by Ann Bakshis
“I can’t, Jules,” I say sadly. “I can’t go back to that life. I’m too damaged to be of use to anyone.”
“Don’t say that,” Jules says, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Well, it’s obviously true. There has to be a reason why you’re the only one I’ve seen outside of the hospital staff,” I say, getting choked up. Knowing Grimm is avoiding me is more painful than any physical injury could be.
Jules knows who I’m talking about, even if I don’t mention his name. “I told you before, Grimm is still having a hard time dealing with what he almost did to you. It’s eating him alive, Sara. The guy is crazy about you, we’ve all known that for years, even before he moved to Rinku. Just give him some more time. He’ll come around,” Jules says, patting my hand.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” I say.
“Well, I need to head back to Quarn but I’ll check on you as often as I can,” he says as he stands, then kisses me on the forehead, and leaves.
When the door closes I feel more alone than ever. If I had my way, I’d live out my days in the Aslu Territory. It wouldn’t take long for me to die since I’m no longer immune to the radiation. But that would be a painful way to go and I’m tired of hurting. A few minutes after Jules leaves, a nurse comes in to give me my discharge orders, clean clothes, and an escort to my new home. I’m not surprised Myr isn’t handling this herself. From what Jules has told me, she barely leaves her apartment above the meeting hall. She’s too ashamed of her actions, even though very few know the truth about everything she’s done.
I’m placed on the third floor of an apartment building situated in the center of Zone E. It’s clean, well furnished, and lonely. The days pass quietly and uneventfully. I keep to myself mostly, only venturing out on days where I can tolerate being around others, which isn’t often. I go to the library every now and then to check out a book since I refuse to watch anything, afraid I’ll see familiar faces that are long gone.
A month later, Myr is found dead in her home. Rumors start that it was the Arliss exacting his revenge, but I hear from hospital staff it was just a heart attack due to her age. A new leader is quickly selected, and life continues as normal. Today I’m feeling somewhat social, so I pick a spot under a tree in the park to sit and watch as children chase each other. A few soldiers stop to say hello, but it’s mainly those who were in Rinku. I close my eyes and rest my head against the tree trunk, when I sense someone watching me. I try to ignore the person, but they sit beside me and I can tell they’re scared to talk to me. That tells me who it is before the person even speaks.
“What do you want, Grimm?” I ask without having to open my eyes.
“I came to see how you’re doing,” he answers.
“I’m alive, so that pretty much sums it all up,” I say sarcastically.
“Look, Sara—”
“No, you look, Grimm,” I say as I open my eyes and stare at him. “I thought, of all people, you would always have my back. I’m recovering in the hospital for weeks and the only one who visits is Jules. I ask him why and he tells me you’re too embarrassed to see me, which is utter bullshit. After everything we’ve been through, I thought maybe my best friend would have the decency to see me. You were all I had left at the time, but now… I don’t even have that.” I abruptly stand as I choke back tears. “Please leave me alone.”
“Sara, wait,” he says, standing and grabbing my arm. “Let me explain.”
I pull out of his grasp. “Your inaction has said enough,” I say, dropping my head and walking away.
When I get back to my apartment I slam the door and fall onto the couch, shaking from the exchange. I can’t handle seeing him, not now anyway, but maybe eventually. I’m almost calm, when there’s a knock on the door.
“Go away,” I call out, but my voice has very little effort behind it.
The door opens and then closes.
“Not until you hear me out,” Grimm says, coming around to face me. “I needed time… time to adjust to what had just happened. I never thought myself vulnerable like I was when the Arliss tried to control me. There’s only been one other time when I felt that weak, and it was when I met you. I couldn’t deal with almost killing you. It tore me up inside, knowing I was capable of doing such a thing. Of everything I’ve witnessed in my life that was the hardest, and I can’t shake it from my mind.”
“Try,” I mutter.
“That’s why I came to see you,” he says, kneeling in front of me. “I need you to help me with this. I can’t do it on my own.”
“That’s bullshit, Grimm. You’ve never needed my help with anything. You made your thoughts very clear to me back in Rinku.”
“I was angry,” he says, bolting to his feet. “I was so mad at you for being with Keegan that I wanted to hurt you like I was hurting. I didn’t mean any of it—you have to believe me.”
“I loved you so much,” I mumble as I hang my head.
“Then why marry Keegan?” he asks as he returns to his knees and places his hands on the couch alongside me.
“For protection,” I reply. “When I was with him I knew I was safe from Wavern, that he wouldn’t dare hit me again because Keegan would’ve killed him.”
“But you married him after I moved to Rinku. Why, when you knew I could help you?”
“To protect myself from you,” I answer. “I figured that if I was married then I wouldn’t have to worry about my feelings when it came to you. I’d be free from it all. But it only made things worse.”
“Then let me fix it,” he says, placing his hand on my cheek.
“I don’t think it can be,” I reply, putting my hand on top of his.
He pulls me to him, taking my lips with his. We take it slow at first, easing our way into each other. Once we find our rhythm the loneliness melts away, and I finally feel happy.
The End
