“Elliott,” she cried, feverishly. “Please. Make me come again. I’m really close.”
He tilted his hips slightly, pressed down on her hips to hold her in once place. To keep her exactly where he wanted her as he pounded into her.
“Oh, God. Yes, like that. Elliott—”
He could feel it. Feel the moment she went over the edge. From the way she tightened around him to the way her eyes found his. Fuck. They were wide, the look in them so raw, so very basic, they were his undoing.
His orgasm burrowed down his spine, collecting in his balls, until he had no choice but to follow her. His vision spun and his breath stopped, as he gasped in release. “Fuck, Kendalee.”
The grip around his shoulders tightened as she held him close while he came. Over and over he rocked into her, never wanting it to stop, but in fear of collapsing if the intensity continued.
She continued to hold him long after the shivers had stopped and he’d discretely removed the condom. Her fingers wound their way through his hair, and her hand trailed circles on his back.
Elliott could hear her heart slow as he lay against her. How could anyone lucky enough to end up with some like Kendalee walk away from the incredible woman she was? Was there really a better alternative to the person who’d just come alive in his bed?
“What happened to your arm?” she asked.
He wanted to tell her. Wondered if she would even understand what had driven him to be able to understand Daniel’s experience. Would she think him sick? Stupid? Irresponsible, maybe? It was too early in their relationship. It needed a little more time to grow to be able to withstand him telling her what had happened. “Car trouble. Burned it under the hood.”
“Ouch.” She kissed the tips of her fingers and pressed them gently over the bandage. “Need me to take a look at it?” she asked.
Elliott shook his head, and kissed her softly. Distraction from the ache in his arm was a good thing. When she opened her mouth to him, he allowed himself to drown in her. The smell of her, the taste of her. As it started, so it would end. With him loving her.
“Thank you, Elliott,” she said. “For reminding me.” She slid her leg off his thigh, and he rolled onto his back before pulling her back under his arm.
“Of what?” he asked.
“How good it could be. How much I need . . . contact.” She trailed a finger over the lines of his tattoo. “Like spiders across the stars?” she asked, quietly.
Something else difficult to explain. “Part of a Jack Kerouac quote in On the Road.” How could he make her understand why the quote had resonated as much as it had? How when he’d read the words, he’d felt understood. It had made sense to him, how character had felt the mad ones were for him, people who were mad to talk or to live or to be saved . . . people who would “burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” It had made sense to him because he’d felt the same.
It was impossible to explain without giving away more of himself than he could right now. Instead, he placed his hand in her hair and held her close and hoped she’d understand. She’d been nervous when they’d first started making out, he could tell. She’d somehow felt she wasn’t enough for him in bed. And he’d recognized it. Because as they both closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep, he worried that he wouldn’t be good enough for her out of it.
CHAPTER SIX
Kendalee took a deep breath as she stepped out of the hospital. She needed lunch, and though there was plenty of food to be had inside, she also needed fresh air and a chance to stretch her legs. Today she was on her own and would be for nearly a week. Elliott had packed a bag the previous evening to travel to the MTV Video Music Awards, which would take place four days from now in New York City, and do some public appearances before it. They’d said their good-byes in the shower, where he’d taken her standing, back pressed up against the wall, one foot on the floor and the other gripped in his hand around his waist. He’d attempted to kiss her good-bye discretely in the kitchen, but Nikan had found them minutes later, one of her arms pinned above her head against the oven while Elliott’s lips devoured hers. Something about the way Nikan had frowned at Elliott with a look of warning niggled at her, though Elliott had tried to laugh the whole thing off.
“Ignore him,” he’d whispered in her ear before kissing her good-bye one last time. “He’s miserable in the morning.”
She pressed her fingertips to her swollen lips. Kissing Elliott was certainly cheaper than getting fillers, and she was going to miss the way his lips, and body, felt against hers. Regardless of where this went with Elliott, she would never settle for a relationship that lacked intimacy again.
Summer was showing no signs of letting up, even as the calendar headed toward fall. It was muggy and humid as she walked along Elm Street. She turned south onto a quieter street and made a quick stop at the deli where she often picked up sandwiches and cut fruit. She walked back toward the hospital quickly, staring up at the imposing facility as she neared it. It was hard to believe that Daniel was going to be in and out of there for the next few years to deal with the effects of the burns. He might even be too old to continue treatment at SickKids by the time they were finished. And the idea that he would be an adult before everything that could be done for him was over brought tears to her eyes. While Elliott had played guitar with Daniel one visit, she’d talked to a parent whose child was in for her fourteenth surgery after her Halloween costume had caught fire on a lit pumpkin candle while she was trick-or-treating.
There were days when having her life center around the hospital ground her down, days when she probably should have prayed. She fingered the cross at her neck. Though it irritated her more than comforted her, she was reluctant to take it off. Father McLennan would no doubt have something to say about that. Perhaps he would quote that footprints poem about God carrying her right now. Well, as much as she respected the priest, he could fuck right off, because the only footprints behind her were a pair of size-seven Chucks, which she was pretty certain weren’t the All-Powerful’s style and size. Or perhaps he’d throw Romans 14 at her. Accept the one whose faith is weak.
“Kendalee!” she heard as she approached the entrance to the hospital. “Kendalee, wait.” Adrian stood from his seat on the bench and hurried to her, a bag in his hand. He looked her up and down and then studied her face. “You look good,” he said, appreciatively. “Did you change your hair?”
Kendalee shook her head, remembering the conversation she’d had with Adrian the night she’d gotten drunk on red wine. The way he’d clumsily suggested they attempt a reconciliation. Who knew whether he really did think she looked good or not. Perhaps it was all the great sex she’d had with Elliott that had put some color back in her cheeks. The temptation to say exactly that hovered on the tip of her tongue. “No. Just washed it is all. What can I do for you?”
“I was hoping to catch you. I wondered if you and I could talk to Daniel’s psychologist, see if we can’t do a group session. He’s my son, and I miss him.” It was rare for Adrian to appear anything other than confident, but as she looked closely, she noticed his shirt wasn’t ironed properly and he wasn’t clean shaved, the salt-and-pepper bristles revealing his age.
The fight left her a little. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Adrian sounded surprised.
“I’m not an ogre. I want what’s best for Daniel. With all the breakthroughs he’s been having since he talked to Elliott, I don’t want to do anything that would ruin that progress. But if the team feels that now might be the time to help you build your relationship with your son, then I will agree to it.”
Adrian reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. What had once felt familiar now felt foreign. His hands were smooth now when they used to be rough—though a different rough from Elliott’s—back when he’d rolled up his sleeves and done huge chunks of the renovation jobs himself. “Thank you.”
She pulled her hand out of his. “I’m not ma
king any promises.”
He looked down at where their hands had been joined. “I know. And I completely understand. What Simon has done . . . well . . . it’s hurting everyone.” Adrian ran his hand through his hair. “Mom went to the doctor yesterday with chest pains. Her blood pressure is through the roof. She’s stopped going to church, or to the library. They’ve turned her into a pariah because of her son. And the fact that Simon is out on bail just . . . it sickens me.”
Maybe it was because all the sympathy she had left was reserved for Daniel, but somehow she couldn’t muster up concern for what was happening to Adrian’s family. It was unbelievably unchristian of her, and she knew it. Just because God had abandoned her didn’t mean she needed to act like an asshole. “I’m sorry to hear about Mom.” It was on the tip of her tongue to ask whether her mother-in-law needed anything, but she knew Adrian would immediately suggest spending time with her so that he wouldn’t have to, and her priorities lay here at the hospital.
“Daniel is expecting his lunch.” She lifted the shopping bag of food and tilted her head in the direction of the entrance. “He had his first school lessons this morning.”
“Yeah? That’s good. Thank you for organizing that for him. Listen. Could he wait a couple more minutes?” Adrian asked, a slight inflection in his voice telling her that her otherwise confident husband was nervous. “I want to talk to you about something else.”
Her stomach fell with a thud, but better to deal with it now than later. “Sure. Just a few minutes though.”
Adrian looked around them for a moment and then took her hand again, gripping it this time. “I’m sorry.” He looked her squarely in the eyes as he spoke. “It’s only beginning to dawn on me just how badly I screwed up. I wondered . . . you know . . . if maybe we could . . . well, perhaps Daniel isn’t the only one who needs counselling.”
“I think that would be really good for you,” she said, deliberately misunderstanding the suggestion that they should both go.
Adrian pursed his lips, something he always did when he was getting frustrated, and usually a precursor to an argument. She’d seen it countless times. But then he forcibly relaxed his shoulders. “I meant together, as a couple.”
“I know,” she replied, forcing herself to stand a little straighter and make eye contact. “But you and I aren’t important right now. Your son is. And your relationship with your son is. I don’t have the time to put into us, and after the way you’ve behaved, I’m not sure I have the energy to even think about it.”
He shook his head. “I think this is what’s best for Daniel. You and me. And him. And a fresh start. A new home. I have my eye on a property we could flip and . . .”
“And what? Where do we live in the meantime? How far away from the hospital is it? Assuming Daniel will see you, are we going to take turns sleeping at the hospital? Those are the things I care about.” Anger began to rise as she took stock of their situation. “I’m staying at Elliott’s, in the home of a man I barely know, because you took our money. Which reminds me, you never did deposit the money you promised on the phone. Meanwhile, you continue to shack up with that bitch you’ve been seeing and are talking about funding the purchase and renovation of another home.”
“You’re staying with the man who has been seeing Daniel. The rock star?” His voice was filled with disbelief, as if it was such a preposterous idea.
Kendalee blew out a large breath. “Out of everything I said, that’s all you fixate on?”
“Are you sleeping with him?” Adrian asked, his voice booming, and she looked around to be sure they were still far enough away from anyone to be overheard.
“First,” she hissed, “you lost the right to ask me personal questions the day you took your dick out and let your secretary play with it. Second, what I am doing is no concern of yours. The only thing I want to discuss with you is the status of our son.”
“The guy is what, a decade younger than you? Have you no standards, Kendalee? You going to take him to the next Strawberry Social at church, or get him to man the cupcake stall at the next PTA event? You’re going to make a fool out of yourself.”
She looked Adrian straight in the eye. “Well, I made a different choice once before,” she said, looking him up and down. “And that one didn’t work out too well either, did it?”
Without waiting for a response, she stormed into the hospital, but once she was inside the cool of the large atrium, his words hit home. Elliott was very separate from the rest of her life. And she wondered how the two parts of her life would ever be able to coexist.
* * *
A heavy drum and bass filled the cavernous New York nightclub as dancers writhed on the dancefloor below. Purple strobe lights and an electric glitter ball sent splashes of color across the walls. Usually Elliott was more than at home with semi-naked girls pressed up around him, but tonight it just felt cheesy, a word he’d never thought he’d associate with the rock band lifestyle.
“What’s got you all strung out?” Jordan asked, joining him to look over the balcony from the VIP area to the masses below. He swirled what was left of his whiskey in the bottom of his glass, and Elliott could see LEXI tattooed along the inside of his wrist.
“Not strung out,” he replied, turning his back on the crowd and leaning back against the railing. “Just thinking about how meaningless this suddenly feels.”
Jordan laughed, something the guy was doing more of these days, and despite Elliott’s own unease, it gave him great satisfaction to witness it. “Let me guess . . . you’d rather be back home because there’s a woman who does a lot more for you than just get you off. Am I right?”
Elliott smiled, and took a drink of his beer. “Something like that.”
“I get that. Lexi will be rehearsing up a storm for the winter program. She’s doing a new contemporary ballet she’s thrilled about, but I’d rather be home with her than here right now.”
“Do you even know what a contemporary ballet is?” Elliott asked.
“Hey, I’m in touch with this shit. Traditional is the exactness of technique, while contemporary gives the dancer greater movement without the rigidity of body lines.”
Elliott struggled not to laugh. “That’s . . . fascinating.”
“Fuck you,” Jordan replied, though the grin on his face told Elliott that he wasn’t really pissed.
“Anybody else relieved as fuck that we didn’t win this year?” Dred asked, as he joined them with Nik and Lennon. “I totally didn’t feel like giving a speech tonight.”
Lennon was bouncing on his toes, something he did when he was agitated.
“I wasn’t feeling it either this year,” Nik said, honestly. “But this,” he said, eyeing around the room, especially a group of young women with perky tits in tiny dresses who were looking at the band as if they were an all-you-can-eat buffet, “I can handle.”
Dred elbowed him in the stomach. “Dude. I’m practically a married man. Don’t be bringing them over here.”
“It’s ironic that Nik would likely have been the first to be married if he’d not been distracted by chicks like that,” Lennon said with a grin that told Elliott he knew exactly what his needling would do.
“Fuck you,” Nik said, angrily.
“Just stating facts. No need to get pissy. And I’m all in when it comes to those girls over there. You never know, one of them might make a good Jenny replacement.”
Elliott took a step closer to Lennon, and Jordan edged over to Nik. It wasn’t a secret that the most precious item Nik owned was the necklace he’d intended to give to Jenny before he’d imploded. And it didn’t take a qualified psychologist to figure out why Nik hadn’t had any kind of relationship beyond sex with a woman since.
“What? I’m only saying what we all know. You fucked Jenny over, literally.”
Nik stepped forward, attempting to shrug Jordan’s arm off his shoulder, before Dred stepped in the middle.
“Enough,” Elliott said, physically turning Lennon by
the shoulders to face him. “There’s being a dick, and being a dick.”
“Why am I being a dick? It’s true. And I don’t give a shit whether I fuck or fight tonight. Happy to help all comers, pun intended.” Lennon turned to Nik who looked ready to help him out with the fighting part.
“Look.” Elliott grabbed his arm. “Stop it, man.”
Lennon swatted Elliott’s hands off him. “Or what?”
“Really, jackass. No ‘or what.’ Just stop.” Elliott caught sight of Dred throwing an arm around Nik, whispering something into the guy’s ear to get him to stand down. “Just learn when you’ve gone too far.” He took a step away from Lennon and headed over to Jordan.
“Just ’cos you’re now relegated to fucking a cougar,” he heard Lennon shout after him.
Let it go. Let. It. Go. It was Lennon’s MO, the way he got a rise out of people. There was no reason to throw it into the conversation, other than to piss him off, which had worked.
“And this thing with her kid. Is it all some weird kind of fetish fire thing?”
Elliott wasn’t aware of his actions until his fist solidly contacted Lennon’s face and Lennon flew back against the table behind him. Anger burned worse than the pain that shot up his arm. But he was fully in the moment when Lennon found his feet again. Elliott barreled into him, taking them both to the floor. He saw the shock on Lennon’s face but didn’t care. Blind fury drove him to shut Lennon up once and for all.
“What the fuck?” Lennon spluttered as he struggled to shake Elliott’s grip.
Elliott placed his knee on Lennon’s shoulder, seeing the camera flashes going off around them but pushing them to the back of his mind. “Don’t ever talk about them like that!” Kendalee deserved to be cherished, and he’d break the face of any fucker who didn’t treat her with respect.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Lennon let his head fall back against the dirty wooden floor. His refusal to fight back took some of the heat from Elliott’s rage. It was almost as if the guy wanted to get beaten.
Elliott Redeemed Page 14
