I made short work of breakfast while Tay showered and dressed. I was supposed to be in town in five minutes but that wasn’t happening. I hadn’t planned on this morning. Actually, I hadn’t planned on last night. I hadn’t planned on her being the one to bring up love. And with that tying us together, there was no way I was leaving this house without being inside her at the same damn second as I told her I loved her.
My dick twitched again at the thought. There was just something so fucking hot about being buried balls-deep in my woman and telling her that I loved her, something so fucking possessive about knowing I owned her body and heart at the same time.
“What is all this?” she asked with a smile, seeing what I’d put out.
“Blended acai bowl. Blueberries, bananas, strawberries. Something to refuel with.”
“I think the baby likes to refuel with bacon…” she murmured.
“I think the baby hasn’t tried my acai.” I winked at her.
She pulled out one of the chairs at the table and sat down slowly, wincing with soreness.
I shouldn’t have, but I smirked when her eyes met mine. That tenderness was because of me. Because she was mine.
Watching the way her cheeks blushed was probably one of my top five most favorite sights in the entire fucking world.
“Hey, hey, hey.” I quickly cupped her face, seeing the tears that collected in the corners of her eyes. “No crying, you hear? That’s another of the doctor’s orders for today. No crying and no stressing. All of that can resume tomorrow. I’m gonna go take care of some stuff with Eli and then when I come back, we can talk all about this—all about the baby, and the future,” I promised.
Love changed everything.
Love meant there was no going back. Not for us. Not for her.
Carmel was never meant to be a permanent place for her, and now we were going to have to change that, or figure something else out. Even if it meant I was the one who had to leave…
“And then I’m going to make love to you… and fuck you… until you’re so mindless that you agree to name the baby Ragnar.”
Relief shot through me when she laughed. I couldn’t leave if she was crying. I wouldn’t.
“Love you, Tay,” I said with a low voice, gently kissing her lips.
“I love you, too.”
Taylor
“Hey, Blake. It’s me. Taylor. Sorry I haven’t called lately,” I apologized into her voicemail, hugging my knees into my chest. “I have two things to tell you and I should probably wait to tell you and not your voicemail, but I can’t. The first is that I’m in love with Ash. For some reason, I don’t think this is going to come as too much of a surprise to you, but I had to tell you. And I have to tell you he loves me, too.”
I drew a deep breath.
Love changed everything even though in some ways it changed nothing.
When I came to Carmel, I thought I had everything figured out. Or, at least, I was figuring it out. And then life threw me another curveball when Ash was not what I expected—and everything I still wanted.
I questioned everything. Things I thought were my weaknesses… maybe they’re my strengths. The things I’d been told were the most important… maybe they just weren’t.
“I wish I was calling just to tell you how completely and utterly happy I am but that’s only part of it.” I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “The other part is that I haven’t told him yet… I haven’t told him the baby is his.”
I tried to swallow down my nerves. It was like trying to take a handful of pills with the smallest sip of water; it felt like everything was stuck and clogged in my throat and air was struggling to get by.
“I was selfish, B. Our whole lives I feel like I’ve just watched Ash make decisions, putting loyalty above everything. How many times did we tell him he was loyal to a fault?” I reminisced. “I know you’ve done more than watch it; I know you’ve lived through his loyalty. And I couldn’t be only one more loyalty to him. After coming here, I realized that the only thing worse than losing him would be for him to stay with me because I was one more mistake he needed to fix.”
Grabbing a few tissues, I quickly wiped them over my face.
Stupid, stupid hormones.
“Our baby isn’t a mistake,” I blubbered. “I’m not a mistake.”
I was not a mistake to be corrected.
“So, I’m calling because someone needs to know I didn’t tell him because I selfishly wanted him to choose love over loyalty. And in doing so, I’m afraid I might lose both.” I let out a deep exhale as the words rushed from my chest. “I just… needed to tell you. I needed to confess to someone. And now, I need to tell him.”
I pulled my cell down from my ear, staring at Blake’s name on the screen for one more second before I ended the call, my fingers trembling with nerves.
All day, I’d kept my emotions at bay. I’d checked in on the restaurant. The painters were working this week and next to coat the walls with the color Ash had asked me to pick out. I’d gone with a pale, calm blue. Even walking around inside it for just a few minutes earlier had taken the edge off my nerves. Sometimes, it was the simplest things that could calm me.
Ash called around lunch to say that Eli had reluctantly brought Larry down; the police needed his statement as the business owner and confirmation that nothing was missing—a difficult feat considering how much of a heartbreaking mess everything still was.
I’d asked how Larry had taken it and, with restrained details and a voice that could only be described as tremulous, Ash confessed that Larry hadn’t taken it well at all. No matter how they reassured him the place would be good as new as soon as the investigation was closed, the elderly man couldn’t seem to get past the destruction right in front of him.
Apparently, Eli had stopped the police interrogation halfway through to take an unstable Larry back home to cool off. They’d have to resume their questions another day. A few hours later, Eli had returned, shaken up from dealing with Larry, to check on everyone before heading out to Covington to see if Dex had learned anything new. My heart broke a little further for the man who’d done so much for everyone—a man who was so good—and who was now subjected to such evil.
As the day dragged later, my anxiety grew worse. I focused for a little reading What to Expect on my phone, but soon that wasn’t enough. Turning on my laptop, I pulled up another recorded service, closing my eyes and clinging to my faith that the Lord would see me through this.
By the time it was finished, the sun had dipped below the horizon and a slow shower of rain tapped against the roof. When Ash’s text came through that he was leaving in a few and would be home soon, my nerves balled in my throat and that was when I called Blake.
Setting my phone down, I padded over to the fridge to grab a seltzer water from inside and jumped when the front door opened.
Goodness, he got here fast.
“Hey, Tay.” The soothing rumble of his voice slid over me. A voice that had admitted to loving me, I reminded myself in an attempt to stay calm.
Just shutting the door, I half-turned when his arms came around me, his face nuzzled in my neck as his lips began a trail of butterfly kisses over my racing pulse.
“Hey,” I said breathlessly as he buried his lips in my hair.
“I missed you.” Another kiss behind my ear.
The soothing rumble of his voice slid over me. A voice that had admitted to loving me, I reminded myself in an attempt to stay calm. I sagged against him, soaking in his warm strength even when he was weary.
“I missed you, too,” I said as he kissed the top of my head.
“How’s baby Ragnar?” His warm palms rubbed over my stomach.
Yours. He’s yours.
I felt like a snow cloud hanging low in the sky, pregnant with the weight of everything it was about to let go of.
I let out a quick, breathy laugh and I winced with another contraction. “Good.”
“And how are you?” His eyes bored p
rotectively into mine.
It was the way he asked, like he wasn’t just talking about my body. He wanted to know how my heart… how my soul was. He wanted to know so that he could heal whatever was hurting.
“I’m fine.” I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “Just some contractions.”
He’d re-read the Braxton-Hicks section of our book several times, not believing me when I insisted this was normal.
I sucked in a breath when the cool metal of the fridge hit my back and then choked on the air as his body pressed flush against my front.
My whole body went into overdrive, like he’d turn on a shower of fire and thrown me into the stream. I felt the hard length of him pressing back against my stomach as our breaths mingled in the lust-laden air.
“Want to kiss you, Tay, because I’ve been dreaming of your lips all day, but ‘okay’ isn’t good enough,” he ground out. “What’s weighing on you, Pixie? Because it looks like the weight of the world. Tell me what’s going on and let me hold some of it.”
Tears pricked in my eyes. Even now, drained and beleaguered, he was only thinking of me—only trying to heal whatever was hurting.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Focus.
“I need to talk to you about the baby,” I began, my tone as unyielding as a bulldozer.
“Of course.” He tucked my hair back behind my ears and cupped my face, searching for the answer I’d held caged and buried for too long.
I slid to the side and out of his arms. I wasn’t going to do this on my feet. I was going to be sitting and stable. I had to keep the calm before the storm. Just in case.
He followed me to the couch. “You know I’m kidding, right? I don’t think we should actually call the baby Ragnar…”
My hand shot to my mouth as I choked on a laugh that was dangerously close to a sob. “T-that’s not it…” I stammered. “But I appreciate you clearing that up.” A small smile flitted across my face as he sat and reached for my hands, not giving me a choice to not be touching him.
“Is this about us?” He drove his hand through his hair nervously, and I could only stop and stare at the intense worry on his face. “Because, fuck, Tay, when I said I loved you, I meant it. I meant all of you. And I meant the baby, too. I don’t care who he came from, he… or she… belongs to me. I want it all, Tay. I want it all with you.”
Love made my heart swell and fear made it beat frantically, the combination making me feel as though my chest was about to explode.
“And I know there’s a lot, and I’ve read all about nesting. I know we have a lot to buy and that this place isn’t nearly prepared let alone baby-proofed yet, but it will be. I promise,” he swore vigilantly. “I’ll have this place remodeled before the baby comes—or we can buy a new place if you want—”
“Ash!” I put both my hands up, indicating for him to stop.
I loved him even more for this—for his unabashed eagerness to do anything and everything I needed. And though he wasn’t wrong about what he said, it wasn’t what I needed.
“It’s not about nesting,” I choked out, cupping a hand over my mouth.
I hated the tears. Officially. I hated the tears. I hated the hormones. I hated how I cried for no good and every good reason. I was strong. I was put together. I always had a plan for everything. Everything except falling in love.
He pulled my hands to his chest, tugging me practically onto his lap. “I swear to God, Taylor, the second I opened the door to you, I opened up my goddamn heart, and it’s been yours ever since.”
Frantically, I shook my head.
I needed him to stop. Every word was making it so much worse—so much harder for me to do this—tacking on higher and higher all the things that were at stake.
“No, please, Ash. Stop.” I pried my fingers from his and wrapped my arms in front of me. It was all too much. “Please.”
My desperation granted me his silence. So, I drew one last unsteady breath before my voice became the driving force, sending me straight into the storm.
“It’s about the baby’s father,” I began.
Uncertainty and possessiveness emerged on his face. Maybe it was how shaken I was… maybe it was all the not-knowing over the past twenty-four hours… but I didn’t expect him to ask. For months now, he’d never pushed me, never pressured me to tell him who or what had brought me to my current state. Not once.
Until now.
“Do you remember the night you found out about Blake and Zach?” I asked. “You went to the bar. You drank a lot. They called the hotel, and I came for you…”
I watched as vague flickers of memory, like frayed strings on a sweater, floated in front of him as he tried to put the pieces back together.
“I picked you up and took you back to your hotel room.”
His gaze widened as each fact led him close to a destination some part of him knew was coming yet was so far off from being believable, he couldn’t quite see it.
My next words turned into a small yelp when someone pounded angrily on the front door.
The noise broke the moment—broke the truth—broke everything.
Ash
“What the—” I broke off, my mouth thinning as I stared at Tay, seeing how she looked like she was about to dive head-first off of a cliff only to be yanked back at the very last second by whoever the fucker was on the other side of the door.
I was tempted to ignore it. From the look on her face, she was scared. No—fucking petrified to tell me about the baby’s dad. Like I’d be mad at her. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where that would be the case. Now, if the fucker had done something to her or was threatening her now… I didn’t care what I had to do or who I had to hire. I’d take care of him because I take care of what’s mine.
But as far as remembering… I only barely recalled the night—only the fringes of it before alcohol claimed the rest.
I remembered the bar. I hadn’t remembered she’d been the one to pick me up until she said so. Then faint images of her arm around my waist in a parking lot, her hand taking another vodka bottle from my fingers.
Flickers of soft lips against mine. Warm skin pressing against me.
I grunted. The memories were too foggy—when I drank, everything was too foggy to look like anything more than a dream.
“Coming!” I shouted as whoever was pounding was even harder the second time around.
I hadn’t even heard a car in the drive, I thought as I stood. Whoever the fuck was intruding on my night with my woman better have something important to say about what happened at Roasters. It was the only goddamn scenario that made this okay.
Yanking the door open, all my annoyance dropped in shock to see Eli on the other side.
Was it possible to stare at someone you know and feel like you don’t even fucking recognize them?
“Eli?” I rasped, taking stock of his shadowed, hollow expression before my eyes drifted farther down to his rumpled, stained shirt and hands that matched.
He looked like he’d been used as a stunt double in a fight scene—and he’d been the unlucky asshole to lose the fight.
What the fuck was all over him?
Was that…
And when his gaze met mine, I realized that the blood on his hands wasn’t nearly as frightening as the hopeless desolation in his eyes.
“Eli?” I rasped. “What the hell happened?” I stepped back for him to come inside, but he remained frozen. Like a messenger, not a friend, he stayed rooted outside my door. “What the hell is going on?”
“It’s Larry…” His voice was a grim thread of sound reaped from the very bottom of his chest.
Hurricanes brought less destruction than the emotions raging inside of me. I felt the blood pumping behind my eyes as everything in my vision turned into shadows of red and black.
“He’s gone.”
No.
“Gone. Larry’s gone.”
No.
I shook my head.
No fucking no.
�
�What?” Taylor’s choked gasp uttered from behind me, clutching her stomach.
My hands went to my face, pushing my temples, pinching the bridge of my nose, pushing against my eyes that were squeezed shut. I pushed and prodded because this wasn’t real. I pushed and prodded because any second I was going to wake up and realize that this was a giant fucking nightmare.
Of all people, of all times, how could I have forgotten that real monsters don’t exist under your bed and neither do real nightmares exist in your sleep.
“What the fuck do you mean he’s gone?” Sometimes, there are questions you ask because you don’t want to know the answer—because you don’t want to believe the answer you already know to be true.
I could see the tears on his face now as he said numbly, “Larry’s dead.”
I shook my head. Side to side. Over and over.
This wasn’t real.
It couldn’t be.
And when I looked at Eli again, it was with rage-colored lenses.
“Why the fuck do you have blood on your hands?” I yelled as I fought for answers—as I fought to understand.
I stalked out for him like he was in some way responsible—for what, I still didn’t know. Reaching for his shirt, I yelled, “What the hell did you do, Eli?”
I heard Taylor’s shocked gasp from behind me as I grabbed my friend and yanked him close.
“Stay back,” I clipped harshly at her, vibrating with anger and pain.
I could only handle one fucking thing at a time. No, that was a lie. I wasn’t handling this. I didn’t know how to fucking handle this.
“I-I tried to save him,” Eli rasped. Up close I could see right through him. I could see that the desolation only masked the guilt-ridden emptiness of his eyes. “I went… I went to talk to him… Opened up the garage and he was there. Sitting against the wall.”
His eyes closed, more tears coating his cheeks.
“The gun was there. It smelled like smoke and copper. I moved his head. Blood… Blood was everywhere.” Eli didn’t even push back, instead sagging against my grip as though my hand around his neck was the only thing holding him up. “He killed himself… Larry shot himself…”
Redemption Page 24
