by Raven Dark
“I’m capable of packing for myself, Kane.” Leaving him to pack gave him too much opportunity to control what I wore, what ended up going with me. He’d already proven his need to control that aspect of my life when he’d first brought me to this hotel.
“Yes, and if I let you do it, half the wardrobe will end up going with us.” He was already grabbing clothes and piling them into the carryon.
“Don’t you have to pack, too?” I went into the washroom and started hastily combing out my hair.
“I already am. I have a fully packed carryall ready at all times. Come to think of it, from now on, you will have the same.”
“Yes, Master, Sir.”
He ignored my sarcasm and grabbed my stuffed pig, Pinky, shoving him into the side of the carryall. Fighting off a smile at this, I wound my hair up into a sloppy bun and started grabbing the toiletries I needed.
“Forget that. Just…” Kane swept half the counter of my hygiene products into a compartment of the bag. So much for his OCD; the hairspray, makeup, hairbrush, all tumbled in haphazardly. “Where’s your birth control?”
“What?”
He made a frustrated sound. “Pills, girl. The ones I’ve seen you taking.”
Shit. Now was the worst possible time for Kane to find out something I probably should have told him when I first signed his contract. I opened my mouth four distinct times, trying get the truth out, only to close it each time. How does a woman tell a man something like this? Instead, I handed him a bottle of the vitamins he’d seen me taking, which he apparently thought were contraceptives.
Slowly, he took it, brows winging down. “What is this?” The steel accusation in his voice made my chest tighten.
“You saw me taking those. Not birth control. Look, just put them in the bag. We’ll—”
When I moved to walk out of the bathroom, he grabbed my arm. “No, you’ll tell me now. When I first discussed the contact with you, I asked you if you were on the pill. You said you were. Anika, if you lied to me—”
“I didn’t. Look, can we discuss this later? My father needs me.”
He sighed, but empathy flickered across the cold mask on his face before he released me with a nod. A clipped one. The betrayal in his eyes was almost more than I could stand. “You will tell me the truth later. All of it.”
“Fine.” Fuck, I couldn’t keep the hurt out of my voice.
“Hurry up and finish getting ready. David will collect your things. Wheels up in two hours.” He grabbed his own carryall and briefcase, then stalked out of the room without another word.
Just like that, shutting me out again. Only this time, that stony distance he put up seemed heavier than ever, as impenetrable as his heart.
* * * * *
When we arrived at the airport, David backed the limousine into the back compartment of Kane’s 747 jumbo jet. Kane led me up the steps into the middle section.
The whole way to the airport, my thoughts had spun with uncertainty, and not just over my dad. The anger that radiated under Kane’s calm even now drove home a painfully harsh truth about him. Kane wasn’t just a playboy who didn’t want commitment. The thought of a family, of children, disgusted him. I could imagine why. A family would create restrictions, constraints a man like him couldn’t live with.
His parents already imposed enough tradition and conformity on him, his father’s obsession with appearance, male authority, and control already tying him to certain obligations he couldn’t avoid. The last thing he’d want is a kid, or the wife he’d be expected to take because of one, further suffocating his freedom. He likely would have reacted the same way to any woman, and yet I couldn’t help taking it as a personal rejection.
Strangely, his aversion to family life should have reassured me. He’d have no reason to be angry or ashamed of me when he discovered my secret. But somehow I couldn’t loosen the tightness in my chest at the thought of telling him what I had never once told anyone, what only my father knew.
Pushing the thought aside, I glanced around the inside of the plane in wonder. Leather couches lined the walls, which were all teak. Double doors led to the captain’s cabin in the front, and another set of doors led to the other half of the middle section, which I guessed had an area for sleeping on long flights. A plush red carpet covered the floor, and gold trim shone everywhere.
From the back, I could hear a door droning shut. The door to the compartment where the limo was. David came down a hall from that back portion and picked up a radio from the wall, letting the captain know we were ready to leave.
“Wouldn’t it be easier to rent a car in Cali?” I took off my blazer and lay it on the back of one of the leather seats that faced sideways next to a window, then lowered myself onto the leather.
“Easier, yes, but too dangerous.” Kane walked over to the small bar against part of the wall and got himself a bourbon.
“How so?”
“Dominic already bugged us once. I never drive a car I don’t own and David hasn’t thoroughly vetted if I can help it. I don’t even like cabs.”
As he talked, he held up a can of Coke for me. I didn’t drink alcohol; it warmed my insides that he’d stocked the jet with my drink. I nodded, accepting the drink, but he wouldn’t think of letting me do anything as rustic as drink out of a can. He put three perfect ice cubes in a gold-rimmed glass, and poured the Coke in.
“But you had a cabbie pick me up to go to The Dungeon the other night.”
“Yes, because the cabbie who picked you up is a friend.”
I nodded, letting his words sink in. His precautions made sense, but not just because of Gavini. Being connected to the mob meant always looking over his shoulder. I shuddered, as once more it hit me how dangerous his life was.
Sitting in the seat across from me, he handed me the Coke, then sat back. Amazing, how he managed to look so casual, yet so predatory all at the same time. Slouched in his seat, bourbon in hand, he had the look of a man at ease, but there was a dangerous light in his eyes that was anything but casual. Only a couple of feet separated us, but the distance felt like a chasm. I kept my face neutral and sipped my Coke.
“So.”
“So…what?” But my heart sped up a little, knowing what he wanted to discuss.
“Don’t play games with me, Anika. You know what. You lied to me.”
I swallowed. “I’m tired, Kane. It’s almost four in the morning.”
That was a lie. Worry over my father had me too keyed up to sleep, even though I’d been up since early the previous morning preparing for dinner with his parents.
“Tough. Fatigue will make it harder for you to think your way out of this.”
I sighed, looking away. My body’s betrayal had never sliced so deep as it did now. “I didn’t lie. Not exactly.”
“So you aren’t on contraceptives. You could be pregnant.” His voice was dark.
My throat tightened, and not just because of his anger. “No. Trust me, I’m not.”
“Explain.”
I heaved a shaky sigh, not even sure why it was so hard to tell him. “Okay, look. There’s something you need to know about me.”
“Which is?” But he’d sat forward a little in his seat and the deep timber of his tone changed. Did I hear worry there?
It took everything in me to look at him. “I can’t have children, Kane.”
I tried to process Anika’s words, but they didn’t seem to want to make sense. I scrunched my brows. “What?”
Her dark blue eyes closed and her chest rose high, then lowered. “My ovaries don’t work properly. They don’t release eggs.”
Unsure what to say, I lowered my chin to my chest. After a long moment of processing the implications, I slowly set my glass of bourbon on the small oak table beside me. When I spoke, my voice was oddly low. “I see.”
“When you asked if I was on the pill, I said I was protected. I didn’t lie. I am, by my own body.”
Nodding my understanding, if not necessarily my agree
ment with her methods, I stood up from my seat, paced to the window on the other side of the aisle, and pushed my hands into my pockets.
It’s strange. Two weeks ago, Anika’s proclamation would have made me feel relieved. If she was barren, it would offer an advantage to a man like me. I’d never have to worry about an unplanned pregnancy upending the order upon which my life depended. The freedom I loved—to do what I wanted with who I wanted at any time, especially women—would remain mine. In a way, her inability to have children was a reassurance, but not for the reason it once would have been.
If Anika had my child, not only would every monster in my life who constantly sought new ways to take me down have a new way to seize power over me, but my parents would inevitably see the child as an excuse to use Anika for their own ends. The child of a man with my connections was power, not only in my father’s corporate world, but in his mob-driven one as well. True, a child from Gala, who’s father was the head of the Rossi crime family, would be a far more powerful tool than from Anika, but any boy or girl that carried my blood would be an advantage a lot of people in my life would kill to control. If Anika was barren, there was no chance of her being used that way.
But the thing was, her confession also shattered all the forbidden fantasies I’d let myself envision about her having my kid. Fantasies I knew a man in my precarious position couldn’t afford to have, but which had snuck up on me the other night nonetheless. Images of Anika’s belly growing swollen with my child, of her holding a tiny dark-haired baby close, vanished in a mushroom cloud of impossibility, and just as well. If she’d been able to have kids, I might have been tempted, and I refused to bring a kid into a world like mine, where he or she would only become a pawn.
“Kane.” Anika’s soft voice cut through my thoughts. “Are you angry with me?”
I let out a breath through my nose. The shame, the guilt she felt over her body’s failure was palpable. With everything in me, I wanted to just pull her into my arms and sooth her, kiss away her pain and tell her it didn’t matter, that it didn’t change my feelings for her. Except I wasn’t supposed to have feelings for her. “No. I’m not upset you can’t bear children.”
“But you are upset about something.” Her Coke glass clinked as she must have set it down. When I turned around, she was standing behind me.
Unsure how to answer, I bought myself time by crossing to my seat, picking up my glass and downing my bourbon. The fiery liquid seared my throat, warming my belly in a way few things did. Times like this, I despised what I was. I set the glass down slowly, keeping my voice even.
“I’m not upset. But you lied to me. You kept something from me, deliberately, when you should have told me.” I turned to her. “You know what I have to do.”
“Kane.” Her eyes flashed. “You can’t seriously be considering punishing me for this. My condition isn’t something I discuss easily. It’s humiliating, I feel like…half a woman. Do you get that? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to even tell you?”
Half a woman. Fuck, my fists clenched with the urge to crush her to me and kiss that fucking line of thinking right out of her head. I wanted to be the loving, supportive boyfriend, but no, I had to be the bad guy. The would-be kingpin who couldn’t ever, ever let his woman lie to him. I tamped down the apology that wanted to slip from my mouth and poured myself a finger of bourbon.
“I didn’t keep this from you to be deceptive. My father is the only one who knows, and only because he was there when a doctor told me. I haven’t even told Fran, and she’s my best friend.”
“I understand. I do. But I can’t let this go. Our relationship depends on honesty from you in all things, Anika. You must always be truthful with me.”
“Oh, the same way you’ve been truthful with me?”
I let out a slow growl and curled my fists around the front of her blouse. Her eyes widened. “I’ve told you before, we are not equals, girl.”
When her eyes lowered, I released her.
“Deceptions like that have gotten women killed in my line of work. I can’t protect you if I don’t know everything. Do you understand me?”
She let out a long breath and dropped her arms, head bowed as if in understanding as to the gravity of her mistake. “What are you going to do to me?”
“Nothing right now. We’ll deal with it at the mansion. We’re both exhausted after everything that’s happened the last two days, and a good Dom never punishes a sub when he’s exhausted.”
“Is that what you call yourself? A good Dom?”
“Touché.” I wanted so badly to carry her to my bed and let her find release, allow her to let go milking my cock. We both likely needed it, but that was what a good, loving boyfriend did. Something I could never be. So instead, I nodded to the sleeping cabin toward the back. “We’ll be landing in five and a half hours. Get some rest before we see your father.”
“You’re not coming with me?”
The hurt in her eyes surprised me. I forced my expression to remain cold. Ruthless. “No. I have a conference call shortly.”
“It’s four o’clock in the morning.”
“It’s ten am in Italy.”
Her arm lifted like she was going to reach for me, but then she stopped and looked at the floor. “Right. Mob business. Well, see you, then.”
She turned and walked away, and I almost grabbed her and put her over my knee for the subtle sarcasm. Instead, I stalked after her and took her arm, turning her to me.
“Understand this. If we weren’t both dead on our feet, you’d be getting whipped right now.”
Anika’s pupils dilated huge, so that her blue eyes were almost entirely black. Her pink lips parted, and that adorable pink tongue flicked out to lick them. My cock twitched as I imagined her flicking that tongue over my dick. The menace in my words visibly sank in, and her lust mixed with a hint of dread I could smell on her.
“I get it. Lies equal butt hurt. Master is not a nice man.”
I nearly smirked. Anika could never just submit. She always had to give lip. I pinched her chin between my thumb and fingers. “Go to sleep, before I show you how mean master is.”
Annoyance sparked in her eyes, but she didn’t argue, instead disappearing into the sleeping cabin. The doors closed behind her with a snap.
As soon as she was gone, I took out my laptop and started a conference call with one of my father’s shadier investors. The kind of person who had ice in his veins, and who I needed to be totally detached and ruthless to deal with.
No, Anika could not be allowed to fall for me. I would not allow it.
I couldn’t get over how different California was from New York. The sunlight seemed brighter here, hotter for the end of summer, burning the pavements without mercy. Palm trees grew alongside streets that weren’t nearly as clogged, and the smell of rich exhaust was replaced with fresh cut grass and seawater.
We’d gotten off the plane at the busy airport in Los Angeles around 9:30. This city might have made me feel cheery, but anxiety over my dad’s condition ate at me. The memory of what Kane implied, that this might be the last time I saw him, sliced at my resolve. My thoughts spun as I tried not to imagine the worst outcome.
“More meetings today?” I asked Kane as we climbed in the car and he hung up from a call. After how distant and remote he had been on the plane, barely talking to me and all but avoiding me where he could, I couldn’t keep the tightness out of my voice.
I wouldn’t forget, this wasn’t a romantic trip; I was here because my father was gravely injured, nothing more. Not for the first time, I imagined some other beautiful woman on his arm at gatherings he might have to attend. A woman who wasn’t his gay, fake fiancée.
“Not until later.” He seated himself across from me instead of at my side. It didn’t go unnoticed that he wouldn’t look at me, instead putting his phone away and taking his laptop out of a leather case on the seat.
“Wow. I’m shivering from all this chill, Davros.”
He shook his head, setting the computer on his lap and turning it on. “Playing the needy girlfriend again?”
Ouch. “And the cold just keeps coming.”
“Don’t push, Anika.” He kept his eyes on the computer screen. “I told you I would be in meetings all weekend. I don’t have time to babysit you.”
Wow. Babysit me? Why was he being so rude?
“Where is my dad staying? You said it was a special facility, right, not a hospital?”
“Yes. He’s staying at Lakewood Medical. It’s a secluded facility in Big Bear, up in the mountains. Celebrities pay big money to stay there, and it offers some of the best medical care in the country.”
“And the most expensive, right?”
He stopped typing and sat back in his seat. The hint of a smile on his lips looked predatory rather than amused. “Where is this attitude coming from?”
“Why are you treating me this way?”
“What way?”
Come on. He couldn’t tell me he didn’t get it. No, I could see it in the amusement in his eyes when I glared at him, he knew exactly what he was doing.
“You’re treating me like you don’t even want me here. It’s like you don’t care. Like I’m…”
“What? Property?” His eyes were pure evil.
Jesus. He was trying to make me hate him. Why? His expression, smug and casual, reminded me that the contract I’d signed meant I was just that, property. I looked away, refusing to rise to his bait.
“You think I spend thousands of dollars a day on your dad’s medical care to show off?”
But there was something in his tone that said I wasn’t off base thinking that.
“I can arrange to have you work it off through the contract. Perhaps another month?”
I kept my eyes on the window, shame scalding me.
He went back to typing. The silence grew tense, the chasm between us swelling huge.
Was this extra dose of icy because of the lie I’d told about my condition, or something else? I knew he didn’t want children. He’d insisted my inability to have them didn’t make him want me any less, yet I couldn’t help wondering. There was an odd look on his face sometimes when he glanced at me, like disappointment or regret. What else could be causing that except what I’d told him?
