No One to Hold

by Arell Rivers

  I manage to focus and actually enjoy the next half hour. I’m holding Rose’s hand, which makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. She’s starting to accept that we’re an “us.” I’m positive of that.

  The finale starts, catching me off guard.

  It’s set to one of my songs.

  Rose’s head turns toward me, and she squeezes my hand before returning her gaze upward. I probably should have known this was coming, and in retrospect, I vaguely remember Russell mentioning something about this to me a year ago.

  As the music ends and the lights start to flicker back on, I quickly put my baseball cap on my head. People here may be more inclined to recognize me since my music was just blaring over the loudspeakers.

  “From that smile, can I assume you enjoyed yourself?” she whispers.

  “Let’s just say that this was a unique experience for me,” I respond directly into her ear. I love that she shudders when my breath reaches her lobe.

  Over the loudspeaker, I hear, “We hope you enjoyed the laser light show at the Planetarium Theater. Thank you for visiting.”

  While everyone in the theater is busy gathering their things, the same two ushers who originally greeted us appear at our side. They lead us out through a side door so I can avoid being seen by my fans in such a public place.

  Several of the Planetarium’s employees are loitering in the hallway. I pull Rose toward me and whisper, “Let me say hello to these good people, and then I’m taking you out for dinner.” She nods in agreement and slips into the back of the room.

  Being my publicist, it would be okay for her to be seen with me, but her job is to get me noticed while remaining in the background. I resolve to make some changes in the near future, but it has to be this way for now.

  Nearly an hour later, Rose and I finally return to my car. “Thanks for being so patient back there.”

  “No problem. The Planetarium’s employees seemed so excited to meet you.” Her forehead crinkles. “Did that one blonde near the end seem familiar to you?”

  “To be honest, they all blend together for me after a while.”

  “Oh. Well, she reminded me of the woman who asked for your autograph at the café in Santa Monica. I’m probably mistaken. Anyway, how did it feel watching the show set to your music?”

  “Obviously, I had forgotten about it. But it was cool. Thanks for suggesting it.” I smile at her and she beams back at me. “Are you ready for dinner? I’ve thought of the perfect place to complement the Planetarium.”

  “Uh-oh. I’ve seen that twinkle in your eye before. What do you have up your sleeve?”

  I give Rose a disbelieving look and mouth, Who, me? Her laughter wraps around me, drawing out my own.

  “You’ll see,” I tell her with a grin.

  We pull up to Pink’s, and Rose lets out a snort. I laugh so hard that the people in the surrounding cars all look over. “C’mon, let’s get on line,” I tell her, opening her car door.

  “I can’t believe you brought me to Pink’s!”

  “Yeah, well, I figured a hot dog dinner is the perfect end to an evening at the Planetarium.” We both laugh as we join the throngs of people waiting for the best hot dogs in all of LA. This is perfect. We’re not agonizing over the robbery or Rose’s car. We’re simply hanging out and enjoying each other’s company.

  Some people in line recognize me, but they’re cool. So many celebrities come here that my presence isn’t particularly noteworthy. I don’t consider myself a celebrity anyway; I’m a working musician. Rose and I chat easily in line, and our conversation only stalls while we’re eating. For me, a twelve-inch hot dog with chili, cheese and guacamole and a side of fries. For Rose, a “Mushroom Swiss Dog.”

  As we make our way back to the car, satiated, I can’t help but laugh at Rose’s comment about how much I’m going to have to pay at the gym for tonight’s dinner. “What about you, Rose? No extra workout for you?”

  She smiles. “Oh yeah, but it was totally worth it. Thanks for the dinner. I’ve always wanted to get out to Pink’s.”

  “Glad to have taken you out for your virgin trip.”

  Damn. Why did I say that? She’s clearly noticed my verbal stumble, so I change the topic as quickly as I can.

  “Are you game to sit back and check out the LA lights? It’s the perfect ending to a night at the Planetarium and Pink’s.”

  She looks over at me, her eyes registering surprise. Did she think I was going to try to seduce her? Then she clears her throat and responds, “That sounds like a great way to end the evening.”

  Soon I’m pulling into a parking spot that has a gorgeous view of the valley. Rose sucks in her breath. “Cole, this is extraordinary. I’ve been to some celebrity parties up in the Hills, but nothing with this vibe. It’s like we’re the only two people here. LA looks almost peaceful, with all its lights.”

  I stop myself from saying some cheesy line in reply. Instead, I tell her the truth, “I’m glad you like it up here. Sometimes I drive out here by myself just to think. I’ve composed songs up here. It’s special to me.”

  “Thank you for sharing it with me,” she says softly.

  I half-smile, and cup her cheek in my hand. She looks at me, but she’s not totally in the moment. I can see she’s starting to think about all the crap going on at her house. Maybe if we talk about it, she’ll be able to relax.

  Running my fingers through her hair, I ask, “Do you agree with the cops’ theory that one of Tommy’s exes did that to your car?”

  Rose chews on her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I guess anything is possible.”

  “We need to let the police do their jobs. When did they say you’d get your car back?”

  “Hopefully, I can get it Monday afternoon,” she sighs. “Cole, thanks for letting me stay at your place again tonight. I appreciate it.”

  “Ro,” I stop short, sounding out my first nickname for her. “Ro, you know how I feel about you. I want to be here for you. You don’t have to deal with this whole mess by yourself.”

  She shakes her head. “We talked about this before. You’re my client . . . we have a business relationship. I can’t cross that line.”

  “Have you ever done anything wild, Ro? Really crazy? Let your hair down and did something just because it felt good or took your breath away?”

  “Of course.” Her words are belied by her body language. She’s staring out into the Valley and each of her fingers is flicking her thumb sequentially.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I can be as spontaneous as the next girl. Why do you care?”

  “I care, Ro, because you matter to me. I want to know all about you. I want to know what makes you tick, what ticks you off, and what makes you howl with laughter.” I lean in to her, placing my hand on her shoulder, “I also want to know what makes you scream.”

  “I can scream right now if you want me to. You’re making me want to scream right this second.”

  Flopping back into the driver’s seat, I reply, “Fine. Share with me one crazy thing you’ve done, and I’ll let you off the hook.”

  I’m not going to say another word until she does. Is she making up a story in her head? Or is she trying to summon the courage to tell me something truly personal? Either way, I’m intrigued.

  I get out of the car, walk around to her side and open the door. I take her hand and walk over to an empty bench at the tree line. Admiring the view, I wait in silence.

  Finally, Rose turns to me and speaks. “I had a one-night stand once. There. That’s wild and crazy.”

  Well, that admission scores maybe a one on my wild-and-crazy meter, but for someone as buttoned-up as she presents herself to be, that must have been some night for her. I want to know more. “When was this, Ro?”

  “In college.”

  “Were you drunk or high?”

  She gives me a look. “No.” She looks down and amends, “Well, a bit tipsy.”

  Now this is getting interesting. “Fine,
you were a bit tipsy. Did you know his name?”

  “Of course!”

  “Did he know yours?”

  “Well, uh, I told him my name.”

  “Was that before or after you were naked?”

  “This is juvenile! I told you one crazy thing I did. We’re not going to play twenty questions about it.”

  “I’ll take that was after you were naked.” Rose makes a very unladylike sound and crosses her arms over her chest. I fight to keep my lips from curling up. “So, you had drunk sex one night with some dumb frat boy you wanted, but up until then the doofus didn’t even know you existed. Did you take the walk of shame the following morning, or did he?”

  “Neither.”

  My eyebrows go up. “Well, well, Ro. Did you meet at a party and go into the bathroom?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Okay. On my crazy-o-meter, I’ll give that maybe a five.” I’ve upped the rating to make her feel better. I bet she’s never done anything more outrageous than this, but that only means I’ll get to help her release her wild side.

  “The frat boy was an ass,” I add. “He couldn’t see how special you are.”

  “Thanks, I think.” Rose frowns at me. “Your turn, Rock Star.”

  Expecting her to ask about my most wild adventure, I search through my memory banks for a rather tame episode. So, I’m taken aback at her question. “When did you lose your virginity?”

  “Wow. I didn’t see that one coming,” I tease. “I was eighteen.” Taking in her look of disbelief, I continue, “I’m not lying. I was a late bloomer. It was in the backseat of my car at a scenic overlook.” I smirk at her, recognizing that we’re in a similar situation right now.

  “Oh.” She must realize the same thing.

  My mind wanders back to that momentous evening. “It happened after the last performance of our high school musical.”

  She raises her eyebrow.

  I shrug. “I played Danny Zuko in Grease. Anyway, I intended to ask the girl I’d been dating for a few months, the head cheerleader Steffy, out to Prom after the performance. I was head over heels for her. But she walked up to me on the arm of her ex-boyfriend, claiming my performance had brought them back together. I later found out she’d only used me as a placeholder until she could get that guy back. Later that night, I met my first groupie.”

  She was an older woman, a college sophomore, who went all fangirl over me. In an effort to forget the cheerleader, I took her to The Lookout. That’s where it all started, or stalled, for me. Sex without any strings or emotions to get trampled became my motto, starting that night.

  Snapping her fingers, Rose clears her throat. “Earth to Cole.” I offer her a lopsided grin of apology.

  “Seems like you’ve made up for lost time,” she says.

  I try to figure out if she’s making an honest observation, or is jealous. Of course, I’d prefer jealousy.

  Turning to her and holding her gaze, I say, “Yes, I’ve had a lot of meaningless sex. You, unfortunately, have had to clean up after me on way too many occasions, so I can’t deny or hide my past. But I’m ready to change. I don’t want that lifestyle anymore.”

  I reach out and grab her hand, bringing it up toward my lips. As her hand nears my face, I turn it over and kiss the inside of her wrist instead.

  Sucking in her breath, Rose murmurs, “Your mom would be very pleased to hear you say that.”

  Smiling, I reply, “Yes. I think she would be even more pleased to know that I want you to be my first girlfriend.”

  Rose yanks her hand from mine and looks away. What the hell did I say this time? “Rose, what’s up? Tell me why you went all cold on me.”

  “Cole, one thing I can’t abide is lying. Putting aside our professional relationship, if, and that’s a very big if . . . if I were crazy enough to consider the possibility of being with you, if I ever get the whiff of a lie, I’m done. Through.”

  “Okay, I get that. But I haven’t lied to you.”

  “Really? Then what’s all this crap about wanting me to be your first girlfriend?” She nearly shouts the word “first.”

  I blink, speechless. “Rose, I’ve never had a real girlfriend.” Steffy came the closest, but she had never really wanted me in the first place. “Yes, I’ve hooked up with women, but I never considered any of them girlfriends.” I say the word “girlfriends” in air quotes.

  “A girlfriend is someone I’d be proud to introduce to my family and friends. Someone to go on adventures with and share the happy and awful times. Someone to challenge me to be better, act silly with me, make me laugh, and have off-the-charts amazing sex with me.” My voice drops. “A girlfriend should be someone who could turn into a wife.”

  Catching my breath, I look over at Rose to gauge her reaction. Tears are streaming down her face. What did I do? Then Rose launches herself into my arms. She’s repeating my name and holding me tightly. I breathe in her floral scent and tighten my arms around her. I love having her in my arms, even if I don’t understand what brought this on.

  I start stroking Rose’s back, and pretty soon she calms down. She yawns. I smile down at her, tilting her chin up so I can look into her eyes.

  “What brought on the tears, Ro?” I ask gently.

  “I’ve always thought you had it all. I just realized that I was wrong. You’ve never experienced romantic love.”

  I clear my throat. “Well, I haven’t exactly been looking for it. And I certainly haven’t felt like I was missing something in my life, until recently. Have you ever been in love before, Rose?”

  “Twice.”

  “Lucky bastards. I hope they’re both fat and bald now.”

  She offers me a small smile. “My first love was my high school sweetheart. His mother still is my Mom’s best friend.”

  “He was an idiot to let you go.”

  She whispers, “We were young and stupid.”

  Rose rests her head against my shoulder, the subject of her prior boyfriends clearly closed. I cradle her in my arms and we stay like this for a few minutes, until I hear her yawn again. “We’ve had quite a day. We’re both shot. Ready to go home?”

  Her sleepy eyes look into mine. “It feels like today has been years long, but I’m happy that I spent it with you.” She reaches up and places a tender kiss on my lips.

  “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than with you,” I reply honestly. She looks shattered. “Let’s go home.”

  As I drive back to my house, Rose falls asleep. I’m beat, too. We certainly hit some major highs and lows today. No wonder she’s passed out.

  I glance over at her, sleeping peacefully on the passenger side. I can’t believe it’s taken me years to actually see her. I need to make up for lost time.

  Tomorrow, I’m going to suggest that we go for a swim in my pool after breakfast and charm her out of her bathing suit. She’s nervous about crossing the imaginary line, but that ship has sailed. She’s different from all the rest. And I’m ready to prove that I’m different from the two other losers she once loved.

  We reach my house and Rose doesn’t stir when I pull into the driveway. Trying not to wake her, I get out of the car as quietly as possible and walk over to her door. She doesn’t rouse when I pick her up and bring her into the house. She feels perfect in my arms.

  Where should I bring her? I want her in my bedroom, not the guest room. Maybe I should leave the decision up to her? Looking down at her, I whisper, “Ro, is it okay if we sleep in my bed?”

  Rose turns her head against my chest and mumbles something that sounds like “um-hum.”

  I enter the house, go up to my bedroom and carefully place her on my bed. After removing her shoes and dress, I ease her under the covers. She barely registers her new surroundings before her breathing tells me she’s back in a deep sleep.

  I quickly strip down to my boxer-briefs and slide on top of the comforter. I kiss her cheek and fall fast asleep.

  I WAKE UP TO an unfamiliar, yet welcom
e, feeling. I’m not alone in my bed. Rose’s leg is thrown over me, her arm is around my torso and her head is snuggled in the crook of my neck. For my part, my hand is on her bra-covered boob. Well, I certainly can get used to this. I squeeze, savoring her perfect weight in my palm, and her breath accelerates against my neck. I quickly tuck my hand under my head, letting her think she was more intertwined with me than I was with her. No need for her to know that I copped a feel.

  When her gorgeous blue eyes open, I ask, “Morning, Ro. Sleep well?”

  She looks up at me, clearly disoriented. “Cole?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “Um, Cole, what happened? How did I end up here?”

  “Well, after I drove us home, you practically begged me to sleep with you. It was pretty embarrassing, to tell the truth. You were not taking no for an answer.” I’m proud that I managed to get that out without laughing out loud.

  Still struggling to fully wake up, she moans and buries her head against my chest. I take that as a good sign that she’s coming around to my way of thinking about us. I smile broadly, knowing that she can’t see me, and pull her in tight.

  A minute later, she leans back, her eyes drawn into slits. “Why am I still wearing my underwear? I mean, if I was so hot and bothered for you and all?”

  “You fell asleep?” I deliberately let my voice rise to a question. She hits me squarely in the chest with a pillow. I can’t help but laugh.

  “Very funny. You’re getting a lump of coal in your stocking for Christmas.” She says that with an answering smile as she unwinds her body from mine.

  I don’t want to lose the contact with her, so I wrap my arms around her, drawing her back to me. “It won’t be the first time,” I say with a chuckle. I lean forward to give her a kiss, but she turns her head so that I kiss her cheek instead.

  “I haven’t brushed my teeth, Cole. That’s gross.”

  “So? I haven’t brushed either, so we’re even.” I lean forward to kiss her other cheek. She’s right, morning breath is gross, especially after dinner at Pink’s. But there’s no way I’m missing this opportunity.

  I lean in again and capture her lips. This time, she doesn’t resist. I take my time kissing her, molding our lips to one another. My tongue seeks and gains entrance. Leisurely, I explore her mouth, nibbling at her bottom lip. She’s learning my mouth, too. We have all day to get to know each other’s bodies, so I’m in no rush. Damn, the chemistry between us is off the charts.