“There’s an opening in mountain maintenance.”
“What’s that?”
“Mostly shoveling snow, erecting signs, driving some of the machines. There are lots of things that need maintaining all winter.”
“Sounds harder than being a trammie.”
He smiles. “I’ve liked being a trammie,” he says, “but honestly, some days I think I’d rather jump off the tram than recite that spiel one more time. I bet I’ve rattled it off, like, thousands of times already. Sometimes I try to add a new twist or make a joke to change it up, but then I forget where I’m at, so I figure it’s best to stick with the script. The maintenance guys get to do different things all the time, depending on what’s needed.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.”
“Thanks. The timing’s good. My work visa will probably expire about the same time the winter season winds down. If your mom were here,” he adds, “the job would be mine for sure. She always had my back.”
“Mine too,” Brenna says.
“Have you heard of the Seek the Peak relay?” Ryan asks. Once again she’s accepted a ride home, though more reluctantly this time.
“Yeah, but I don’t know much about it.”
“It’s a race that goes from Ambleside Beach to the peak of Grouse to raise funds for breast cancer research.”
“Really?” She’s surprised she doesn’t know more about it, given that her mom had worked on the mountain and died of breast cancer.
“Yeah. It can be run solo or in teams, and the relay has four legs. The first runner goes from Ambleside Beach to Cleveland Dam. The second goes from the dam to the bottom of the Grind, the third runner does the Grind, and the last person runs to the peak of the mountain. It’s put on every spring.”
“I can’t imagine running up the Grind.”
“It’s all about the fundraising and camaraderie, not the winning.”
“Hmm.”
Ryan glances at her and then continues. “I was thinking we could put a team together to run in your mom’s memory this year,” he says softly.
Brenna doesn’t respond. They drive in silence until he pulls into her driveway. He turns off the ignition and turns to look at her.
“I think you should consider it, Brenna,” he says. “We have months to prepare, and you’d be doing it to help find a cure so that no one else has to lose their mother to breast cancer. Or their sister. Or daughter.”
Brenna sighs. Her legs ache. “How was our time on the Grind today?” she asks, ignoring the topic.
He takes a moment before responding. “We shaved off another five minutes.”
“Maybe because we didn’t take as many breaks.”
“And maybe that’s because we’re getting stronger.”
“I’d be the weakest link in a relay,” she says, finally acknowledging his suggestion.
“No, you wouldn’t. All kinds of people participate. Young, old, in shape, out of shape. And we’d prepare all winter and spring for it. You’d be fine.”
Brenna sinks lower in her seat.
“We don’t have to decide anything today,” he says. “But it’s something to think about.”
She nods.
“Same time on Wednesday?”
“Okay.”
“It will be our last afternoon Grind of the season, but we’ll find something to replace it.”
Brenna reaches for the door handle.
“Hey, Brenna?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really enjoying our hikes.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He puts his hand on her arm, gently pulling her toward him. Georgialee’s words about being all stinky and sweaty run through her head. She reaches for the door handle again.
“Even if I hadn’t liked your mom so much, I’d still want to hike with you.”
She glances at him. He looks completely sincere.
“I don’t really like hiking,” she admits. “But I like hanging out with you.”
He smiles. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He tugs her to him and pulls her into a hug. She tries to relax, to return the hug, but it’s forced. She’s too aware of how she must smell.
Ryan kisses her forehead and continues holding her. “The timing is wrong,” he says. “I know it’s only been a few months since your mom died.”
Brenna feels even stiffer. Where’s he going with this?
“I totally get that,” he continues. “But whenever you’re ready…”
She looks up and meets his gaze. Ready for what exactly?
“I’m already ready,” he says, smiling. He gently kisses her lips before releasing her.
She sits for a moment, not knowing what to say. Then, without a word, she leans back into him and this time hugs him tightly. Tears stream down her cheeks, and her breathing becomes ragged.
Ryan doesn’t say anything, just holds her tightly. When the moment has passed, Brenna dabs her nose with her sleeve and grabs the door handle again. “Sorry,” she says. “I don’t know where that came from.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.”
“I saw you in the chalet yesterday.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, and you were with all those girls.”
“And?”
“And…I felt kind of jealous.”
“Really?” He grins. “That makes me happy.”
She swats his arm.
“They’re just my workmates, Brenna.” He laughs. “It’s you I want to hang out with after work.”
“Wednesday?” she confirms.
He nods. “Can I call you before that?”
She smiles shyly. “Yeah.”
“How old is that boy?” her dad asks as she steps into the house. She realizes he must have been watching them through the front window.
“I’m not sure,” she admits. “Maybe eighteen or nineteen?”
“A little too old for you, don’t you think?” He’s drying his hands on a tea towel.
She doesn’t answer as she leans over and unlaces her hiking boots.
“Maybe Naysa’s not the daughter I need to be worrying about.”
She gives him a withering look and places her boots by the door.
“What do you two have in common?” he asks.
“Ryan had a good relationship with Mom,” she tells him. “That’s what we have in common.”
She begins to walk down the hall to her room. “And I’m sixteen now, Dad. I can handle it. You can quit spying on me.”
“Curried cauliflower is on the menu for dinner tonight,” he says to her retreating back.
Sept. 22
He kissed me he kissed me he kissed me he kissed me he kissed me he kissed me.
Ryan parks the car against the curb outside the coffee shop and shuts off the motor, but neither of them moves. They’ve arrived early for their meeting with Justin and Angie.
“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Ryan asks.
She nods, but her stomach is anything but okay. After all, she’s about to meet a biological relative for the first time.
She glances across the street to where a bunch of young teenage girls are gathered on the sidewalk. None of them are wearing coats, even though the evenings have become cool. Their skirts are short, they’re teetering on high heels, and they are all wearing tight, low-cut shirts.
The door to a convenience store swings open, and Naysa steps out and joins the rest of the girls. Even from across the street Brenna can see how much makeup she’s wearing. Naysa holds out a bag to one of the other girls, showing her the contents, and then squeals when the other girl pulls an item out of the bag. Brenna can’t make out what it is.
“Hey,” Ryan says, noticing where Brenna’s gaze has gone. “Isn’t that your little sister?”
Brenna doesn’t answer, because right at that moment the girls start to cross the street and are about to walk right in front of Ryan’s car. Brenna slides down in the seat, hoping not to be noticed by Naysa. When she th
inks they’ve moved on, she glances up. Naysa has lingered behind and is just now walking in front of the car. Their eyes meet, and Brenna sees the look of alarm that crosses her sister’s face. There is a moment when they simply stare at each other, and then Naysa scurries to catch up with the rest of the group. The girl who had pulled something out of Naysa’s bag is carrying a pack of cigarettes. She too glances at Brenna before moving on.
“What was that all about?” Ryan asks.
“I don’t know.” Still feeling shocked at seeing Naysa there, she watches the girls as they move down the street.
Ryan checks his phone. “It’s almost time. Shall we go meet your aunt?”
Brenna takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Yeah.”
Ryan comes around to the sidewalk and takes Brenna’s hand. She can feel herself trembling, but Ryan doesn’t comment. They walk toward the Daily Grind.
“Try to remember what we talked about,” he reminds her.
She nods. On their Wednesday-afternoon hike and over a few phone conversations, they’d discussed all the questions she could ask.
“But not to worry—if you forget, I’ll remember and ask for you.”
She squeezes his hand, grateful to have him along.
He pulls open the door to the coffee shop, and she steps inside. Immediately her eyes lock on a woman sitting in a booth facing the door.
“Brenna?” the woman says, standing up and moving toward her.
Brenna can only nod. Her feet are frozen to the floor.
The woman pulls Brenna into a tight hug. “Oh my god!” she says. “I can’t believe it’s you!”
Even though Brenna is still being squeezed and can’t see Angie’s face, she’s aware that Angie is crying. She can’t hold back her own tears either, and the two of them stand in the doorway for a long moment, silently crying in each other’s arms.
She hears Ryan beside her. “Hi, I’m Ryan,” he’s saying. She looks over and sees him extending a hand to Justin.
Angie releases her hold on Brenna. “Sorry,” she says, wiping tears off her cheeks. She holds out her hand to greet Ryan. “I’m Angie,” she says.
Justin looks down at Brenna and smiles. “Good to see you again.”
Brenna is wiping her own eyes as Angie leads them back to their table. She and Ryan sit across from Justin and Angie.
“So,” Angie says, still trying to pull herself back together. “It was almost like seeing Kia walk through those doors.” She studies Brenna’s face. “Except for your eyes. Kia’s eyes are brown.”
An awkward silence falls over the table. Ryan reaches out and takes Brenna’s hand.
“What can I get for everyone?” Justin asks, standing up.
They tell him what they want, relieved to have something to say. After he excuses himself to get their drinks, Angie leans across the table toward Brenna. “She never stopped missing you,” she says gently.
Tears spring to Brenna’s eyes again. She’d been expecting at least some small talk first. “Then why did she stop coming to see me?”
“Things change,” Angie says, sitting back. “For the first year I think she went to see you every weekend, but then she went away to university.” Her eyebrows scrunch together as she tries to recall the details. “Like I told you,” she continues, “I was young—I didn’t really know what was going on. But I think my sister changed after you were born. When she came back from seeing you on weekends, she always seemed sad.”
Justin returns to the table with a tray of hot drinks. He hands them around. “What did I miss?” he asks, sitting back down and taking in the serious expressions.
“I was telling Brenna that Kia seemed different after Brenna was born. Is that how you remember it?”
Justin thinks for a moment. “She was always responsible and level-headed,” he says. “But she may have become more withdrawn after you were born.”
“Yeah, withdrawn,” Angie says. “That’s the right word. Like I said, she couldn’t wait to see you each weekend, but then she was really quiet afterward.”
“Why did she go away to school?” Brenna asks.
Justin and Angie exchange glances. Angie shrugs. “I don’t know for sure, but I suspect she needed a fresh start.”
“That’s how I remember it,” Justin says. “Having a baby so young…well…I don’t think she ever really felt like she fit in with her old group again. She’d grown up so much over that year.”
“But going away didn’t work out so well,” Angie says.
Brenna notices how both Angie and Justin seem to sink into themselves.
“She struggled with depression,” Angie continues. “She had planned to go into med school—she had the marks—but the summer before she was to start, the depression totally derailed her.”
“Depression.” Brenna shakes her head. She had realized from reading the journal that Kia had mood swings, but she knew depression was something entirely different.
“Yeah, she had to take a year off. She stayed home while she was in therapy.”
“I remember talking to her around that time,” Justin said. “She really struggled to find meds that helped her but that didn’t have horrible side effects.”
Brenna leans back in the booth. Ryan grips her hand.
“There were a few rough years,” Angie says. “I was still in high school, and I remember that I never wanted to bring my friends home because I didn’t know what Kia was going to be like. I hate to admit it, but sometimes she embarrassed me with the rants she’d go on. She was super into causes—which is cool—but for a while there she’d lecture my friends if they were wearing brand-name clothes or if we bought things that weren’t locally made. Our parents didn’t dare buy anything unless it was organic. We became vegetarians.”
Justin smiles sheepishly. “I may be responsible for egging her on during that time. I thought that her passion for those things would help her heal.”
“Maybe it worked,” Angie says, “but sometimes it was hard to be her sister. She could be so self-righteous.” Angie glances out the window. “Now that I’m older I respect her passion, but at the time I wanted a normal sister.”
“I know a little about depression,” Ryan says. It is his first contribution to the conversation. “And I think it’s better to be passionate than to shut down completely.”
Now it’s Brenna’s turn to squeeze his hand. She knows he must be thinking of his own mother.
“She did that too, at first,” Justin says. “That’s why I thought it was a good sign when she was getting passionate about things again.”
Brenna studies the man who’d been Kia’s close friend, the man Kia had longed for. She can understand the attraction. His face is kind, and his voice is deep yet gentle. “Ryan thinks physical exercise will help me heal,” she says. “From losing my mom.”
Angie and Justin both nod at Ryan.
Angie continues. “Eventually Kia found the right meds, and she mostly returned to being the same old Kia.”
“But she never found her way back to medical school,” Justin adds.
“Not yet anyway,” Angie says. “But she has a huge passion for helping people. She especially loves old people and children. I think it was you who sparked her interest in children, Brenna, and an old woman named Grace, who died right after you were born, who made her want to work with seniors in care homes.”
“My middle name is Grace,” Brenna reminds them.
“That’s right! I’d forgotten that. Kia did work in a care home until she applied for the job with Aid-A-Child. She’s been with them for five years now.”
“And she’s okay?”
“Yeah, though I always worry that she’ll have a relapse if the stress gets too great.”
“You’d think that working with orphans would be stressful work,” Ryan comments.
“No,” Angie says. “Not for her. She knows she’s making a difference there. I think doing that job was what returned her to the old Kia.”
Brenna takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh.
Angie smiles at her. “Sorry, Brenna,” she says. “That’s a lot of information all at once. I hope I didn’t upset you.”
Brenna shakes her head and takes a sip from her mug of hot chocolate. “It’s just weird,” she says, struggling to collect her thoughts. “I read the journal Kia kept when she was pregnant with me. But I assumed her life had been happy-ever-after since I stopped hearing from her.”
“Is anyone’s life happy-ever-after?” Justin asks.
Brenna shrugs. Hers and Ryan’s weren’t. She wonders what stories Justin and Angie could share.
They sit quietly for a moment, Brenna trying to find the courage to ask the question that has been bothering her for nearly two weeks. Ryan must know what she’s thinking, because he squeezes her hand again. It’s just what she needs. “Why do you think Kia would be unhappy if she knew you and I were in touch?” She looks directly at Angie.
Angie’s finger strokes the rim of her mug. She chooses her words carefully. “My relationship with Kia has been a bit shaky ever since she got sick,” she says. “I said some stupid things, mostly because I was young and didn’t know better. I told her she’d embarrassed me by having a baby and then I turned around and told her I thought she’d abandoned you.” She shakes her head and slouches in the booth. “I can’t believe I said those things. I was just mad. I really hurt her, and even though we’ve talked about it and she says she’s forgiven me, I feel our relationship is still strained. She doesn’t come home very often, so I haven’t dealt with it. I know, though, that if she hears about us connecting, she’ll think I’m interfering with her life.”
“But…she’s chosen not to have me in her life, right?”
“Yeah, but…”
“And I’m your niece.”
“Technically, yes.”
“Technically?”
“That’s the thing about adoption. Kia made the choice to give you to someone else to raise. But it affected me too. And my parents.”
“Do they know you’re here?” Justin asks.
“No.”
“How come?” He cocks his head.
She sighs, then looks at Brenna rather than Justin. “They’re really good people, Brenna. You have to know that. But this is so complicated. They encouraged Kia to put you up for adoption because they loved her and felt her life would be way easier if she wasn’t a teen mom. But it must have been hard for them too. Now they’re at an age where they’d love to have a grandchild, but the only one they have was adopted into another family. They’d think that meeting with you now, after all this time and with what Kia’s gone through, well, it’d be like opening a can of worms.”
Dancing in the Rain Page 11
