by Sarah Grimm
“Be strong,” Gary said from behind him, voice filled with humor. “Her death blow can’t be too painful, right?”
Joe shook his head. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”
“I admit watching you struggle puts a smile on my face. Women have always come too easy for you.”
“Those were the days, right?” Now there was a big fat fucking lie. He wouldn’t trade now for those days no matter what sweet torture Emma had in store for him.
Gary chuckled, knowing he was full of shit.
Joe took the final steps to his dressing room. “Wish me luck.”
“It wouldn’t do you any good, mate.”
Joe closed the door on Gary’s continued laughter. Resting against it, he looked up at the ceiling and shook his head. Then, because he didn’t have the strength not to, he focused on Emma as she walked around the room, trailing her fingers over everything as she went. She stopped in front of that damnable bowl of condoms and dipped her left hand in.
He caught a flash of black circling her wrist. “Is that my cuff?”
“Yes.” She didn’t look up, just continued flipping through the condoms like it was a bowl of candy and she was searching for her favorite flavor. What happened to eye contact while talking?
“I was looking for it earlier. Where did you find it?”
“In my luggage.”
“You stole it?”
“Of course.” She shrugged, shifting away from the condom bowl and to his duffle, which sat on the table near the door. “Just like you steal my panties all the time.”
It happened often. They’d be cramming clothes into luggage, either to take to or return from their hotel suite, and wind up with odds and ends that belonged to each other. For him, it was always her panties. Imagine that.
“I like to wear them on my head when you’re not around,” he teased and she laughed.
“Gross.”
His wallet was in her hands. She opened it, flipped through what cash he carried and checked out his identification. He would have commented, but he was sure that’s what she wanted from him.
Goddamnit, he’d screwed up—allowed Marvin to plant the seed of doubt. He knew why he was with her. She brought him joy, pushed away the darkness, made him smile, laugh. And the sex. The sex was out of this world! Emma was comfortable with her body, her sexuality, open to just about anything he wanted from her. But why was she with him? What did he really have to offer her? If not his fame, his fortune?
What a colossal fuck up his silence had created. Silence, hell, it had been fear. It seemed that every day he needed her more. She bewitched him, crawled under his skin, into his bloodstream, until he couldn’t imagine having to face each day without her. He’d yet to figure out what to do with that.
With a toss of his wallet back into his bag, she turned, pinning him in place with her bright blue eyes. “Listen to me, because I’m only going to say this once.”
He tipped his head. “I’m listening.”
Her fingers worked the buttons on her jacket loose and she peeled it off, tossed it atop his bag. Dear God. He swallowed past a suddenly dry throat, completely entranced by the shirt she revealed. Whatever the fabric was, he wanted to sing its praises. It draped across her skin, molding itself to her breasts like a lover in a way that told him in no uncertain terms she was braless beneath. The vee in the front dipped damn near to her waist, far lower than the jacket she’d topped it with.
“Christ, Sunshine.” When he groaned and had to shift to find comfort, she smiled.
“That look right there.” She moved closer, her gaze holding his, but didn’t finish her thought. “I went to the after party without you. I wanted to talk to people. I needed to understand how you could believe I was anything like them.” She rubbed her finger over the tip of the dragon’s tail peeking out from beneath the sleeve of his shirt. “Do you know what I discovered?”
His concentration took a nosedive along with his breathing. He shook his head.
“They’re not your friends.”
“I told you that.”
Her hand slid under his sleeve and curled over his shoulder, smoothing back down to his bicep. “And I’m telling you, they all want something from you. Not a smile or a glance. Not a moment of your time or to make small talk. They want…bragging rights.”
He’d told her that already, too.
“This is why you don’t trust anyone, Joe.” She nuzzled her nose against his temple. Her breath brushed his ear. “Because you surround yourself with takers. I wonder why that is?”
Speech was becoming difficult. He placed his hands low on her hips and tugged her in until his erection fit in the notch between her thighs. “I never chose those people, Em.”
“No? Because they looked like they were wearing your pass.” Hands on his biceps, she spun, swapping their position. Instead of resting against the door as he had, she walked him backward across the room, stopping once he stood before the couch. “You know what else I noticed?” She took hold of his hand, running her fingertips over the callouses on the ends of his fingers, his thumb. “None of them know me.”
When she licked the callous on his ring finger, he nearly choked. “No?”
“They have no idea that I know the taste of you, the feel of you. The hitch in your breath as I take you into my mouth or the way you whisper my name as you come.”
“Emma.” Christ, she was seducing him with just her words.
“They don’t know that you have a thing for black leather and if I wrapped it around my ass, I’d have your eyes on me tonight.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to the bottom of his chin.
His breathing grew labored.
“Don’t you find that odd, since all I want from you is bragging rights?”
There it was, her death blow. All of the oxygen left his lungs like he’d taken a physical hit to the solar plexus. She curled her leg behind his and shoved. Completely off balance, he landed on his ass on the couch.
“You said you don’t know why I want to be with you? Here’s a hint.” She no longer looked at him like she wanted to crawl inside of him, more like he’d broken something inside of her. His gut knotted painfully. “It’s not so I can tell my friends about sleeping with a rock singer and it’s not so you can buy me things. I don’t want your damn money. If I want a supercar, I’ll buy my own. Got it?”
“You were supposed to go on a tour of Europe and instead you came to me.” He was still so utterly confused by that fact, it sounded in his voice.
She softened. “I did.”
“You traded castles and wine tours for a cramped bus, not enough sleep and what? Post-concert stench?”
“I love the way you smell.”
“Fuck.” He closed his eyes and rubbed the pad of his hand across his forehead, startling when she straddled him.
“Look at me.” She cupped his face. “I traded being alone for being with you. I’m tired of being alone and suddenly I don’t have to be.” She scooted closer, shifting until her heat pressed against his erection. His hands hovered over her hips. “Do I have your attention yet?”
Shit, she had it the first time he laid eyes on her and every time she walked into the room since.
Emma leaned closer—like she was trying to become one with him—and stopped as her lips hovered over his. “I don’t want your money,” she repeated. “I don’t want to take pictures of you and sell them to the press, have your baby so I’m ‘set for life’ or write a tell-all book about how amazing you are in bed.”
She kissed him and he couldn’t help running his hands up her back and molding her torso to his. Her hardened nipples pressed into his chest and he groaned. She changed direction of the kiss, nipping at his lips before delving deep and he groaned again.
Pulling away, she stared at him through heavy-lidded eyes. “Look at you.” In a move that always drove him crazy, she rubbed her thumb over the hair below his bottom lip. “You’re so sexy when you’re vulnerable.”
&nbs
p; “I’m not vul—” He couldn’t say it because they both knew it would be a lie. Instead, he gave her the truth. “You scare the shit out of me, Emma.”
“Good.”
He smoothed his right hand around to cup her breast and glide his calloused thumb over her nipple. It hardened into a tight bead and his mouth went dry. He looked down at his hand, thumb rasping back and forth, working the opening of her V-neck wider and wider until her nipple peaked out.
“Joe.”
The way she said his name…fucking damn.
“Do you know what you do for me?” She cradled the back of his skull, clenched his hair, and tugged until his focus was on her face and not her bare breast. “You make me laugh. And for some reason I don’t completely understand, you like my sassy mouth. You could have any woman you wanted—there’s a room full of beautiful women out there—yet you’re in here with me. Looking at me like… Do you know how empowering it is to have you look at me the way you are right now? You make me feel special, as if I’m important to you.”
“You are important to me,” he whispered, and was rewarded with a smile that could’ve melted glaciers.
“That’s what I do want from you, Joe. It’s all I want. To be important to you.”
Those women she spoke of paled in comparison to her. The way she looked at him, like she didn’t see him as the sinner he was even though he knew she saw everything. The way she smiled at him, touched him. She could almost convince him he was worthy of her.
She crawled off his lap and it was all he could do not to grab hold and pull her back. One quick flip of her wrist hid her breast from view. “Come on,” she said, offering him her hand.
He took it and stood. “Let me guess. You want to go for a walk.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of going someplace where we can’t be interrupted. How private do you think the balcony on our room is?”
“Not private enough.”
“That’s too bad. I’ve always wanted to make love in the rain. The contrast of the cool water and your hot mouth on my skin.”
The look on her face nearly had him swallowing his tongue. “My shower is ten feet away.”
“Nice try,” she said with a laugh, “but not at all the same thing.”
She picked up her jacket and slipped into it, situating the collar just so. Sexy—the whole damn outfit was sexy. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she opened the door and told Gary they needed a car. “Make it a sporty one, if you can. I’ve been feeling the need for a fast ride all day.”
Joe choked a laugh at her double entendre. “You like fast cars, Sunshine?”
She closed the door and smiled. “I do. You?”
“Bobby and Zach can keep their motorbikes. I prefer four wheels over two. Raw horse power, the growl of a powerful engine and a spectacular display of G-force at acceleration.” With each reference, her smile grew. “Never been a fan of the Bugatti, though.”
“No?”
“I prefer the Koenigsegg.”
She let out a slow, appreciative breath.
“That’s why I have one.”
“Shut. Up.”
He smiled.
She pushed off the door and stepped closer. “Which one?”
“The Agera RS.”
Her hand settled on his chest. Her breathing was unsteady, ragged, making the rise and fall of her breasts more pronounced. “You’re not messing with me, are you?”
“No.”
She closed her eyes and hummed. A mild tremor worked through her and her fingers curled into his shirt. “I think I just had an orgasm.”
Christ. She did look a little flushed.
“You’ll take me for a ride in it, right?” A shuddery breath escaped her. “Lie to me if you have to, just say you’ll take me for a ride.”
Un-fucking-believable. All over a car.
“Better, yet.” The gruff rumble at the back of her throat had his brain misfiring. “I’ll ride you in the car.”
This time it was his breathing that accelerated. “Sorry, no sex in the Koenigsegg.”
“On the garage floor next to it, while I touch it?”
She wasn’t kidding. He threw his head back and laughed. She was hot over a car. Not that the Agera RS wasn’t one hell of a car. “I’ll give you something to touch,” he said as his cock hardened even more.
“Do you have a picture of it?”
“Why would I have a picture of my cock?”
Her mouth dropped open. She shook her head in what looked like confusion. “Your car.”
“No.” Of course he did, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. “I’ll make growly noises at you while you ride me, though.”
Her head tilted as she smirked. “It would help if I had a photo to go along with it.”
A rap on the door let him know Gary was back with a ride to the hotel for them.
“Bloody minx,” Joe muttered, then bent at the knees and scooped her over his shoulder.
He was nearly at the door when she said, “Your bag, you forgot your bag.”
He spun her around and squatted so she could snatch it off the table. There was a rustling like she was rummaging through his bag for a picture of the Agera. “Em,” he warned.
“This,” she said with a sigh. “I might be tempted to rethink my gold digger status if it meant getting my hands on this car.”
He slapped her on the ass. Hard.
“Dear God, I think I just came again.” Her voice went all throaty as he opened the door.
Standing in the center of the doorway, Gary arched a brow. His gaze moved from Joe’s hand on Emma’s ass—which was damn near in his face, what with her still over Joe’s shoulder—back to Joe. “The car is here, but you’ve got company.”
Joe nodded. “What kind of company?”
“The kind with cameras.”
“Shit.” He set Emma on her feet. “Behave yourself.”
Emma’s smile was of the oh-so-sweet variety. “I’m not the one playing macho man.”
“No, you’re the one having orgasms over a car.” Sure as shit, she’d pulled his mobile out of his duffle and found a picture of his Agera on it. He made a grab for it. “Give me that.”
“No.” She dodged his reach as she typed on the screen.
“You can’t seriously be—”
Her phone, hidden somewhere on her person, chimed to alert an incoming message. Eyebrow raised in challenge, she dropped his mobile into his duffle.
“You forwarded it to yourself.”
She smiled, the tip of her tongue playing with her lip.
“Unbelievable.” He slid his hands over her body, focusing on the zips, until he found the bulge that had to be her phone. Slipping his fingers inside the pocket, he ignored her startled protest as he pulled it out and handed it to Gary—who wasn’t shy about checking the message.
Gary released a laugh.
Joe handed over his mobile as well. “Sorry, Sunshine, no car porn. I can promise, you won’t need it.”
April 28
I was watching Joe today. I do that a lot, actually. Watch him when he’s working, talking with fans, or even when he’s sleeping. (I try not to think about how creepy that makes me sound.) I compare who he is today with the man I met backstage that night. Even the man I imagined him to be before we ever met. He is so much more.
He has a gift – a way with words and music. Joe brings joy to so many people’s lives, I wonder if he even realizes it. I was one of those people – I know he doesn’t realize that. Whenever I was down, struggling more than usual with the hospitals and doctors, the chemo and radiation, I would turn his music on, let the words wash over me and feed my soul. Let it bring me the strength I was lacking. I would turn the music on and tune out the world.
I was watching Joe today, and wondering how I could do the same for him. Should I tell him what his music has meant to my life? If I do, it opens up so much more that needs to be said. I’m not sure I’m ready to explain it all. Would it
help drive away the sadness? Or bring him even more? I can’t know for certain.
When we met, the music inside him was dying. I saw it in his eyes. Read it in the lyrics that littered the table in his dressing room—those beautiful, pain-filled words that haunt me still. Somewhere along the way, no matter how much joy he gave to others, he’d lost his own. Darkness was his friend, his mistress, and music doesn’t survive in darkness.
Today Joe was smiling. He smiled at me when he caught me staring. I had decided to risk it, attempt to explain to him the series of events that brought us together. Then he smiled. And whatever had brought him that moment of joy, be it me or the fact that the sun was rising and, with it, a new day, I couldn’t take that happiness away from him.
Number of days since I decided to live: 68
Number of days since I met Joe: 25
Current level of panic: 6/10
FOURTEEN
May 8
It was raining, the night air chilled, as they stepped outside. Joe set his hand on the small of Emma’s back and used his body to block as much wind and rain from her as he could. Pointless when she stopped at the side of the limo and tipped her face to the sky. A smile of pure pleasure curled her lips before she looked back at him and pressed in for a kiss. The warmth of her mouth on his, the cool water; he suddenly knew exactly why she fantasized about making love in the rain. “Maybe we will check out the balcony on our suite.”
Her gaze lit with something that looked like both heat and laughter. Turning back to the car, she nodded at the driver and slid in.
“Mr. Campbell,” the man said as Joe stepped to the door. “Where would you like to go tonight?”
“Our hotel.” He didn’t need to specify which one, for the car service always had that information on hand. “Can you make it fast? She was hoping for something with a bit more horsepower than a limo.”
The man tipped his head, closing the door behind Joe as he slid onto the seat next to Emma.
Emma placed his duffle on the floor then switched to the seat across from him. Her gaze bounced off everything, hand not far behind as she checked out the interior of the limo. Unlike most people, Emma never seemed satisfied with just a visual check of anything. She always added the tactile, as well. It was just one of the things that made her unique and different from nearly everyone else he knew. Another was her inability to keep most emotions off her face. He wondered what she was thinking about as they pulled away from the arena, moving through the crowd gathered outside the loading area.
