Karla walks down the stairs with tears streaming down her face. “Why can’t we stay here, Mommy?”
“I can’t stay here. I have to get out of this house, out of this town.” I tell her and reach for the door knob. “We’ll find a nice place to settle down. I’ll get a job and we will be okay. I promise.”
“Okay, Mommy.” She says as she takes one last look around the house she has lived in since birth and wipes another tear from her cheek.
I grab her hand and gently pull her out the door and into my mom’s Ford Tempo. “It’s all going to be okay, Karla.” I try to reassure her, but in reality I am scared to death. My life is a mess and I have no choice but to bring my sweet daughter into it. She has no one else.
“Diane?” Miranda asked quietly. They were in a meeting about what was going to happen in six days, but Diane was only there in body. Her mind was six years in the past.
“Sorry.” She mumbled and tried to focus on the conversation at hand. When she found her mind wandering again she gave up on trying to pay attention and she let the memories fill her head again.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Karla asks me softly.
“Leave me alone, Karla. I don’t feel like fooling with you right now.”
“But Mommy, I’m hungry.”
“I said leave me alone!” I shout and slap her across the face. When she cries out in pain it grates on my nerves and I slap her again. After the fifth time I slap her I finally realize what I’m doing and I stop. “Get out of my face.” I tell her and leave the kitchen.
Once I’m in my room I sit on my bed, cover my face with my hands and cry. “What have I done?” I ask myself then I realize that I feel better than I did before I hit her. My stress level is lower and I can think clearly.
The next morning I keep Karla home from school and pack our things. “I lost my job last night so we have to leave this place. It’s your fault that I lost my job. I had to miss too much work because I had to take care of you. Now, pack your stuff so we can go.”
Karla quietly goes into her room and packs her clothes. When she comes out I grab her shoulder roughly and pull her to the door. Once in the car I turn on the radio so I don’t have to listen to her and I start driving.
Several hours later we are in a small town in Indiana. I spot a bar across from a cheap motel and my face lights up. “This is where we stop.”
“Mommy, I’m scared.” Karla says softly.
“As long as you keep quiet and out of my business you don’t need to be scared. Now, I’m gonna get us a room and you’re going to stay there while I go across the street to the bar and get a job. Hopefully I can start right away and you had better not cause me to lose this one.”
“Mommy, I’m hungry.” She says softly.
“You’re so damn needy.” I say and roll my eyes. I hand her two dollars and point to the vending machine at the end of the sidewalk. “Go get something to eat from there. You’re going to be alone for a while so you better get what you need now.”
When she walks off I go into the grubby motel lobby and rent the cheapest room I can get. When I unlock the door I push Karla inside, shut the door back and lock it before I walk across the street and into the bar.
By the time I get back a little after two in the morning Karla is sound asleep on one of the beds and I grin. This is going to work out great.
Diane groaned as she pulled herself from her memories. She was lying on the floor in her cell. She didn’t know how she got back here, but she shook all over and was covered in sweat as she remembered that night and the things she did. She got the job and they stayed in that town for a couple of months before they moved on.
“Diane, are you okay?” Carol asked as she walked into the cell.
“Yeah. Just more memories.” Diane answered and pulled herself from the floor.
“You sure? We can’t have you sick.” Carol said with a frown.
“I said I’m fine.” Diane snapped as she sat roughly on her cot. “I will be ready to go on Friday when the time comes.”
“Good, because this is all riding on you.”
“I know.” Diane said and looked up at Carol. “I will get the drugs. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Okay. Ready for dinner?” Carol asked as she eased toward the cell door.
“You go ahead. I’m not hungry.” Diane answered.
“See you later then”, Carol answered and walked out the door. Once she was gone Diane headed over to the desk and wrote one final letter. This one was a note to Carol. She just hoped the woman was a good enough friend to come through for her. When she was finished she pulled out the small stack of letters she’d written to Karla and read them all. In just over two days everything would be okay again.
Chapter Eleven
“Mom?” Karla’s sweet voice fills my head as I pull myself from a drunken sleep. I don’t remember much from the night before, but I do remember that I didn’t come home alone.
“What do you want, brat?” I mumble with my face in the pillow.
“I’m hungry and there isn’t any food in the house.” Karla says and I finally turn to look at her. She isn’t the vibrant eight year old she was when mama and daddy died, she’s older now. Taller and starting to fill out.
“Go get something then.” I tell her and roll back over. I don’t want to deal with her.
“Mom, there isn’t any money either.” She says in a smart tone and I jump from the bed.
“How dare you take that tone with me. You will show me respect, you sorry waste of space.” I yell and slap her across the face. “Now mind your tone and go fetch us something to eat.”
“Okay, Mom.” She says softly. Her twelve year old attitude seems to be subdued for now.
Once she’s gone I climb back into bed and wake the man lying beside me. I can’t recall his name, but names don’t matter when all you want is one thing anyway. After I take what I want I crawl out of bed and find his wallet lying on the floor beside his pants. I pull what little cash he has out and shove it in one of my many hiding places until I can get to the bank and add it to the account I have set up. The account no one will ever know about.
When Karla walks back in a little while later she’s carrying a small bag of food and sets it on the table just as the man gets up. When he notices his wallet on the floor he snatches it up and looks inside.
“You little thief.” He shouts at Karla. “You stole my money to feed yourself and your whore of a mother. How dare you steal from me.”
He approaches Karla and she scurries behind the small table, trying to hide from him. “I..I..didn’t take your money. I earned this food by sweeping out the stock room of the grocery store around the corner.”
“So you ain’t just a thief, but you’re a liar, too.” He says as he reaches across the table and grabs her arm. “I’ll show you what happens to people who steal from me.”
When he drags her across the table he slaps her hard across the face with his other hand. She screams as I turn my back on her and walk into the small bathroom. Over the noise of the shower I can still hear her screams, but by the time I’m out of the shower everything is quiet.
Karla is lying on the floor in the kitchen and he’s gone when I walk out of the bathroom. I check to make sure she’s still alive then I pick her up and lay her on the bed. I curl up behind her and cradle her in my arms as tears stream down my face. My precious Karla is suffering, but this is the only life I can give her. I don’t know any other way.
Diane opened her eyes and realized they were filled with tears. As she sat up she swiped the tears away and looked at the calendar on the wall of the cell. “Tomorrow is the day.” She said out loud to herself. “Tomorrow is the day all the pain finally goes away.”
She smiled and laid back down. She can see the sun rising through the small window high above her head, but she closed her eyes tight and dropped back into sleep.
“Mom, I..umm…I need to talk to you.” Karla tells me quietly. I knew wh
at she was going to say and I didn’t want to hear it.
“Karla, I don’t wanna hear your lies. Tony already told me what happened. He already told me that you threw yourself at him.” I know I should believe her, but I’m too high to care about anything but my next hit. Tony’s where that hit will come from and I can’t lose my steady supply.
“But, Mom..” Karla starts, but trails off when she realizes it’s useless. “You are nothing but a drug addicted whore who never cared about anyone or anything except yourself.” She spats at me and runs out the door before I can register what happened.
“She’ll pay for that when she gets home.” I say out loud to myself.
The next few hours pass and there’s no sign of Karla. It’s getting late and she still hasn’t come home. I hear the door open and look up, hoping it’s my precious girl, but it isn’t. It’s Tony.
“Karla’s missing.” I tell him and he just shrugs his shoulder.
“Good riddance.” He says and grabs me around the waist. When I try to pull out of his arms he slams me against the wall and leans in close. “You belong to me, Diane, and I will do with you whatever I want. I’m glad the brat is gone, now we can move on easier.”
When he’s done talking he takes his payment for the drugs he supplies and then falls asleep quickly. I slip out of bed and pace the living room floor.
Hours pass and Karla still hasn’t returned. My high is long gone and worry is setting in. When a knock sounds on the door I hurry over and answer it. Karla is standing there with a police officer. “Where have you been?” I ask as I wrap my arms around her.
“Ma’am, we caught your daughter shoplifting at the Mini Mart downtown. She returned what she took, but we need your reassurance that you will keep a closer eye on her.”
“I will, sir. Thank you for bringing her home. We got into a fight and she took off. I have been worried sick.” I say sweetly and can feel Karla stiffen in my arms.
“Okay, ma’am. I will leave her to you then. Have a good day.”
Once the officer descends the steps I shut the door and Tony steps out of the room. “I see the stupid brat’s back.” He says as he steps closer to us. I step between him and Karla, but he produces a needle filled with my drug of choice and my eyes lock onto it. Nothing else matters but my next high. I snatch the needle from his hand and run for the kitchen. I hear Karla scream in pain as I slip the needle into my arm and press the plunger. Sweet bliss slips into my veins and nothing else matters.
Chapter Twelve
“Tony, please don’t go. I promise I will send Karla away. I promise she won’t be a problem anymore.” I beg Tony as he walks down the steps of the apartment complex.
“Diane, I’m leaving and nothing you say will stop me. You’ll have to find yourself a new supplier. I’m done here.” He tells me as he walks out the door. When a tiny sports car screeches to a stop in front of the building Tony jumps in. Leanne waves as she pulls away and I know, in that moment, that I’ve lost.
I stormed up the stairs and fly through the door of my small apartment and run straight into the bedroom. When I open the draw where I keep the cash I am not surprised to find it empty. Tony had taken the rent money as payment from the last hit he’d gotten me.
I run out of my bedroom and down the hall to the small bathroom. As I run I shout to Karla. “Karla, get your butt in gear, we’ve got to go. Now!”
When Karla yells back I rolled my eyes and respond in my usual tone.
“Karla, let’s go. I don’t have time to deal with you right now, but when we get away from here you will be dealt with for taking that tone with me. I am your mother and I demand your respect. Now get in the car before I change my mind and just leave you here.”
Diane is pulled from her thoughts when Carol shakes her. “Thinking about Karla again?”
“Always am.” She answered quietly.
“You sure you wanna do this? You’re scheduled to get out in a few days and you could be with Karla again. But if you do this you’ll be in here a really long time.”
“I’m sure I want to do this. Karla doesn’t need someone like me in her life. When Dr. Peterson came to see me a couple weeks ago I was reminded that I’m not good for my baby girl. She has a good life now, with good people. She doesn’t need me coming back into her like and messing it up again.”
“So you’re going to give up on getting her back?” Carol asked in shock.
“Yep. She is happy and I have never been able to make her happy. All I’ve ever brought her is heartache and violence.”
“I know part of it, but do you wanna tell me more?”
“I let my thirteen year old daughter get raped and beaten by my drug dealer. I let her get beaten by different people, myself included, for almost six years. I was a horrible mother. I’m happy she has someone to look after her properly.”
“So you’re still on for tomorrow then?”
“Yep. Now I think I want to lay here and rest. The delivery is in about twelve hours and I want to be as rested as possible.”
“Okay. I’ll leave you be.” Carol said and climbed into her bunk.
“Thanks.” Diane said and rolled over and faced the wall.
“Mom, I have to tell you something. Garrett had a woman here last night. They..umm…did it on your bed and then she left.”
Karla tells me while looking at the floor. I know she’s telling the truth, but I can’t let Garrett know that I know. “You stupid little liar. How dare you tell me this crap when you know good and well that Garrett didn’t do anything.”
“But he did, Mom. She had blonde hair and really big boobs. She was as tall as Garrett and had a tattoo of a snake on her butt.”
“You stupid little liar.” Garrett says as he comes up behind her and smacks her on the back of the head. “You didn’t see anything. You just don’t want your Mama to be happy.”
Garrett smacks her again and I turn my back on them. As Karla tries to crawl away from him I walk out of the apartment. I can’t stand to hear my baby girl being hurt, but I can’t bring myself to stop it either.
When I return a little while later Karla is huddled on her thin blanket in the corner and Garrett is passed out on the bed. I look at her for a minute and see that she is still breathing before I crawl into bed beside him. When he rolls over and wraps his arms around me I can see the bruises on his knuckles and realize he’d used his fists this time. Silent tears roll down my face as I think of the life Karla should have had. The life I would never be able to give her.
Diane woke with tears running down her cheeks. In just a few hours Karla’s life would be changed for the better. In just a few hours her girl would never know that kind of pain again.
“Carol, are you awake?” Diane asked and when Carol didn’t answer Diane knew she was sound asleep.
Diane dropped to her knees and folded her hands and prayed like she had ever prayed before.
“Dear Lord, I know I have absolutely no right to ask this, but I want you to watch over my girl. She has been put through hell by me, but I have always loved her the only way I have known how. She deserves the best out of life and she deserves to be happy. Keep her safe like I never did and please guide those who are caring for her. She is theirs now and I know she’ll never want for anything ever again. Thank you for keeping guiding her down the road you have. I know I will never get to meet you, but I know my sweet girl will. Thank you for everything. Amen.”
When she was finished Diane rose to her feet and sat on her bed. “Tomorrow it’ll all be over.”
Chapter Thirteen
“Garrett, stop!” I yell as he punches me repeatedly in the side.
“Tell me the truth.” He yells again as he punches my side hard.
“Stop!!” I hear Karla yell as she jumps on Garrett’s back, trying to get him to leave me alone. “I took it.”
“You little brat.” Garrett yells as he slings Karla against the wall. “How dare you steal from me.”
“I took it to get
the food you just ate.” Karla tells him as she wraps her arms around herself.
“You liar. Your Mama brought that food home from the bar.” He slaps her hard across the face and she screams in pain. “I knew you were going to be trouble from the moment I saw you in the back seat of that car. Now your lies have caused us more trouble.” He pushes her down onto her blanket and turns toward the door.
“Garrett, don’t leave.” I beg as he opens the door and walks out. He turns to look at me for a second then walks out. Tears fill my eyes as I watch him leave. Once he’s gone I turn to where Karla is huddled in the corner. “You and your lies are always messing things up for me.”
Diane's Remembrance (Second Chance #4) Page 4
