by Misti Murphy
She slipped out the door, shutting it behind her before I’d climbed the last step. “Hey, sis. I didn’t expect to see you today.”
“Sorry, I should have called. I’ve been distracted.”
Lola wrapped an arm around my waist, and we strolled around the side of the house. “You never have to call. I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“How’s my adorable niece? I need to spend more time with her.”
“Tia’s good. She’ll probably come out in a minute to find out what’s going on.” Lola smiled, taking a seat on the rattan sofa on the part of the deck that soaked up the most sun. “When did Leo finish the deck?”
“Last week.” She smiled, lifting her face to the mottled sunlight filtering through the thick red leaves of the ivy that grew up the trellis behind us. “He knows how much I love this spot.”
“He’s a good man.” I sank down beside her.
“Did you just admit you like my husband?”
“He’s growing on me.” I shrugged. “He looks after you and Tia.”
Resting her head back on the cushion, she studied me. “How have you been?”
“I don’t know. I guess that’s why I’m here.”
“What?” She twisted around, her brows drawn together while she hooked a foot under her knee. Her gaze narrowed, peering through me. Then she dug me in the ribs. “My sister has a crush.”
I rubbed my ribs. “That hurt.”
“Spill, or I’ll do it again.” She chuckled.
“You are such a pain in the ass.” I turned to face her. “It’s not a crush. That’s for high school. In case you didn’t notice, that was a long time ago.”
“Okay, so what is it then?” She glanced over her shoulder at the back door.
“Mike.”
She gasped, bouncing on the canvas cushions. “So he’s decided to finally do something, has he?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re blind right? Or in denial? The way that man looks at you. I can’t believe it ever changed.”
“Denial.” I shook my head, trying to hide the smile twitching over my lips. “I didn’t want to imagine there was anything left.”
“I know that look.” She shifted closer, her gaze dancing while she got in my face. “What exactly is the problem?”
“How the hell did Leo forgive you after you disappeared for six years? I still don’t understand how you forgave him for being such an asshole when you found him. How do you put stuff like that behind you? How do you know people won’t just leave you in the end anyway?”
She squeezed my knee. “You don’t. No one can give you that kind of guarantee. I’m sorry I left you behind. You know that right?”
“I know you had no choice.” I leaned against her, settling my head on her shoulder, and she dropped her head to rest her cheek against the top of my head. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“And Mike never left you. Not really. He’s been there the whole time.”
“I don’t know why. The things I’ve done. What I did to him.” I cringed, shutting my eyes and blocking out her sympathy. “I’m terrible at being a person.”
“No, you’re not. We’re all just human. We all screw up.” Lola rested her head on my shoulder. “So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to go see him. There are so many things we need to talk about.” I cradled my hands in my lap, inspecting my nails.
“Good. Now I kind of have to tell you something.” She leaned forward, perching on the edge of the sofa, her fingers clasped together. “It’s about Dad.”
“What about him?” I sat rigid beside her. Even mentioning him made me agitated. But she didn’t get a chance to respond.
The devil himself walked out of my sister’s house. “Did I hear my name?”
He was the last person I’d expected to see. I’d told him that the last time I’d seen him. I gaped, my eyes bugging out of my head. Older now, his black hair streaked with grey, he seemed smaller than I remembered.
Tia darted out the door and around him to jump on my lap. “Aunty Mellie, I’ve missed you. You don’t visit often enough.”
“Sorry, princess,” I muttered under my breath and stroked her head, all the while staring at the one person on the planet I never wanted to see again. I’d told him to go to hell, but apparently hell was too good a place for a man like him.
“Lola, what is he doing here?” My voice came out more like the hiss of a crazy person, instead of that of a well-adjusted woman who didn’t have daddy issues, but right now I didn’t care.
“This is Grandpa.” Tia bounced and clapped her hands. “He brought me presents.”
“Grandpa?” I shot a sideways glare at Lola. “You’re kidding me, right? Is this some kind of joke?”
“Mellie.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I know it’s a shock, but I invited him. He’s our father, and I wanted him to meet Tia.”
Tia scrambled off my lap as Leo sauntered outside. “I thought we’d grill tonight. It’s getting a bit cooler, but… Oh hey, Mellie.” He frowned. “Are you feeling all right? You look a little pale.”
“Do I?” Was everyone else oblivious to the tension in the air? Maybe I was the only one choking on it. I turned to Lola. “That man is not my father. I don’t have a father.”
“Mellie.” Lola covered her mouth, and Leo crossed to stand behind her, an arm on her shoulder. He shook his head at me.
The man whose sperm had created me and my twin cleared his throat. “It’s okay, Lola. I deserve that.” He took a step toward me and the air around me chilled. “There are things I’d like to explain to both of you.”
The same hot hatred I’d harboured since he made life so unbearable for Lola that she’d left home bubbled up in me. Never mind the fact he’d walked out a week later after I’d caught him having an affair with his secretary, while my mother hit the bottle. Or that I’d been the one to find the only family member I’d had left in the bathtub, with a bottle of vodka in her hand and a sink full of empty pill bottles.
“Don’t.” My voice came out sharp and several octaves higher than normal. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, but you need to leave.”
“Mellie, I asked him to come,” Lola insisted, but she was no more than the buzz of a mosquito in the background.
“You.” My whole arm shook when I pointed at him. “You pushed her away. It’s your fault Lola ran away. It’s your fault she…” I glanced at her again. Her eyes widened, shining, and Leo glared at me over her head. “If it wasn’t for you, Lola never would have gone through what she did. You’re such a fucking hypocrite.”
“Kiddo, go watch TV, okay?” Leo abandoned Lola to usher Tia inside.
“Mellie, stop it.” Lola jumped up, grabbing my face between her hands. “Calm down.”
“Calm down? You want me to calm down? You left because of him. But he’s a bloody hypocrite.” Over her head, I stared him down. “How many assistants did you screw while calling your daughter a filthy slut?”
Her gasp was audible, but I ignored it. “How many times did you cheat on Mom before you decided to disappear with one of your whores?”
He flinched. “I didn’t handle things the way I should have. I’m sorry for that.”
“I don’t want your apology. You can’t fix it. The ink wasn’t even dry on the missing person posters before you took off with your secretary. Did you tell Lola that? Or how about the fact you didn’t even come back for the funeral. You didn’t come back for me after Mom died.”
“Mellie, please.” Lola tugged at me, trying to get me to look at her.
“You didn’t want us then, we don’t want you now. How does it feel to be the one nobody wants?”
I snapped my focus back to Lola. “He’s not wanted here. Tell him to leave.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I asked him to come. I don’t know what happened after I left, but I’m trying to put it behind me. Family is important.”
“He’s not family. Famil
y doesn’t disappear without a word to start a new life.”
“I did.” She dropped her hands to her sides.
“He…” Every single muscle shook, my knees locked. “You would never have left if he hadn’t been such a pathetic excuse for a father. Are you really going to let him weasel his way into your life? He destroys everything.”
“People change. I spent too long without family, Mellie. I don’t want to waste any more. Can’t you at least give him a chance?”
I jerked back, out of her reach. My breath came in bursts as I stared at her before turning to glare at him. “Not even if hell freezes over.”
Spinning around, I bolted around the side of the house. Had Lola lost her ever loving mind? She was on some kind of forgiveness kick, but that man didn’t deserve it. A one-way ticket to hell wouldn’t be good enough for him. With no idea where I was going, I got in the car and got the hell out of there. Hands tensed around the wheel, I drove. The past had haunted me enough today to last me a lifetime.
Twenty minutes later I pulled the car to a stop in front of a bar. Didn’t even notice which one. Killing the engine, I climbed out and slammed the door, hitting the lock button on my keys before tossing them into my purse. I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten from Reverence to Carlton. Obviously, I’d driven, but not one mile of the trip was clear in my mind. It didn’t matter. He’d left me to fend for myself when mom died, and he thought he could waltz in, and—what? I pushed through the door and found an empty stool to slide onto. Memories battered my mind, my head aching with the assault. I’d run from Lola’s, run from my father, run from Mike, but the one person I desperately wanted to get away from stuck with me.
I practically pounced on the bartender. “Scotch. Whatever you’ve got.”
He nodded, and I slumped back on the stool. I wanted off this carnival ride. It took several glasses of scotch and one long staggering trip to the bathroom for me to realize I wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t run away anymore. There were only two ways to move beyond the mess I’d clung to. The one my mother had taken the day I’d found her after she’d overdosed, or to push through it.
I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to fill the holes in me with inconsequential shit. With dicks that didn’t matter, just so I could avoid getting hurt. There was supposed to be more to life than pain. Everyone else dealt with it. Lola had dealt with it and found happiness. My other friends, Clo and Birdie, had too. Holding onto it made everything worse, and Mike was offering a chance at happiness that might not come my way again. Was it worth taking? I could let myself find happiness with him again. I wanted that more than I’d ever wanted anything.
I pulled my phone from my purse to call him, surprised at how much time had passed while I’d sat here drowning myself in liquor. I’d told myself over and over again that I didn’t need anyone. I didn’t need my sister who’d ran away, I didn’t need my father who’d walked out on me, I didn’t need my mother who’d essentially been gone since the day Lola went missing, even if she clung on to life as long as she had. But it wasn’t true. It didn’t make me a better person, it didn’t make me stronger. It made me crazy, it made me cowardly, and it only added to the emptiness and fear that had been my constant companion.
And yet I didn’t think to run to Mike. I bolted. I let my emotions tumble out of control, spinning me around until I didn’t know which way was up or down. I’d told him we’d talk tonight, instead I found a bar I could destroy myself in. But that’s what I did, who I was. A never ending hurricane, ruining everything good in my life, and hurting the people I cared for. That’s why they’d given me the title. Because I was fucked up beyond all repair. Because damage was the only thing I was good at creating. How could I not be though, with a sperm donor like mine? Mike told me time and time again I didn’t have to be like my father, but I couldn’t help it, couldn’t change it. So why the hell try to combat it? I would never be good at being a person, I’d never be good enough to be with Mike. I’d destroy him if I got the chance, like everything else in my life. There was no happy ever after for him and I. It would be better if I nipped what we’d started in the bud. I’d always be a hurricane. There was no point fighting it.
“To letting the hurricane burn itself out,” I mumbled, lifting the glass of scotch to my lips and draining it, before waving it at the bartender. “More.”
I watched him pour more of the amber liquid into the glass. No, Mike
didn’t deserve a girl like me. He deserved so much better. Someone well adjusted. A perfect little princess, the type of girl I’d make fun of behind her back. That was what Mike deserved, not this hot mess staring at herself in the mirrors behind the rows of bottles at the back of the bar.
My phone vibrated across the bar top as a text lit up the screen. Where the fuck are you hiding, Hurricane?
“Keep this filled please.” I said to the bartender, and turned on my stool to see if I could find anything that would tell me where I had ended up. Casablanca quotes lined the walls, and I smiled, remembering another time, when I’d come here with Mike. Those days had been heaven. I texted him back and shoved my phone in my purse. He deserved far more than I could ever give him. My heart hollowed out. Tonight I would turn those memories of heaven upside down. I’d do what it took to help him realize I wasn’t good enough for him. If he wanted a fucking hurricane, I’d give him one.
Chapter Nine
Mike
Everything was ready, the food prepared, the wine chilling. I’d run over every damn line of my explanation a dozen times. I checked my watch again as I wiped down the counter one final time. She’d finished work hours ago. I screwed up my brow. What the hell would be keeping her? She wouldn’t change her mind. That much I was sure of. I dumped the rag in the sink, and glanced out the window in time to catch Lola bolt from her car across the road. The two girls were identical, but Lola was quieter, her demeanor laid back compared to Mellie’s edginess. Even from a distance I’d be able to tell them apart and know which one pulled me to her.
I met her at the kitchen door. “Hey, Lola, what are you doing here?”
Slipping inside, she ran her hands over her ponytail, smoothing the fly away wisps before clasping them in front of her. “Is Mellie here?”
“No, she’s not.” I raised an eyebrow at her implication. “Why would you think she’d be here?”
“Because she was going to come here after she left my place. She said you were talking about…” Lola fluttered her hands like a butterfly’s wings. “Never mind. She kind of lost it, and she won’t answer her phone or anything. I just wanted to make sure she was all right.”
“What do you mean she kind of lost it?”
“Well, she saw our father—”
“Your father?” Fuck, no wonder she lost it. I rubbed at the back of my neck, my frustration ratcheting up at her announcement. “What’s that bastard doing in Reverence?”
She jerked back as though I’d snapped at her, then cast a glance at the floor before setting her jaw. “I asked him to come. Family is important, and I missed out on so much of it.”
“You’re damn right family is important, but that man didn’t give two fucks about your sister, or you, even after…” I trailed off, unsure how much Mellie had explained to Lola about their mother’s death.
“He’s made mistakes, but haven’t we all?” She shook her head. “Anyway, that isn’t the point. I didn’t get a chance to tell her he was here, before she saw him and she flipped the hell out. And now I can’t get a hold of her. She didn’t go home and she won’t answer her phone. Do you think she would have gone to Orion’s, or how about Birdie’s? I just want to make sure she’s all right.”
“Shit. No, not when she’s explosive.” I stalked away from her, leaned against the counter top, my shoulders bunched. An ache started in my temples. “Well, at least that explains why she didn’t show up.”
Clearing her throat, she shuffled over and put her hand on my arm. “I don’t know where t
o look.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I grasped her arm gently, leading her toward the door. We’re only in the middle of a hurricane. Who knows what destruction the woman could wreak while she’s holed up God knows where. “She’ll be okay. You’re best off going home.”
“Do you think?” Her attempt at a smile was tight, and didn’t last more than a fraction of a second before she dropped her head, her bangs falling in her face. “I should have warned her.”
“You should have, but you didn’t know how she’d react.” Ushering her along the porch, I led her down the stairs. “But I can tell you that if she wanted you to find her, she’d let you know. I’d let her be for a couple days.”
Exiting the yard, we crossed to her car, and I pulled open the door, holding it for her, my weight shifting from foot to foot. “She’s got some pretty strong feelings about that father of yours. You can’t expect her to want to see him after he walked out on her and your mother.”
“Okay. I guess.” She bit her lip, hesitating.
Blowing out a breath, I scratched the back of my head. Fuck it. Of course I was going to find her. “Look, I’ll see if I can track her down. If I find her, I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks.” Finally, she hopped in her car, and I jogged back inside to get my keys.
***
If there was one damn thing I’d change about Mellie, it was the way she ran when shit got too real. Her father showed up and she lost her shit. It was an easy bet that she’d found her way to the nearest pub or bar. So I headed there, too. Except she wasn’t at any of the six pubs in town. My hands clenched around the steering wheel, I ground my teeth while I drove out to Wolf’s. If she was there, if she couldn’t keep her damn promises, I’d… fuck, I didn’t know what I’d do. It wasn’t like I could chastise her for behaving like a child. But I’d sure as hell drag her ass out of there.
