by Jenny Hayut
I’m breathless.
My worries about him going further quickly vanish as Kilo thwarts any plans Holt might have had. Thank God. He barrels out of a doorway and charges at me, nearly knocking me down. His tail is wagging like crazy as he licks me all over. Seems Kilo has fallen in love with me just as fast as I fell for him.
I drop to the floor, getting to Kilo’s level. “Hi, sweet boy!” I give him a rubdown and scratch behind his ears.
I’m still petting his soft coat when I tilt my head back up to Holt. With Kilo as a distraction, it’s easier to pretend Holt’s not just standing there, wet. “How’s he doing with his medicine?”
“Well. He’s been taking it, but that’s not really the problem I’m having with him.”
Doctor mode kicks in. “What’s wrong? Is he not eating?” Sometimes animals lose their appetite when they’re on a medication regime.
“Uh, no. Look at him, woman. Does it look like he’s missing any meals? Shit, he won’t eat dog food anymore because he thinks he’s on a steak and potatoes diet.”
I laugh. My kind of dog. I almost scold him, though, about people food being bad for him, but I decide to wait. “So what’s the problem?”
“Well, I think he’s getting tired of being stuck in this room every day. I take him out for walks when I can but I’m not—”
“You’re not what?”
His jaw suddenly becomes tight. He’s gritting his teeth, I’m sure of it. Whatever he’s stumbling over trying to say is making him uncomfortable. Great.
“I’m not here much during the day because I’ve got shit to do, and I’m not sure how much longer...” He trails off again. “So he’s not getting much exercise during the day.”
Well, there it is. For the first time, solid confirmation that he’s on a job. And by the sound of it, he’s not planning to stay.
Not going to be as hard as I thought, not giving in to him.
I stand up and escape to the chair sitting across from the bed, laying my purse on the side table. “Well, maybe we can work something out with you. Maybe bring him to the hospital. We have the fenced-in grounds in the back that our kennel uses. It’s not much, but it’s something.”
“That might work, babe. Beats him being all alone here every day.”
“Okay, well, bring him in whenever you’re...working. Just call me first so I can let the kennel know to expect him.”
“Sounds good. Thanks, babe.” Holt’s attention moves to my purse. He points to it. “That your overnight bag?”
I know immediately where he’s going with this. “I’m not spending the night, Holt. Just dinner, remember?”
Holt sent me a text before the end of my shift, reminding me I was “his” for the night. I got excited as I read it, I can’t lie. Still, I held my ground, texting him back to tell him I could only do dinner, that I had another full day of surgeries tomorrow.
He gives me a sinister grin. “Okay.”
I know what that grin means. He controls me. He knows it. I know it. And what he intends to do about it scares me. I’m eventually going to run out of excuses to stay away from him. Having sex with him was definitely a mistake. I loved every minute of it, but opening myself back up to him like that sent out the wrong message.
I attack the elephant in the room—the teeny tiny piece of cloth posing as a towel. “Are you going to get dressed or what?”
“Or what.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m serious, Holt. Are we doing dinner?”
“Yeah, I plan on eating tonight.” He grins.
God. I have to turn away from him as my body heats up again. Great. If he starts, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have the strength to stop him.
I stand and grab my purse. “I’ll just wait out in my car so you can get dressed.”
He closes the distance between us, and I hold my breath because I know the scent of him is enough to make me lose it. He circles my waist with one arm, pulling my body into his, and his cock, hard and ready, presses against me.
“What’s up with you tonight, babe? You’re not running from me, are you?”
I turn my head away from him, but he captures my chin with his fingers and turns me back to face him.
“I’m back, baby. I’m here. Talk to me. I know you have things going on in that beautiful head of yours. I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me.”
What stands out is what he doesn’t say, what I really need to hear him say: that he’s staying. Because he’s not, I’m sure of that now.
“I’m not running. I just really want you to...put some clothes on.”
He lets me go and raises his hands as if I just pointed a gun at him. “Your wish is my command. But, baby, understand, I get a wish for each one I give.” He turns and walks into the bathroom, chuckling the whole way.
Thank God. I was about three seconds away from attacking him.
Minutes later, I give Kilo a kiss on his head as I follow Holt out of his room to Sex on Wheels. Naturally, I offer to drive—at least that way I would have more control of the night—but, of course, Holt said, “Fuck that. I drive.” And I secretly loved it. Damn it.
We make our way into Cosmo’s, my favorite pizza place in town. We grab a booth and order drinks, and I proceed with Operation Find Doc C.
“Do you remember Doctor Caravan?”
Holt is looking down at the menu, but when he hears Doc C’s name, he freezes and shoots me this intense look full of pain. It’s weird as shit. I mean, if he does remember him, he didn’t know that much about him. I try to focus on my goal and push his reaction aside.
“When he retired, he just left. No one’s heard from him, which is odd because that’s not his nature. He loves this town, the people, that hospital, all of it. It’s his life. And I, well, I think a lot of him. I’ve known him forever, and I really thought he would’ve at least called me by now. At first, we thought he was just enjoying his time off, but it’s been three months, Holt. And then today I got the strangest phone call. This man named Mr. Calhoun—Vinnie, I think his first name was—calls me. He was telling—”
“What the fuck?” Holt says loudly, and heads turn our way. He suddenly looks like a crazed animal.
Did I miss something? “What?”
“What did he say to you, Nicolette? Every word.”
“Wait, what? Do you know this guy? Who is he, because he seems—”
Something hits me, and hard.
The way he answered the phone. Calhoun. Talk. Just like Holt answered his call in my room. He knows him. Shit. Is he a bounty hunter too? What’s he want with Doc C? Jesus.
“Tell me exactly what he said to you.”
I desperately want answers, but right now, with the rage in Holt’s eyes, I feel obliged to tell him what he wants to know. I slowly spill out my conversation with Mr. Vinnie Calhoun, word for word. When Holt hears how he pretty much threatened me, he slams his fist on the table, making everything on it move with a loud bang, which causes heads to turn our way again.
“You’re not going to like what’s about to come out of my mouth, but I’m telling you right now, you’re just going to have to deal with it. You have no fucking choice. Vinnie is a crazy fucker, Nicolette, and if he’s on your trail, you are not safe. No way in fuck I’m giving Calhoun a chance to get to you, so you’re staying with me until I straighten this shit out.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. What do you mean, Vinnie is on my trail?” My head is spinning. I can’t think straight. What the hell is he talking about?
“It’s only a matter of time before he’s in your face, and by that I mean in your face. He will not call you. He will not knock on your door. He will just be up in your face. He didn’t believe a word you said about not having any contact with the doctor, and if he’s looking for him, in his mind, you are a way to find him.”
“But I don’t understand. Why would he think that in the first place?”
As if he’s thinking it out, Holt sits there for a moment, staring past me. Finall
y, he says, “Well, maybe he figures since you’re his predecessor, he’d be calling you to check on things.”
Putting it that way, it did make a little sense, but that did nothing to make the situation better, or ease my mind about the danger Doc C seemed to be in.
“How do you know him, Holt?” If he answers, this will be the first time I get to see into Holt’s life.
“We’ve crossed paths a few times over the years. Some of the fuckers I do business with send more than one hunter out on the job. When we find ourselves following the same trail, it usually ends up with us fighting to get to the end of that trail first.” He reaches over the table and grabs my hand in his. “Babe, he’s trash. I’ve watched him work. He has no regard for the innocent people who get caught up with whoever he’s tracking. To him, they’re just obstacles in his path, and he doesn’t hesitate to get them out of his way by whatever means necessary.” As I look into his eyes, I see the rage still there but behind it, fear. He’s serious about this guy.
He’s just given me a lot, and I’m not sure how to file it in my head. Do I put it in the pile marked Reasons to Stay the Fuck Away or the one marked Reasons to Let my Body Do What it Wants?
“Vinnie fucks with people then leads them to believe he’s gonna be their friend, that he’ll let them off the hook if they give up whatever he has his eye on. Sometimes—babe, you might not like hearing this—it’s people he gets his eye on. A man’s daughter or wife. He takes what he wants, letting his prey go, only to track them down again within a few weeks.”
I gasp, and I’m sure my jaw has dropped. I don’t know if it’s fear overwhelming me or the fact that Holt’s telling me so much. Maybe not about himself, but I’m getting a glimpse of his life, or at least the people he knows, the kind of people he deals with.
“He likes the chase. That’s what got him into the business. I’ve heard stories about him, but I’m not sure how true they are. They say he used to be special ops in the military until they kicked him out. My guess, for fucking with people, taking advantage of his power.” He leans back and huffs as he rubs the back of his neck.
I sit there. Speechless. Is this really happening? Some ex-military I-think-I’m-GI-Joe is after Doc C, and now maybe after me? It’s all a dream. Has to be. There’s no Holt. Doc C is at the hospital, and it’s my day off, and I’m stuck in some sick twisted nightmare. I close my eyes tight as if I’m Dorothy trying to get back to Kansas. I open them, only to see Holt sitting across from me still. Clueless about my thoughts.
“So there’s no way in fucking hell I’m leaving you alone, giving him the chance to decide you are what he wants. Because I know the second he looks at you, babe, he’s gonna want you, just like every other man does. So that fucking shit ain’t gonna happen. You’re with me or your friends or at work twenty-four seven. Never alone. But at night you are in my bed.”
My head is spinning. From worrying about Doc, to what he just revealed to me about the man I talked to on the phone a few hours ago, to him basically telling me I’m in his bed. Every night. Whether I like it or not. How the hell am I getting out of this?
“Holt, I have to ask you something. Can you track down Doc C for me?” I blurt it quickly before talking myself out of asking him. “I really want to warn him about this Vinnie guy. He has no clue the danger he may be in.”
Holt gives me another pained look. “Babe, I’m sure your doctor knows exactly what’s going on. You’re forgetting what I told you about how Vinnie operates. My guess is he’s already contacted him and given him a running start after the doctor promised him something. That’s probably what made him leave town when he did. He knew Vinnie was coming. So now he’s on the run, not staying in one place too long, hoping Vinnie doesn’t find him.”
I tremble at the thought of Doc C being somewhere. Hiding out. Thinking this guy is on his trail. But why?
“I don’t understand why Vinnie would be looking for Doc C in the first place. He’s not a thief, he’s not shady. He’s just a damn veterinarian, for goodness sakes, and now a retired one. A sweet, kind, caring old man. Why would someone like Vinnie be looking for him?”
“Somebody hired him, babe.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he’s done someone wrong somewhere, or had some kind of misunderstanding with somebody.”
“I refuse to believe that Doctor Caravan, a man I’ve known since I was a child, could possibly have done anything that would make someone hire a tracker to find him. I can’t believe that, Holt. It’s just not possible. If you knew him, you would understand.”
“I don’t know, babe, maybe so, but remember what I said. Sometimes people get caught up in shit out of their control.”
Can this be true? Doc C caught up in shit? What could he possibly have gotten himself into? There’s got to be some kind of misunderstanding, somewhere, somehow, and I am going to make Holt help me find out. If I have to succumb to my body’s desires again to get what I want then, damn it, I will.
It does sound kind of whorish, but I have to do something. It’s only until I know Doc C’s been warned and I can maybe get the police involved, if this man Vinnie is as dangerous as Holt makes him out to be. I can do this. And maybe, just maybe, in the process, I can get my addiction to him out of my system...
Chapter 15
“Not going to happen, Nicolette,” Holt answers when I ask him again to help me find Doc C. “No way am I letting you get in the middle of that shit. Not going to fucking happen.”
“Holt, you don’t understand, he doesn’t have anybody else. Maybe he does know this Vinnie guy is looking for him, but at least if we find him, I can hear his voice, know he’s okay. Please, Holt. I need this. I can’t sit here and do nothing. Please help me find him.”
Holt is staring at me, still with grief in his eyes. I guess because he knows what bad news Vinnie is.
“Babe, because of the shit that went down before with you and me, and because I’m trying to do right by you now, I will find him for you. I’ll always give you what you say you need, baby, and if talking to him, knowing that he’s okay, is what you need then I’ll find him. But understand we’re talking a phone call.” He raises his finger in the air sharply. “One phone call. To make sure he’s okay. That’s it. I’m not willing to put your ass on the line for him, no matter who the fuck he is to you.”
His words are sincere. I can see in his tight posture he doesn’t want to give me this, but he’s caving. For me. His action, his understanding, his willingness to please me hits me in my core.
“Thank you,” I almost whisper, trying my best yet again to hide my reaction to his words.
As the waitress brings our pizza and we begin eating, I try not to combust with all the knowledge I just took in. Holt must sense my uneasiness, because he asks me about the hospital, how I like it, what the other doctors and my coworkers are like. I know he’s trying to get my mind off Vinnie, but he seems to be taking an interest in my life too. What it’s become in his absence. When we were together, I was still in college and working as a technician with big dreams for my future. It’s become what I’d dreamed, minus the heartbreak I suffered at Holt’s hands. Totally didn’t see that shit coming.
If someone had told me he wasn’t going to show up that night, or any night thereafter, for the three-cheese lasagna I’d made, along with a chocolate cream pie and whipped cream (well, the whipped cream wasn’t really intended for dinner.), I would’ve laughed. There was no sign, no clue, nothing. Here one day, gone the next. That day and what it did to me will forever be burned in my head.
We had been out late the night before at The Rox, listening to one of the bands I liked. After we left, we went to the strip—a last minute run had been put together. Holt could never turn one down. He loved the chase, being behind the wheel. His posture would relax, and he would tilt his head and grin at me as we belted down the road. God. Hot.
It was his thing. The speed. The control. I was addicted from the very first time
he let me ride with him, craving the adrenaline rush, the wind on my face, him shifting gears, the feel of the hot engine rumbling below us... It all made for mind-blowing sex afterward.
We only got a few hours’ sleep that night, and the next morning, after showering and getting dressed for work, I leaned over him, still in bed, and gave him a quick kiss, reminding him about dinner that night at my place. Nothing special about that goodbye, from him or me. I remembered, though, after replaying the scene in my head over and over again, that he didn’t kiss me back. It still haunted me, wondering if he’d known that my careless kiss was to be our last. That it was our goodbye.
And then I spiraled out of control.
Cass was the only one who stood by my side. She understood me. Most everyone else thought it was crazy that I could fall for someone so quickly and be affected by his loss so deeply. But I was. And then I went from missing him, longing for him, into hating myself for whatever I did to make him go away. I spent hours looking in the mirror, knowing I wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough to keep his interest. It was a year that created wounds I still carry.
“Babe.”
I look up to see Holt watching me.
“Would love to know where your head was just now. You’re not going to tell me though. Can tell by the look on your face.” I must be giving him a deer in headlights stare. Shit. “So tell me about Doctor Caravan. I don’t mean what you already told me. I get he’s a good man and he loved his job. I know all that. Did he ever talk about places he wanted to see or visit?”
I hesitate, still taken aback that Holt could tell my mind was elsewhere and, at that moment, glad he couldn’t read my thoughts.
“Um, the only thing I remember is him talking about this bird-watching group in Florida. He brought in this flyer one day. A group of people in Florida travel across the country in search of rare bird species. He was really excited about it and told me it would be something he’d do if he ever got the chance. That maybe one day when he retired he’d do it.”
