Redemption

by Rebecca Sharp

  “Everything okay?” he charged, raising a lightly accusing but perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

  Instantly, I felt the familiar ache between my thighs.

  I’d yet to read anything like it, but I wondered if a person could be considered a legitimate pregnancy craving… because Ash certainly felt like mine.

  I met his gaze with a sad smile. “I talked to my mom today,” I told him.

  After we came home from the hospital, telling my parents about the baby was one more preparation I’d needed to address.

  My parents who would be disappointed in me, who might not forgive me…

  My parents who I would forgive if their judgment was greater than their love and compassion.

  He swore under his breath and came to sit by me. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you wait for me? Did she—”

  “Ash.” I placed a hand on his chest, biting back a smile as my man’s increasingly protective switch flipped and he was ready to fight the world to defend my honor.

  “Sorry,” he grumbled, though we both knew he wouldn’t stop his responses like this—and I didn’t want him to. “How did it go?”

  “Probably as you would expect, at first,” I confessed.

  “Did you learn nothing all this time? Did the way you were raised make no difference before you decided to act like a wh—” My mother broke off with a horrified gasp. “The Bible says—”

  “To forgive and not judge,” I finished for her, having to wonder if she really knew what the Bible said at all. “Maybe when you finally learn that, along with what love means, you’ll want a place in your daughter’s and granddaughter’s lives.”

  “Oh, Pixie,” he rasped. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s a hard thing for her to process.” I reached up and cupped his face.

  “Seems pretty damn easy to me,” he growled, protectively.

  “We all have our own demons.” I met his eyes. “Judging hers won’t change anything.”

  He grabbed my wrist and pulled my palm up to his mouth, kissing the center. “You’re too good, Tay.”

  I shivered.

  “I’m not,” I promised him. “I just try to do better.” Pausing, I added, “It’s all we can do.”

  People were complicated. They didn’t always fit inside even the best-intentioned rules. But all we could do was better.

  “I love you.”

  I closed my computer so I could re-arrange my cumbersome self to lean forward and kiss him.

  “She knows I’m happy and loved, and that’s what’s important,” I told him. “I never needed her forgiveness, only to tell her the truth.”

  He kissed me again before standing and heading to the fridge.

  “Did everything go okay in town?” I asked, wanting to move on from things—from people—I couldn’t change. “You were gone for a while.”

  “Ran into Dex.” His shoulders sagged. “Talked about Roasters.”

  It had only been a week since the funeral and there were some moments when it seemed like life was moving normally, and then there were others where the loss of Larry, the uncertainty of Roasters’ future, and the weight of finishing the restaurant weighed on both of us to where we just held each other and cried.

  “What did he say?” I sat up against the cushions on the couch.

  “It belongs to Laurel and Blackman is trying to convince her to sell.”

  My heart sank. “Oh no. Is she going to?”

  He shook his head solemnly. “Not sure. Hope Eli can convince her not to.”

  “That must be hard though, coming back to inherit something this way,” I murmured, imagining how heavy that decision must be for the small redhead that seemed to stand alone at the funeral. Like Joan of Arc, she looked like she was facing a battle that no one but her could understand—and that no one but her could win. “Maybe I could try talking to her if she’s going to be in town for a little.”

  Ash walked over to me and bent down for a kiss that I was more than willing to give.

  “I don’t know how such a big heart fits into such a small body,” he murmured as love swelled in my lungs. “But Roasters isn’t for you or us to worry about right now.”

  My chest deflated with a heavy sigh. He was right. As much as I wanted to help, we both had so much on our plate right now that all I could do was pray for her… for the whole town… that everything would work out the way it needed to.

  “So, how far ahead did you get?”

  “Not very far,” I admitted. “I was distracted looking up names.”

  “So, I guess Ragnar is still off the table?” he teased with a wink, his jeans molding to his butt as he walked over to the fridge making it hard for me to deny him much.

  Except Ragnar. I was still aware enough to deny him that.

  “Yes. Definitely, yes.” I laughed and it made me have to pee.

  “Well, I guess we’ll have to survive one more night with our baby and our business lacking a name,” he said with a playful sigh as I waddled to the bathroom.

  “I know you picked your name,” I yelled, leaving the bathroom door open. “For the restaurant.”

  There was a pause before he replied. “How do you know?

  I waited until I was back out into the kitchen before I replied, “Because you seem calmer.”

  “Oh?” He looked over his shoulder at me, arching an eyebrow as I rubbed my stomach.

  “I know Larry always said that giving a name to the problem allows you to finally face it. Not that the restaurant is a problem, but I think it having a name finally makes it real, finally means your dream is coming true. And that is why you seem calmer.”

  His eyes roamed my body like he was stripping me down like my words had done to him. My heart rate instantly picked up the pace and my lower back ache was forgotten for a different lower ache.

  “I might have picked my name,” he said huskily.

  “Are you going to tell me?”

  “Can’t. It’s not time yet,” he said as he sautéed the chicken for dinner, enjoying being secretive—and I let him because I knew how much the restaurant meant. “But soon I’ll give you my name.”

  My heart jumped. I knew he was talking about the business—of course he was. But I couldn’t help but imagine that he was talking about something else.

  I was afraid of this moment. From the second that I’d stepped off the plane, I was afraid of the thought of Ash proposing because he felt obligated to the baby. I didn’t want to be an obligation and I dreaded it so much that I kept the truth about our baby from him. But now, I wasn’t afraid anymore. If it happened… whenever it happened… I knew loyalty would be a shadow compared to the bright light of love that was the reason behind it.

  “Cold?”

  I looked up to see him in front of me, realizing that my arms were crossed over me like I’d gotten a chill.

  “Maybe,” I stuttered, thinking my goosebumps were more from the idea of him proposing than any change in temperature, but marriage was the last thing I wanted to bring up right now. I had everything I wanted—a ring wouldn’t change that.

  And then his lips crushed mine, stealing the breath and any last wonderings from my mind. He didn’t need to give me his name for my body to know that with every lick of his tongue and every bite from his teeth, with every touch on my body, he made me his.

  “What about dinner?” I asked breathlessly, as he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom.

  “It’ll keep warm,” he growled. “While I keep you warm.”

  I moaned as my back hit the bed.

  I really liked when he kept me warm.

  Ash

  Two weeks later…

  “Hey.” My head tipped back as Taylor came up behind me, putting one hand on my shoulder as concern clouded her perfect features. “You okay?”

  I nodded tightly, looking back out at the water.

  Time had felt like a car revving at a stoplight but not in gear ever since the funeral—no matter how much fuel I dumped into
it, I didn’t feel like I was moving forward even though I was. Somehow, the restaurant came together like the final few pieces of a puzzle—no problems, no delays. I liked to think it was Larry’s lookin’ out.

  “Are you sure?” She reached for me. “We don’t have to do this…”

  “I’m good, Tay,” I murmured, pulling her under my arm and dropping a kiss on her forehead. “And we do. We definitely do.”

  I might have felt like everything was at a standstill, but I knew today would change that.

  It was opening day. The moment I’d been waiting for, for months—a moment that I’d imagined completely differently than the one that was about to transpire. Months ago, Taylor wasn’t in the image. Or our baby girl. Or my parents. Or Blake and Zach. There were so many people who loved me who were here today, on top of the Carmel crew, that I never imagined; I savored my chest feeling like it was about to explode with love.

  Larry was the only one missing.

  But the more I was around my friends, my family, the people who loved him like I did, the more I realized that he wasn’t really missing at all.

  It was an hour before opening. I’d asked my brand-new staff, along with the Roaster’s crew, Eli, the Covingtons, my fellow AA members, Addy, Zeke, and the women from Blooms, Josie, Mick and Miles, and then my family to come early for a small grand opening celebration before we opened for our very first lunch.

  There were two reasons, the first being that I needed to finally tell these people just where the hell they were working.

  Yeah, I’d waited until opening day to reveal the damn name.

  Surprisingly, a restaurant with no name only added to the hype surrounding the opening. Everyone was desperate to find out what I decided on.

  Truth was, I decided two weeks ago, the day of the funeral when I said goodbye to the man who changed my life.

  I had the signs and menus and everything printed up and rushed, but no one was allowed to see because even though I knew what it had to be, I wasn’t ready to say it out loud quite yet.

  “Alright, let’s do this,” I said, snagging her hand in mine as we walked back up toward the restaurant and the small crowd of people gathered out front, waiting for me to come make a speech and cut the damn ribbon that my girl had insisted on.

  My gaze strayed to her serene expression. She was incredible. I refused to let her do any of the work to help us set up, but that didn’t stop her from being out here every day with me and the guys, directing and organizing everything when my brain was too foggy to think straight. I’d never be able to tell her just how much it meant—how much she meant—to me. But later… later, I’d sure as shit try to show her.

  When we made it to the front doors, Tay squeezed my hand before stepping off to the side to stand by my sister and Eve. Blake immediately reached for her hand and rubbed her stomach before shooting me a smile. I think for the first time in all my life, I finally let her be happy for me because I was finally happy for myself.

  “Thank you, everyone, for coming out today to help me celebrate what is such a huge day for me,” I began as their murmuring quieted. “I won’t go into the details, but I think it’s enough to say that the past six months have changed my life in so many ways, so many ways that I still wake up wondering if it’s all been a dream.

  “For a long time, I ignored my dreams, I ignored myself, and I lost my way. And then I wound up here, in this crazy small-town and I found myself. I pulled myself back and pushed myself up—and I have so many of you to thank for that. So this… my restaurant… it’s my monument to ‘never too late.’ It’s my dedication to redemption. And I hope it’s a reminder to everyone in this community, that you, your dreams, they’re worth another chance, they’re worth fighting for.”

  My eyes scanned the crowd, trying to ignore the hands that swiped across cheeks, the dabs of tissues, and the slight nods of solidarity so that I could move forward.

  “But I wouldn’t be standing here today if it wasn’t for one man.” I let out a small laugh as I tried to hold my shit together. “I think a lot of us wouldn’t be standing here, or standing tall, today if it wasn’t for one man who… isn’t here any longer.” I took an unsteady breath. “Shit…”

  I thought I could do this. I really fucking thought I could.

  And then I felt a small hand intertwine with mine and looked down to see Taylor by my side, her watery eyes and soft smile encouraging me. I squeezed her fingers and took her strength to continue.

  “Larry was the voice in the desert—calling me out, calling me to be better—in what felt like the dead of night. He fought my battles with me… for me. He lifted me up from the ashes, because that’s all I was when I came here—ashes, not Ash.” I felt the first tear make its way down my cheek. “And every time I tried to turn him away, he was louder than my guilt—louder than my shame.” I broke off and wiped the back of my hand over my face.

  “He never gave up on me,” I choked out. “He never gave up on me.”

  Soft cries and murmurs of agreement filtered through the group.

  He never gave up on any of us. On anyone who needed it.

  Taylor’s soft fingers rubbed mine encouragingly and I let out a deep breath, knowing I was losing it.

  “It’s not the final step you take that’s the most important, it’s the first. It’s the first step that defines us.” I didn’t bother to wipe the tears now. “And Larry’s first step was to always take care of everyone else. So, today… the first step of this business is to keep a piece of that legacy alive.”

  I bent down and pressed a kiss to Taylor’s head, needing to touch her, smell her, breathe her in and know she was still here and that everything was going to be okay.

  “He’d kill me if he knew I was taking up time to talk about him like this right now. He’d also kill me for waiting so long to name the damn place,” I went on and drew a few watery chuckles from the crowd.

  There was so much more I wanted to say, so much more I thought he deserved, but I couldn’t.

  “I just need to say that this space will always be safe. It will always have a friendly face, an ear to listen, and a spaghetti and meatball dinner every Sunday. This place will always be the most important thing I ever learned from Larry Ocean: made to be here for each other.”

  I turned, wiping the tears I couldn’t stop from falling, tugging Taylor’s shaking shoulders against me, and pulled the rope attached to the fabric covering the sign, sending it tumbling to the ground next to me.

  “Welcome to Larry’s Lookout.”

  For how much of a fucking mess I turned most of my staff into when I opened the place up earlier, we somehow managed to pull ourselves together and serve far more people than I’d expected.

  It was a miracle.

  Actually, she was my miracle.

  I watched Taylor as she sat at the hostess stand and greeted customers when they came in, chatted while they wait, and said goodbye like they were leaving a family dinner instead of a restaurant.

  I didn’t give a shit about what the papers or the reviews said tomorrow. This was every fucking thing I could have wanted. And with her here, it was more than everything.

  “Are you sure you want us here?” I turned as Blake came up beside me.

  I pulled her in for a hug.

  “Yeah. She’ll want you here.” I sent her a knowing smile. The last few tables were just finishing up and then there was one more speech that I had to give tonight. One more heartfelt confession. And one more name that I was going to ask to change.

  “I’m so happy for you, Ash,” she whispered softly. “So happy.”

  “Thanks, Blay,” I said hoarsely as she pulled back and wiped her eyes.

  “This place… it’s incredible. You did an incredible job.”

  “You know Taylor helped pick out most of the decor, right?” I teased, knowing that she meant more than just how we’d decorated the place.

  She laughed. “Yeah, I know. I was just trying to give you some of the
credit.”

  “Congrats, man.” Zach clapped me on the back, joining the two of us at the door to the kitchen. “Food was delicious. But I didn’t expect anything less.”

  “Thanks,” I smirked. “And thanks for coming out, both of you. It means a lot.”

  “In the end, love wins,” my sister said, giving Zach the same smile that Taylor gives to me.

  The only thing I’d picked out was the sign above the door. And I hadn’t really picked it out, I’d asked Mick to make it for me just like the one he’d made for Roasters.

  Carved and stained wood above the doorframe read:

  Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.

  Above the words, a small clear-resin circle held my sobriety chip. The first one. The first one Larry gave me. Because as important as it is to know where you’re going, you can’t forget where you came from—you can’t forget the first step in a new direction.

  “Go get your girl,” Zach said, nodding to where Taylor had just said goodbye to the last family as they left.

  I palmed the box that I’d snuck into my back pocket a few minutes ago from where I’d stashed it in the kitchen. Asking Miles to make the sign had also been my excuse to go into town and visit the jeweler. I picked both things up yesterday morning after making sure my girl was thoroughly exhausted.

  “Come with me,” I whispered into her ear.

  The love that shone in her eyes when she looked at me was clearer and purer than the goddamn diamond I was about to give her.

  “Where are we going?” she asked with a smile as I led her through the chairs and out onto the deck, twinkling with the lights that she’d suggested.

  I pulled her right to the edge of the wood before I turned and kissed her, threading my fingers into her hair. She sagged into me and I gave myself a few seconds to treat myself to the delicious warmth of her mouth. With the rush all day, I hadn’t been able to hold her hand since we opened, let alone kiss her and thank her.

  “Thank you,” I murmured against her soft lips. “You were incredible today. So fucking incredible. I just—fuck.”