Okay, it might’ve been heartless of me to throw Jared’s feelings for Mickie in his face, but I had to reach him somehow. He was the only thing standing between me and my girl.
Jared looked as if I had punched him in the gut. I guess, in essence, I did. The rims of his eyes turned red and tears swam near the corners, but he never gave me the satisfaction of seeing them fall.
I’m secure enough in my masculinity to say that Jared was a good looking guy. The first time I met him, he was having lunch with McKenzie. I initially had thought he was Nate, but quickly realized he was yet another admirer of the beautiful McKenzie Evans. My first impression of him with his big gold eyes, shoulder length blonde hair and scruffy appearance was that he considered himself some sort of modern rocker. I was close in my evaluation. He was a musician, but not a rocker.
His nostrils flared as he exhaled. “I do understand, but Drew, I also understand what it feels like to let her go. And that’s what you have to do, man. Let her go.”
A pit hardened in my stomach. The thought of letting her go was far too much for me to handle. I couldn’t do that. Ever! She was in my blood now, a part of me, and no matter what, I was holding on for dear life.
“I can’t.” I cringed at how feeble my voice sounded. True, I was weak, but I didn’t need to sound that way in front of my rival or my brother. How could I be for certain that he had, in fact, let go of Mickie when I couldn’t?
“You can.” Jared gently pressed his palm into my chest.
“If she would just listen to me. Jared,” I whimpered, “I don’t want Olivia. I want Mickie. I need Mickie.”
“I know.”
My head bolted up at the sound of the door closing behind him. Gavin was no longer behind me. Jared had somehow managed to move me away from the door and back outside. My heart screamed for me to push this man away and rush inside, but my mind and body felt defeated. Mickie had made her decision, and her choice was to leave me.
I pressed my back against the wall, staring vacantly at her front door, as I slid down to the ground. All of my confidence and vigor was gone. Crossing my arms over my knees, I dropped my head into the crevasse and cried. There was nothing left for me. My hopes were gone. She had rejected me.
“Drew, you have to stop this. You’re not only hurting McKenzie, but you’re hurting yourself. Look at you. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“I have,” Gavin muttered; his arms crossed over his chest. Gavin was two years older than me, but also two inches shorter. His light brown hair was starting to thin, so he compensated by using a lot of product and keeping it cropped in a Caesar cut. He was slender, yet fit and he carried the Wise family trademark of blue eyes; only shades darker than mine.
A muted chuckle drained from my chest. “Gav’s right. I’ve looked worse.”
Jared lifted his faded ball cap to scratch his scalp in exasperation. “That might be so, but man, you’ve got to get it together. You won’t win her back this way.”
My eyes widened in surprise, and my heart leapt from my chest. “You mean there’s still hope for me? I still have a chance.”
He knelt down in front of me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Of course there’s hope. Drew, she loves you. Take it from me. I watched her with Nate. She never once looked at him as she does you.” Jared hung his head down, diverting his eyes from mine. “She’s never looked at me the way she does you.”
A sense of pride puffed out my chest. Mickie loved me more than she ever loved her ex-boyfriend, Nathaniel Fuller. I hated that bastard for the hell he put her through and I’d never even met him. He didn’t deserve McKenzie’s love after leaving her alone to grieve for the loss of their child.
However, there was a piece of me that felt sorry for Jared. He looked almost as lost as I felt. It struck me that by her moving back to Texas, I wasn’t the only one losing her. He was too. I licked my lips, tasting the salt of my tears. “How do I win her back?”
Jared chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well for starters, you drinking and acting like a crazy person is only going to push her further away.”
“Finally!” Gavin exclaimed. “Please, listen to the man.”
My eyes darted back and forth between Jared and Gavin. They both carried the same stern but caring expression.
“Sober up. Yeah, I’ve been on that wagon before.”
Furrowed brow and squinted eyes exemplified Jared’s questioning mind. I waved him off, not wanting to go into detail as to what I meant. He curled his lips and he cocked his head, glancing at my brother. Gavin shook his head once and Jared shrugged.
“You also need to remember you’re not the only one hurting here. McKenzie has it in her head that if she leaves, you and Olivia will find a way of bonding in order to create a happy life for the child.”
“That’s preposterous!” I exclaimed. “There’s no way in hell I’ll ever want Olivia. Mickie’s it for me.”
“That might be, but Drew, you have to look at it from her point of view. While we both know I think Olivia is the spawn of Satan,” -I snickered at the remark- “McKenzie considers her to be a dear friend. Since Olivia has made things clear to her that she sees a future with you, and with her carrying your child, well, you get the gist.”
I covered my mouth. Either the alcohol was playing the mambo in my stomach or the thought of having a future with Olivia had curdled it. Whatever the case, I had the sudden urge to vomit. “Seriously?” I gagged.
Jared nodded, “Yeah. Olivia told McKenzie that you were willing to work on your relationship for the sake of the baby.”
“I never...” I started.
Gavin lifted his hand. “She told Morgan the same thing, little brother.”
“She lied!” I cried, rubbing my hands over my face. “I told her I would care for her and the baby, but that’s where we ended.”
Jared pinched the bridge of his nose. “It doesn’t surprise me at all. Olivia is crafty when she wants something. She’s manipulated many a situation to keep McKenzie where she wants her. That’s why I’ve always been so crass toward her. But McKenzie is a stubborn one. She follows her heart, not the truth.”
“That she does.” My stomach churned faster and faster. I swallowed, but the metallic flavor on my tongue only added to the nausea.
“Wait?” Gavin interjected. “You’re telling me this is a pattern for Olivia?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Jared confirmed.
“Then, maybe Drew’s right. He should talk to McKenzie.”
“It won’t work. Trust me. I know how McKenzie thinks.”
“So, what do I do?” I raked my fingers through my hair, tugging at the tangled locks. I couldn’t remember the last time I combed it.
Jared returned his hands to my shoulders and gave them a good squeeze. Tilting his head, Jared’s eyes darted back and forth from me to Gavin. “Look. Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to let McKenzie go back to Texas for now. Olivia has always used her loyal nature against her. This will prevent Olivia from manipulating McKenzie. Besides, you both need some time and space.”
“But-” I tried to protest.
“Hear him out,” Gavin suggested.
“Fine,” I huffed. “And?”
“And,” Jared continued, “you’re going to follow through with your promise to Olivia. McKenzie is already beating herself up enough for being a bad friend. She doesn’t need another reason to martyr herself.”
There was something in Jared’s eyes that made me believe he wasn’t playing me for a fool. He truly wanted to help. This shouldn’t have surprised me. Mickie loved this man like a brother. If she trusted him, then I could as well. My tongue slipped over my lips, wetting the coarse, dry skin. “I’ll agree to your terms on one condition.” The lawyer in me decided to rear its ugly head. Negotiate. It was the only way to settle any dispute.
With a chuckle, Jared balanced himself on the balls of toes. “What’s your condition, counselor?”
&nb
sp; Ah, so he caught on to my professional side. Good for him. I straightened up, staring him in the eyes. “I know you’ll be in constant contact with her. All I ask is that you keep me informed. I have to know that she’s doing okay. If you don’t agree, my ass is on a flight to Amarillo tomorrow.”
The determination in my voice must have spoken volumes, because Jared bounced momentarily on the balls of feet and then shot straight up. He offered me his hand, pulling me up from the ground. An agreeing smile curved the corners of his mouth, as he took my hand in his and shook it hard.
“Agreed. Now, get your ass home and clean yourself up. You look like shit.”
Gavin laughed heartily, and extended his hand to Jared. “Hi, I’m Gavin.”
Jared accepted his hand, providing a firm shake. “Jared Christopher.”
“Good to meet you, Jared,” Gavin said. “I wish it were under better circumstances though.”
“Same here.”
My stomach gurgled, reminding me of all the alcohol I’d consumed. “Sorry to break up this little party but...” I pushed myself away from them and rushed to the bushes, expunging the contents of my stomach.
Yep, I’ll feel this in the morning.
Chapter One
“I love you, Andy,” her warm breath whispered with such tenderness in my ear.
My eyes shot open. Sweat speckled my brow and tickled down my back. Deep in my chest, my heart thundered, rumbling all the way to my ears. Cotton sheets stuck to my skin. I swallowed back the tears that fought to pour down my cheeks. I’m a fucking man. I couldn’t let my heart get the better of me.
I rubbed my hands over my scalp. Since she’d left, I’d buzzed my hair off. It was easier to tend to, but at times like this, I missed it. I had nothing to pull when frustrated. Each beat of my heart stabbed with the pain of loss. But it was only a dream. A sweet, wonderful dream. One I didn’t deserve.
“Fuck this shit!” I screamed, beating my hands against the mattress. “This is torture!”
I sat up, tossing my feet over the side of the bed. The covers tangled around my legs, forcing me to kick them off with limited success. Leaning forward, I clutched the mattress, balancing my weight on the edge of the bed while wiggling my toes into the soft area rug beneath my feet. I tilted my head to the side, glancing toward the open doors of the balcony. The moon still dominated the sky, but only by a sliver. Shimmering light dangled over the water’s edge, beckoning me.
Out of habit, I cut my gaze to the alarm clock next to my bed. Five-thirty blinked back at me in neon green. I rubbed my hands over my face. “Is it too much to ask for a decent night’s sleep?” I asked Mr. Sandman, knowing that bastard had once again abandoned me.
The last time I slept through the night was with her by my side. Thinking her name hurt too much. Saying it was even worse.
Say it, you pussy.
“McKenzie. There? You happy?” I vociferated myself.
Like I said, torture. So much torture, in fact, that I’ve resorted to answering myself. But at least I stopped drinking. That alone was a plus.
Mickie.
Her name was like poison to my lips, my mind, my heart, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t find a cure. She left me. She fucking left me. Yet every hour of every day since she’d left carried her name, like a whisper in the back of my mind. She was my first thought in the morning and my last thought of the evening.
I inhaled deeply followed by a shallow exhale. There was no point in staying in the bed. If I did, I would end up staring at the ceiling and whacking off to images of her in my head. Although, while that did have some allure, I knew it wouldn’t help.
There was really only one way to calm my nerves. A long, hard run. I kicked the remainder of the covers away. Usually I’d make my bed before leaving, but not today. Ruby would take care of it.
I put on a pair of running shorts and a jersey. With my Nikes tied tight, I pulled on my favorite sun visor before tucking my iPod, cell phone, and wallet into the back pocket of my jersey. I trotted down the stairs, already feeling better just by moving. The house was quiet and relatively dark as I walked through the living room to the kitchen, making my way out the backdoor to the garage.
The cool morning breeze brushed across my face, filling my nostrils with the salty scent of ocean water as I paced the few meters to the garage. Once inside, I turned the light on and stood there for a few seconds, pondering what vehicle to take. Wyatt was a master at making sure all of my vehicles were prepared at a moment’s notice. I’d always been a stickler for driving myself. There’s something about the control over a vehicle that gets my blood pumping.
I closed my eyes, and her presence once again surrounded me. Without thinking, I pulled the keys from the lockbox for my Honda CBR600RR and climbed on. Many times I’ve told myself I should trade it in for a newer model, but I’ve never been able bring myself to do it. This was the first real toy I’d bought for myself. It held a special place in my heart. The orange and black paint job was fucking cool even though it was stock. A twist of the key and the bike roared to life. I revved the engine a few times to warm it up while waiting for the garage door to open.
A glint of the morning sun started to peek over the horizon, but the pitch black sky choked it. Not one to ride without my helmet, I ripped my visor off, latching it to a loop on my jersey and pulled on my helmet. With that I was gone.
There was only one destination for me. Siesta Key Beach. Sure, I lived on a beach, but private property often hindered my run. Besides, I liked the softness of the sand at Siesta Key. The fifteen minute drive was enough to chill my skin. Not that I minded. In only a few hours, the sun would dominate the sky, and the heat would conquer all of Sarasota. Summer heat was the worst. The humidity alone was enough to keep a person indoors. But the water spoke to me. If I could live in the water during the summer, I would. Of course, I was on the wrong coast for great surfing, but I didn’t mind taking my board out periodically to catch a few small waves.
Once I arrived at the beach, I quickly stretched my legs. There was no time to be wasted. Headphones in my ears, I found my running playlist, and turned up the volume to drown out everything around me. This was my time, and no one was going to bother me. I took a deep breath and started running.
My feet hit the soft sand of the beach and in an instant my whole body relaxed. It knew what to do without me having to tell it. I started out at a slow pace working to get my heart rate up. Gradually I picked up speed until I was at a full sprint. As I ran, my head shifted through all the thoughts and feelings I’d been struggling with lately. Plans, arrangements, every minute detail ticked off in my mind like a calculator. I was about to make a bold move, but it was necessary. I needed her, and I couldn’t wait any longer. This morning was proof. I was on the verge of losing my mind. It was that simple. I’d been a fool to let her get away, and dammit, I was going to fix it.
Harder and harder I pushed myself. The ache in my chest dissipated with the burn in my legs. The morning sun finally began to make its appearance in the sky, but allowed the moon to linger for a short time longer. Sweat poured down my face, as I pushed my body to its breaking point. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I stopped. I was out of breath and boiling in anger and hurt. Two months she’d been gone, and no matter how much I wanted to hate her for running away, for leaving me, I couldn’t.
The sound of my pulse rumbled in my ears, drowning out the sounds of Marilyn Manson. Buckled over, I tried to catch my breath. I pulled my visor from my head, and looked up into the rising sun, squinting at the bright light that was burning through the scattered clouds.
This had to work. Going to Amarillo was my only choice. Deep down, I knew she still loved me. She was hurt. Who wouldn’t be when the man you loved knocked up your best friend? She had every right to want to step back from that, but I needed her. She had no idea how much I needed her. In the past, I’d written off people who gave up on me, but I wasn’t about to make that same mistake again. Not with Mc
Kenzie. She was more important to me than anyone I’d ever been with.
At the water’s edge, I stood up, gazing at the white foam of the waves as they rushed over the soaked sand. My body ached. The air, saturated with salt water from the spray of those waves, filled my lungs, burning my chest with each haggard breath I took. But the pain felt good. It reminded me I was still alive and I could fix things. I was sober. I’d stay sober. She deserved that. I deserved that. And even though I couldn’t care a less about Olivia, our baby deserved that.
After a few moments, I pulled my visor back on and was about to turn around to head back to my bike when I noticed a shadow coming toward me. The sun was obscuring my view, but my heart leapt all the same. I stood still, unable to request my legs to move. Had she come back to me? Could it possibly be McKenzie? I squinted my eyes, as the figure drew closer to me.
I knew before the runner reached me that she wasn’t McKenzie. No matter how much my heart wanted it to be. For starters, this woman was much taller than my Mickie. But it was more than that. There wasn’t that fire that usually burned deep inside me when in her presence. McKenzie consumed me. The air would shimmer with heat. A blaze of desire, need, lust, and love scorched me from the inside out, even at a distance. I felt none of that with the woman approaching me.
As she approached, I examined her more closely. The stranger was nothing like my girl. McKenzie ran in an old t-shirt and shorts. She was conservative, tender, and modest. This woman wanted people to look at her. She was self-absorbed, dressed in gym shorts and sports bra. Nothing about this woman had an allure to me. Without even speaking to her, I knew she thought very highly of herself, and was used to men fawning over her.
I dropped down into the sand, letting the runner pass me. Her eyes moved over. She gave me the look that I’m very much accustomed to. Had it been a year or two ago, I might’ve even tried to strike a conversation with her. But not now. And she got that hint rather quickly when I didn’t look back at her. In almost a huff, she continued down her path, probably prowling for another lonely soul.
The Certainty of Deception Page 2
