment when she realized he was not this fantasy literary hero she imagined him to be.

  With that thought in mind, he reached into his coat pocket with his free hand and checked his phone. A melancholy smile formed on his face, finding a text from Keegan telling him to call Becky and put them all out of their misery. He might have done so, but he had to admit that a selfish part of him got a kick out of her quirky concern for him. Strangely enough, he found it nice to be missed.

  The waiter returned with the wine and made a big show of popping the cork. He then waited as Crispin took a sip and nodded before he backed away, promising to return shortly to take their order.

  Gwen smiled, watching Crispin play the part of a well-schooled gentleman. He really did seem older than he was. Not bad for a twenty-something college kid from Kingston, Ontario, she thought while giggling to herself. When he quirked an inquisitive eyebrow at her, she waved him off with a shrug. “You should call,” Gwen said, distracting him.

  “Call who?” Crispin asked, shaking himself off, slipping the phone he still held in his hand back into his pocket.

  “Becky, I assume,” she said, trying not to let her insecurities show. Truth be told, she couldn’t help but wonder if, in fact, his feelings for Becky went beyond that of close friendship. She hadn’t thought so until now, but seeing the wistful look on his face gave her c
ause to wonder. “Am I right?” Just how deep did his feelings run for her?

  “You are wrong, actually. Becky doesn’t have my cell number. Thank God for that or I’d never hear the end of it. It was a text from Keegan, asking me to call her, though. Apparently, she’s missing me terribly,” he said with a smile.

  “And you? Are you missing her terribly?”

  He sat up and cleared his throat. “Possibly, but that is neither here nor there.”

  “What does that mean?” When he ignored her, she tried a different question. “How did you all meet?”

  “So many questions,” he said with narrowed eyes as he cocked his head and looked at her. He rested his arm on the booth behind her, his fingers gently stroking her shoulder.

  Feeling cheeky, she missed the shift in his mood and instead raised her eyebrows and said, “For everything you tell me, I’ll give you a kiss.” As the words left her mouth, she tensed, when his fingers tangled into her hair and took hold of it. He gave it a borderline painful tug and leaned in real close, his expression dark and menacing.

  “Listen here, young miss, the only one giving away kisses, is me,” he growled into her ear. “Understand?”

  “I… I’m sorry. I was just…” She could only stare at him wide-eyed. What was this about? He could kiss her, but she couldn’t kiss him? He could touch her, hold her, yet she was not allowed to touch or hold him? Could she be okay with that? Should she be concerned? In every other way, Crispin was perfect. He’d been kind and caring, so affectionate. He’d held her hand all day. Just now by the river, he’d held her in his arms, and kissed her. Why was he so opposed to being on the receiving end of things? She wanted to ask him, to demand he explain his reasonings, because, in all honesty, she wasn’t sure she could hold back much longer. But at the same time, she didn’t want to ruin their evening. They’d been having such a nice time so far.

  “Don’t apologize.” He relaxed his grip and kissed her quick on the corner of her mouth. “It’s just the way it is… with me.” He looked in her eyes as if to verify she’d heard him. When she nodded, he exhaled and sat back and took another sip of wine. He then answered her questions as if nothing amiss had transpired.

  “When I first started university, three years ago, Kell had posted in the student’s services office, looking to start a band. I called him up and we hit it off, both being Goths and all that. Since he was on his own, I moved into his place and rented a room in his house. Soon after, Dorian and Keegan came along and moved in as well. I suppose you could say, we formed our own fraternity of sorts.”

  “You mean like an actual frat house? A frat house of Goth boys.” She giggled when he winced at her phrasing.

  “In a way, yes, but let me assure you that the House of Goths is not your average fraternity house.”

  “Of course not.” She laughed at the very idea. “The last thing you are is average.”

  “Glad we agree on the important things.” He smiled at her, enjoying her quirky sense of humour.

  “What’s your band called and what instrument do you play?” she asked him next.

  “The Kingston Quartet. Don’t blame me. It was Kell’s idea.”

  “Right…” she said with a smile. “So, is Kell the band leader?”

  “I suppose he thinks he is since it was his idea to create a band in the first place. I play guitar but when performing, I prefer to concentrate on singing. I am also the songwriter. Kell plays bass, Keegan plays guitar and Dorian is on drums.”

  “Is Becky in your band, too?”

  At her question, he nearly choked on his sip of wine. “We prefer to think of her as our mascot.” He chuckled ruefully. “She moved in this past fall after Keegan left. She and Kell are together now, quite in love.”

  At that information, Gwen put to rest her worries regarding Crispin’s affection for Becky. Not that she had any particular claim on him but she’d like to think he was at least a little interested in her. He sure acted as if he was. Even now, his fingers were softly stroking the back of her neck.

  “Keegan left? But you…”

  Crispin rolled his eyes and took a big swig of wine. “He took off for a short stint, for a girl of all things, but he came back after she dumped him, the twit.”

  “Oh…”

  “Don’t look at me that way. I don’t blame him for falling in love, and I don’t blame the girl either. I blame him for taking off without a word. The ass ran off in the middle of the night, like a coward.”

  “You don’t like him, then?”

  “I like him just fine. I simply don’t trust him. Why should I? He left once. He’ll just do it again. He says he’s sorry, but the damage is done as far as I’m concerned.”

  “I see…” Gwen paused, realizing that Crispin held grudges and that his trust once broken would not be easily fixed. He was turning out to be quite the complex personality and she wondered just how many layers there were to him. “I’m guessing that you are or, at least, were all quite close, you, Becky, and your other housemates?”

  “Well, I suppose we are… for now.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means, no one knows what the future holds. Me, Becky, and my bandmates live together, share a home, make the most of the time we have as we are now.”

  Gwen frowned, not quite knowing how to respond. Without prompting, he continued. “Nothing is forever, you see? People come and go. Humans are fickle and unpredictable. As you well know from your own experience, you can’t count on anyone.”

  “I never said anything about not trusting people. It was the moving around that hurt me. But as much as I hated moving, I still had my parents with me, and I did manage to make one or two good friends who I’ve kept in contact with.”

  “Well, how nice for you,” Crispin said with sarcasm dripping from every pore.

  “I like to think I can count on you, too.” She watched and waited but he had turned cold and aloof once again. “Are you okay, Crispin? Have I upset you?”

  Before he could respond, the waiter returned to take their order. As per the rule, he turned to Gwen first. Right away, she grabbed open the menu and frowned, obviously undecided and flustered. After an uncomfortable moment, Crispin took the initiative and ordered steak pot pies for them both. When the waiter bowed politely and retreated, Crispin put his arm around her shoulders and drew her into him. “I hope I chose correctly for you.” She had eaten the bacon from breakfast so he was pretty sure she wasn’t a vegetarian. When she nodded and let out a deep sigh, he chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

  “I hate when I freeze like that,” she confessed into his chest.

  “It’s all right, no worries.” He gave her a reassuring squeeze. It surprised him, really, how much patience he had for her and how easy it was to take the lead with this little lady. It made him wonder just how far he could go with this. Before this night was done, he would find out. That much he knew. That thought alone made him want to skip dinner altogether and get her back to the inn.

  Like the night before, Crispin took up his glass of wine and gently put it to her mouth. Without hesitation, she looked into his eyes, accepted his offering, and sipped. As he drew it away from her, she licked her glistening lips. He could not resist the urge to swoop in and capture them in a savouring kiss. For a moment the world around them ceased to exist.

  Overwhelmed and unable to think, Gwen automatically placed her hand on his shoulder. Without breaking the kiss, he snatched it away and held it tight within his own.

  “What are doing to me, Crispin?” she whispered, losing herself in his mesmerizing kiss.

  “Seducing you, of course,” he said, leaning in and nipping her one last time on the earlobe.

  Chapter 18

  Well, let’s just say, Crispin Clover was not one to make idle threats. After they left the pub, there was no doubt in Gwen’s mind that his plans to seduce her were in full effect, and her wine induced fuzziness only served to accentuate the point. Before
she knew it, they were crossing Tower Bridge on foot, once again, her hand safely encased within his own. Halfway across the bridge, he took her by surprise when he halted his brisk steps to tug her into his embrace. He then smothered her in a kiss so wondrous, it had her juices flowing like free running sap from a sugar maple.

  “Just a taste…” he purred as he pulled away. He had barely given her a chance to catch her breath before resuming his purposeful steps, flashing her a devilish smile over his shoulder.

  “Come along, young miss, our transportation awaits.” Practically running, he led the way onto the awaiting river bus. He helped her into the bench seat first so she would have a better view of the passing sights. He then followed her in and sat snug beside her. When she naturally leaned into him, he draped his arm around her and held her upright before she could slide out of the slippery bench seats.

  “Oops…” She giggled, attempting to straighten up.

  “Quite weak in the knees, aren’t you?”

  “Well, if I am, it’s all your doing.” She gave him a lazy smile. “All that wine.”

  “Just the wine?” He took hold of her chin, turned her face to him and kissed her once again, this time with full-on tongue, mingling rather forcefully with her own. When she moaned, he chuckled deep within his chest and backed away, nipping her bottom lip as he did so. “How about now?”

  She couldn’t quite respond, he had once again taken her breath away. With that teasing look he gave her now, he had her body buzzing with want. She had no doubt she was way in over her head with the handsome lusty Goth, but she was damn well willing to let him do his worst.

 

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