17
Eric
My powers sizzled as if blood could boil. Shadows clung to my arms and legs, and blue sparks escaped my curled fist. I punched a tree, and the bark broke my skin. The injury healed before I even pulled away, shaking my hand.
“Shoman!” The nameless shade leapt back.
I’d met her in the forest, even though the elders were probably watching me. It didn’t matter. They’d taken my chances of freedom away. I wouldn’t be able to see her anymore, and she’d get caught eventually. We both would.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked, and I shrugged her off.
“We have to stop this,” I said, and her worried expression crumbled into a glare.
“What are you talking about?”
“You heard me,” I said. “We can’t do this anymore.”
“Why not?” She jumped next to me and grabbed my arm. “What happened?”
My jaw rocked back and forth. Could I tell her? It wasn’t as if I could lose anymore. They’d even taken Camille away from me. She was my guard, and she was in solitary because of me. I knew what solitary entailed. Your powers were stripped, and you were left to insanity. A shade—not even a light—couldn’t handle being completely human for very long. It was too unnatural.
“Something happened,” I said, feeling the words as they slowly fell off my lips. “And it wasn’t good.”
“Did the elders test you again?”
“The elders,” I growled, desperately trying to control my anger. “I despise them—all of them.”
“Let’s walk,” she said, and I nodded, stomping by her side as she moved through the trees. We wouldn’t be flying tonight, and, at this rate, we’d never fly again.
In silence, we walked through the forest, curling past the darkness, and strolled along the river. The full moon reflected off the trickling water, and I gazed at the nature that had become home to me. The shelter was no longer comforting and home definitely wasn’t, yet the place we met every night soothed my rage. My emotions—that weren’t allowed to exist—were alive again here.
“They don’t think I’m good enough to fight,” I said.
“But you are.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she said, stringing out her words. “But if you’re this stressed out, why don’t you become a guard?”
Because I don’t have a choice. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
I groaned, falling backward to sit. “It isn’t that simple.”
“Make it that simple,” she said, slowly sitting next to me. “Explain it to me.” She laid her hand on my knee, and I stared at her petite fingers. They seemed so familiar—then again, we’d been seeing one another for weeks now. She was familiar. She was my friend.
“I can’t.”
She tapped her nails along my knee. “When you started training me, you told me I couldn’t be afraid—of anything,” she said. “Yet you’re afraid to speak.”
My neck nearly snapped as I turned to stare at her. She smiled, but the ends of her lips twitched. She was nervous. “You’ll have to tell me eventually,” she said, and I shook my head.
“I won’t ever get the chance.”
Her hand returned to her lap, and her shaky fingertips fiddled with the ends of her hair. “Why do you keep saying that?” she whispered.
My shoulders tensed. “Because it’s the truth.”
“I can help—”
“You’re weaker than me,” I grumbled, unsure of my words. She was more powerful than any shade I’d ever met; she only needed to control it. “How do you expect to help?”
“With your training—”
“My training is nothing compared to theirs,” I said, ignoring her timid tone. “Everything we’ve done is useless; don’t you see that?”
Her face scrunched up, and her eyes became glossy with unshed tears. “You’re just being mean now,” she said. She shook her head and her black hair matted to her face as tears slipped over her eyelashes. “You said I could meet the Dark. You said I could be somebody.”
I reached out to touch her, but she moved away. My chest sunk, and I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I said. “But I lied.”
She blinked, barely meeting my eyes. “About what?”
“You,” I said, knowing I had to admit to my faults. “But mainly them—they don’t accept outsiders; they kill them.”
Her tears ceased. “What?”
My jaw ached. “They’ll figure you were abandoned for a reason,” I said, sickened by the ways of my kind. “They wouldn’t even give you a chance to explain.”
“But I can explain—”
“You haven’t even explained it to me,” I pointed out, and she opened her mouth, but I stopped her. “And I don’t want you to. It won’t make a difference now.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand this.”
“You don’t want to,” I said. “Trust me.”
Her lips thinned into a white line. “Fine,” she said, jumping to her feet. I mirrored her, but she stomped away, turning around abruptly. She walked back as I conjured up words, but she lifted her hand and smacked my face.
My neck twisted, and my cheek burned. Her coarse breathing filled my ears, and I turned back, stunned. “What the hell was that for?” I asked, my voice wavering.
“You’re like everyone else,” she said, pressing her finger against my chest. “I’m trying to help you, and all you do is blow me off like I’m nothing.”
I grabbed her hand, and she tried to pull away, but I wouldn’t let her. “You aren’t nothing,” I said. “You’re the only one who’s helped me—”
“Yet you gave up on me!” Her face flushed, and she squirmed beneath my grasp. I wasn’t even holding her that hard; she could get away if she wanted to. “I thought I finally had someone I could count on,” she said, dropping her face as she stilled. “You’re not the only one going through a hard time right now, Shoman; you never are. Why can’t you understand that?”
My fingers loosened, but hers spread over my chest. I couldn’t breathe.
“I didn’t even know what I was until I met you,” she said. “You told me I was okay; you helped me realize who I was again—what I was—and now I’m trying to repay you, and you won’t let me.”
Her words pummeled my stomach, and my eyes squeezed shut as I bent my face away. She was right, yet I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t even stand up to her. I had pushed her away, just like everybody else, and she didn’t deserve it. No one had.
“I should go,” she said as her body heat dissipated. She stepped away. “I won’t be back, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
I won’t be back. Her words shuddered through me as she turned to go. Her footsteps along the ground felt like I’d fallen in the river and begun to drown. No. I wasn’t ready to give up yet.
I raced behind her, but she quickened her speed. “Don’t go,” I said, leaping in front of her.
“Why not?” she spat.
“Because you would’ve been gone by now if you really wanted to,” I said, knowing she could transport away and avoid my radar. After all, she’d done it before. “And I don’t want you to,” I added.
Her arms folded across her chest, and she dropped her gaze. “I wasn’t the one ending it,” she said.
“I know.” I laid my hands on her small shoulders and bent down to catch her purple eyes. “And I’m sorry,” I said, knowing she could feel my hands shake. “I really am.”
Her lips quivered. “How do I know you mean it?”
“Trust me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can anymore, Shoman.”
My chest fell. “Then I’ll earn it again,” I promised.
The words flew out of me in a way they never had before. They were uncontrollable and desperate, yet I didn’t regret them. The emotions had taken over, and I knew why I was thrown off guard. For once, I was speaking the truth.
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nbsp; Her hand raised, and she wiped the tears from her eyes. They sparkled against her white skin. “You have an entire community, Shoman,” she said, unable to speak loudly. “You don’t need me—”
“I do,” I said, and she stared. “I need you more than anything; you’re the only one who’s been here for me.” My throat tightened. “And you’re the only one I’ve wanted to be there for in a long time. I do need you.”
I didn’t care about the elders or the danger they said I was in. I didn’t want to let her go. I couldn’t let her go.
“Please,” I said. “Try to understand that.”
“I do, Shoman,” she said, and her hand touched mine. My heartbeat slowed. “I feel your pain, even when we’re not together; I feel everything you go through.” Her fingertips swayed over my cold skin. “I don’t know why, but I’m always worried about you.” She bit her lip and sighed. “You told me never to lose my concentration—and I haven’t—but it’s nearly impossible not to when I’m around you.”
“But—”
She slapped her hand over my mouth, but she smiled. “I’m not an elder, and I may not be a great shade, but I know you’re capable, and the Dark is ignorant if they think otherwise,” she said. “I don’t know everything about your situation, but I believe in you, Shoman—even if I don’t want to.” She smirked, and a half-laugh escaped her. “I only want you to believe in me too.”
I froze as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into an embrace. She smelled like the sky. “Let me help you,” she whispered against my neck. “Let me be here for you like you are for me.”
“You already are here for me,” I said, slowly hugging her against my thundering heart. Could she feel it? I couldn’t feel anything else.
I didn’t know what it was that I felt, but I knew one thing. She felt—right—and the only thing I wanted was to feel right for her.
Minutes Before Sunset Page 20
