Leading me upstairs to his room, I had to comment. “Your house is really beautiful,” I said.
“Thanks,” he said, taking my backpack and sitting it on his dresser.
“You can sit down,” he said, pointing to the chair sitting beside his bed. I laughed nervously and sat.
Sitting on his bed, he began asking me questions.
He questioned me for hours, trying to get to know me. It felt good to have a friend. Especially a friend who happened to be a boy, who is interested in me and what I had to say.
I looked at the time on my phone and told him I needed to get home. He sighed but agreed to take me. We walked to his truck and he opened the door for me and lifted me up into the truck.
At home I dropped my bag on the floor, let my body fall into the chair and closed my eyes.
I felt good for the first time in a long time. The way a girl should feel every day.
My mom ruined it by kicking my leg. “Hey, what’s up with you?”
“Geez Mom, ruin the moment will ya?” Rolling my eyes at her.
“I didn’t know there was a moment,” She said.
I got up and grabbed my backpack from the floor heading towards my room.
“So how was your first day?!” She yelled.
“Embarrassing!” I yelled back.
That night I dreamed of Chris. The way his eyes fixed on me, the way he half smiled and spoke to me. He was a dream guy. Like a prince, here just for me.
He was perfect in so many ways. In the dream he kissed me. It wasn't like my first kiss which went horribly wrong. My second kiss with Chris felt as if I was adored. And it felt genuine.
Excited when I woke up, I jumped from bed and decided on what to wear. Feeling more attractive, I wanted to show off. I dug out a low cut top and a pair of tight fitting jeans. I quickly took a shower and set off for school.
The day turned out to be cloudy and chilly, but I had always loved the cold and the clouds. Most everyone I knew hated the cold and the rain, but I was an exception. I disliked the heat, and had the feeling that it was dreadful and uncomfortable most of the time.
I always wished I’d live somewhere without too much sun and had thought about Alaska, but It would be too cold. When the temperature gets below zero, it's too cold for my skinny body.
Staring out the window thinking about the weather, we arrived at my school. Mom dropped me off and I told her if I needed a ride I would call. She wished me good luck and I was off.
Chris caught up to me before our English class started. At my locker getting my English book, he touched the lower part of my back and I jumped.
He stepped back and put his hands up as if to ward off a slap. “Sorry!” He said, in a joking tone.
I smiled and shook my head. Placing his hand on my locker, my heart beat faster as he leaned into me, “Wanna ditch with me?” He whispered in my ear.
I let myself breath for a second and let out, “Sure.”
I put my book back in the locker and threw my backpack over my shoulder.
“Where we going?” I asked him.
“It’s a surprise,” He said taking my hand into his.
We drove down a bumpy dirt road, woods surrounding us on both sides. Outside the window, I saw we were pulling up to a small waterfall. The fall had big rock boulders on either side of where the water fell. Below the boulders were clusters of rocks that overlapped each other forming a beautiful rock wall. The water fell into a river below.
Chris came around and opened my door. Putting his arm around me, we approached the water. We stepped on small flat rocks until we reached a small island in the middle of the river. We stood there admiring the waterfall together.
Standing in front of me, he pulled me into his body, leveled his gaze at me and said, “May I?”
I nodded and he pressed his lips to mine, gently. I kissed back as he held me closer. His lips felt so natural, so right.
We kissed for awhile. He didn’t seem to want to let go of me as we stood there hugging and admiring the waterfall. I didn’t either, it felt too good to want anything else. Taking my hand in his, he began to shake.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
He look up and smiled. “Well, I know this is so soon and all but Faith…” He gazed into my eyes. “I really like you. I like being with you. You seem different than other girls and I want to take you out and maybe if your open to it… Being my girl.”
He waited for an answer.
I so was elated I jumped into his arms and hugged him tight. I whispered in his ear, “Only if you let me drive your truck.”
Laughing, he started tickling me.
Late afternoon Chris dropped me off at home. Mom was looking out the window when I walked in. “How old is that boy Faith?” she asked, concern written all over her face.
“He’s twenty-one,” I answered.
Her expression told me that she was not just concerned with his age but more with his intentions.
I jumped in before she could speak her ever-so-hasty mind. “He’s not that much older so don’t get your panties in a bunch mom.”
She threw her hands up, “Okay fine. But if he tries to do anything funny…”
“Mom!” I picked up my bag and went to my room as fast as my feet would carry me. He’s not that kind of guy, I thought. He never pursued me in that way, even when we did kiss.
My mind raced toward the negative. I wondered if he would try to pressure me into make out sessions or sex. But then pushed the idea away. I knew mom would get to me in some way when I decided to get a boyfriend. I had to block her out mentally if this new relationship was going to last longer than a week.
Sunday drug by. Chris was out with his family and I would not see him that night. Feeling depressed, I thought it could be a sign of obsession, thinking about Chris every minute and wondering what he was doing and who he was with. I tried ridding my thoughts of him by looking through books to see which ones I had not read.
I decided on Pride and prejudice. I always thought of Mr. Darcy as my dream man. He seemed so manly and handsome, toward the end anyhow. The way I wanted my soul mate to be, in my strange messed up fantasy world.
Oh Mr. Darcy. If only you were real. What would it be like to find someone like that, I wondered. But that was something I could never ask for. Material things didn’t matter much to me, but it would be nice to not worry about finances.
My phone rang interrupting my fantasy and me and Mr. Darcy‘s intimate time together. “Hello?”
“Hey Babe it’s Chris. What’cha wearing?”
I started laughing. I was glad he called but still a little annoyed he was not Mr. Darcy. “Hmm, I’m wearing this huge thick sweater and bulky sweats.” I held my hand over my mouth giggling.
“Well from my view I see, black panties and… I cant see the shirt I just see black panties.”
I jumped up glancing at my window but I couldn’t see anything because my light was on and it was pitch black outside. I hurried to turn the light off.
“Baby doll that’s not going to help, I have natural night vision.”
I rolled my eyes at his cheesiness. “What are you doing outside my window. What about my mom?”
“Relax. Your mom's not going to wake up. Just let me in.”
I started feeling unnerved, I hope he’s not thinking… I thought for a second, then laughed and shook my head. Falling all over myself and my cluttered room in the dark, I managed to throw some shorts on and went to the window.
He climbed through, and immediately pulled me to him. “Don’t spy on me again,” I said.
He chuckled and promised me he wouldn’t. Putting his hand on the small of my back, he pulled me closer kissing me. I couldn’t resist. We fell onto my bed and kissed for awhile.
He stopped to look at me after about five minutes of light moaning and nothing beyond first base. “You know I will never try to push you into anything right?”
I glanced at his face, a little confused and t
aken aback by the question.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Well, I just didn’t want you to think that’s what I’m about. You know?
“I’d wait till your ready.”
Feeling uncomfortable that he even brought it up. I didn’t say respond at first, trying to figure out the best way to address this situation. I knew he was probably attempting to see where I stood on the subject. I couldn't believe he would bring that up so soon though.
It will be embarrassing when he finds out I have never been intimate before, And that I don’t want to anytime soon.
My body might respond, but not enough to actually have this conversation. I figured I would wait till I was married to try. I was afraid, not of the pain, but getting pregnant and then being expected to 'put out' whenever the guy wanted.
Too much pressure, too soon. I removed his hand and sat up.
“You need to go,” I said, backing away from the bed.
“Did I do something wrong Faith?”
I pushed him towards the window, “Please just go.” I couldn’t take it anymore, I just wanted him to leave and fall down and cry into my pillow. I’m sure to most people the way I was acting seemed dumb. But I felt pressured by the talk.
I woke up dreading school the next morning, hoping he wouldn’t be there. If he decided to show up at school, I would have the opportunity to do what I need to do. Break it off, so he would not get another chances to hurt my feelings or ideas about what he wanted from me.
I should have known a twenty-one year old boy had that on his mind. I had my mind made up. He was not good for me, if I wanted to save what innocence I had.
I was relieved when I didn't see his truck in the parking lot. But hoping he didn’t tell his friends everything so I wouldn’t have to face them too.
In gym, I saw Kate as I walked in the locker room, but she smiled and walked by me.
Later, on the track, I jogged a few laps trying to avoid sweating before the day even begun.
Kate jogged up beside me “Hey Faith.”
I glanced at her and smiled. “So where’s Chris?” She asked. I shrugged like I didn’t care.
“Well, he called Drew last night and told him he might not be at school today. Said that he’d made an ass of himself last night. Do you know what he’s talking about?” she asked.
I mumbled under my breath and she leaned in closer trying to hear me.
“That’s understating it,” I whispered.
“That bad huh?” She looked at me sadly.
“Really, I don’t want to talk about it!” I snapped.
“Okay. Sorry,” she said, slowing her stride. I shook my head and picked up my pace, leaving her behind.
The day seemed drug by, but I managed to go unnoticed. After school, mom picked me up to take me to a bookstore to get a new book in Fayetteville.
An old rustic used bookstore with two stories. The stairs leading up to the second level creaked with every step. I was worried I‘d fall through or off the side and to my death, since it had no rails or anything to hang onto. We spent a few hours there enjoying the many titles loaded into each wall unit.
Struck by Moonlight sounded interesting. A love story about vampires and werewolves. Obsessed with love stories and romantic movies, made me realize the money I spent prolonging my agony, kept me entertained, yet still depressed.
A month came and went. I avoided Chris like the plague, but I had been working for my sister Tania, who had just opened a fashion shop with handmade jewelry and clothing. She had always had a talent for designing things to fit modern styles. Always fashionable no matter the season.
Since I was little, she had dressed me up in what she had created and half of the dresses were not bad considering I wasn’t much into dressing girly. She hand crafted me a ring when I was ten and I had never took it off.
I often told her anything and everything happening in my life, but when we moved to Arkansas and I was in driving distance of her.
We did not spent much time together, but I knew that would change. I wanted a closer friendship with her and planned on doing something, which was why I agreed to work in the shop when I had time.
I admired my sister. She was successful, beautiful and creative, but looks nothing like me. She had shoulder length black hair and big green eyes. I often wondered if we shared the same father, or if either of us were adopted. I never asked mom about it, because I knew she would flip. Not that it mattered much, our father was never around. He had left when I was only five, but we never brought it up. I figured the less we knew the better and I believed Tania agreed with her silence.
On Monday I decided to work on mine and Chris’s essay that we were assigned on my first day of school. It was not due for another month but there was not much done on it yet.
So I got on the internet to research the history of vampires. There was a ton of crazy stuff on there.
Jotting down notes on everything I thought relevant, I also remembered to cite references, but was interrupted when the house phone rang,
“Crap!” The internet disconnected and the ringing rattled my brain.
Mom answered the phone. “I'll go check,” she said.
“Knock, knock,” she said, at my door.
“Yeah?” I answered.
She cracked the door so I could barley see her eyes through the crack, “Phone call for you.” Before I could ask who it was she shut the door.
I marched to the living room and picked up the phone. “Yeah?” I answered.
“Faith.” I froze, thinking this was the only person in my unlucky life that I wanted to hear from right now.
“Please open your front door” he asked.
“Why should I? Give me one good reason.”
He sighed in the phone. “Because I love you.”
I gasped. No guy had ever said that to me, and Chris didn’t really know me. I decided to open the door to explain to him why I was so upset.
He stood there, a mountain of roses covering his face. I smiled. Looking down, I blushed.
Stepping outside I let the door close behind me. He set the roses down, and took my hand, looked me in the eyes. “Faith, I’m truly sorry for what I said and will never bring it up again until you do. Accept my apology?”
I was speechless, and also surprised he knew why I was angry. His apology was the best I’d ever heard. How could I not forgive him?
I decided to tell him my reason for avoiding the subject and why I was so angry. He stood listening, not phased when I told him that I had never been intimate with anyone before.
“I had a few days to think and I realized I made you uncomfortable,” he said. “I’m not worried about it faith. I just want to be with you.”
I smiled and he held out his arms for me to come to him. He held me a moment, then mom stepped out. “Faith?”
I jumped, startled and turned around. “Hey mom this is my boyfriend Chris. Chris, my mom Darla.”
She looked down at the roses. “Well he must be doing something wrong or right,” she said laughing. We all started laughing and she invited him inside for dinner.
Chapter Eleven
Faith
Weeks flew by. Maybe because Chris and I spent so much time together and it still did not seem enough. I wanted to be with him every moment. I knew it was probably unhealthy, but found it difficult to break out of the daze he had me in.
I tried to fill my emptiness with his presence and it was working, though I still had the feeling there was more to life. I felt anxious, as if waiting for something and tried not to think about it much, because I figured it was just the new environment and people.
I had become more open to friendships. It seemed easier some how. Kate and I became closer and our first night out, she wanted to take me to poker night. She wanted to go eat dinner first. Excited about the event, I had never went out much with other girls and thought it might be fun.
I was trying to find something cute to wear for
the night.
I found a blue, long-sleeve blouse, and grabbed a pair of pants from the laundry. Spritzing them with good dose of raspberry body spray, I threw them on.
After a little eyeliner and lipstick and pulling my hair back, I was good to go. “There,” I said, smiling at my reflection in the mirror.
Picking me up at six, Kate was excited. She looked ready to jump out of her seat. “Guess what!” She yelled, looking at me as if I knew her secret.
I looked at her shaking my head and gestured with open palms. “Mike wants me to be his girlfriend!” She squealed.
“Wow awesome,” I said enthused.
Driving around Fayetteville trying to find a good place to eat, I endured her high-pitched chattering. I daydreamed about Chris and wondered if he would come to poker night.
I had not talked to him all day, figuring a little distance would be good. We stopped at Logan’s Steak House. After we gorged ourselves we headed to poker night.
Pulling up to Mike's house, we could see David, Melissa and Drew standing outside. I guessed Mike was inside getting the poker table ready.
Kate checked herself in the mirror, fixing make-up and fluffing her hair.
Melissa and Drew were arguing out front about an essay for English class, while David sat on the steps holding a beer whistling, seeming amused.
Inside, Mike wore dark glasses. A cigarette hung from his lips and he seemed entertained counting poker chips in stacks and mumbling to himself. Hearing us walk in, he stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray, walked up to Kate and picked her up.
“Hey sexy thing,” he said, picking her up as he kissed her.
She giggled and straddled Mike's body with her tiny legs. They plopped down on the sofa making out.
Feeling uncomfortable, I went outside to give them some alone time.
Injected myself into Melissa and Drew’s conversation, I suggested topics they could agree on. Thanking me, they finally agreed on one of my suggestions. The group began walking back into the house so I followed.
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