“Don’t worry about it, Harlan. The novelty of me and my family will wear off after a while. Until then, she’s perfectly welcome to come every day if she wants. To be honest, we’ll be grateful for any help she can give us. I’m just sorry we can’t pay her. Maybe later when…things get better we can write her a nice check.”
By now they had reached the gate leading outside. Harlan reached over and put his hand on Rose’s forearm. She lifted questioning eyes to his face.
“Rose, I wish you wouldn’t keep bringing up the subject of money. I’d like to think that money isn’t the only thing between us.”
Her heart began to pound. Heat poured through her body and tinged her cheeks a dusky pink. “But there isn’t anything else between us.”
His fingers tightened ever so slightly on her arm as he studied her face. “That isn’t true. You’re not being kind to Emily just because you owe me money.”
Rose looked properly offended. “Of course not!”
He grinned. “And you didn’t help me with the cattle yesterday, simply because you felt you owed it to me. Did you?”
Her gaze moved from his face to the mountains looming behind him. “Well, no. You needed help and I was there. That’s all there was to it.”
“Then I guess you kissed me because you’re indebted to me.”
Her eyes jerked back to his face. “I kissed you?"’
“Well, I wasn’t entirely alone in the matter.”
Rose was mortified. And though she was normally very slow to anger, at this moment she could feel her temper inching upward. “If you were a gentleman you wouldn’t discuss such…things with me! You wouldn’t have kissed me in the first place. Now you’re trying to act as though I liked it!”
Her agitation only served to deepen the grin on his face. “You did like it, Rose. Who are you trying to fool? Yourself?”
Her expression turned to an accusing glare. “You told me you were going to forget all about it. You said it wouldn’t happen again. You lied on both counts!”
He stepped closer and curled his strong fingers around both her shoulders. Rose’s heart leaped to a frantic pace.
“I didn’t lie,” he murmured as his face drew within a
mere inch of hers. “I tried to forget about kissing you. I wanted to forget it. And I damn well didn’t plan on it happening again. But something about you…”
He shook his head and Rose didn’t know if it was frustration, regret or downright anger she saw on his face.
“I haven’t done anything to encourage you, Harlan. I don’t—you’re the first man who’s gotten near me in years. And I’m still not sure why I let it happen. But I do know I have no intention of having any sort of physical relationship with you. It’s out of the question!”
Her lips were quivering and her gray eyes had grown dark and wide. She looked almost afraid of him and Harlan wondered how she could possibly feel so threatened by him and two little kisses. Dear Lord, didn’t she know he would never want to hurt her for any reason?
“Rose, I’m not asking you to have a physical relationship with me.”
Her face burned with humiliation. “Then what do you want from me? Other than money?”
He wanted far more than he should, Harlan thought. He wanted to kiss her, hold her, make love to her. He simply wanted to be with her. But she obviously didn’t want to hear such a thing from him. And he wasn’t at all sure he wanted to confess such a thing to her.
Lifting his hand from her shoulder, he gently traced his fingertips over her reddened cheek. “There you go again. Does everything always come down to money with you?”
Rose didn’t know if the sigh slipping past her lips was because of his touch or because she was suddenly ashamed of herself. She’d forgotten how to be a real woman. Or maybe she’d never been one, she thought sadly.
“No,” she answered, her gaze dropping to the front of his chambray work shirt. “I guess…since all this has happened with Daddy, money has become something I have to think about all the time. Especially now that I know we owe you—”
His fingertips moved over her lips and Rose’s insides began to quiver. She didn’t understand what this man had done to her, but for some reason her body had become a traitor to her closely guarded heart. Each time he touched her, it surged with desire. Every time she looked at him, she wanted to get closer, to hear his voice and feel the roughness of his hands on her skin.
“I want to forget all about your daddy’s loan for right now, Rose. I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not going anywhere. I’m not worried about the money. I know I’ll eventually be paid back.”
Her eyes lifted to his. “How can you be so sure? It turned out that Daddy’s word didn’t stand for much. If I were you, I wouldn’t trust his daughter one little bit.”
One corner of his mouth curved upward. “You’re not a thief, Rose.”
No, she was a frigid woman who was rapidly thawing and the whole idea terrified her far more than money, or droughts, or losing the Bar M.
“No, I’m not a thief. But I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to repay you,” she said gravely.
His fingers pushed through her silky hair, then lingered on the blue scarf. “Right now, I only want you to be my friend. Can you give me that much?”
She’d already given him that and much, much more. He just didn’t know it yet.
His brown eyes were warm and Rose felt them drawing her ever closer to him. “I’ll be your friend, Harlan. But don’t ask me for more.”
He swallowed as the urge to kiss her welled up in him. “Being just your friend might turn out to be a hard thing to do, Rose.”
She drew in a bracing breath and turned away from him. “Living is a hard thing to do, Harlan. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
Chapter Six
“I really liked your sister and your aunt,” Emily said later that evening as Rose drove toward the Hamilton ranch house.
Rose glanced over at Harlan’s daughter, who was riding with her elbow stuck out the pickup window. “I’m glad. They liked you very much.”
Emily’s dust-smeared face was wreathed in smiles and if Rose hadn’t been driving, she would have been sorely tempted to hug the girl and kiss both her cheeks. Emily had been a great help to her, Kitty and even Chloe. Rose knew she had to be tired, yet she seemed to be riding on a happy cloud.
“Do you really think so?”
“I sure do.”
Emily sighed wistfully. “It must be so wonderful having a family like yours.” She glanced curiously at Rose. “Were you happy when you found out the twins were your brother and sister?”
Rose’s first reaction had been pure shock. She couldn’t believe her father had betrayed her mother in such a way. And keeping the twins’ existence from his daughters had been an outrageous lie in itself. Yet when Rose looked at the twins she felt nothing but fierce, protective love. They were her siblings. They were as innocent in the matter as she, Justine, and Chloe. Maybe even more so because they were helpless babies, who’d been tossed away by their mother like dirty rags in the trash.
“I was very happy,” she told Emily. “And I’ll be even happier once I know we have the legal right to keep them permanently.”
Emily thought about this for a moment. “You know, I think it’s better not to have a mother at all, than to have one who didn’t want you. Daddy says my mother loved me very much.”
“I’m sure she did.”
“I used to think about her a lot. But now it’s not so easy.” Her young face full of guilt, she glanced at Rose. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember exactly what she looked like. And that makes me feel bad.”
Rose’s heart was suddenly aching for Harlan’s daughter. “You shouldn’t feel bad about that, Emily. Everyone’s memories dim over time and you were very young when you lost your mother.”
Emily shook her head. “But I don’t want to forget her, Rose. I want to remember how she smelled, the way she used to rub my fee
t before she put on my shoes, and how she always baked cookies for me on Saturdays. I want to remember everything I can about her.”
Rose reached over and squeezed Emily’s small hand. “I promise you won’t ever forget your mother, Emily. Because she’ll always be in here.” She tapped the region of her own heart. “That’s where memories of my mother live. So do yours.”
Emily shrugged. “I guess you’re right. But sometimes I wish—”
She broke off and Rose could see the girl wasn’t entirely comfortable with what she’d been about to say.
“You wish what?”
The guilt was back on Emily’s face again. Yet this time there was also a wistful yearning, a longing in her blue eyes that nearly broke Rose’s heart.
“I wish,” she said lowly, “that Daddy would marry again so I could have a mother who was really with me. And I could have brothers and sisters and we could all be one big family. Is that selfish of me, Rose?”
Not too many evenings ago, Harlan had more or less asked Rose the very same question in reverse. Was it selfish of him not to marry and provide Emily with a much needed mother? Rose hadn’t really known how to answer him. Under the circumstances, she was a poor soul to be dealing out opinions on love and marriage. Yet as for Emily’s question, the answer was easy.
“You’re not being selfish to want those things, Emily. You’re being normal and human.” She geared the truck even lower as they neared a rough spot in the road. Once she maneuvered it, she’looked over at the teenager. “Have you told your father your feelings about this?”
“No,” she said glumly. “I’ve heard him tell his friends he doesn’t ever want to get married again. He says he couldn’t go through losing another wife.”
Rose patted Emily’s bare arm. “Your father has been through a lot of pain. Try to remember that when you get frustrated with him. In any case, he loves you a lot.”
Emily didn’t say anything for a moment, but then a small smile gradually touched her face. “I know. And all my friends think Daddy is a real hunk.” She twisted her head toward Rose. “Do you think he’s a hunk, Rose?”
Rose carefully cleared her throat. Where was Emily’s mind headed with this? she wondered. “Harlan is a—nicelooking man,” she quietly agreed.
Emily didn’t appear put off by her lukewarm answer. Rather, she folded her arms and grinned smugly. “Karen, she’s a friend of mine at school, says her mother thinks Daddy is really sexy. And Karen says her mom would really like a date with Daddy.”
“Oh. Well, I hope this woman is single,” was all Rose could think to say.
Emily waved her hand through the hot air. “She’s divorced. But if she thinks my dad is a hunk and you do, too, then it shouldn’t be all that hard for him to find a woman to marry him. If he really started looking. What do you think?”
He -wouldn’t even have to look, Rose thought. If he’d stand still long enough, the women would flock around him like hens to a rooster.
“I think you’d better let your father handle his own romantic aspirations.”
Emily frowned. “Well, it doesn’t hurt for me to dream,” she said with a hopeful sigh.
No, dreaming for a family didn’t hurt, Rose supposed. She’d done it for the past eight years.
A few moments later, Rose parked the truck in front of the house and left the engine idling.
“Aren’t you going to come in for a while?” Emily asked as she slid to the ground.
Rose shook her head. “Maybe next time. Kitty will be starting supper soon and she’ll need someone to watch the twins.”
Emily nodded that she understood. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She waved goodbye. Rose waved back, then reversed the truck around to head toward home. Just as she was about to drive away, she glanced in the rearview mirror and spotted Harlan walking quickly up from the barn toward her truck.
She’d hoped to get away without having to speak to him. He’d already wreaked enough havoc on her state of mind for one day. But he obviously knew she’d seen him, so there was little for her to do but find out what he wanted.
Shoving the gearshift in Neutral, she waited for him to approach her open window. Once he did, she said nothing, just looked at him with raised brows.
“I wanted to thank you for bringing Emily home. I know you’re busy and it’s a nuisance for you to drive all this way.”
No one had ever confounded her thinking the way this man seemed to. He genuinely appreciated everything that she had done for him and Emily. His gratitude was in his voice and on his face and she couldn’t help feeling pleased. Even a bit needed. Yet now that he’d more or less admitted that he was attracted to her, she wanted to run from him as fast as her legs could travel.
“It’s no problem. Emily was a great help to me today and I enjoyed her company.”
Resting his forearms on the open window of the truck, he studied her with a slow sweep of his brown eyes. A part of Rose wanted to jerk the gearshift in first and step on the gas. The other part of her, that crazy melting part, wanted to lean her face into his, lift her fingers to his cheek and beg him to kiss her again.
“You were very tired last night,” he said lowly. “You should have rested today. But I can see you didn’t.”
The blue scarf she’d been wearing this morning was gone and now her long hair fell in disheveled waves around her face. There was dust on her face and clothes, beads of sweat on her upper lip and dark shadows of fatigue under her eyes.
Her beauty stirred the man in him, but it was her weariness that touched something deep inside him. She was a soft, gentle woman. She shouldn’t have to work like a man. But he supposed it was the choice she’d made for herself. Or had Tomas’s philandering taken away any sort of choices she might have had?
“Rose, had your father taken out other mortgages on the Bar M?” he asked with sudden bluntness. “I’m talking about loans other than the one I made him.”
Where was this coming from? Rose wondered. She’d thought he was going to say thank-you, goodbye, see you tomorrow, then let her be on her way.
Stifling a sigh, she switched off the engine and looked at him. “No. At least we don’t know of any other loans. There were all sorts of loans at the bank where he’d purchased cattle and horses. But thank goodness, the livestock had been used as collateral. We sold all those to pay off the promissory notes.”
“I know you probably think I’m prying,” he said, “but there’s a reason for my asking.”
She didn’t want to look at him when he was close to her like this. It made her remember when she’d believed in the love of a man and a woman, in marriage and all the things that came with living together. In short, looking into Harlan’s face made her very, very vulnerable.
“What is it?” she asked.
“There is a way you and your sisters could get out of this mess. And I’d be perfectly comfortable with the idea.”
“A way out? Of debt, you mean?” she asked guardedly.
He nodded. “You could sell the Bar M. Pay off your debt to me and have the awful burden of keeping it going lifted from your shoulders.”
“Sell it? To you, I presume?”
He looked truly surprised by her assumption. “Good heavens, no! What makes you think I’d want to purchase the Bar M?”
Her gaze moved from him to a bug splatter on the windshield. “Well, you are a Texan and they like things big.”
His deep laughter tugged her eyes back to his face. “Believe me, the Flying H is plenty big enough for this Texan.
“Maybe so. But you’ve got to admit you could use the water.”
He lifted the battered straw hat from his head and combed his fingers through his hair. As Rose watched him she wondered what it would feel like to run her fingers through those dark, damp strands, to lock her hands at the back of his neck and draw his head down to hers.
“Rose? Did you hear me?”
She stared at him blankly, totally stunned at how
far her thoughts had taken her. “Oh—I was thinking about—about something else. What were you saying?”
“I was saying it would be to my financial advantage to drill wells on my own place rather than purchase the Bar M for water.”
“Yes. I suppose so,” she said, hoping her cheeks didn’t look as red as they felt. If he were to ever know the erotic images she had of him, it would be disastrous. “And I’m sorry if I sounded suspicious, but after everything that has happened I can’t help but think the worst. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust…well, I guess I’m always going to have my guard up.”
She didn’t have to tell Harlan she was full of mistrust. He could see it all over her, hear it in her voice. He’d been aware of it the first time she’d come here to talk to him. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he decided that her suspicious nature didn’t all stem from her father’s sleazy behavior. This morning, she’d declared it had been years since she’d allowed a man near her. There had to be a reason for that. But would she ever open up enough to tell him? And why did he want to know? The more he learned about her, the harder he was liable to fall. He needed to remember that.
“Look Rose, I don’t want the Bar M. I just want things to be better for you.”
Did he really mean that? For once in her life, could Rose believe a man might consider her before himself? She tried to smile at him, but suddenly there was a lump in her throat.
“The Bar M is my home, Harlan. I’d never be happy without it.”
Harlan had expected her to say something like that. She was that sort of woman. Loyal to her home and family. In fact, he would probably have been a little disappointed in her if she’d said anything else.
“I understand,” he said gently, then stepped back from the door. “I’d better let you go now. Is Emily planning on helping you tomorrow?”
Nodding, Rose started the engine. “We’re going to line ride tomorrow. So if you’d bring her horse with you in the morning, I’d appreciate it.”
He lifted his hand in farewell. “I’ll have them both there in the morning.”
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