No One to Hold

by Arell Rivers

  Suddenly, it makes sense to me. Rose’s single-minded focus on her career, her eighty-hour work weeks. Maybe even the way she dresses and wears her hair. They’re all the result of losing her fiancé in such a horrible way. She’s essentially been hiding in plain sight. Existing but not fully living. Needing to be in control of her life because of this horrible thing that was so out of her control. Gruesome’s just a convenient excuse.

  Still on my knees, I hold her tightly around her thighs. I need her to know she’s not alone anymore. That it’s okay for her to come out of her shell. Losing my mother was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. I can’t imagine what her loss felt like. I’m grieving for the young woman who was so devastated. For the woman who hasn’t really been living for over seven years.

  But there’s something else, too. Before I knew about Rose’s past, I wanted to help her unleash a little. Now that feeling is so much more powerful. I want to help her laugh and enjoy life. I want to be the one who helps usher Rose Bloomer back into the world.

  Her hand slips to the back of my neck, stroking my hair. I wonder if she’s been with any men since moving to LA. Something tells me that she has not. A sense of pride surges through me because, despite all my failings, she’s clearly thinking about letting me re-enter her life.

  Sitting back on my heels, I rest my hands on her knees and look up at her. I give her a watery smile, and she returns it with one of her own. “You are a beautiful woman, Rose. Inside and out. I want to help you show the world how amazing you are.”

  She blinks, slowly. “I’m not that type of woman. I like to be in the background.”

  With her innate spirit getting ready to soar, she won’t remain a wallflower for much longer. “I beg to differ, but there’s no rush. I’m honored to share this journey with you.” I reach up and cup her cheek, watching as she swallows. Wrapping my hand around the back of her head, I pull her toward me. Right before our lips touch, I whisper, “I’m not going anywhere, if you’ll have me.”

  The kiss is soft and gentle. Memorizing her with my lips, I kiss her mouth, nose, chin, and eyelids. My hands similarly try to imprint her body, from her neck to her shoulders and down her back. She has to understand I’m serious about having a relationship with her.

  And she tells me without words that she wants me in her life, too. Her hands roam up and down my arms and tousle my hair. She kisses her way from my lips to my ear, lightly sucking on my lobe. Hope sparks in my chest.

  The kiss ends and we hold each other for a while. We’re helping each other through the bad times, just like Aunt Doreen said at Mom’s funeral. I pull back and look into her eyes. “You look tired,” I say.

  “It’s been another long day.” She is the mistress of understatement.

  “Yes, it sure has, but we both need to eat. Why don’t we order dinner in?”

  “That sounds good. Chinese?”

  Soon, we’re stuffed on eggrolls, sweet and sour shrimp, orange chicken and lo mein. Rose is trying to hide her yawns as she puts the last carton into the refrigerator. Calmness envelops us after this morning’s storm.

  “Ro, it’s late. We’re both exhausted. Can I crash here and drive you to Greta’s in the morning?” I pray I’m not pushing my luck, but I need to be with her. Even if that means sleeping on the sofa.

  “You don’t have to do that. I can make it to the office.”

  “I know you’re capable of using public transportation, but I’m offering you a more comfortable ride. I’d like to stay here, on the couch, to make sure you’re safe tonight. I can drive you in the morning, no problem, before going back to my house to change for the gym. You should have your car back by tomorrow afternoon, right?”

  “Yes, that’s what the police said. Cole, I don’t want to put you out. You have a comfortable bed at home . . .”

  “I want to be where you are.” I say, cutting her off. I reach over to the orange roses and pluck one from its vase. Handing it to her, I lower my voice and say, “Please?”

  Rose looks up at me and a single tear escapes her eye. I swipe the drop away with my thumb and lean in to kiss its trail. Stepping back, I guide her toward her bedroom. She places the orange rose on her nightstand, grabs something from her dresser and disappears into the bathroom.

  I sag, recognizing she’s allowing me to stay. Today has been emotionally charged, to say the least. I’m so sad for what Rose has had to live through, but proud of the strong woman she has become as a result.

  Rose returns to the bedroom in her nightshirt, looking like she may pass out on her feet.

  Turning down the quilt, I pat the bed. “I’ll tuck you in and head out to the sofa.”

  “No.”

  No, what? Don’t tuck her in, don’t sleep on the sofa, or don’t stay at her place? “What do you want?” I ask. Please don’t kick my sorry ass out.

  She walks over to me and takes my hand. “Please stay with me. Could you hold me tonight?”

  “I would love to,” I reply honestly. “Thank you, my sweet Rose.”

  After I strip down to my boxer-briefs, we both climb into bed. I wrap my arms around her. Soon her breathing evens out in slumber.

  I lie awake for a long time, mulling over everything she shared with me today, marveling at her trust in me. I also keep probing my memory for any shreds of our one night together, but all I come up with is her birthmark. Which I hope to become reacquainted with soon. Selfishly, I look forward to reigniting her passion. Before my thoughts can wander any farther down that path, I follow Rose into sleep.

  I’M ROUSED FROM a deep sleep by Rose’s squirming under my hand. More specifically, Rose’s plump boob being pushed into my palm. And that’s not all. My leg is intertwined with hers. I’m spooning her, holding her nightshirt-covered boob in my hand, and my cock is already at attention.

  I jerk fully awake, my eyes flying open, and look over at the beautiful woman lying next to me. Her back is to my front, so I can’t tell if she’s awake yet or unconsciously responding to my nearness.

  My eyes dart to the clock. It’s almost six, so I figure we have about thirty minutes before she’ll have to get up to get ready for work. I’m going to need hours to celebrate our second first time. But, I can use these precious few minutes to make her morning unforgettable. I’ve never before thought of a woman’s pleasure to the exclusion of my own, but that’s what she does to me.

  I begin by kneading her boob under my palm. Plump and relax, plump and relax. Once again, I marvel at how perfectly it fills up my hand. Moving my ministrations to her nipple, I lightly stroke it with my thumb. My forefinger joins in on that action, rolling her nipple as it forms a tight bud. Rose moans and arches her back, which puts her ass in direct contact with my cock. I tighten my leg over hers to keep her in place, ignoring my body’s pleas.

  Leaning up and over her, I kiss her neck. Her protestations about kissing before brushing our teeth in the morning pop into my head. When was that? Only yesterday? So much has happened since then that it feels like eons ago.

  I continue my assault by moving my lips down to her shoulder and my hand down toward her waist. Her sharp intake of breath alerts me to the fact that she has joined me in the land of the conscious. I hope she’s enjoying the sexual haze that surrounds her. “Pleasant dreams?” I murmur.

  “Um huh.”

  “This morning is for you, Ro.”

  In response, she moans. I smile against her body and continue with my exploration, turning her onto her back. Her whole body is primed and ready for me, but this morning is all about her. Of course, my traitorous cock begs me to reconsider.

  I reach down and grab the hem of her nightshirt, lifting it up and over her head. Her curves are even more delicious than Fantasy Rose’s. Taking one nipple in my mouth and the other in my hand, I settle my body between her legs. My underwear helps keep my throbbing cock outside of her pussy. She, however, didn’t sleep with any. Thank fuck I wasn’t aware of that last night or I wouldn’t have slept a wink.<
br />
  “Gorgeous.”

  While I suckle, she moans softly, arching her back again. Oh yeah. Still strumming her nipples with both of my hands, I kiss my way down her body. I pay special attention to her bellybutton, which makes her squirm. From my current location at her stomach I smell her arousal, which turns me on even more. Finally, I can’t hold back any longer. I bring my mouth to her lower lips while keeping my hands on her nipples.

  “Cole. Oh, mmmm.”

  She smells amazing. My tongue runs over her wet folds, lapping up her juices, which already have started to flow. “So sweet, Rose.”

  The fact that she’s this turned on fuels my desire to make her experience mind-blowing. I want her to crave my body as much as I crave hers.

  I circle around her pussy, skimming over her clit but not giving it any direct stimulation just yet. My tongue makes its way to her entrance and dips in, earning another moan and back arch. I slowly work my way to her clit, plucking her nipples all the while. When I glance up, her eyes are closed and she’s biting her bottom lip. Her hands are fisted in the quilt. How I love making this woman writhe.

  Finally, I seize upon her clit and give it the attention it’s demanding. I also plunge one finger into her warmth, searching for the rough patch. Damn, she’s tight around my finger. Her lower body undulates with my rhythm. Her nipple strains under my other hand. Slowly, I insert a second digit into her, thrusting my fingers in and out in a rhythm dictated by my cock. I keep up my assault until I feel her body tense.

  Pulling back inches from her clit, I demand, “Come for me, Rose.”

  Returning to circle that nubbin with my tongue, I press her G spot and flick her nipple to give her a short burst of pain. She clenches around my fingers and spasms beautifully, emitting a low groan of pleasure. I don’t stop my onslaught until her orgasm subsides. Fuck, I want to plunge into her so badly.

  Instead, I climb up her body and cup her face in my hands. Her eyes look dazed. The knowledge that I was the one who put that look on her face is better than any standing ovation. Careful not to rest on top of her for fear that my cock would ignore my direct order to stay away from her pussy, I slide my body to her side.

  Rose’s arms encircle my neck and she plants light kisses on my pecs. “Cole, that was the best wake-up call ever.”

  I chuckle against her hair, ignoring my lower body’s desperate entreaties, and stroke her perspiration-covered back.

  BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm clock goes off, startling us both and effectively ending her afterglow. I give her a swift kiss on the lips. “You’d better get ready for work. I’ll drive you over and then hit the gym. Okay?”

  “Yeah. But what about you?” She says, looking directly at my straining underwear.

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll take care of him later. I’m really looking forward to our second first time.” I pull her in for another, longer kiss, give her a hug and then smack her on the ass. “Now, it’s time for you to get up.”

  She giggles and gets out of bed, but she stops at the doorway, turns and races back to me. Leaning down, she kisses my cock through my boxer-briefs and says, “Looking forward to it!” She gives me a cheeky wink and leaves the bedroom.

  Thank fuck we made it through yesterday.

  A few hours and one wishing-it-was-hers-and-not-my-own hand job later, I’m sitting in the studio getting ready to record my third album. All in all, I’m pretty pleased with myself. It’s barely noon, and I’ve already worked out with my trainer in an effort to neutralize my recent dinners, ordered an alarm system to be installed at Rose’s house this afternoon and contacted the police about Rose’s stolen engagement ring. It doesn’t hurt that I pretty much feel like the King of the World after the way Rose responded to me in bed earlier.

  Jon, my A&R rep, pops his head into the studio. “Ready to go, Cole?”

  “Yeah. It’s been a long time.” After my second album dropped, I went on an extended tour to promote it. Then Mom passed away, and it took me a while to be ready to work again.

  As soon as I step into the live room, the concept of time seems to vanish. Drums, bass and lead guitar already have been recorded by studio musicians. I spend a few hours laying down the piano tracks for “No One to Hold” and a couple of other songs on the album.

  Damn, I miss Mom. I would love to talk with her about this song . . . and about Rose. I’m pretty sure she’d be excited that we’re getting together. At least I think we’re getting together.

  A little while later, I’m in the control room listening to the playback. The door opens and my manager Russell walks into the room. “Hey, Cole. Good to see you back in the studio. How’d it feel?”

  “Amazing.”

  Russell quirks a smile at my enthusiasm. He understands. Music is in my blood. “Great, man. Glad that you’re back in here.”

  “Me too,” I reply.

  “I stopped by to let you know I lined up most of the same group of musicians from your previous two tours for the world tour. They’re stoked. I did have to replace the lead guitarist, though. His girlfriend’s pregnant and he wants to stay home with her. I was able to book Zed, so I thought you’d be good with him.”

  I nod. “I understand. Zed’s good, and I’m sure he’ll get along with everyone. Thanks.”

  The musicians I tour with are a good bunch, and Zed will certainly add some new punch. It’ll be fun going on tour with them. And Rose. As my publicist, I’m going to insist that she travel with me. I glance at my watch—it’s already well into the afternoon—and shoot her a quick text checking on her car while Russell listens to what’s been recorded so far.

  “Well, I’ll let you get back to it.”

  Hours pass quickly. More recording, listening, making small adjustments. The album is coming together. I’m pumped to be recording again.

  When I leave the control room, Jon and Russell are high fiving in the hallway, which must be a good sign. Russell says, “You’ve got another winner there, Cole.”

  “Thanks. From your mouth.”

  The sound engineer joins us in the hall. “What are you up to tonight, Cole? Want to go out and celebrate? And by celebrate I mean drink too much, dance a little and pick up the hottest chicks in the place?” The producer and recording engineer give each other fist bumps before turning back to look at me.

  I smile at them. Before, I would have jumped at the offer. Hell, I would have been the one who suggested it. But now I only want to spend time with Rose. Get to know her from the inside out. My lips twitch at that thought.

  I address the sound engineer. “As tempting as that sounds, Sam, I can’t tonight. You go for the both of us.”

  “What’s up? You’ve never turned down a good time before.”

  “Got plans, man.” He snorts and turns away, muttering about looking for another wingman.

  Russell’s sharp eyes bore into mine. “Plans as in a date?”

  I want to keep my relationship with Rose to myself. Of course, my brother and Dad know, as do Dan, Suzanne, Jessie and Amanda, but that’s more than enough people who are clued in. I don’t want her to lose her job because of me.

  “Just getting together with Dan and his family. You know, I’m the godfather.” I puff up with pride.

  Russell slaps me on the back. “Well, have a good time. See you back here tomorrow.”

  After seeing Russell out of the studio and making sure everything is ready for tomorrow’s session, I grab my cell. A text is waiting for me from Rose: Car won’t be ready until tomorrow. :-( I’ll catch the bus. Chat later. The text was sent well over an hour ago. Where did the time go?

  I dial Rose’s number and listen as it rings. And rings. And rings. I send her a text: Where are you? I’ll pick you up now.

  While I’m waiting for her to reply, I check my other messages. Nothing from the police, but her alarm system has been installed, thanks to her landlord’s cooperation. Good. My new message alert appears, indicating that Rose has responded. On bus now. Be home s
oon. Hope you had a good day.

  Well, this sucks. But if I can’t drive her to her house, I certainly can meet her there. And bring dinner. I grab my keys.

  “HIYA, HOT STUFF!”

  “Hello, Grandma Gertie,” I call over my shoulder.

  “Guess them flowers did the trick.”

  I turn and give Rose’s neighbor a huge smile. Lifting up the dinner bag, I nod and reply, “Now it’s time for dinner.”

  “Nice dimple you’ve got there. Well, you two enjoy!”

  I’m still smiling as I ring the bell. Rose answers almost immediately.

  “Cole. I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “Well, I was in the neighborhood and thought we could enjoy dinner.” I peer into the house and tease, “Unless you’re hiding some other guy?”

  She giggles, “I just shooed him out the back door.” She gestures toward the back of her house, then shakes her head and says, “Come in.”

  Stealing a quick kiss, I go directly to her kitchen and we begin taking out the dinner containers. My stomach loudly tells us that it’s been way too long since I ate.

  After we’ve finished, Rose mentions the alarm system. “I can only imagine that the new alarm system is your handiwork. I sincerely doubt my landlord would have been so kind. Thank you.”

  “If you insist on staying here, I want to know you’re protected.”

  “It was very kind. And it will make my advertisement that much more enticing.”

  Confused, I ask, “What advertisement?”

  She’s looking down, which I learned early on from working with her is never a good sign. It’s one of her tells—indicating she thinks I’m not going to like what she has to say.

  “Tommy sent me a text saying that he’s moving out immediately. Not that I blame him.” She shakes her head. “He doesn’t think one of his exes wrote that on my windshield, either.”

  The thought of Rose spending any amount of time in this neighborhood alone, even with my new state-of-the-art alarm system, spikes my blood pressure. My need to protect her is shocking in its intensity. “Move in with me.”