by Kim Loraine
Nerves built in her stomach as she grabbed her phone and dialed her mom’s number. With each ring her anxiety grew and by the time her mother answered Sloan had picked her cuticles until they hurt. They hadn’t spoken since Sloan moved, because, of course, they didn’t approve of her choice. But her mother was the only other person in the world she could talk about Logan with.
“Sloan? What’s going on?”
“Everything is falling apart, Mom.” Her voice broke as she let the emotion take control.
“What happened?”
“Carson is here.”
“Oh, honey. I thought you said he was in the Marines. I suppose there was always a chance he’d come back to town.”
“No. He’s a firefighter.”
Her mom took a deep breath. “Are you still in love with him?”
She closed her eyes and gave in to the tears. “Yes.”
“You two have been through a lot together.”
“Mom, Logan is here looking for me.”
A spluttering cough sounded over the line. “What?”
“Carson saw him. He said Logan is asking around about me. Why would he be doing that? How would he even know I was here?”
“Oh, God. I got a call from his dad about a month ago. He said Logan was doing family history research and needed to know about his biological parents. I told him about you, your achievements, how much you loved Logan, and I might have mentioned that you took a teaching job in Golden Beach.”
Sloan’s gut twisted. “Are you sure it was Logan’s dad?”
“Not anymore. It did seem strange that he wouldn’t know your name. Don’t they have everything?”
“No. They shouldn’t have anything. It was a closed adoption. That means the records are sealed. He shouldn’t even have been able to find my name.”
“And you’re sure Logan is there?”
Chest tight, she swallowed against the lump in her throat. “Carson said he’s here.”
“Well, you have to find him. Kids are tenacious. He won’t stop looking until he finds you.”
“I don’t know where to start looking.” The doorbell rang as her mom started saying something, and Sloan’s heart flipped. “Mom, I’ve got to go.”
She hung up and rushed to the door, hoping she’d see Carson on the other side. When she opened it, she did see him, but it was in the face of a young boy who looked nervous, tired, and hungry.
“Logan,” she breathed.
He didn’t smile. Instead he stared at her with those crystal blue eyes that were identical to his father’s. “You look exactly like your picture,” he said, pulling out a folded three by five photograph that had Carmichael written on the back. “I called every Carmichael in California before I found you.”
With shaking hands, he held out the photo and glanced from her to the picture. She took it with a gentleness she reserved for crying children. Her lip trembled at the sight of her in the hospital holding him. It was the same picture she had placed on her shelf only a few days ago when she’d finally started putting up her own photos.
“Where did you get this?” Her voice was tight with a combination of loss and heartache. She wanted to hug him, but they were strangers.
“It was in a box of my baby stuff.”
She motioned for him to come inside. “Do your parents know you’re here?”
He wouldn’t meet her gaze. So, that was a no. Unease built in her making her cross her arms over her chest. She fought the nervous shaking in her body.
“Logan, will you answer me?”
“Why should I tell them?”
“Come on. Let’s get you something to eat and drink. Then we can talk.” She walked into the kitchen and started making hot cocoa. He followed and settled himself at the kitchen table. “Whipped cream or marshmallows?”
“Whipped cream.”
She couldn’t fight her smile. Just like Carson. “Where are you from?”
“Oregon. I grew up in Portland.”
“You’re still growing up.”
He scoffed. “You know what I mean. I’ve lived there my whole life. Except for the day I was born.”
That stung, but she let it roll off her. He deserved for her to keep her cool even though on the inside she wanted to fall apart. “Do you have questions?” She slid his mug toward him and sat across the table with her own. For the longest time, he sat there, staring at the swirl of whip and frowning. “Logan, why did you come find me?”
“They wouldn’t help me, so I left. They don’t understand me.”
“Your parents?” Her heart squeezed at the pain in his voice. “What makes you think that?”
He shrugged and scooped some cream from the mug and popped his finger in his mouth. “I heard them talking about it one night. My dad wanted to have the records unsealed, but my mom said I could do it in four years when I’m eighteen. I’ve been asking to find you since my birthday. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”
“Have you always known you were adopted?”
“Yeah. But I didn’t really understand what that meant until I was about nine or ten. Kids started pointing out how different from them I looked.”
Her heart ached for him. “That must’ve been hard.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he returned his gaze to his cocoa.
“I’m so sorry.”
“For what? Giving me away?” There was venom in his voice, but pain makes people say things they don’t mean.
“Do you love them?”
He frowned down at his mug again and huffed. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry they wanted you to wait. But if you’re happy, if you’ve got a good life, I’m not sorry for making the decision to place you for adoption. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing for you.”
Big blue eyes swam with tears. “How was getting rid of me right?”
She reached across the table and took his hand. For a second, he flinched and she feared she’d gone too far, but then he squeezed lightly. “Logan, if things had been different . . . if my circumstances had changed, I’d have loved nothing more than to be your mom. I never stopped thinking about you and the only thing that made it even a slight bit bearable was knowing you’d been adopted by a good family.” He drank his cocoa in silence over the next few minutes, occasionally glancing up at her. Her heart swelled with emotion every time he looked at her. She and Carson had made this handsome boy. “How did you get here?”
“Bus.”
“From Oregon? That’s a long way.”
He nodded and stood, then began walking around the house, letting his fingers linger on the spines of books, his gaze drifting over her possessions. “The guy I sat next to most of the time smelled like cheese. It was gross.”
“Logan,” she said. “We need to call your parents. I’m sure they’re worried. How long have you been gone.”
“Four days.”
Her gut clenched. “Okay, we definitely need to call them. They probably have the police searching for you.”
“I texted my mom to tell her I was looking for you. But she doesn’t know where I am.”
“What did she say?”
“That I’m grounded.”
“Well, that sounds about right. I still think we need to call her and let her know you’re safe.”
His panicked gaze found hers. “You want to get rid of me again? I just got here. Don’t send me away.”
Heart aching, she shook her head. “No. I don’t want that. I want your parents to know where you are. It’s not fair to them if we leave them in the dark.” She walked to the set of French doors near the entryway and opened them. “Look, this is my spare bedroom. You can stay here until you’re ready to go home.”
“Really?” he a
sked, his eyes shining with relief.
“Really. But you have to call them.”
He pulled out his phone and dialed. “Mom?”
Sloan could hear the woman’s loud voice even though the phone wasn’t on speaker. His mom was a combination of elated and livid.
“Okay. I’m fine. I found her. I’m at her house. No. I’m not coming back yet. I will. Hang on.” He handed Sloan the phone. “She wants to talk to you.”
Terror lanced her heart. This was the woman who’d raised Logan because Sloan didn’t think herself capable. She brought the phone to her ear and said, “Hello?”
“Hello. Is everything okay?”
Hearing the voice of his adoptive mother made her chest tight. She had to clear her throat. “It is.”
“He says he’s fine. Is he?”
“Well, he looks a little hungry and tired, but he’s in one piece and aside from needing a shower and his clothes washed, I think he’s fine.”
“I’m so sorry he showed up like this. Logan has always been too smart for his own good.”
“I told him he can stay with me until we figure this out. I don’t know where he’s been sleeping.”
A stifled sob came from the other end of the line. “When I think of the things that might have happened to him . . . .”
“Don’t think about that. He’s here now, and I won’t let him get hurt.”
“His dad and I will catch the next flight out. We can be there tomorrow night.”
After giving her address, Sloan hung up the phone and let out a shaky breath. “Your mom and dad will be here tomorrow.”
Logan scowled. “I’m not ready to see them. I haven’t even met my dad yet.”
The word dad sent a stab of hurt through her. “I know. We’ll take care of that soon.”
“He’s here?”
“He is. He’s a firefighter.”
His eyes lit up. “A firefighter? That’s awesome. Do I look like him?”
A sad smile turned up her lips. “You look so much like him it hurts.”
Chapter 18
Sully’s phone rang as he pulled into the station parking lot. His heart flipped at the sight of Sloan’s name on the screen. He wasn’t ready to talk to her. Not after finding out she’d kept something so monumental from him. He couldn’t help but feel like she gave up too easily. She could’ve found him. Tried harder. Kept their son. He hit the ignore button and sent her to voicemail, but the phone started ringing again almost immediately.
“Sloan, I’m not ready to talk.”
“He’s here.”
The ground fell away when those two words hit him. “What?”
“Logan showed up at my house last night. He’s staying in my guest room and he wants to meet you.”
He ran his hand across the back of his neck, his muscles aching from tension. “Fuck, Sloan.”
“Listen, just because you’re angry with me, don’t take it out on him. He came a long way to find us. It’s the least you could do to take some time and show him you’re not a deadbeat. It’s ultimately my fault you weren’t involved. I let my dad bully me. I gave up trying to find you. But it’ll be yours if you deny him now.”
“I’ve got duty today. Shit. Let me see if anyone can cover.”
“His parents are getting on a plane later today to come get him. If you can’t get off, maybe I could bring him by the station?”
God, that was the last thing he needed. He didn’t want his son to see him distracted by work the first time they officially met. “No. I’ll make it happen. He gets my undivided attention.”
“Thank you, Carson.” The relief in her voice was strong enough he felt it. “We’ll be here all day.”
After hanging up, he sat in his car with his heart pounding. He was going to meet his kid today. Holy shit. He sucked in a harsh breath before he got out of the car and walked into the firehouse, making a beeline for the chief’s office.
The older man was sitting behind his desk, poring over paperwork—as usual.
“Can I help you, Sullivan?”
“Chief, I need to take a personal day.”
Roman’s gaze snapped up from his perusal of what were probably Donovan Miller’s latest incident reports. “Excuse me?”
“I . . . um . . . shit, Chief. I’ve got some unexpected personal stuff happening and I need to take a day.”
“And you just found this out?”
The back of his neck prickled with unease. He didn’t want to hash this out with anyone at the firehouse. Not right now. “Yeah. I got the call in the parking lot.”
Chief Roman nodded, and opened his mouth to speak but the alarm interrupted him.
“Engine. Ladder. Medic. Structure fire.”
“After this call, Sully. We can’t get anyone in here before then,” Chief Roman said.
After he tamped down his frustration, Sully offered a curt nod and made his way to his bunker gear. There was no way he’d be able to get to Sloan and Logan until this afternoon. Itchy anticipation took hold in his chest, making him wish he’d stayed with her last night instead of letting hurt cloud his reaction.
When they pulled up to the farmhouse on Bucklin Road, it was obviously a loss already. The place was almost fully engulfed in flames, but the bicycle and helmet splayed haphazardly across the side yard had his blood running cold. There was someone inside, and that someone was probably a kid by the look of the helmet which sported BMX stickers.
“We sure this place is abandoned?” he asked over his radio.
“It’s a week away from being condemned by the city. No occupants on file.”
“Miller, look at that bike. Someone is inside.”
Donovan sighed and a tense expression crossed his face. “It’s a total loss, Captain.”
“I’m going to do a perimeter sweep while you guys ready the water cannons.”
Donovan nodded and walked back to the crew, relaying information and delivering orders. Sully scanned the area, looking for any sign there was a victim they needed to pull from the blaze. As he rounded the back of the house, he caught sight of a hand barely visible under a partially collapsed exterior wall in the basement. Motherfucker.
He got on the radio and called out to dispatch, “I’ve got a person down. Hold on the water cannons. I need to get this kid.”
He started pulling the cinder blocks off the kid’s arm one by one, hoping desperately he wasn’t too late. Donovan joined him a few minutes later, and between the two of them, they were able to pull the dust and dirt covered boy from the rubble.
“He’s not breathing,” Sully said before he began administering CPR.
“Medic unit is coming around with a bag and stretcher.” Donovan’s words barely registered on Sully’s radar as he continued delivering breaths.
The kid gasped and coughed, his eyes opening and burned hands clawing at Sully’s arm. Sully held his head still and tried to calm him. If the boy had any kind of spinal injury he needed to be stabilized.
“Holy fuck,” Donovan said, his shocked gaze on the teenager they’d rescued. “That’s the chief’s son.”
~ ~ ~
Sloan couldn’t help but stare at Logan while he sat on the couch flipping through old photo albums she’d pulled out for him. He ran his fingers along the edges of the pictures, smiling to himself with a wistful longing in his eyes.
“This is my dad?” he asked, pointing at a snapshot of Carson standing on the boardwalk with his letterman jacket on and a broad grin spreading his lips.
“It is.”
“You’re right, he looks like me.”
She settled down next to him and flipped the page. “That’s us at prom.”
“You loved him?”
“Yes.”
; “Then why didn’t you stay together?”
She had to fight the tears that wanted to fall. “It’s a long story. He’ll be here sometime today. He’s very excited to meet you.”
Her heart clenched when she glanced at the clock. It had been hours since she called Carson. Where was he? Had he been stuck at work? Another fire?
“He’s a good guy?”
Smile tugged at her lips. “The best guy.”
The sound of the key turning in the lock at the front door had her jumping to her feet. As the door swung open, she fought a sob at Carson’s wide searching eyes. His gaze landed on her first, then darted to Logan.
“You’re the guy from the bakery,” Logan said, standing and wiping his hands on his jeans. “You bought my food.”
Carson gripped the back of his neck before stepping further inside and shrugging out of his jacket. “Sorry it took me so long. Had to go out on a call right after we talked.”
Sloan didn’t know how to respond to him. They hadn’t exactly left things on good terms after he’d found out about the adoption. She crossed her arms over her chest, cleared her throat, and waited for his focus to come to her.
Crystal blue eyes pierced her soul, hurt and wariness in his gaze. He was far from over anything. “I’ll be in the dining room. I’ve got some papers to grade and you two need to get to know each other.”
All she got was a tight nod. She’d been dismissed. It served her right for hoping he’d be able to move past this. The soft murmur of their voices carried to her as she walked away. She couldn’t fathom what Carson must be feeling right now. He’d never known this moment would be a possibility, while she knew that one day she stood a chance to see her son’s face if he decided to find her.
Tears burned the corners of her eyes and she had to swipe at her cheeks a few times while her tea was brewing, but she couldn’t lose it now. Now she needed to be strong for Logan. It was obvious he had a lot going on in his head, and she was partially to blame for that.
