I sat down in the dirt with my head in my hands. I didn’t care who could see me or what they thought. I had pushed it all so far back that I couldn’t hold anymore, and it was coming out now.
I heard the sound of the shovel in the dirt, and looked up to see Billy finishing what I had started.
“Thanks, Billy,” I said, and tried to give him a half smile.
“Aw, it’s nothing. You’ve had a hard day.” He smiled at me and rubbed his neck.
Looking up at him was like looking at a telephone pole, scrawny and tall.
“I think I have hard days a little too frequently,” I moaned.
“It ain’t exactly the easy life here,” he chuckled. “Go see Soren, get him to pour you a drink.”
I started to say no, but then thought, Why not?
“Thanks, Billy. I appreciate you.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek as I walked by, and he even blushed a little.
I walked over to the row of houses. I walked by Soren’s place all the time, but couldn’t recall ever knocking on his door. His was number three.
I paused for a moment, then knocked lightly and leaned against the wall beside the door.
I heard heavy footsteps coming my way, and the door opened. He didn’t seem surprised to see me, but smirked at me laying against his doorway.
I rolled my head up to look at him. “Billy said you’d make me a drink.”
“Come in,” he said, and walked back inside.
His place was plain but clean—probably cleaner than my place was at the moment.
“Gin or whiskey?” he asked.
“Gin, please,” I answered, and took a seat at his table without him offering.
He set a gin and tonic down in front of me, complete with lime. I sipped it; the drink was refreshing, and heavy on the gin.
“Thanks,” I said, taking a long drink of the beverage.
“Of course.” He sipped his whiskey neat.
“How do you keep it together here?” I asked, once the warmth of the alcohol ran through me. I didn’t understand how I could be dead and drunk, but I was so damn tired of trying to figure out the rules of this place.
“I was angry for a long time, still kind of am. But there ain’t a damn thing I can do to fix it, so I’m trying not be as upset.” Soren shrugged his big shoulders.
His eyes were soft, and a little sad; I stared into them, and he into mine.
He broke the gaze with a wink and took a sip of his drink. “Besides, you’re tougher than me, anyway.”
I laughed, and it caught me off guard. “How do you figure that?”
“I push everyone away so I don’t have to feel anything extra. Your heart was shattered, but you keep reaching out. No matter what has happened to you here, you get out and dig. That takes balls,” he smiled.
I pulled the neck of my shirt out and looked down at my boobs. I tried to think of something smart to say, but the alcohol had dulled my wit and nothing came to mind, so I just looked up at Soren blankly.
He laughed until his cheeks were pink and he had to wipe a tear from his eye. I laughed at myself a little too, though I didn’t find it nearly as funny as he did.
“It’s really nice to see you laugh,” I said with the first genuine smile I had felt on my face in ages.
“It’s been a while since I’ve laughed that hard,” he said as he straightened himself out to regain his composure. He got up and walked to the sink, he rinsed out his glass, but then poured himself another drink.
I walked up behind him to ask for a refill, not meaning to be quiet or sneaky, but when he turned around he was surprised to see me standing so close.
He stepped a few inches closer, and we stayed there. We looked into each other’s eyes and felt the tension between us like the surface of water. We were floating so close, and all it would take was one tiny movement for us both to sink under the surface.
Of course I thought he was attractive: he was big and safe and strong, but he was also an asshole most of the time. I knew I could rely on him, but this was a bad idea, wasn’t it?
He was so different from Raphael, from Boude. Gee, I had been getting around lately. I’d have to have a stern talk with myself about that when I was sober.
Soren licked his lips in a small, unsure flick of his tongue, and I started to raise up to close the distance, no longer caring if it was a good idea or a bad one.
In that moment, Soren stepped back, and I was left alone, nearly on tip toes, waiting for a kiss I wasn't going to get.
I watched him pour out his whiskey and get a drink of water.
“I should probably go help Billy. I feel a little bad with him being out there by himself,” Soren said. His voice was grumbly, but I could hear the uncertainty he was trying to hide.
“Sure,” I said, and placed my glass in the sink. “Thanks for the drink.” I walked towards the door, my buzz suddenly nowhere to be found.
“Anytime,” Soren replied, and walked out with me.
He took off towards the field, and I wandered back to my own place, still confused, but not as shaken. I tried not to give it too much thought. It was just a nearly drunken kiss between two coworkers, no more, no less. Probably a good thing he stopped it, I told myself.
I kept myself at my own place for a while, so as not to risk ending up in some new bizarre situation.
I waited eagerly for Grace to get home. I wanted to see if she knew anything about Boude and Andreas’s decision. I questioned how much I should really get involved with the people here. It was one thing to make friends, but maybe Soren’s approach was better. I needed to work my time off, and move on. Did I really need to trouble myself about things that didn’t concern me? Maybe that was just my humanity speaking. But wasn’t I still technically human?
Ray came to mind, his voice echoing in my head. It had been too long since I had heard it. “Helena, it’s never only about you. If you have a choice help, always help.”
I sighed and wondered where he was. For all I knew, maybe he was working at a shop down the street, or maybe he had made peace with God and moved on. I wished I could see him and hug him, but all of that seemed so far behind me.
I buzzed around my place, cleaning things that were already clean, and imagining decorating the space with things I’d never go into town and actually get. I always had better things to do, but I guess I was just trying to distract myself from the day I’d had.
When the knock at my door came, I opened it without stopping to wonder who it could be. It was Boude.
I smiled at the red headed vampire, and didn’t stop myself from stepping in to kiss him. I hadn’t realized how much I was craving closeness with someone—although I suppose I should have, after my near miss with Soren.
Boude kissed me back, and for a change, he was being the gentle one. When my fingers twisted in his red curls and I pressed my body against him as close as I could get, his hands on my shoulders gently pushed me back.
He broke the kiss, and I looked at him inquisitively. The look on his face was one I hadn’t seen before. I’d seen him be smug, and seductive (which was my favorite); I had seen anger, and tenderness. The look on his face now wiped the smile from mine: he looked afraid.
My libido sank like a stone. “What’s wrong, Boude?”
“It’s Grace: Andreas is turning her.” His voice was almost timid.
“Take me to her,” I demanded.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I just thought you should know,” he said. Boude was still standing in the doorway, and I could tell he was trying to decide whether he should step inside, or back out. He settled for staying put.
“Take me to her, or I’ll just look for her myself,” I said as I pushed past him going out the door.
He nodded in defeat and we headed off to the Quarter.
Neither of us said anything for a few blocks, but it was Boude who finally broke the silence.
“What are you planning to do?” he asked. “I don’t think you can talk her out
of turning, and it might already be too late.”
“I don’t know yet but I need to be there with her.” I kept my gaze forward and was walking so fast I was nearly jogging. Boude kept up easily, and looked much more graceful than me.
The entrance to the Quarter from this side was large and striking. The towering structures had sharp and intricate architecture, dark and nearly as glossy as obsidian standing out against the pale gray, boxy buildings that surrounded it. It looked like we were walking into some kind of cathedral for the damned—it kind of felt like that too. But it was not a holy place we were entering, just another area of the city. There were alleys and apartments and a few questionable vampiric businesses that I would probably never enter.
“Are we going to your place or Andreas’s?” I asked.
“Andreas’s; it’s just ahead.”
The alley narrowed, and suddenly we were climbing stairs. Everything in the Quarter looked so similar I didn’t know how they found their way around. It was all darkness and sharp angles.
I had noticed there weren’t any other vampires out on the streets with us, but I felt there were eyes on us—on me—everywhere.
Boude halted and knocked at a black door that I hadn’t even seen. Upon closer inspection, I saw the door had a black door knocker with a lion’s head. It was only a moment before the door opened and Andreas was standing there.
He didn’t look thrilled to see me, but invited us in with a well practiced wave of his hand.
“You just had to fetch her, didn’t you?” Andreas asked bleakly.
“She cares for Grace; she deserves to be here,” replied Boude.
I let the “fetching” comment slide, even though it annoyed me. I stepped inside, and would have laughed if I wasn’t so concerned for my friend. It looked exactly like what I would have imagined a vampire’s apartment to look like.
The drapes over the windows were heavy crimson velvet, tied with gold rope. Red and gold seemed to be the theme of the room, from the wallpaper, down to the uncomfortable but elegant velvet couch, and plush, old-world rug. It should have been too much for the senses, but it felt luxurious: like stepping into the home of royalty.
After looking around, I turned to the vampires and asked, “So where is she? Am I too late?”
Grace emerged from a dark wooden doorway my eyes had overlooked. Something so plain disappeared in a room with so much... well, just so much.
I went to her and hugged her, holding her too tight, and continued to hold her even when she pushed against me.
When I finally released her there were tears in her eyes. “Are you angry with me?”
“No, of course not. I just don’t want you to make a decision you’ll regret,” I told her.
“I’m sure this is what I want. Really and truly.” She squeezed my hands and looked me in the eyes with a fierce determination.
I nodded in understanding. “But you know, there is no going back.”
“I do.”
“Can I stay and be with you?” I asked.
Grace turned to look at Andreas and Boude for an answer to my question.
“As long as you don’t interfere, I don’t see the harm,” Andreas relented, but wasn’t excited for my presence.
I sighed, grateful. “How dangerous is the process?”
“It can be quite dangerous: if you take all the blood, then the soul blinks out of existence before a new type of life takes over. In that case they are just... gone. But if you leave just a drop of their blood, and then give them vampire blood, the soul fades slowly as the new life takes over,” Boude explained.
I could feel the worry written all over my face.
“I’ve successfully brought over dozens,” Andreas reassured me.
Grace smiled and raised her eyebrows in an excited look that would have seemed more appropriate before getting on a roller-coaster, rather than having her blood drained from her body. But I forced my own smile and tried my best to hide the worry in my eyes. I had never had the chance to be a mother, so I knew I didn’t really understand what it was to worry. I loved Grace though, and I wanted her to do whatever would make her eternity happy, especially since her living days had been such hell.
Boude and Andreas spread a soft fur blanket on the floor, and then placed a red silk pillow on top of the blanket.
Andreas offered a hand to Grace. “Are you ready?” he asked.
Grace took a deep breath and nodded, taking his hand.
Boude closed the drapes while Andreas helped Grace get comfortable on the floor. The room was suddenly darker, and small flickering lamps I hadn’t noticed before now cast soft shadows on the walls, reflecting the shining gold accents scattered around the room.
I hadn’t even realized I was still standing until Boude took my arm and led me to the couch.
“You’ll want to sit,” he said. “This takes a while.”
I sat without taking my eyes off the floor, but when Boude tried to take his hand back, I squeezed it. He understood without a word, and held my hand with a gentle but reassuring grip.
Andreas gazed down at Grace, and if I hadn’t known that Andreas was gay it would have looked very much like they were about to make love. This seemed nearly as intimate, just without us getting glimpses of their naughty bits.
“I won’t lie, Grace. This will be painful at first, but the pain will fade quickly, and you will feel,” he paused searching for the word, “euphoric.”
“I’m not afraid,” Grace said.
Knowing her history, I imagined the only thing Grace would fear was being alive once more, trapped back inside that fancy prison.
Andreas brushed Grace’s hair behind her ear, and gently lifted her head in his arm, exposing her neck. He smiled down at her and she squeezed her eyes shut.
“Relax,” he whispered.
She sighed, and some of the tension she was holding visibly eased. He leaned his body over hers, and I could only tell he had bitten her by the small pained look on her face.
Her face softened, and she sank into Andreas’s arms. He drank, and drank, and drank from her.
A thought occurred to me, and I whispered to Boude, “Won’t it harm Andreas to be drinking from her?”
“He isn’t drinking from her for sustenance, and he’s fed from living blood not long ago, so he will be fine,” Boude whispered to me so softly that I could only just hear.
Andreas was still silently drinking from my friend, and I was having trouble just watching him do so. As I touched my neck and felt the bandage I had put on my bite from Rasputin, I flinched. “Boude, where is Rasputin, and what have you all decided to do about him?” I asked.
He hadn’t been moving beside me, yet somehow, he became more still. I took that as a sign he wasn’t really wanting to answer my questions.
“Boude,” I said, trying to spur a reaction from him.
He cleared his throat: a sound very un-vampiric. “Rasputin is still restrained in one of Andreas’s back bedrooms. Once Grace has transitioned, she wants to accompany us on our journey to free his other form.”
I felt my face get hot, and the room swayed. “No, no, you are not taking her with you,” I said through gritted teeth. My voice was still louder than it should have been.
“It is ultimately her decision. She made the offer, Andreas and I will have to have help, and no one else will go with us. You know we will protect her,” said Boude.
I knew it was true that they would watch out for her, but I shuddered at the thought of it all. I also hated the fact that I was in the same house as Rasputin, even if he couldn’t get to me.
“Won’t she have a super bloodlust once she is brought over?” I asked thinking of vampire books I had read through the years.
“She will be hungry, yes. But it’s much easier to control it here, where living blood isn’t as attainable.”
“OK, but what about when you take your journey to the above world?”
“We will keep a close watch on her, and make sure s
he is adequately fed to stave off unmanageable cravings,” he said.
I could already see I would not win this. I wasn’t happy about it, but there was nothing I could do, so I sat and tried to turn off my thoughts.
Andreas finally released Grace and gently laid her on the pillow. With his back still to us I saw him bring his wrist up to his face, and then place it over Grace’s mouth. In the candlelight, the vampire’s blood running down her face looked like thick, sticky tar.
When he thought she’d had enough, he pulled back and covered her with another fur blanket, then turned to us with a smile. The smile was meant to give us relief, and let us know the process had gone smoothly. Since his hair was disheveled and his face was covered in a mixture of Grace’s blood and his own, it was more unsettling than reassuring.
Andreas pushed himself over and leaned against the couch while staying seated on the floor. He seemed tired and sated. He licked at his wounded wrist like a bathing cat. I could tell we were waiting for Grace to wake up.
Seeing her lifeless body there on the floor was hard—even though I knew she was going to be maybe even more alive than me when she woke up, in a way.
“Are you sure she’ll wake up?” The question was directed at either vampire that wanted to answer.
“Yes, I’m sure. Just give her time,” Andreas replied.
After a few more moments of silence, Grace’s eyelids popped open, and she looked at us. Her eyes were deep, drowning pools of honey colored amber, just like Andreas’s.
Andreas smiled and nearly giggled in excitement. “Hello, little one,” he cooed as if he were talking to a small child.
Grace’s eyes were wide and wild, like a caged lion.
I leaned forward and spoke her name softly, “Grace, honey, are you okay?”
Her eyes shifted to me in a blink, and her head moved up and down following her gaze, but she said nothing.
Boude squeezed my hand, but moved forward on the couch, so that if the baby vampire lunged for me, he would be between us.
The Girl Who Digs Graves Page 11
